I'm calling off my wedding

disgusted with board member reactions.

I am very sorry to hear this.

I will say that i know that MySpace has caused many relationships to end, including my nephew's - and causing him SO MUCH drama in other ways. When he was not doing anything wrong, and only keeping in touch with old friends.

I wish you the best, and i know you will do the right thing for yourself, and your relationship.

I dont care what he says.

Well, what does he say?

disgusted with board member reactions

He just said "Okay"??? Well, then...sounds like you made the right decision. :(

disgusted with board member reactions

Riiiight. To relieve stress. If he's acting like this now, before you even get married, you can only expect things to get worse after. Life gets more stressful, not less, and marriage adds its own kind of stress. He sounds like he needs to grow up some more to me. I am sorry you are having to go through this, but it's better to find out about these things sooner than later! Kudos to you for knowing your boundaries and sticking to them!!!:yes:

How can he hurt YOU this way?!? Some guys amaze me. I think you are doing the right thing. I don't think you should need to move...it will blow over and you will find a guy that can respect you. I am so sorry, but glad you are being strong about this. Thinking about it I think I would be strong about it too, only because I would be so angry!

Wendy...wishing you the best and even better then this!

MySpace is a great place to learn about the guys we date (if they are on there). I applaud you for standing up to him in this regard.

This could be just a bad patch for the relationship, but it doesn't seem like he's trying hard to resolve it in a caring, loving way. Perhaps there are bigger issues than MySpace?

I hope you'll be able to work it out in the end but remain footed in your resolve.

Hi I'm trying to be calm and strong, but I have decided to end my engagement.
He is 29, I am 36.
I thought he was very mature and he acts like he thinks Im so great.
He did tell me and I agreed to put off trying for kids for 2 years.
Which is fine because I am in great shape and know so many women who started having kids naturally around 37-41ish.
But I have just discovered that he is adding scantily clad 18-19 years old onto his myspace page.
And my almost ex-Fiance is brilliant , highly educated and there is no reason for him to be making friends with 18-19 year old hotties with no education or life experience unless he wants SEX with them.
So I am cutting if off. I dont care what he says.
Don't worry about me, I'm strong I'll be fine.


That's the kind of story that makes me just maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!


I just can't believe someone could do something like this.


I would be so thankful if the woman that I love so much would be with me, that those things wouldn't even cross my mind.


Sorry to sound upset but this is unbelievable!

:mad:

He called again to say he doesn't know how I could hurt him like this. And that he just adds cute girls for fun because he is under stress and can blow off steam that way.

Okay, am I the only one who read this and went, "Ew gross!" What kind of guy says that thing to the woman he intends to marry?? Bleah!

Good for you; I know it's difficult but it would be much, much more painful to stick around in a relationship like that. I wish you the very best.

he sounds about as deep as a very shallow well.

Okay, am I the only one who read this and went, "Ew gross!" What kind of guy says that thing to the woman he intends to marry?? Bleah!

Good for you; I know it's difficult but it would be much, much more painful to stick around in a relationship like that. I wish you the very best.

Nope you're not alone on that thinking. And I tell ya, if the guy needs young girls to - whatever - I would RUN, not walk, the other way.

UGH :mad:

ya know, i FOUND my husband on myspace. but i think we're prolly kinda rare. i dunno, but i got a gut-feeling.

i had a prob with some of his "friends" on his myspace page.

he deleted them. no questions asked.

i had a prob with some stuff on his comp.

he deleted it. only an explanation, his friend Jay, who's a dog btw, d/l'd it. (the comp used to be Jay's, this i know). but again, no questions asked.

when we were still dating, when girls kept im'n him on yahoo, that he'd had casual dating relationships with, i brought out the green monster and he deleted his Yahoo, email and all. no questions asked.

again, when we were still dating, i had a prob with this "girl", i abhor her and her name is another descriptor besides "girl" but i'm trying to go easy lol, whom kept text msg'n him. he never spoke to her again. no questions asked.

by the same token, i was still friends with two guys i casually dated for about a year. he had a prob with it. i sent em "Dear John" letters. no questions asked.

i had deleted all the pics n crap off my computer the day after we officially started dating so he had no opportunity to get peeved about that stuff lol

my point being, Shane would NEVER say the things to me your guy said. he just wouldn't. anytime i've presented him with a concern, and i wasn't always calm, he's always listened and then fixed it. i find it incredible that anyone who says they care for you, when presented with something they did that hurt you, would react the way your guy did.

huge, ginormous, monster, omg did ya see the size of that chicken, LARGE red flag. you're doing the right thing, imo. especially after trying to talk to him about it.

have you ever seen him react in a like fashion about anything else? or is this new?

best wishes,

Tracy

The nerve to say "No, I will not remove them from My Space". Gee, if he made a mistake adding those girls, he should be in a hurry to correct the mistake when you found out. :mad:

I know you must not see anything positive in this but really, you are so lucky you found this out before getting married.

Selkie,
I am sorry to here this. It does sound like he might be a little too selfish for my tastes as well though.
BTW, "Lady of Shallot" by Waterhouse is one of my favorites, I have her hanging in my bedroom.
I bet you feel about like the painting today don't you? It 'll be OK.
Blessings, TD

Good for you for sticking to your guns! Most women would have caved, but you respect yourself more than that!

Good that you found this out sooner than later!

Hang in there!

I just talked to him. And his stupid response was that I was being dramatic and he hates drama.
So I asked him again why he added bikini clad teenage trashy looking girls who he has nothing is common with to his friends page.
Dead Silence.
So then I asked him to take them off his friends list. He said no.
So I replied that I wish him well, but I have to move on.
He said okay.
We live in tiny town, I may have to move because of this.

He obviously has A LOT to learn, that's for sure.

Of course this is quite tacky and a move that I would categorize as an extremely "poor choice" of behavior.:rolleyes: to say the least. Actually, for an engaged guy, quite outrageous.

But I'm curious...did this come out of just nowhere? Has he ever given you any reason to think he would be even capable of doing something like this...and did you always know about his myspace page and the activities on it? And does he list himself as "engaged" or "in a relationship"?

Did you guys have any problems before this of this nature and did you recently have some disagreement or conflict? No matter what, I feel this is very inappropriate on his part, in fact seems bizarre. The only reason I might guess is that he was trying to get back at you for something or trying to be rebellious or playing some kind of power game.

I can't imagine a BF doing this, let alone a fiance. I would do the same thing. What he did was very insulting, rude, disrespectful, and a slap in the face. It's very hostile, actually. I agree that for a 29 year old man about to be married, it's particularly immature.

selkie... a man who loves and respects you would not act/speak to you like your ex fiance. Good thing he showed his true colors now. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, but you sound resolved and like you're in a good place with it all.

I think it's what he said to you that I find more appalling than what he actually has on myspace.

I am really tired of hearing about breakups over myspace. :( Stupid thing has just become a way for men and women to move from flirting publicly to using the internet to do so, and then pretending like it is no big deal. :rolleyes:

disgusted with board member reactions

Please don't let my story shake your confidence in your younger men.
My case is unusual. My exF is probably the most popular guy in my locale.
He's a kid in a candy store.
I think that impacts his behavior. No excuse, just facts.
Also I blame myself, instead of holding off, I allowed sex to happen too soon.
Best sex ever I might add and helped heal me after my last abusive boyfriend, but I won't make that mistake again.
I should have forced myself to develop our communication on a deeper level.

Don't blame yourself. I always like to point out something we women do a lot...we feel we are responsible for everyone else's emotional work. We're not. We're only responsible for our own. If you are doing your emotional work in the relationship, but you're ex-F doesn't have what it take to do his part, then it's not your problem. It's his problem...and it's going to continue to be his problem in whatever relationship he has.

This is UNBELIEVABLE to me!!!! I cannot imagine how heartbroken you must feel!!

In the end though as stated above in the thread, it is MUCH better that he showed you his true colors now, rather than once you were married and or even expecting a child from him.

I follow three words in life: Integrity, Honor, Strength. THOSE are are key element in any relationship IMO, whether it is a business relationship and or a love relationship.

This guy is an embarrasing sorry excuse!!!! He has no backbone!!!


Stay strong, look ahead huney and things will get better for you!!




Attractivce31

I just talked to him. And his stupid response was that I was being dramatic and he hates drama.
So I asked him again why he added bikini clad teenage trashy looking girls who he has nothing is common with to his friends page.
Dead Silence.
So then I asked him to take them off his friends list. He said no.
So I replied that I wish him well, but I have to move on.
He said okay.
We live in tiny town, I may have to move because of this.

I don't mean to be rude here, but my myspace page has dozens of men and women from all walks of life whom I don't know from adam. I may never even IM them, I just like their pages. This feels like overreacting to me. Is there something else that he does that makes you feel bad?

Ali

disgusted with board member reactions

I also think it's not so much the "friends" he's made, although that alone is cause for concern, but the way he reacted to your questions. Something is up and you are right to get away. A trustworthy partner wouldn't do this. You are not paranoid and you do deserve better.

I also think it's not so much the "friends" he's made, although that alone is cause for concern, but the way he reacted to your questions. Something is up and you are right to get away. A trustworthy partner wouldn't do this. You are not paranoid and you do deserve better.

Thats the way i feel about it - his reaction really says it all.

The myspace thing is a symptom. If he's as popular as you say, then chances are his reaction to your demand to take them off was because a) he wanted to feel like you're not the bossa him and, b) lots of other fish in the sea, some of which are on his friends list.

Clearly, in any case, he wasn't ready for marriage. It's got nothing to do with jealousy, it has to do with respect. If he doesn't get that, well....

Due to a bunch of recent drama I haven't been around much (and when I have it's been rushed), but I saw this post and wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about what's happened.

Hopefully some space and time will avoid you having to move and provide you both some clarity about what happened to cause this.

I am guessing other things have been going on leading up to this decision (aside from the myspace activity)?

Sorry again to hear this. :(

I am guessing other things have been going on leading up to this decision (aside from the myspace activity)?

That was my thought...marriage is a big committment and to end an engagement so suddenly over a myspace page doesn't seem like the whole story....has there been a lead up to this, how have you both dealt with difficult issues in the past in your relationship, why would he be so flippant about ending it so quickly....BTW I agree it was disrespectful of him to answer you the way he did, but it does seem a huge step from being engaged to ending it....whats the relationship like normally, do you guys fight a lot, have lots in common, talk about the hard stuff etc......

BTW I don't believe you can ever be over educated....knowledge is power, you never stop learning.....

Actually a bit more like Waterhouse's Ophelia ;)

"And I, of ladies most deject and wretched,
That suck'd the honey of his music vows,
Now see that noble and most sovereign reason,
Like sweet bells jangled out of tune and harsh,
That unmatch'd form and feature of blown youth
Blasted with ecstasy. O, woe is me
T'have seen what I have seen, see what I see."
William Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene I


I am doing my best to be calm. And philosophical.
My now exF is extremely well educated, but is lacking in emotional maturity.
A couple of years and thinking about having lost someone like me, I think he'll make someone a good husband.
But too late for us. I don't hate him and will do my best to keep up appearences and be cordial.
Don't anyone feel sorry for me, I have rock solid self confidence and even with heartbreak, I will soldier on.
[I keep an inventory of my attributes = I have great friends, I'm in perfect health / great shape, very young looking, no debt, 250k in the bank, love life/optimist)
Please don't let my story shake your confidence in your younger men.
My case is unusual. My exF is probably the most popular guy in my locale.
He's a kid in a candy store.
I think that impacts his behavior. No excuse, just facts.
Also I blame myself, instead of holding off, I allowed sex to happen too soon.
Best sex ever I might add and helped heal me after my last abusive boyfriend, but I won't make that mistake again.
I should have forced myself to develop our communication on a deeper level.

Have a Happy Easter

Where did you get all this confindence! I'd like to order some!

I'm kind with LB and FreeS...

If we're going to talk about maturity...or the lack of, I would wager two can play at that game and it looks like he's playing it as well as you are.

Is this an ongoing thing...I mean the disagreement about MYSpace. And why would you let such an insufficant website decide your happiness. This should be between you and the ym, not you, ym, website, 18-19 yrs (although I can understand since they live in his town, that was tacky on his part).

His response wasn't the best, but for the position you are putting him in, its a defensive mechanism and neither one of you seems to be fighting fair. Do you always walk away from disputes. It won't show him what you're made of, so it matters not what kind of confidence you have if your reaction is knee jerked as if saying when things are good...you're in like flint, but when they are not you're a runner. Hurt them before they hurt you.

I'm not saying what he did was right. But did it have to be so drastic, and why? Why did he feel the need to put up those girls and why would you let it affect you when you said they did not share any common interest. Wasn't there anyway of working things through, unless you've been on his case for the past 4 months or so and he won't compromise then I can see where you've have had enough. Or were you looking for a way out and this was convenient? Or is this really about something esle entirely?

Paris

Im not quite getting this either. :confused:

Everything was just fine then you find these girls on his friends list and whammo, engagement over? If that is the case, well...I would agree with the few others that say that is a bit over the top.

Chances are these "girls" on myspace arent really girls at all, but what they refer to as "bots". Fake profiles made up with generic pretty girl A and B plastered on them made by websites to draw in potential subscribers. One of the tricks they use is to put her hometown as the same as yours so you will think.."oh cool, I may know her, or get to meet her" then they send out a friend request, and people fall for it ...its a scam, and considering the way you described their profiles, Im willing to bet that is exactly what it is.

Granted, his reaction to refuse to take them off was innappropriate, but considering it was in reaction to you angrily demanding such ...I cant say I am surprised. Did you discuss it at all? was there any calm concise communication explaining how you felt about it? or was it just.."oh my god young pretty girls!!! get rid of them now!" and he said "uh nope not gonna do it"???

Seems to me there has to be underlying issues here with trust, or something. If you are the confident woman you seem to be, why would a handful or young pretty girls on myspace be threatening to you unless you had reason to believe he was untrustworthy? Has he cheated or been caught doing inappropriate things in the past?

Frankly, my YM could have a hundred young pretty things on his myspace and honestly I could give a fig. If all he is doing is looking at them and admiring their physical attributes. Hes a man, he likes women. For me to think he doesnt, or that he doesnt dig looking at them, simply because he is with me would make me foolish. I enjoy taking a gander now and then at hot men, it certainly doesnt mean I am up to anything, nor does it mean I am not 100% faithful and committed to my YM. We are human afterall and just because we are in committed relationships doesnt mean we have blinders on to the rest of the world and all of the sudden we stop noticing attractive people. Looking doesnt mean acting...and if he hasnt acted, nor has he ever, I really dont understand why this is such a huge problem.

I dont mean to make light in anyway of your pain, or situation, you did what you feel is best, and I support that, but I just dont understand. My apologies.

I agree with OHLis, I don't understand exactly why it's such a big deal, but I do know enough about people to understand that this isn't just him, it's YOU, and it may mainly be you. Are you insecure with men? Do you care so much what other people think that you insist he take it off for fear someone might try to catagorize your relationship in a negative light? Your statement that you might have to move seems to indicate that. In my small hometown, I had a neighbor claim I was doing the nasty with him, at a young age, and it wrecked my reputation in that town, pretty much for life. (He had tons of family to back him up, and my parents were like, we know you didn't ignore it it will go away. It did not.) But I'm planning on moving back there by the beginning of summer. My take on life is that Harper Valley PTA has nothing on me!

So, I think you might have reached an impass, not of feelings, but of expectations. And since it may be pushing you too far out of your comfort zone to try and change, maybe it's better over.

Ali

disgusted with board member reactions

Sweetie Selkie stay on track and don't worry about the posts...people are allowed to give their own opinions, and those are not intended to target YOU personally.


As far as that dog of yours ex-fiancee, you don't need that in your life. I cannot believe that he openly admitted that he wanted to have sex with sl uts before he married you....I mean come on, how low can a man go for a burger for Gods sakes....when he had the full stake meal and MORE at home :mad:

Sweetie Selkie stay on track and don't worry about the posts...people are allowed to give their own opinions, and those are not intended to target YOU personally.


As far as that dog of yours ex-fiancee, you don't need that in your life. I cannot believe that he openly admitted that he wanted to have sex with sl uts before he married you....I mean come on, how low can a man go for a burger for Gods sakes....when he had the full stake meal and MORE at home :mad:

He's just written me a long email trying to explain himself.
He says because he didnt get girls in high school/college and was a late bloomer that he stills feels he hasnt had enough 'fun', but then he added he feels very hurt because he thought i was 'progressive' and would understand it would have been 'just sex' before we got married.
and then this double degreed guy who likes to call himself refined coarsely added that no one could top me anyway because i 'feel so awesome to be inside'.:eek:
Um eww.
Wish him well but that is so base and such twisted thinking.

His email is appalling beyond category.

Selkie, I think you have a powerful guardian angel watching over you and making sure that you see the whole awful truth about this guy.

Stay strong. Clear him out of your life. Take out the trash.

This keeps getting better and better (excuse my sarcasm! ) Does he do drugs or drink lots of alcohol? I mean tell me you are kidding about his "logical"explanation on the situation!!!

Next time you see him, just go close to him like you are going to give him a hug, but KNEE him on the balls!!! and just tell him that he earned it. He def belongs with the trash...the trashie females that he posted on his myspace.

Thank God I don't belong to that web site, and I can assure you I never will!!!


I have a strong feeling you will find a man that will love you truthfully Selkie...have faith and don't look back!!



Attractive31

I just talked to him. And his stupid response was that I was being dramatic and he hates drama.
So I asked him again why he added bikini clad teenage trashy looking girls who he has nothing is common with to his friends page.
Dead Silence.
So then I asked him to take them off his friends list. He said no.
So I replied that I wish him well, but I have to move on.
He said okay.
We live in tiny town, I may have to move because of this.

wow he sounds like an *** on that statement..My ex did that to me to and I got a divorce! i was so sick of feeling like I had to look over my shoulder wondering who he would sleep with next...
I can't believe he just said okay and then no to removing..you made the right choice..and dont move out of your town girl...stand firm..you are woman hear you ROAR!

He's just written me a long email trying to explain himself.
He says because he didnt get girls in high school/college and was a late bloomer that he stills feels he hasnt had enough 'fun', but then he added he feels very hurt because he thought i was 'progressive' and would understand it would have been 'just sex' before we got married.
and then this double degreed guy who likes to call himself refined coarsely added that no one could top me anyway because i 'feel so awesome to be inside'.:eek:
Um eww.
Wish him well but that is so base and such twisted thinking.

WHAT A CROCK OF CRAP *GAG* see as I stated before my ex did this to..he ran off with my sons ex girlfriend..trust me hun there is a man out there who wont do this..i finally found one and so will you.
Progressive my *** How can you understand that load of bunk? He sounds like he never grew up and whos fault is it he is thinking with his lil head and not his beg head..you are better off sister...BIG HUGS TO YOU!

Wow Ali you're a piece of work.

:mad:

Ditto Selkie!

disgusted with board member reactions

For the heck of it I just checked and he has now added 9 more local girls/women.
I actually can track his behavior changing when he started hanging out with a new group of guys after we got engaged.
Bunch of party animal guys.
They would egg him on and say he is too young to get engaged.
And he doesnt smoke, do drugs and hates beer.
I feel bad for my ex F, I dont hate him or wish him any ill will.
His lack of emotionaly maturity is to be pitied.

Careful, Selkie. Don't start pitying him or making excuses for his behavior because of these new guys. Remember, he is making his own choices, and he is responsible for the consequences. Nobody else.

Whatever you do, don't try to "rescue" him and bring him back. Take care of yourself.

Shoot, go ahead and be angry for awhile. You don't have to be "good" about this, the anger will make you feel better and make it easier to get over him. He's a jerk and a half.:mad: I would stop any and all communication with him from now on period. Block his emails or change your address. Same for the phone. Next thing he will want you to "comfort" him in his "lonliness". bah!

Just wondering, selkie....how long did you know your ex fiance IRL before you were engaged? Sounds like he has major character flaws that would have been hard to hide for any length of time...surely not for a few years.... You were right to boot his behind:yes:

sure he sounds like a wanker but hey you put it out there for advice and got a few responses that encouraged you to examine some of your contradictions...and you didn't like it....unlucky.....

he didn't actually sleep with any of them did he...so they are just wallpaper at this stage....that may be unacceptable to you and you may consider that abusive of your trust and good on you for getting out before too much damage is done....

but you said you had a previous abusive relationship and now this one, yet you are strong and have a lot of money in the bank and are independent etc....might be time to take a break and look at what is attracting these kinds of guys in to your space....

and please don't project onto people trying to give you their insight...that is so very tedious....its a message board and you asked for opinions....take what you want and leave the rest, no need to be so rude

Wow Ali you're a piece of work.

Im really disgusted by the rudeness of a couple members on here.
Very unsupportive and accusatory.
:mad:

geesh, :confused: I really dont see how anyone has been rude at all. Simply offering a differing view. You dont like it, and that is understandable, but to be disgusted and angry because not everyone wants to jump on the wagon and hang this guy for what he did? I think if anything is rude, and over dramatic, that is.

According to past posts: You were falling for this guy in early December after a couple of months of involvement, and engaged by the end of December? That's pretty fast in my book. Could it be that this relationship just ran it's course?

You have "NYC" as your location, is that New York City? Just wondering.

For the record, IMO Myspace is trouble for a lot of couples. And I wouldn't want my guy on there with barely dressed women on his page. BUT it's never a good idea to jump all over your guy and give ultimatums before you discuss the issue at hand. Guys tend to get defensive when they are accused or pushed in a corner. I think his whole attitude about this arises from the attitude you gave him in the first place. Maybe the comment about sleeping around before marriage was just to see how riled up he could get YOU?

Could he be doing all this to get out of the relationship? Sorry, but that may be the case.

disgusted with board member reactions

and please don't project onto people trying to give you their insight...that is so very tedious....its a message board and you asked for opinions....take what you want and leave the rest, no need to be so rude\


rude is trying to make me the guilty party.

Yep bingo
He showed up on my doorstep all crying a while ago and then i realised he thought we cOuld make up and he could have sex.
He said we needed healing and to be intimate.

And you said_______ ?

And where is he now?

Selkie, this guy is obviously showing his true colors now and you clearly did not know him well enough to be engaged to him.

I don't think board members are trying to make you the guilty party. I think it's more that you haven't presented the whole story. You have not answered questions about what might have lead to this...or if there were any red flags about this guy.

It's odd that out of the blue, this guy SUDDENLY does something like this. A guy you are engaged to. So in analzying the situation with just the scenario that you are completely surprised by this and it came out of left field, it would sound like this guy has some sort of personality disorder or behavioral issues...especially if this myspace business was not in the least bit a reaction to anything occurring between the two of you.

And since you have been in an abusive relationship before, perhaps there is something in you that is attracted to unbalanced men. These are things you need to explore so you can avoid this in the future.

Rather than being defensive and trying to solicit everyone's agreement that this guy is an axxhole...it may be more productive for you to take this opportunity to take a look at yourself and see why you were not able to see this type of thing coming. Sometimes people DO surprise and shock us...yes...but more often, if you spend enough time with a person so you can learn who they really are on a day to day person, there usually ARE no surprises...human beings are really rather predictable when you come down to it.

disgusted with board member reactions

Sweetie what is wrong???

How are you doing today???? can you post up please!!





Attractive31

\


rude is trying to make me the guilty party.

Selkie, I suggest reading The Four Agreements. It illustrates that opinions are merely that...a person's thought, right or wrong, true or false. There is nothing wrong with someone having an opinion different than yours. It is certainly not a threat. Advice is merely opinion, based on the information given.

Anyone who knows people (I was gonna say women, however it applies to both sexes) knows that trying to get them to agree on ANYTHING is like trying to herd cats. It ain't gonna happen.

I know that, for myself, give me a friend that acknowledges that I can and will be wrong from time to time, and loves me enough to question me about my actions...not to catch me up or make me feel like "the guilty party", but rather, to make me see whether my motives are clear. For personal growth, not for some stupid "who is more perfect" contest. Real friends acknowledge and celebrate differences, and yes, even flaws.

It's funny because of all the posters here I tend to agree with the advice of IRParis, Rosebud and LegallyBlonde the most. Often they say what others don't want to hear, but they certainly are the most honest and insightful. I'd go to them with my problems any day, even if it means they'll disagree with me.

You can either learn from this situation, or be the wronged party. I'm not really sure you can be both. And I'm not talking about the situation with your ex-fiance either, however, I'm starting to see how that came about as well.

Selkie, what is going on? We're just strangers on the internet, but strangers on the internet saved my life. Please tell us what's happening. I'm scared for you.

Now that I've read through most of the rest of the post since I posted...well...I can see where you are disgusted with this guy.

See I'm a curious person, I would want to know what exactly prompted him to walk this path. It has nothing to do with maturity...its as another poster said, nothing by wallpaper...and you can choose to sweat it or not, its up to you. But what surprises me is that this ym didn't know you well enough to evaluate your integrity or you his.

You both need to sit down and talk and figure out what is important here, I mean if this is really what you both want to do. Everyone makes mistakes, and I'm sure he feels he's made a big one. But does he really know where you stand for...not just what you believe in. I would say to give it another try and this time really talk, and not surface stuff either. Ask the hard questions and get hard answers. Listen to him as you demand to be listen to.

This isn't abusive, its stupidity on his part...but if he doesn't know where you firm ground is, how is he suppose to tow the line. I wish you luck in this, whether you stay with him or not has no bearing on the website but really examine what the goals are for both and then make a more rational decision from there.

Paris

Selkie, I suggest reading The Four Agreements

Great advice for us ALL, Celtic....that little book did more to change my perspective on life and relationships that any other, besides the bible;) ... I have eclectic tastes:bgrin2: .

Seriously....the whole "don't take things people say personally" tenet is priceless. Everyone really IS just speaking from their life experience, their emotional state at the moment, their view based on their upbringing and 1000's of other contributing factors...NOT from any position that we should take personally as an attack or evaluation of our character, etc..