work situation

Hi guys,

Today at work I was confronted with something I havent yet experienced, and I'm a bit stressed about it.

My OM being a sweetheart dropped me in a bag of desserts that he knows I like and left them at reception this morning. Three of the Admin staff at my work were around at the time.

Later on one of the ladies at my work told me that the girls were asking her about me and if I was seeing an older man. She told them she didn't know. The lady told me at lunch that all the girls were gossiping about it.

I'm just really worried that somehow it will affect my career. I have worked hard to get where I am and I love my job. I don't want the staff gossiping about me but hopefully for now it will be confined to the support staff and not my bosses at work.

I'm still at a training stage in my role, I have a few more months of study and then I'm a fully qualified professional. My position at the company will be reviwed then. I'm concerned that my work will disapprove and this will affect my future. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not.

My OM is in the profession, but we have never worked together we met at a function. He is really funny and handsome and young at heart. I'm sure if they ever saw us together they would see the great connection.

I feel like he's established and respected in his career, but I'm still building mine. I must say though that he is SUCH a support to me with work issues and I'm sure I have been more impressive at work because he has at times given me a lot of assistance.

As I said I love my job and I think that they like having me there. When they hired me they said I was a "breath of fresh air" to the company.

Do you think its possible that they will accept me even with my OM? I live in a city where people have very small minded values. I'm worried that if they find out, when its time for my review they will not want me around.

I'm so stressed about this issue that I feel sick to my stomach.

Help!

Elizabeth

Yes Liz I do believe that you are being too paranoid about the situation you know that every place that people work has it's own ring of office Gossips and that they soon will forget about you and your dating preferences if you DO NOT REACT to them but just go on your merry way and By all means do not talk to anyone in the office about this no matter how well meaning they seem or it will most likely blow up in your face Hon OK? your friend Jerry from Ohio:D
__________________________________________________ _____ Hi guys,

Today at work I was confronted with something I havent yet experienced, and I'm a bit stressed about it.

My OM being a sweetheart dropped me in a bag of desserts that he knows I like and left them at reception this morning. Three of the Admin staff at my work were around at the time.

Later on one of the ladies at my work told me that the girls were asking her about me and if I was seeing an older man. She told them she didn't know. The lady told me at lunch that all the girls were gossiping about it.

I'm just really worried that somehow it will affect my career. I have worked hard to get where I am and I love my job. I don't want the staff gossiping about me but hopefully for now it will be confined to the support staff and not my bosses at work.

I'm still at a training stage in my role, I have a few more months of study and then I'm a fully qualified professional. My position at the company will be reviwed then. I'm concerned that my work will disapprove and this will affect my future. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not.

My OM is in the profession, but we have never worked together we met at a function. He is really funny and handsome and young at heart. I'm sure if they ever saw us together they would see the great connection.

I feel like he's established and respected in his career, but I'm still building mine. I must say though that he is SUCH a support to me with work issues and I'm sure I have been more impressive at work because he has at times given me a lot of assistance.

As I said I love my job and I think that they like having me there. When they hired me they said I was a "breath of fresh air" to the company.

Do you think its possible that they will accept me even with my OM? I live in a city where people have very small minded values. I'm worried that if they find out, when its time for my review they will not want me around.

I'm so stressed about this issue that I feel sick to my stomach.

Help!

Elizabeth

I agree with Jerry here 100%. Don't let this fluster you and don't YOU bring it into the workplace with you. You are not doing anything wrong, so no need to feel ashamed.

Its just that me and OM are at a stage where we are close to going public with our relationship.

I am so terrified of what is going to happen. My OM is in a far superior position to me in our profession it may look to some as a career advancing move on my behalf being with him.

I'm also so, so scared of facing my family. I'm stuck. I feel like if I choose to go down this path then I will have a lot of stuff to deal with, a lot of long painful conversations with my family and a lot of abuse from them. But the alternative is to walk away, with a broken heart.

My Mum will definitely blame me for embarassing the family and being responsible for everyone talking about us. You can't sneeze here without so and so from down the block hearing about it.

Maybe it is my time in life to evolve and face this? Otherwise, I will be like a coward running away. I used to think I was strong, but I don't anymore. Its inspiring to read so many peoples stories on ageless...I can't believe how brave people are.

Gosh its tough.

Hi Elizbeth,

I went through a similar situation when my BF and I first "came out". We are also in the same profession and actually DO work together somewhat. It's a small professional community and everyone knows everyone, so I was expecting rampant gossip when people found out.

It was a bit awkward in the office when people first found out, but I ignored it and acted like there was nothing to gossip about. It died out very quickly and it is an absolute non-issue now. I can say confidently that our relationship has not affected my career in any way, other than the standard issues of us bringing home our work issues and hashing them out on our own time (we try not to but it's hard to avoid sometimes).

I think that office staff like to gossip - it can get pretty boring without something to talk about in an office! And, as soon as something more interesting comes along, your relationship will be old news and the gossip will move on. Just don't give them anything to feed on - the less interesting your relationship is, the faster it will become boring. ;)

As for your family, that does sound more difficult. Time is probably the only thing that will really help I think. Maybe start very slowly, by mentioning you are seeing a wonderful man...drop a few hints here and there about what a great guy he is and how happy you are. Let them also see for themselves that you are happy. I'd do this for quite a while before actually introducing your family to him...give them some time to like this guy for who he is and how he treats you, rather than for his age etc. And whatever you do, don't bring up the age gap as a problem...ignore it as best you can and hopefully they'll follow suit.

Good luck!!! You can do it, just go slowly and take it one day at a time.

I understand why this is so terrifying for you. But I also know you are a very intelligent and special young lady. You have the strength and the skills to endure this situation, to face the conflict ahead. I know, one way or the other, you'll be OK when all the dust settles.

And surviving your trial ahead, will hopefully give you confidence in your own capabilities.

Some day, as your self esteem heals, as you learn to rely on your own strength, you will soar like an eagle, I'd love to be there to see that day! Be strong sweetheart.

with care, George

If your family know the real you, and not just the you they think they want - they'll understand - and if not - then think of it as more of a learning curve for them to discover the you that hidden inside. Eitherway - talk to your OM about the whole thing properly first, but for goodness sake dont make him feel like it's because he's older, but because YOU are younger. Same thing I know - but believe me it makes a differance. Good luck.

Oh, how I can relate to you and your sweetheart! We still have not "came out" to everyone. We both have certain people that know, but no one in our professional lives. One reason is because of some of the positions that he holds, another is because I used to work with him... there was another couple with the same titles we hold and we both saw how everyone gossiped about them and heard some really nasty things people were saying. We wanted to make sure that we truly knew what we felt for each other before going public.

As for the women in your office..... girl, women can be very "catty". They will gossip about anyone that they think is doing this or that. Sometimes it can be because they are so very jealous. Sometimes, they are jealous because they are missing things in their life that they see someone else having.

Talk to your sweetheart, let him know your feelings. You need to be honest with him and the two of you can work together through all of this.

As for your parents........like the others have said before me.... drop hints to your parents about this wonderful man that you are seeing. Let them know how special he makes you feel, and how much you love each other. So what if others in town gossip about your relationship, or dont like the fact that you are seeing each other.........this is YOUR life, not theirs....... YOU have to be happy and you are the only one who can make it happen.