What do you think?

I am sure many of you heard of pre nup agreements and I would like to know what you all think about it? Please share your thoughts.

As you may know it’s very common in Sweden not to marry. Many people live together all their lifes, having family and kids but don’t get married. Often many think that’s this is a modern way of living. But you shouldn’t forget that it’s an old tradition still living and alive from the old time when it’s was hard to get a divorce. And in people eyes, living together, having children together it’s just a strong commitment as getting married. Anyhow, lately it has become more and more common to get married which means that we also have had a few official debates about pre-nups. Many people are in a bit of a quandary when it comes to pre-nups. Most agree that it's unromantic and implies that you expect your marriage to end some day...but on the other hand, divorce is extremely common and you wouldn't want to lose everything you've ever worked for because your relationship soured. So what do you do? Should you be practical and insist on a pre-nup, risking the wrath of your future spouse? Or do you take a chance that this marriage will work and everything will be fine?

As far I’m concerned I think if you feel that you can't trust your spouse to be rational if a divorce occurs, then you ought to carefully consider whether marriage to this person is the right thing for you. If you suspect that you should protect yourself "just in case" then you obviously don't have much faith in your spouse, and that's not someone you should be marrying. Forget worrying about your money, worry about whether you and your spouse have the maturity to develop a sound philosophy for yourself and live by it, come what may. Revenge fantasies or the tumult of negative emotions should have no place in the heart or mind of a loving, caring and rational person. Of course we people are not always rational, god forbid, I know, but as long as you feel you’re getting involved with someone very dear to you, I would never consider a pre-nup

Definitely!
My fairly brief marriage 19 years ago took twice the time it lasted to dissolve legally, with the attendant lawyer bills, and there were relatively few assets to split, and no children. A pre-nup would have solved all that.
If I remarry in the future, I will have accumulated substantially more assets -- solo. Including a house. Family law here dictates that the house occupied as the primary residence during the marriage is divided 50-50. The title to this house is held in my name only, and is a premarital asset, so it would probably be safe (but it might cost me to defend that!) but if we used the equity I have in this house to buy a new, jointly owned home, he would get half of the new house. No problem if he contributes an equal value to the new one, but what if he contributes substantially less? The 50-50 matrimonial home split ultimately awards him half of the value in my premarital house.
No, I would never contemplate remarriage if I had doubts about it lasting, but you just never know what lies down the road ahead. And if the worst comes to pass, say Hubby meets another woman and decamps to be with her, I don't want to be worse-off financially than when I began the marriage (or when I was previously single). If he thinks this is "unromantic", then I don't think his expectations of the marriage are very realistic. Because chances are that there are going to be quite a few equally unromantic hurdles over the course of any marriage!

prenup? are you getting married tyger? please, give us details.

It's only money....my husband asked me if I wanted him to sign one before we married,he said he would and would have no problem doing so,(not that I had money,but because of money in my family I guess and his greedy ex,,,how I loath greedy,money hungry people)..like I said,it's only money,so NO,we didn't go that route....I always felt that if I lost everything,I guess someone else needed it more.I signed a house I owned over to an ex one time,because he was so nice and I felt so guilty that I no longer wanted to be with him...I just went and got another one.It always seems to work out when you do the right thing.

I feel that it is a must for people to have this as an option because divorces are costly and can really be a burden. I think that by having this option, you will protect both parties and plus you can settle an agreement so that if along the way something happens, both parties come out as a winner. I want to get off the subject and share with you what happened between my relatives to kinda give you an insight on why these types of agreements is suitable and the most important part is to take your time in putting everything down on paper. My great grandma has 4 daughters. One of them died young and my great granny never had a will to divide her belongings which is mostly antiques. When she died, my great aunts and grand ma fought over her home and her belongings and this went on forever and it has cause this distrust among relatives. Would you believe that my great granny's home was sold, her belongings were taken by all my greedy relatives. This situation could of been avoided and it is sad this situation happens all around the world. I don't believe that it is a matter that we distrust the other party, but to protect both parties. Don't forget we live at a time where it is easy to sue someone. Remember that guy who sued MC Donalds because he drank his coffee and it burned his lip. Because of this lawsuit, Mc Donald's has to put in writing on their coffee cups "Caution... Beverage is hot".

are you getting married, tyger? is that why you are asking about pre-nuptial agreements?

[tyger74]most important part is to take your time in putting everything down on paper. [/QUOTE]


sorry,but that DOES NOT always work...ask anyone who has had a will contested and had it end up in probate for many,many years.when big money is involved that happens ALOT,doesn't matter who wrote what down on paper.

My marriage was, I thought, based on the trust. We both worked and put our money into one pot. To me we were supposed to be a partnership. Over the years I ended up putting more into the pot, he taking more out. When I got divorced I told him as it was my decision (although it was him who had the affairs and was a very mentally abusive man) we would split everything 50/50. In retrospect I should have dragged his cheating butt thru the courts, but although I have no financial security now I have my freedom and full custody of my daughters. I've worked darn hard these past 4 year to make ends meet and keep my daughters in a similar livestyle that they were used to. I have a nice house, car and a few goodies, but have to scrimp and save to make ends meet. (something very new to me!). I don't see marriage in my future but if I were to get seriously involved with a man I would be very hesitant when I came to "sharing" anything again. I would go in with the premise "what is mine stays mine!". I wish I wasn't so cynical but once bitten twice shy. So unless the guy was totally loaded it would have to be a pre-nup!
Ari

I guess it would depend on whether I had serious assets of my own prior to going into a marriage. Which certainly wasn't the case when I did get married.

I'm inclined to favor simply keeping separate bank accounts and assets and liabilities in each partner's name independently - so everything isn't in a joint pot and it's pretty clear what belongs to whom.

I guess if I were independently wealthy, it might be something to consider.

But I'm inclined to believe that everything that acculmulates over the life of a relationship is community property and just gets split 50/50 when things end.

If I have assets that I'm not willing to split 50/50 in the event of a break-up, then perhaps putting it into writing is a smart idea.

I like to think I wouldn't love someone who would try to rip me off, but I guess
that hasn't always proven to be the case for other people.

So .... maybe. Depends on the amounts that are in question.

"You get the TV and I get the stereo" does seem overly petty to me :>