KMT
04-10-2007, 09:26 AM
Hi, I'm Karen and I just found this site yesterday. Wow, I love it! My best friend is a guy who is 14 years younger than me. I'm 38, he's 24. We've been friends for about a year and a half. I was very unhappily married at the time and we met though a volunteer group. He gave me moral support throughout the end of my marriage and was invaluable in helping me when my husband physically abused me (only once - that was enough, I was OUTTA THERE after that!) No kids thank God!
Since then we've been spending about 75% of our free time together. We've talked on and off about becoming more than friends, but he's hesitant - no, he's positively frightened - of the age gap. Part of the problem too is that he's said he wants marriage, kids, the dog, the picket fence, etc, etc and I was so disillusioned that I have been very anti love and marriage. I was leaning towards the "friends with benefits" thing, something he doesn't believe in no matter how old the woman is. So, every few months or so, I'd end up coming on too strong and he'd pull away for several days. Then we'd talk, something I can do with him more honestly and openly than I've ever done with any other male in my life, and things would go back to "normal." He's not as able to be totally open and honest with me, but I'm thinking that comes with age and experience. God knows I haven't been able to do it before!
But a funny thing has been happening in the past few months. I'm less disillusioned. He's been hinting about being less strict about wanting the whole package. Of course, when his parents have been married seven time between them, I'm surprised he even considered it in the first place!
In a nutshell, I'm thinking he's worth taking yet another chance on. I think he's leaning that way too - but because he has a bad habit of pulling away when he's scared, it makes me hesitant to bring it up. Add to this the fact that he just enlisted in the Army National Guard and is leaving for Basic in five weeks. I keep wondering if I should bring it up now, wait until he gets back in August, or just let him make a move (if he ever will.)
His family all likes me as far as I can tell. They don't seem freaked out, and most of them think (regardless of what he tells them) that we're dating anyway. Most of our mutual friends think we're insane for spending so much time together and having all of the responsibilities and negatives of a relationship, but few of the benefits.
So, I guess what I'm looking for here is both advice and moral support. The age thing doesn't really bother me. He's a person I enjoy spending time with, 'nough said for me. How do you get past the younger person's reservations? Or did all of your younger people think it was a good idea from the beginning?
Thanks for reading this long post and thanks in advance for any advice!
Since then we've been spending about 75% of our free time together. We've talked on and off about becoming more than friends, but he's hesitant - no, he's positively frightened - of the age gap. Part of the problem too is that he's said he wants marriage, kids, the dog, the picket fence, etc, etc and I was so disillusioned that I have been very anti love and marriage. I was leaning towards the "friends with benefits" thing, something he doesn't believe in no matter how old the woman is. So, every few months or so, I'd end up coming on too strong and he'd pull away for several days. Then we'd talk, something I can do with him more honestly and openly than I've ever done with any other male in my life, and things would go back to "normal." He's not as able to be totally open and honest with me, but I'm thinking that comes with age and experience. God knows I haven't been able to do it before!
But a funny thing has been happening in the past few months. I'm less disillusioned. He's been hinting about being less strict about wanting the whole package. Of course, when his parents have been married seven time between them, I'm surprised he even considered it in the first place!
In a nutshell, I'm thinking he's worth taking yet another chance on. I think he's leaning that way too - but because he has a bad habit of pulling away when he's scared, it makes me hesitant to bring it up. Add to this the fact that he just enlisted in the Army National Guard and is leaving for Basic in five weeks. I keep wondering if I should bring it up now, wait until he gets back in August, or just let him make a move (if he ever will.)
His family all likes me as far as I can tell. They don't seem freaked out, and most of them think (regardless of what he tells them) that we're dating anyway. Most of our mutual friends think we're insane for spending so much time together and having all of the responsibilities and negatives of a relationship, but few of the benefits.
So, I guess what I'm looking for here is both advice and moral support. The age thing doesn't really bother me. He's a person I enjoy spending time with, 'nough said for me. How do you get past the younger person's reservations? Or did all of your younger people think it was a good idea from the beginning?
Thanks for reading this long post and thanks in advance for any advice!