Can anyone help me to come up with some arguments?

Hi all,
I wrote for the first time last week about what seems to be a near perfect relationship with my YM who is 10 years my junior (I'm 37).

We're reaching this crucial stage where we feel confident enough about each other to tell the outside world about our relationship but I'm afraid he's going to face tougher reactions than me, especially from his parents.

He's the youngest of 3 children (he's got two older sisters, the eldest is my age) and it's obvious his parents have great expectations. He's the only one who went to college and they paid to let him study abroad. They're quite traditional in their views and hold strong family values and although I share these I'm sure I'm not exactly what they had in mind for their son.

I'm sure many of you have been there, so how do you deal with it? I just want to be prepared and have some 'ammunition' at hand. I know that in the end it's up to him and me and if we're committed to the relationship then there's a lot you can take. I'm just scared that at 37 I have more confidence to deal with negative reactions than he does....

I'm very grateful for any thoughts you can share with me.
:confused:

Adhara

PS : also want to express my gratitude for having found this forum. You can't imagine what a relief it is to know you're not alone...

:)

I am 38 and my Y/M is 22. We have been together almost 3 years and believe me at first it can be difficult. I had great responses from my friends but I guess thats because I work with most of them and he did too so it helped that they knew us both beforehand. His friends thought he was crazy but now we get along great and even double alot. One thing I have noticed though is that his female friends come around less and his male friends come around more...funny. His family.. lol..that was funny...his parents are 43 and 46...they thought "I" was crazy not him and his brother was in shock but guess what...his brother who is 25 is now celebrating 1 year with a 43 year old and strangely enough his parents comment more on their relationship I guess because she is unemployed and depends on him.
I think the hardest to deal with were my children. My oldest who just turned 20 took a long time to accept it. My youngest who just turned 14 was uncomfortable at first until her friends thought he was the coolest thing. We have done many things together like camping trips and trips to amusement parks and she really likes him now.
What really got me though is the people who did make the comments and there will be. I realized that if I took there advice and left him they would go about their lives just fine and dandy and I would be miserable. So remember...It's you that you need to please. And after time nobody will care anymore and they will accept it.

Good Luck and stay strong

Only a 10 year gap...lucky you. I was 52 and Bear was 26. Imagine how thrilled Bear's parents were to find he is in love with a woman 26 years his senior...

We were lucky in one respect...he is the middle child and his mother said she always knew that he did not want children. We dodged the "continuing the family name bullet" you might not be as lucky.

I guess the one thing we did from the start was to be honest. He won't lie and I agree with that. He told them about me from the start. As it grew more serious they always knew. They are country folk from Ohio and very traditional. Most of the family still lives within a few miles of where they were born. Sunday morning is church followed by family dinners. This is NOT a crowd I blend with easily.

We had started to get serious and I wrote an email to his mother and introduced myself. I gave her a brief of my education, profession and explained that while I was suprised that the relationship with her son had gotten serious, I was dedicated to not letting him get hurt. I told her that I didn't know where the relationship was going but that I would always treat him gently and not break his heart. I invited her to ask me anything at all.

She took the letter to her best friend and they decided that I didn't sound like a nut. LOL She wasn't happy with the situation, but her son made it plain that it wasn't her decision to make and that he would continue to see me. He told her that he was happy and that I treated him very well. She apparently decided that I was a fact of life (one she hoped wouldn't be permanent) and that she would support him until we broke up.

I'm sure she had a mini coronary when he told her he had asked me to marry him, but she helped with the wedding and went out of her way to be nice to me. His dad is a non-entity because Mom has long since removed his balls, but he's treated me very well, if a bit vacantly. I get along pretty good with his younger brother and his wife. The older brother and I do not like each other much, but he's of the opinion that women are there to serve men and so we have a philosophical disagreement.

I told friends, family (only my sister left) and co-workers from when we first met. He sent me flowers after our first Real Life meeting and made big points with the women. He and I visitied each other's work place and met co-workers. If anyone disapproved they kept it to themselves. Bear has enchanted the women I work with and they all think he's a doll. He's always told everyone at work here and I go to the Christmas parties and mingle with no thought to an age gap at all.

Mostly, what seems to work is confidence in yourself, him and your relationship. It's hard to fight happiness. His folks might play the "offspring card" and you two have to agree on how to handle that hot potato. If you stand as a united front you can make a go of it. This might be where you find out if you really are true partners. I hope you are...

Peace,
BA

If you put yourself in his parent's shoes - then probably what they want for their son is his happiness - and the freedom for him to meet his aspirations in life - whatever they may be.

You can try to assure them his happiness is also paramountly important to YOU (and not just what you need and want FROM HIM). And that you understand, that realistically, you will probably have to make some sacrifices so he can do what he needs to do - and that you will not hesitate to do so when it is necessary.

If they're good parents - this should help.

And once you've done that - don't take any crap from them.

Because if what you and they really want is HIS happiness - then fundamentally, you're all on the same side - and eventually they will come to understand this.

And if not, it's their problem to work out, not yours.

I am 25 years older than my boyfriend and we live together. At Thanksgiving I met the family. All of them at once! I was terrified! AND we stayed overnight. They had been briefed ahead of time that I was older. But not how much older. So I just decided to take a deep breath and dive in. Of course I got posed the obvious question... How old are you? When I told them 43, they didn't say anything... I think they were a little shocked. But after they saw how happy we are, they became more supportive. Grandma, though was really angry when she found out and called to tell me that I wasn't invited to the family Christmas function... but then she decided that if having me attend was the only way her grandson would show up, she would let me come. I told her on the phone that once she got to know me she might even like me. Now she is 100% supportive. I am older than my boyfriend's mom, and she already wants me to call her "mom". Don't underestimate your younger man. Chances are he will handle it fine. So good luck and be brave. I will tell you the best advice I have gotten so far, and this came from my boyfriends dad, and it is brilliantly simple... "just enjoy each other". I know it sounds simple, but the truth is, it is amazingly powerful.