Somedays

There are days when I feel like changing my name to Sick and Tired! Whaddya think? I'm needing to make some serious decisions regarding my future and I don't wanna! I hate change and I'm angry that I've been put in this position. If it weren't for having a small daughter to consider this would be a lot easier. I'm a survivor, I've fought tooth and nail to get the life I wanted and now I'm going to have to start all over. I am pissed! I've spent months trying to decide what to go back to school for and I think I'm going to become a trucker. Several people I used to work with have taken this course and had a job when they finished . It's a six week course and I love to drive and the money is good. I could take local runs and be home every night or go long distance and make the big bucks. My grown daughters are flippin and say I'm crazy but I know I'd like it. I need to make some good money so I can keep my house and dogs and kick the prick out. He doesn't even pretend to be interested in family life anymore, he's never home. I don't want my little angel to grow up seeing him disrespect me. Fact is I've come to despise him and everything he stands for, it's making me sick being here at this point. He's interfering with my optimistic attitude and that's what has kept me going all this time. I'm a crazy lady and he has taken all the fun out of me. I want to get back out there and be part of the world again, I miss being ME!

take charge, do whats going to make you happy.....noone is you but you, and nonone lives ur life but you, you know how you feels,,,,so grab the bull by it's horns and do what you need to do.....it seems like you have alot of anger and fed upto ---------------------------------------------------------------HERE------------------------------IF THAT WILL GET YOU THROUGH than so be it...............we all deal with things differently......ummmmmm i'm sure nessa or yellowrose etc.......have some more incouraging words for you very insitefull ladies.....as for me I like to add more but sometimes I ramble and lose track of what or how i want to say things cause there's so many thoughts at one time *BREATHE IN AND OUT RAYNE* LMFAO

Do it!!
Do whatever it is that gives you joy, and avoid like the plague anything that tries to kill it.
A six week course would be perfect, and trucking, if you love to drive would be wonderful.
Work your way up, buy your own rig, and take that little girl with you sometimes. You'd see the country and have great bonding times with her.
That's my brother's retirement plan, for his wife and him to truck together. They both love traveling, and say they might as well get paid for it.
Grown children for some reason still feel threatened when a parent changes drastically. Reassure them you love them, but like you'd support them if they made a life change, you would appreciate the same respect from them.
And go girl!!

If financial dependence is keeping you trapped in a joyless marriage with a man you despise, then do whatever it takes that will make you independent -- as soon as possible.
Your little girl is seeing and learning every day, more than you realize.......do you want her to have a similar marriage one day, because she thinks that's what a "normal" marriage looks like? And you have no obligations to remain with their father just to appease the older children; you have your own life to live, as they do. Are you allowed to choose their husbands for them??

Thanks for the encouragement, I knew I'd get it here. I've been dependent on him for six months and it's been miserable. I used to make more money than he did and rarely was home because of shift work. It seems I'm worthless now, which doesn't surprise me a whole lot. Before I lost my job I tried to discuss things with him but he didn't want to be bothered listening. I told him I wanted to spend six months with our daughter because I could never be home with my older kids. He's only interested in what directly benefits him, and my being home with our child doesn't qualify. I bought myself a sweet little sports car with my severance and he's mad about that too. He's always had a truck and motorcycles and three wheelers and I've always driven junkers. I've been accused of having an affair with my son's best friend, I don't think he really believes this but would like to as it would justify the way he treats me. He is an *** of the highest order and little does he realize it is he who loses every time. He whines to everyone that he's broke yet I see the cheques he runs through the bank account. He runs them through the account then takes the money and puts it God knows where. He's out drinking every night and I have to wonder if the regulars he chats with each night have enough brains to figure it out. He's a waste of skin quite frankly and I'm ashamed of myself for putting up with him so long. Probably the reason I have is because I believe he can't help being what he is. It is thanks to me that he has a beautiful country home and a beautiful daughter. If I hadn't taken up with him he'd be living in a shack on his parent's farm. YEAH!
Once I get out of here I'm going to work on helping my daughter get rid of her loser. Her guy is a narcissist and has played a huge part in making me miserable. I've pulled his *** out of the fire many times over the years and he does everything he can to make things worse for me. He's a drunken puke who usually follows mine home on the few occasions he does come home.
I'm sorry for sounding so hateful, but that's how I feel right now. History has been rewritten, as I knew it would, and the fifteen years I slaved my *** off were just a figment of my imagination. My son hates both of these jerks and he's nothing like them thank God. He's always saying for me to move to the city and he and his girlfriend will share a place. He doesn't understand that I don't want to be dependent on anyone ever again. I always provided well for my kids, spoiled them actually and I feel bad that I can't do much for them now. So, I'm gonna be a trucker, no matter what anyone says. I'm excited for the first time in a long time and I KNOW I can do this! Thanks to all of you for the support, it means a lot to me, I don't get much at home. :D

I thought that you had gotten out of there a couple of months ago. You wrote a long post telling about your decision and we were all rooting for you. So, now you are saying that you are still with him and are making plans to go to school? Does that mean that you are going to stay with him for all that time? It sounds to me like he is planning to clean you out before you leave and you are enabling him by not taking legal action right now and finalizing the situation. As for your little daughter, the best thing for her is to get out right now before she is irrevocably programmed to follow mommy's example of putting up with and defending her abusive husband (I remember your problem with his rude friend and how you not only defended the friend to us, but also let hubby sit there and enjoy the show while the friend insulted you and your family and your poor son had to stand up for you). It is obvious why your daughter has an irresponsible, alcoholic boyfriend. She is following your example and little daughter will do the same unless you get out of there immediately. Your son is caring and rational. He has a viable plan to help you escape and to make a new life. It doesn't matter that you might have to be dependent on him for a while. That is what family is for. I am sure that you would do the same for him.

Patricia

Good thing to go for Young,truck driving...My husband was a truck driver for years,right up until we got married and he no longer wanted to go over the road,(he delivered race horses up and down the east coast and to canada) It was a good job.when he no longer wanted to do it,I let him make his own choice as to what he wanted,he didn't want to be away from home or me.so he now works in a friends restaurant(some of you know that,because someone made fun of him for doing that on here one time)....anyway,we know all kinds of woman truck drivers,over the road drivers can make good money,see the country,meet lot's of men.some of them do it as teams with their husbands or boyfriends.It would be a good thing for you to do,and a new start.sounds exciting..I really wouldn't try and buy my own rig,for the fact that the insurance alone is really expensive.just find a good company with good benifits and go for it.places are always looking for drivers. my husband enjoyed it the years he did it,(but he was married to someone else at the time)now he just likes to be able to come home every night....oh yes,my bagel boy...oh that was Cher,I mean my pizza guy:eek: :eek: :eek:

If you are going to drive a truck locally, I agree that is fine, but we know the money is made in cross country trucking. I know all about trucking. My ex-husband did it and my ex-son-in-law did it. You have a precious 5 year old daughter. She is the most important thing in your life. And even though she has older sisters to help mother her, they are not you. Please do not take a job that will take you away from her over nights. I promise, if you do, you will definitely regret it some day. She needs all the security that her mother can give her. Especially with everything that has been going on in her life. It sounds like you have had good jobs before and provided for your family. This is not the time to sing "I gotta be me". Please find work that you can do and still be with your little one. I wish you the best in life because I know you deserve happiness... God bless.

Patricia~ I am still here, trying to get it together so I can be independent. I put the run on his buddy who was rude to my son, he doesn't come here anymore. Poor man, can't have his friends over to be rude to his family, he's not happy about that. I believe that's what this latest deal is about, me "shaming" him in front of his buddy. There is no violence here, nor verbal abuse, just the insidious meanness of not caring one iota about us. Don't be angry with me, I need to get my schooling in or I'll lose everything I worked my entire life for. Until I lost my job in June, he was an excellent father, I was so happy that he and his child were so close. I worked shift work so he cared for her completely in the evenings when I was working and she adores him. He is not your typical drunken bum, he works hard and doesn't get nasty or abusive when drinking. He has always been a guy's guy, enjoying the company of his pals in his free time. I was busy with my kids on the weekends and didn't object to his ways until he gave up any pretense of fulfilling his obligations. Things have gone downhill terribly now that I'm not working, he is very selfish moneywise. I've just started getting uenemployment so I can contribute again but certainly not half like I used to. My little daughter is the reason I am going to end this, though she loves her Dad, he will play these same headgames with her, it's already begun. My oldest daughter didn't follow in my footsteps as you assumed, I raised her as a single parent and there was no-one to mistreat me. When I ask her why she stays, it comes down to that she feels sorry for him. My son is a great kid but he's only eighteen and still lives here at home. I am very happy that he doesn't drink or do drugs though he had a short run with both when he was younger. He and I are very close and we still giggle about him making the rude buddy look like a jerk.
My four older kids turned out great, I raised them alone and always felt bad that they didn't have a father around. I wanted my little one to have a more normal life but I was mistaken in thinking it would work.
As for the trucking, it will be local only. I can be home every night and make enough money to keep my home. I spend every waking moment with her that her older sisters aren't stealing her away, I couldn't bear to be away from her for days at a time.

Hi Youngatheart,

I remember your other thread a few months ago. Sometimes it does take a while to get things moving as we plan our break. It seems you are getting closer to it.'

I was reading everyone's support of the truckdriving school and just thinking 'how in the world can I be the negative one?' And then thankfully, yellow, lily livered as I am, I was glad to read Yellowrose's sentiments. Truckdriving, especially the longhaul is very hard on kids. Yep. It would likely be too much for your little five year old daughter especially if you are planning on leaving her daddy too. Her life will be turned upside down and as well Mom will be off doing longhaul for five days!!

You can be a local driver but the money isn't as good by any means unless you get a union job. Those jobs are much harder to get because obviously everyone wants them.

Did you say you are on unemployment? In Oregon, it's hard to get our unemployment if we enroll in school. You may want to check that out. Also truckdriving school in Oregon is extremely expensive as are the specialty vocational training schools. I think it's about $3500-5500 here for a short session.

Frequently truckdriving involves load/unload and tarping duties which can take a toll on our lovely bodies when we move in the upper end of our 40's. Even though you may be in fine shape now, our bodies are prone to a few more aches, pains etc, and this occupation may have a shorter time span considering the steep initial investment.

What was the work you were doing when you were laid off? Are there transferable skills you can take advantage of now? Were you well respected in your work? Do you have names of old supervisors, managers, etc you could contact to market yourself in a similar job? How long had you down that type of work? One employer?

What about instead looking at the medical field? Look at 1or 2 yr community college programs where you get a certificate and you can get a job upon completion. You have huge choices and limitless opportunities in front of you, really.

Good luck to you. You have a difficult road ahead of you - but since you have already successfully raised four kids, you've obviously worked your butt off and know how to get things done. You will come out a winner. You have no choice, do you? You still have child no. 5 at home so you know you will do the right thing - you always have!

All the best,
Cindy

Canadian unemployment allows you to attend "approved" job training while drawing benefits (and, depending on income level, may even pay for most of the tuition costs) based on an assumption that the acquisition of new skills will make the unemployed worker more marketable, and potentially less reliant on the unemployment insurance system in future. (Amazingly sensible for a government program!)
The only catch that I'm aware of is that the training must be job skill specific and pre-approved, and the worker has to show that there is actually a local market demand for the skills they intend to acquire.

Thanks for the suggestions. Where I live, unemployment will pay for school and I know the trucking course is a favored one because you're guaranteed a job when you're done. I'm a freak when it comes to my little one, I guard her very carefully. This is going to be hard for me to have her babysat because the only people who have ever watched her are her grown sisters. They are all working now but will help out if possible. I wouldn't dream of doing long distance driving, I love being home too much. I've got four dogs to take care of too and I need to be home every night. Many years ago I trained as a Psychiatric Nursing Assistant but that was long ago and I cannot just step back into it. I am very interested in computer repair but don't feel I'd make enough money fast enough. I worked in a factory for fifteen years and moved up as far as training for group leader. Unfortunately this type of work is very scarce in my area and I do not want to work three shifts again. There is a lot to take into consideration but the bottom line is I need to make a certain amount of money to provide well for the two still at home. I'm going tomorrow to get more info about the course and hopefully enroll. I don't think I'll have any problem getting in, I'm fit as a fiddle and have no medical problems. I appreciate everyone's input, we'll see how it works out.

Youngatheart, I remember you too! :)

I'm glad you're making a plan to get away from that jackass! You deserve better, and so does your precious daughter. Trucking sounds great. I'm like Julie, if I tried trucking, I'd run over God knows what, but you sound confident and therefore must be a better driver than me!

There's no shame in staying with him until you've graduated from training. You do what you have to do, to make it to where you want to be. He has used you, lied to you, and basically acted like a total TURD, so in my opinion, he's lucky to have a roof over his head right now (you could have pulled a Clara Harris on his ***!).

Good luck to you. You'll make it! You sound like a strong woman who's focused and ready to manifest her destiny! :)

I think the romance of the highway, concrete cowboys and all that is real inticing. sort of like rodeo, bush pilot and many others.
My son has his own rig,in fact four of them............and If I were you i would get the schooling then take a day job for a while. Rright at the moment you would likely end up paying so much for fuel that you' have to park it.......unless you are independantly wealthy, you will hve a very large payment, thenn innsurance, permits for every state....the expence is horrific.

I think it would be great fun, but it would e hard on the little girl. It is so confining. My son has a two year old german shepherd that loves to go, but when she gets home she just goes willd from being confined.

Some of the company trucks do not pay their drivers to well either. You need to be real cautious especially the way the world is right now.

Make yourself a list of the pro's and con's, et all the feedbackk you can then take a little time to study it out and check all the details. YOu need to be happy. In my son's opinioon, for waht its worth, he would rather have female drivers, says the are better drivers, take better care of the truck!

Just my humble two cents worth....be happy above all.


Barb