First posting

Hello. This is my first posting. I met my current G/F through MySpace. I'm 36 and she is 45. We have only been dating about a week so far but so far so good. Gosh I hope she is not reading this!

She had contacted me. Most of the internet dating sites I am listed under I say that I am dating 30 to 45. But most of the dates I've been on are with women about 2 years younger than myself. The oldest women I had ever dated before was 4 years above my age.

Typically even though most women will date someone a few years (like 3-5)younger than themselves more than likely they tend to prefer older guys. Like 10-15 years older.

Technically I was not actually persuing someone that old but it just turned out that way. Figuring the oldest person I would get would be someone about 41 but used 45 as the upper age range. But I'd rather date someone 10years older than me than 10 years younger.

So far we have really hit it off. I hope this doesn't sound mean but a major plus is her kids are grown and are out of the house. Most women my age have at least two kids 5 to 10 years old and I really don't want to be raising anyone else's kids. Plus she said she doesn't either. She raised three and is ready to have a little fun. She is financially secure. I am too and we both like that. Her work schedule is similar to mine. And we like the same movies. Oddly enough she tends to like more modern rock music like Nickelback where my tastes in rock music stop about 7 years ago.

She is really mature. My X G/F was two years younger and might as well have been 16 the way she acted.

After our first date I told my parents about her. At first they didn't have anything to say about it.

So I introduced her to my parents. I asked my father the following day what he thought of her. He said he liked her but said he would like to see me find someone closer to my age. But didn't tell me he did not want me to date her. Oddly enough my mother has not said anything about her which is unusual since she tends to be the one to find something wrong with my girlfriends.

So I explained to my father that I was sorry I could not find someone that suited them as well as myself. That I had to go through about 5 girls between my "X" and my current. I also told him I was not going to wait until he and my mother died before I got married. Because if it was not her age, it would be something else. Mom doesn't like me dating Catholic girls because I was raised Protestant. Stuff like that. Dad really didn't have much to say after that.

Anyway ever since then it got me thinking. I really like this women but don't want to cause any problems between me and my parents. But so far they have not brought the subject up.

I want to follow my heart and see where this goes. I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time between kids and their parents. I wonder if it would be any different to my father if she was nine years younger than me. I still don't know what my mother thinks but really don't want to bring the subject up.

I think one of the major issues is the fact it's not so much that they think she looks 45 but the fact I don't look 36. People tell me I could pass for 30 easily. Probably because of my slender build. So when we are sitting together the age gap shows up more. Personally I don't see it. I just see an attractive women.

I've never been married and who knows I could be bouncing from one women to the next until I die and never get married. I certainly hope not.

Turbofiat...welcome to ageless. I'm not sure if you have a question or you are just exploring some thoughts/confusion you are having.

My first reaction is that you seem very fixated on numbers. (e.g. The last one was 2 years younger, I think 41 is really the limit but put 45, maybe dad would be happier if I dated someone 9 years younger)

Also, are you dating women to please your parents or to find some happiness for yourself? After all, at the end of the day, you have to be with this person behind closed doors, not your parents or anyone else, and if you get very serious, even get married, it's 24/7. It better be someone, regardless of what age she may happen to be, that you are going to be happy being with and develop a worthwhile relationship that means something to you.

And, are you trying to explore your interest in older women? Is that what this is all about? I'm sensing that you are new to dating someone this much older (although on ageless, we would probably not even consider it much of an AGR, compared to what some of the people here are involved in...lol). And you mention you would rather date a women 10 years older than 10 years younger. Well...this is the place to ask some questions. You will certainly learn a lot.

How is she your girlfriend if you've only been dating for a week?

Turbofiat...welcome to ageless. I'm not sure if you have a question or you are just exploring some thoughts/confusion you are having.

My first reaction is that you seem very fixated on numbers. (e.g. The last one was 2 years younger, I think 41 is really the limit but put 45, maybe dad would be happier if I dated someone 9 years younger)

Also, are you dating women to please your parents or to find some happiness for yourself? After all, at the end of the day, you have to be with this person behind closed doors, not your parents or anyone else, and if you get very serious, even get married, it's 24/7. It better be someone, regardless of what age she may happen to be, that you are going to be happy being with and develop a worthwhile relationship that means something to you.

And, are you trying to explore your interest in older women? Is that what this is all about? I'm sensing that you are new to dating someone this much older (although on ageless, we would probably not even consider it much of an AGR, compared to what some of the people here are involved in...lol). And you mention you would rather date a women 10 years older than 10 years younger. Well...this is the place to ask some questions. You will certainly learn a lot.

Well, I don't really have a question. I just wanted to tell my situation.

Yes, I've never dated someone with this much of an age gap before. I have always had an interest in older women but have never found one willing to date me until now. It seems most women want an older man.

I suppose people think if you do not date someone within 2 to 3 years of each other there must be a reason otherwise. I believe my father thinks because I have had so much bad luck dating, I'm willing to date anyone no matter how old they are.

Really, I want someone I can click with no matter what their age is.

I've had allot of problems dating through my life. I'm slender and I'm not macho and I've always thought that has went against me. But my current girlfriend seems to like me for who I am.

I really want to follow my heart instead of following an opinion my father has.

[QUOTE=Turbofiat;462768]Yes, I've never dated someone with this much of an age gap before. I have always had an interest in older women but have never found one willing to date me until now. It seems most women want an older man.

Well, if you take a look at the threads on this OW/YM forum...your idea that most women want an older man will be shaken forever...lol...unless you read the OM/YW forum, of course.

I suppose people think if you do not date someone within 2 to 3 years of each other there must be a reason otherwise.

Yeah, like maybe it means a person is open-minded and isn't limiting themselves to something as superficial as chronological age.

I believe my father thinks because I have had so much bad luck dating, I'm willing to date anyone no matter how old they are.

There's nothing wrong, weird, or bad about dating someone regardless of their age. Age has little to do with how happy you will be with someone and vice versa. A lot of the problems surrounding AGRs come from other people outside the relationship who disapprove...not what the two individuals involved feel or think.

Really, I want someone I can click with no matter what their age is.

That's a great attitude. If this woman cares for you and you care for her...I would give it a chance. To not take her seriously because she is older than what your father thinks is "normal" would be foolish. Throwing away potentially the love of a good woman and perhaps a great relationship because of what someone else thinks? That makes no sense. Let yourself be happy.

I've had allot of problems dating through my life. I'm slender and I'm not macho and I've always thought that has went against me. But my current girlfriend seems to like me for who I am.

As the above poster said, one week does not a girlfriend make...so don't rush things...no matter what the situation. Take it one day and a time and don't have HUGE expectations in such a short time. However, if so far things are going well...enjoy and let it happen.

I really want to follow my heart instead of following an opinion my father has.

I think maybe your dating problems have less to do with that fact that you're slender and not macho or what your girlfriend's age is...and more to do with why at age 36 you can't cut the hold your father has on you. Perhaps it would help to talk to someone about this issue because without meaning to be insulting, the way you talk about what your parents think...you sound like you are much younger.

Try to relax and most importantly let yourself have this relationship if it makes you happy and she seems like a genuine person.

You might want to not talk to your parent too much about it just yet until things get more seriously and the relationship has had some time to develop...remember, it's only been a week.:)

As the above poster said, one week does not a girlfriend make...so don't rush things...no matter what the situation.

Well she is a girl and she is a friend. We have yet to be intimate other than kissing. So far we enjoy each other's company but haven't made any commitments.

She called me from work today and told me she wanted to discuss something but didn't want to over the phone from work. So I asked her what is it about and she about "us" but it wasn't bad. If I was bad I would assume she did not want a serious relationship but if it's not bad then perhaps she wants to get more serious. Of course she could just be telling me it's not bad to ease my mind for now because I won't get to see her until this Tuesday.

I think maybe your dating problems have less to do with that fact that you're slender and not macho or what your girlfriend's age is...and more to do with why at age 36 you can't cut the hold your father has on you.

No not really.

I don't want people to think I must follow the advise/opinions of others. But I live near my family and have had a good relationship with my parents. I don't think it's fair for me to have to please others but I don't want to be put into a situation where I have to choose between being with someone I like/love and my parents who I love. I don't want to be alienated just because something doesn't sit right with them.

But like I said my father just had an opinion. It wasn't like he put his foot down or anything.

And that doesn't mean I'm going to split up with this lady just because of what he said. I guess I just want my parent's blessing.

It wasn't like he put his foot down or anything.

And that doesn't mean I'm going to split up with this lady just because of what he said. I guess I just want my parent's blessing.



"put his foot down" I mean. Would that make a difference to you? If it would, tell her goodbye now. It would be a kindness to both of you.

You are just starting to get to know this woman. Why not give it some time before you draw battle lines in your family? At this point, there is nothing for your parents tp "bless" except a new acquaintance. In the next three weeks (or hours or months) you might decide that she's just not what you're looking for.

All I'm really saying is that maybe you should step back, take a deep breath and see where this goes, if anywhere. A year from now, if you are still seeing this woman and are as enthused as you are now, it might be time to say, "Dad, I appreciate your opinion, but I have to make my own decisions. I hope that you can respect that." That statement would represent you putting your foot down. Men and women both have to set appropriate boundaries for themselves, especially with the people that they love and who love them.

Relax and enjoy yourself, whether it lasts for ten days or the rest of your life. Give yourself permission to not take it too seriously. Forget any relationship problems that you may have faced in the past - this woman isn't any of those from the past. And you are not the exact same man that you were just yesterday, either, so you're starting with a fresh slate. Personally, I LOVE a slender, wirey physique, so dismiss any insecurity you have about that. You deserve to be wanted for who you are, as you are. Don't settle for anything less.

Best of luck to you.

To introduce a woman you just met a week ago to your parents is very odd in my opinion. Why not find out if the relationship is even viable before you bring in your family members?

You need to slow down cowboy.

Let us know what she wanted to discuss!

After our first date I told my parents about her. At first they didn't have anything to say about it.

So I introduced her to my parents. I asked my father the following day what he thought of her. He said he liked her but said he would like to see me find someone closer to my age. But didn't tell me he did not want me to date her. Oddly enough my mother has not said anything about her which is unusual since she tends to be the one to find something wrong with my girlfriends.

So I explained to my father that I was sorry I could not find someone that suited them as well as myself. That I had to go through about 5 girls between my "X" and my current. I also told him I was not going to wait until he and my mother died before I got married. Because if it was not her age, it would be something else. Mom doesn't like me dating Catholic girls because I was raised Protestant. Stuff like that. Dad really didn't have much to say after that.
According to your post you seem to have been rude to your father. Maybe he deserved it, I do not know. After all, you asked him for his opinion about a girl you have just started dating for whom you have no feelings, right?

You still have a lot of road to cover before you make any sort of decision. I mean, you are just starting this relationship. It takes months to know if you and another person are compatible or not. It is more than likes or dislikes, it has to do with values, outlook of life, personality, chemistry, etc. etc.

Edit to add: great post goicuon.