Am I NUTS?!?!?!?!

I was asked to join this forum as a technical admin - forum ungrades, maintenance, etc. I had NO earthly idea that I would ever NEED this place, nor that I would ever be interested in someone so much younger than I.

I have been friends with this young man, online, for over a year. Nice guy, cute kid, smart as a whip - were the terms I always used IF he should happen to cross my mind. Then a few months ago, we started really talking, and getting to know each other, still online.

Well - a few days ago, completely out of the blue - things changed. I have no idea how, when or why, but they have. We realized that, for as much as you can, being an online frriendship, we have feelings for each other.

Now, the guy is 22 - I am 47 (48 in Nov). That's a 24 yr age difference!! :eek: :eek:

On top of that, he lives in NY and is moving in June to Florida (very concrete plans that have been a long-time in the making, long before we even knew the other existed, and they are not changeable)

Yet - we are so drawn to each other, talk all the time, as soon as one of us gets online we look for the other. No, we're not "in love", at least I'm not, but that could very easily change, if the circumstances were right.
We're already making plans for me to visit him in the fall (I'm in ohio, but a Florida native and all of my family lives there).

I have spent the last 3 days seesawing between calling myself an old fool (I know, I know - I'm not old. I also have a 7yr old son), kicking myself for opening up to another man (3x married), and wanting to just go with it and see where it leads.

Any advice?

Yes...enjoy it :)

You don't know what's going to happen, so just accept that he came into your life for a reason, and let it go.

We tend to want to complicate things, as women. Try really hard not to, because I can tell you from personal experience that it marrs what could be a wonderful time in your life. And remember, if there's a connection then it obviously surpasses age, making age unimportant.

OMG! Ageless is not only addictive - it's apparently contagious!! :p

So, what are you seeking advice on? I guess I'm not sure what you are asking?

If you're asking if you're crazy to be considering a relationship with a YM, obviously we'll all say "No." LOL! :p

Some would say to be cautious with a VYM (under 25) and not to expect too much. But others will tell you it worked for them - so it's not impossible!

Being in an LDR is a strain on ANY relationship.

As far as 3x married - please don't let that stop you from finding a good guy!

So, I guess I would say to go with it and see where it leads. But you already knew that. :D

1) Am I nuts???
Naw.:no:
2) Any advice?
Have some fun. Enjoy. Be open to the idea.

Welcome to Ageless...for real...teehee:bgrin2:

Who says we are not nuts? We are all nuts, and you know, it is FANTASTIC!!!
:bgrin2:

There is a saying in Spanish:
We all have a bit of a doctor, actor, and nuts.
De médico, actor y loco, todos tenemos un poco.

Enjoy! You never know where destiny will take you. :)

No, of course your not nuts, although I think we all went through that stage of thinking maybe we possibly were. I know I did at least...my b/f was only 18 when we started dating..and I was 32.

Like everyone said, just enjoy it and see what develops. It would be a shame to rule out someone special based on age alone. You could really be denying yourself (and him) a fantastic time. Your a very attractive, smart woman with a really good sense of humor, so it isn't difficult to understand why a man of any age would be interested in you..so remember that!

Try not to even think about the age at this point...just be you, let him be him..and don't question it. See where it goes from here. :)

And hey, keep us updated!

I agree with JO....

just go with it...see what happens...

age is of no importance to me...and to a lot of people on this site...
I am so glad that I found this place...

just be yourselves and see what happens...

Let yourself go and enjoy it. The best thing that has ever happened to me relationship wise happened to be 22 when he walked into my life.

We've got a similar age gap - I'm 46, will be 47 in July. He's 20, won't be 21 til September.

Right now, the long distance part of it is the worst. And every time I think he's lost interest in me already (we're starting into our 5th month now), he calls and puts that notion to rest. He tells me his love just keeps getting stronger and stronger. And judging by the way I hear more and more from his friends, he's not kidding either.

I spend as much time reading these forums just to keep telling myself, "no, I'm not nuts.. and yes, this COULD work out."

My guy is in New York also, and I'm in California. We keep making plans to meet, but we've given ourselves a tentative 2 years trial period, that is.. 2 years of trying, but not meeting face to face, before we decide to move on. It's possible he's coming to visit in a few weeks from now, and his plan is to move to California in the summer, but... God only knows what will happen.

In the meantime... like everyone suggests... I'm ENJOYING what I have with him. It really is awesome and I can't think of another time when I have felt this much in love, this much intensity of emotion about it all... it's all good, even the few little misunderstandings that we have (I LOVE the way he communicates and always wants to work things out, then he's "over it" in a split second.)

Anyway... do keep us posted. :) I'm interested for sure on how it all turns out (just as I'm interested in ALL of the rest of you, too!)

Are you nuts? Maybe, but not because of being interested in this guy.

Normal is vastly over rated anyway. Seriously, take it easy, have fun, turning down what could be one of the greatest things that ever happened to you because of something as dumb as age would be the nuts thing to do.

Nope, you're not nuts. Sometimes life throws a detour in our path, usually because it's something we need. Sometimes that detour is short, sometimes its a life-long change in direction... no way of knowing in advance.

Go for it, or you'll always wonder "what if?" Especially after being here the past few weeks and seeing that people in age gap relationships can have successful relationships. The biggest problem you have is the distance, but many of us have larger distances between ourselves and the ones we love. You can do it.

"Life is an adventure, or it's nothing at all."

~ Helen Keller

Any advice?

Yep, ohio....mine would be:
1. enjoy it...it is pretty darn intoxicating
2. go slowly (to give the intoxication time to level out :bgrin2: )

#1 and #2 are NOT mutually exclusive...and they give him time to grow into himself/adulthood while you are getting to know/love each other (if that's the direction it takes).

No one ever got hurt by taking their time...a couple of years even to know each other WELL...before jumping in head first.....but many have been devastated after moving WAY too fast in the beginning during the infatuation phase (first year).

Some really good advice here, from everyone. Thank you everybody, for taking the time to post. Y'all are great!

OH, and he's a new member here, and reading this. His username is danny boy, and he's not posted yet, taking his time reading through the forum

Go Girl! Go Girl!

I think it's just great that you have the chance to have a special someone in your life. Go for it and see where it takes you. :thumbsup_still:

:) It's nice to meet you, Danny! :welcome:

I was asked to join this forum as a technical admin - forum ungrades, maintenance, etc. I had NO earthly idea that I would ever NEED this place, nor that I would ever be interested in someone so much younger than I.

I have been friends with this young man, online, for over a year. Nice guy, cute kid, smart as a whip - were the terms I always used IF he should happen to cross my mind. Then a few months ago, we started really talking, and getting to know each other, still online.

Well - a few days ago, completely out of the blue - things changed. I have no idea how, when or why, but they have. We realized that, for as much as you can, being an online frriendship, we have feelings for each other.

Now, the guy is 22 - I am 47 (48 in Nov). That's a 24 yr age difference!! :eek: :eek:

On top of that, he lives in NY and is moving in June to Florida (very concrete plans that have been a long-time in the making, long before we even knew the other existed, and they are not changeable)

Yet - we are so drawn to each other, talk all the time, as soon as one of us gets online we look for the other. No, we're not "in love", at least I'm not, but that could very easily change, if the circumstances were right.
We're already making plans for me to visit him in the fall (I'm in ohio, but a Florida native and all of my family lives there).

I have spent the last 3 days seesawing between calling myself an old fool (I know, I know - I'm not old. I also have a 7yr old son), kicking myself for opening up to another man (3x married), and wanting to just go with it and see where it leads.

Any advice?

and see how it goes with you two. Sometimes LDR's aren't practical. It depends on the personalities of the people involved, and their trustworthiness.

Walk slow with this fella, don't run or jump right on in....

Ali

Are you nuts? Maybe, but not because of being interested in this guy.

Normal is vastly over rated anyway. Seriously, take it easy, have fun, turning down what could be one of the greatest things that ever happened to you because of something as dumb as age would be the nuts thing to do.

I would agree with this. Normal is definitely over rated. I think the problem with all of us in the world is that we so desperately want to be normal and instead of being happy, we try to force whatever we stumble onto that could give us happiness to fit a certain mold or image that seems acceptable (mostly to others) and when it doesn't, we reject it or can't deal with it...even when normal makes us miserable.

On the otherside of the fence, I also think Legallyblonde makes a good point too. LDRs are difficult, more so than the AG part of the relationship. In any case, you seem to be doing it right, you are building the friendship and keeping an open-mind about possible romance. If this man were closer to your age, dating him would probably be a natural next-step even if you didn't feel as much chemistry...just because of the age factor...you would probably give it a chance and you probably wouldn't even ask questions like "What if he wants children?" before the first date. You would probably just think..."It can't hurt to date him, it's not like we have to get married."

But with a younger man, even if there is strong chemistry, two people may resist or hesitant to become romantic because of the age gap...and we start thinking too far into the future. You're not even dating yet, and you might have thought like "What happens when I'm 70 and he's 45?" It's actually irrelevant because if two people really fall in love and develop a deep meaningful relationship, and get past the age gap, it's not going to matter. The age gap is just a part of the relationship. It's also possibly that he'll develop some debilitating disease and you'll be caring for him...who knows!? Life is unpredictable. You can't live today on "what-ifs" of the future. Because there is no guarantee of tomorrow.

You ONLY have a 24 year age difference?!! LOL, I say go for it and enjoy every beautiful minute!!!:bgrin2:

I think the only danger here is that it could turn into a fulfilling love affair!! is that so bad ? :bgrin2: :no:


Good luck and keep us posted!!:)

Well - it's over. Nothing else to say

Oh WoW!:( Sorry Ohio.

Oh man! :( Sorry to hear that. Are you still friends or is EVERYTHING over?

I hope it wasn't something we said!?!

Well - it's over. Nothing else to say

Well that's a bit of a disappointment. However, in answer to your topic title, you STILL weren't/aren't nuts:) And please, don't let one disappointing experience cloud all potential ones. Even with younger guys, sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs.

Well that's a bit of a disappointment. However, in answer to your topic title, you STILL weren't/aren't nuts:) And please, don't let one disappointing experience cloud all potential ones. Even with younger guys, sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs.


Thanks hun - he's not a frog tho. He's a beautiful, wonderful YM. Who still has alot of growing up to do. And that's not a cut on him. It's just a fact. We started out the evening - well it was 2am or so - I happened to wake up and log on and he was there - it started out so perfectly beautiful. And I pushed. I don't handle online or LDR's well at all. He started feeling cornered - mean things were said by both of us. He countered with some deeply devastating words to me. I couldn't have been more crushed if he'd just slapped me in the face. I said goodbye.

I mean, if words can turn that hurtful online? What would happen when we're together?? That kind of love, I can't handle. I deserve better - we both do. Maybe we'll work it out, maybe not. But I think I'm gonna go crawl back in my hole, at least for a while. I'm much better off there, me thinks.

Thanks everyone for your words of concern and support. They're appreciated by us both, I'm sure.

Thanks hun - he's not a frog tho. He's a beautiful, wonderful YM. Who still has alot of growing up to do. And that's not a cut on him. It's just a fact. We started out the evening - well it was 2am or so - I happened to wake up and log on and he was there - it started out so perfectly beautiful. And I pushed. I don't handle online or LDR's well at all. He started feeling cornered - mean things were said by both of us. He countered with some deeply devastating words to me. I couldn't have been more crushed if he'd just slapped me in the face. I said goodbye.

I mean, if words can turn that hurtful online? What would happen when we're together?? That kind of love, I can't handle. I deserve better - we both do. Maybe we'll work it out, maybe not. But I think I'm gonna go crawl back in my hole, at least for a while. I'm much better off there, me thinks.

Thanks everyone for your words of concern and support. They're appreciated by us both, I'm sure.

Well, frog in the metaphoric sense. But you're right...you don't need that, and it's not love, in my mind. LDR's do truly suck...I agree with you completely there. Just get happy again in your own little space and it'll happen...with a younger man or no.

You never know what's going to happen. If not with him, then that means something better is coming along. I truly believe that. The trick is for me is to be in a good place where I'm ready for it.

Thanks for the support sweetie, I really do appreciate it.

Hey there........NO "hole crawling" allowed here:p
You do deserve better. You were strong enough to give it a try now, weren't you?

Update - he and I had a heart-to-heart on IM this afternoon, and got things straightened out. He apologized profusely, so did I. We're going to give it another chance. A very hard thing for me to do - but for him, I'm willing to try.

Things can be so misconstrued and misunderstood when talking over the internet. Unfortunately, that's all we have right now, as he doesn't have the privacy he needs for us to be able to talk on the phone. Once he moves to Florida, he'll have that and we can actually talk.

Also, I have to travel to Florida in September to see my family and take care of personal business, so he's agreed that we will meet, even if it's just for a few hours, to give us some "in person" time. I think that will make all the difference in the world for me. :)

Hey there........NO "hole crawling" allowed here:p
You do deserve better. You were strong enough to give it a try now, weren't you?
You're sweet, thank you. I'm even strong enough to try one more time :yes:

Update - he and I had a heart-to-heart on IM this afternoon, and got things straightened out. He apologized profusely, so did I. We're going to give it another chance. A very hard thing for me to do - but for him, I'm willing to try.

Things can be so misconstrued and misunderstood when talking over the internet. Unfortunately, that's all we have right now, as he doesn't have the privacy he needs for us to be able to talk on the phone. Once he moves to Florida, he'll have that and we can actually talk.

Also, I have to travel to Florida in September to see my family and take care of personal business, so he's agreed that we will meet, even if it's just for a few hours, to give us some "in person" time. I think that will make all the difference in the world for me. :)


GLAD TO HEAR!!!! WOW i went from depressive state to happy times all in one page!!!!


Relationships take so much work, people think they are easy, but they are not!!

Do your thing sweetie, do you r thing!!!!

Update - he and I had a heart-to-heart on IM this afternoon, and got things straightened out. He apologized profusely, so did I. We're going to give it another chance. A very hard thing for me to do - but for him, I'm willing to try.

Things can be so misconstrued and misunderstood when talking over the internet. Unfortunately, that's all we have right now, as he doesn't have the privacy he needs for us to be able to talk on the phone. Once he moves to Florida, he'll have that and we can actually talk.

Also, I have to travel to Florida in September to see my family and take care of personal business, so he's agreed that we will meet, even if it's just for a few hours, to give us some "in person" time. I think that will make all the difference in the world for me. :)

The internet can make emotions 10-fold. There's a desperation that can come into the situation that probably wouldn't have happened in person, or at least not to such a scale, because you can't see, touch or hear each other. All that frustration needs to go somewhere and unfortunately it is often vented toward the one person we want more than anyone. The very person we want to show love to.

Just keeping that in mind helped me a lot.

And yes, the 'in person' time will make a big difference. I wish you the very best!

GLAD TO HEAR!!!! WOW i went from depressive state to happy times all in one page!!!!


Relationships take so much work, people think they are easy, but they are not!!

Do your thing sweetie, do you r thing!!!!

The internet can make emotions 10-fold. There's a desperation that can come into the situation that probably wouldn't have happened in person, or at least not to such a scale, because you can't see, touch or hear each other. All that frustration needs to go somewhere and unfortunately it is often vented toward the one person we want more than anyone. The very person we want to show love to.

Just keeping that in mind helped me a lot.

And yes, the 'in person' time will make a big difference. I wish you the very best!


Thanks to you both!! :bgrin2:

honey listen
Im a gramma im 41 i play online games..i was in the middle of a divorce i chose not to date anyone was sick of men you name it..THATS when Kai age 19 almost 20 came in the picture..no mind you its 22 year differance and i was thinking why in the hell does he want someone like me a old has been dried up prune...i got to know him and bam out of no where i fell in love hard for the first time in my life..we had so much in common it scared me, we finished each others thoughts..laugh like no tomorrow..life is so beautiful..am i nuts . no at first i thought i was and would require massive therapy and a straight jacket..but now we are engaged and i have never been happier

you girl deserve it...and he sounds sooooo sweet..GO FOR IT!!!

ps we met online to and he lives in australia..im moving there soon