Should i bother ?????

Ok quick run down i am 42 Marcus is 20 we have known each other for 2 years we met on an online game ... i went to the states Dec 06 spent the month with him ... the only time we were apart was when he went to work or the toilet lol .... omfg it was 30 dayz of absolute bliss it was way past my expectations of how it was goin to pan out ... so now hes applied for a visa to come to b with me we plan to marry Oct 12th 07 ... we have a CO all he has to do is get some final FBI n a nationwide police checks done , AIDS test n a med check then we will know whats happening..... my predicament .... well i met with his Dad as i didnt want his dad sayin i didnt have the balls to meet him on his request i may add (for all of like 15-20mins) i could tell when i got in the car he had his mind set i wasnt good enuff for his son .... n wasnt goin to really try n get to know me or anything about me ... he said some things with both of us present .... Marcus omg he was an angel he defended me which made me cry... but the next day i got a phone call from the Dad sayin plz break it off with his son n basically sayin i was no good for him ( he has a way with words ) n jus go back to Australia n forget him ... ( Marcus knows ) what would u do in this situation ....would u try n write a letter to the Dad ? .... what would u write how would u try n word it ? .... how have u guys handled the parents not approving ??? any advice n help would b greatly appreciated
thanxs
Muriel

Sorry about the title, I couldn't resist :)

His dad is putting himself in a really bad situation, making Marcus choose between you and his family. I have a funny feeling that, should it ever come to this with the guy I'm interested in, I'll have the same problems you're going through now. Basically there's nothing you can do. Though his dad is trying to involve you, it's really between the two of them. A LOT of people have gone through friction with the family on this board, and I can't tell you what way it will go, though I think him going to you directly is almost a good sign...it makes me think that he believes you're the weakest link, and Marcus is resolute.

I guess the question that ought to be asked is, do YOU feel you're not good enough for him? If so, you'd better work on your self esteem, starting this second. If you do feel you're good enough for him, then time will prove you out, and Marcus' dad will either come round, or continue to be bitter and want to control his son's life.

In answer to your question, no I wouldn't write a letter. I would just leave it. Your character will be revealed to his father in time, as it was to Marcus. You can't convince someone who seemingly has their mind made up; any gesture you make will probably be twisted around some how.

I wouldn't attempt to speak to the father at all at this point. If he calls, don't answer. And don't listen. He's trying to get his way. It's manipulative.

Just let Marcus know you love him, and you're here for him.

omg thank u .... n u r right i do sometimes feel im not good enuff 4 him becuz of the age ... lol.... but trust me he tells me enuff times not to bother or worry bout it ... if its ok for old guys to b with young girls why isnt it the same the other way

if its ok for old guys to b with young girls why isnt it the same the other way

Trust me...in parents eyes...its still not ok. :D

My dad actually called my fiance (I love using that word! :D) and cussed him out...screamed and told him he needed to leave his daughter alone and to stop being a perv...yada yada.

Alec (the fiance) handled it like a gentleman...never lost his temper...stayed calm...yes sir...no sir.

Then my parents turned on me and tried to convince me to stay. (I was going to move from Texas to North Carolina) They tried their darndest but I was determined to be with the man I loved.

The best thing Alec has done was to do nothing. This was between me and my family and he was just caught in the crossfire.

My parents finally realized that Alec wasn't going to keep me from them. I still talk to them once a week...we email...and I still go back and visit when I can.

Your boyfriend is going to have to stand up to his parents. He will have to take a stand and do what he wants to do. After that....time will be your best friend. It's going to take time to see that you're not this evil person out to steal away their baby.

*hug* Good luck!

Nadine.

Muriel....hear me out on this....

I truly do not think that his dad's issue is with you personally (as in your suitability, personality, character, etc.)...probably not even that you are 42 (heck, that's still young). I'd venture to guess that it is more about your guy's very young age that has his dad concerned. He knows that at 20, in general, impluse control is not fully there yet, and making decisions for the wrong reasons is more likely a factor. He probably just wants his son to grow up a bit, gain his autonomy, and THEN make the HUGE decisions that will alter his life (like move internationally, leave his life here, marry, be with someone he's only really known online for the most part, etc.).

Frankly, I understand his father's concerns. My son is 20 now. He is very mature for his age (he puts me to shame with his genuine altruism and life goals!)...and yet, I see him struggling to make decisions that are best for his future, rather than what grabs his heart at this moment. He is dating an 18 year old sweet girl. He is talking about marriage:eek: already. There is nothing wrong with her, or even THEM as a couple....if she were older, I would still feel the same. I would want him to finish his education, grow into his adulthood as an autonomous young man, and THEN make those life-altering decisions when he is in a better adult-space. Divorce statistics are so high...and for men who marry under the age of 26, they are exponentially higher (according to one statistical study I read last year). I want the best for my son... and waiting has never hurt anyone's chances for a secure relationship.

I'm not judging your relationship at all. I was in one similar to yours once. I was in love with a vym for more than 3 years IRL, and we were talking about marriage, etc. by the time he was 21 (we got together when he was only 18 and I was 43:yes: :eek: ). We broke up, eventually. His parents were vehemently opposed to us...with reason...they wanted their son to grow up on his own before being in a full-blown comitted relationship with ANYONE (and the fact that I was quite a bit older of course came into play for sure).

Some here have made the transition from online with a vym to real life....most have not. It will be a tough transition regardless of your vym's age...but without his family's support and at his very young age, it could be a tough road ahead. Tread lightly, and go as slowly as you can here. Is there a reason you have to get married in September, or can you wait a bit while he finishes college or establishes himself in a career, etc.? I understand the issues of immigration, etc....but can't you wait a bit, live IRL with each other for a while?

thanxs jesique for your reply .... special k ... well when u apply for the spousal visa u have 9 months to marry after entering the country .... he has finished college/education ... he is a qualified massage therapist which is a bonus for me .... as i said we have known each other for 2 years been engaged for 1 ...