xhenli
04-04-2007, 09:34 PM
He and I have never had a full-blown relationship. We have been friends and I know that we have both experienced attraction. (I am 36 and he is 20. We have known each other for more than two years.) But even from that much -- being friends that could keep a good conversation going and checking up on what each other was doing in life -- I was pretty sure he'd moved on from even that. He didn't answer my last email (some time ago) and he stopped acknowledging me when we happen to be near by (we attend the same church). I did say hello two weeks ago on one of those pass-bys and he smiled back.
I was hurt over all, but I knew it was just all inside of me, just the nature of the beast so to speak, just part of life. I dreamed a lot, but never expected much. The point being is that I was as 'over' him as I was going to be at this point. I had even fantasized giving him the cold shoulder if he ever tried to talk to me again.
Lo, I am on the floor in the middle of changing the baby's poopy diaper, and who pops his head in the already open door (the weather's been so nice!) but him! Not only that, but I had the dishes done and the laundry folded, but the kids hadn't picked up the clutter yet. So, I'm like, totally the opposite of a cold shoulder, "Hey _____! Hi!" meanwhile trying to navigate baby wipes around my baby's poopy bum. I should also mention, that he has NEVER just dropped in before and he has been to my house maybe three times, most of our conversations were at the church or by email.
It turns out that he was bringing some second hand speakers for my computer and also he wanted me to make a copy of some music he gave me, he lost his copy. We did talk, in the same way we always do, naturally, words spilling over each other, and we caught up with each other's lives. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave. He even offered to 'install' the speakers, which I declined having him do. I know he does have a bit of pity for me as I am a widow, but deep inside, I'm like, Save it! right? I enjoyed looking at his beauty, knowing I was in tshirt and pony tail and glasses (didn't wear my contacts today) and had 'gained the weight back', lol. And I knew it was going to be over, no matter how long he lingered, no matter how many things I remembered to say, he was going to drive off again and the time in his presence was going to be over.
So when he's left, I reminded myself he was just being kind. Although for the life of me I don't know why he brought the speakers by, he could have just gone for the thrift store. Anyway, not that I think any thing is 'rekindled', there wasn't much to begin with, but after he left I did weep. His continued absence would have been easier. Now I have to get used to missing him all over again.
I was hurt over all, but I knew it was just all inside of me, just the nature of the beast so to speak, just part of life. I dreamed a lot, but never expected much. The point being is that I was as 'over' him as I was going to be at this point. I had even fantasized giving him the cold shoulder if he ever tried to talk to me again.
Lo, I am on the floor in the middle of changing the baby's poopy diaper, and who pops his head in the already open door (the weather's been so nice!) but him! Not only that, but I had the dishes done and the laundry folded, but the kids hadn't picked up the clutter yet. So, I'm like, totally the opposite of a cold shoulder, "Hey _____! Hi!" meanwhile trying to navigate baby wipes around my baby's poopy bum. I should also mention, that he has NEVER just dropped in before and he has been to my house maybe three times, most of our conversations were at the church or by email.
It turns out that he was bringing some second hand speakers for my computer and also he wanted me to make a copy of some music he gave me, he lost his copy. We did talk, in the same way we always do, naturally, words spilling over each other, and we caught up with each other's lives. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave. He even offered to 'install' the speakers, which I declined having him do. I know he does have a bit of pity for me as I am a widow, but deep inside, I'm like, Save it! right? I enjoyed looking at his beauty, knowing I was in tshirt and pony tail and glasses (didn't wear my contacts today) and had 'gained the weight back', lol. And I knew it was going to be over, no matter how long he lingered, no matter how many things I remembered to say, he was going to drive off again and the time in his presence was going to be over.
So when he's left, I reminded myself he was just being kind. Although for the life of me I don't know why he brought the speakers by, he could have just gone for the thrift store. Anyway, not that I think any thing is 'rekindled', there wasn't much to begin with, but after he left I did weep. His continued absence would have been easier. Now I have to get used to missing him all over again.