Is this typical?

I have been dating a women 28 and I am 47. She says I am everything she has wanted in a relationship. It is about 2 1/2 months old.

Here comes the hang up- she can not believe she is with someone my age. Never attracted to an older man before, has been flip flopping weekly, when I say goodbye she will call, I admit, I care for her tremendously, but what does it take for her to make a decision??

She is concerned about when I get to be 55, will I be in as great shape, will she be tempted by guys her own age, what about being left alone??

Is this typical or is this a future nightmare?

Caman,

Glad to see another guy with concerns. Please read all the follow-ups to my post "question for the YW's. I think you'll find something you can find comfort in.

Concerned? Nervous? Join the club. No relationship has a guarantee, whatever the circumstance. The most important thing is that you guys talk about it, and be sure it's what you both want.

I happen to be 43 and she is 22. We both thought we were weird until we found this board. So if we are weird, there's a whole lot more of us than I imagined.

Enjoy yourself, stop worrying. She would not be with you if she didn't want to be.

Hey there... Well I am 27 and he is 44.. Yes I have thought about this myself... and Posted.... I just want to have as much time with him as I can...... She does need to get past these issues for it to work.... Although, it does take some time its only 2 and 1/2 months..... If you read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus than in that book they say there are stages of relationships... and the Doubting stage is one of them......

How was it at first ? was it just sexual? Or was it more? She may want to come on this site to see us and realize that it is not an issue. BUT an OM/YW relationships isn't for everyone.......There is a lot of obsticles to overcome... and If it is "Love" you will over come them. But if these issues are to big for her... Please don't look at as if it was you... Because I'm sure it's not....... Just something that meant to be .....

It is understandable why these would be your fears....we have our fears as YW as well. My biggest fear is that my OM will constatnly question if I want to be with a younger man. It's like oneofthoseguys said, if we didn't want to be with you, we wouldn't be. I know these types of relationships have more obstacles than "same age" relationships do. But I love my OM, I know what I am getting into, and I wish with all my heart that we can join hands and over come these obstacle with each other.

I agree with MerALove23, it takes both of you to work on this type of relationship...any relationship actually. Vent your fears and let her vent hers. Talk about them together and communicate with one another.

Best of luck to you!

~EMCAD80

THAT IM MARRIED TO A MAN OLD ENOUGHT TO BE MY FATHER. HE'S 52 AND IM 20. BUT WHEN WE MET IT WAS LOVE AT FRIST SIGHT. NOW I CAN'T IMAGINED NOT BEING MARRIED TO HIM.

It is completely normal to have these feelings in any relationship.
So far it seems you have open lines of communication with her. She obviously feels comfortable enough with you to be able to tell you what she is scared of, what she thinks could happen in the future. I think that alone is a good sign of your relationship and I say it is something the two of you need to talk about and work out together. Given the age gap, I feel it is especially important to talk things over with one another just because that raises issues in itself.

I am 18 and my OM is 50, we've been together for 9 months and I attribute the time we have had together so far to many things, but a lot of that is being able to talk about what we're feeling.

Being left alone is something that can happen to anyone, no matter how old or young you may be. So what if you might not be in as good of shape as you are today? She may not be either! If she would stop loving you because you put on a little pudge, then she probably isn't worth your time, anyway.

Great responses, experience is everything and those of you on here have that!

We do have extremely good communication and are not afraid of discussing anything. It seems to be complicated because we met right after she ended a relationship and when I asked her out she figured it would be a one date thing. Little did she know it would turn into something more. She has also said she may not be ready for a relationship so soon......we will see. For now I will let her have her space and time and see if it is for real.

Comments?

So if she is not ready for a so-serious relationship, and you are okay with that, then don't worry. If you want more than that and you both are not on the same page she may feel pressured and you may feel rejected. How many times did I have to tell myself, "Cool it, or you're going to blow it."

And I was thankful actually that it took her a long time to come around. If she had fallen for me all at once I might not have taken her so seriously. This was an epiphaney(sp?) for me. To let nature take it's course and not push her for commitment. It was a hard lesson to learn, but by giving her space I got back more love than I could ever imagine.

Building a relationship is what makes it strengthen. They can't start out ready-made. Amazing how much clearer we can think at this point of our lives, huh?

Every relationship has doubts at some point. There is also the shopworn phrase let it go if it comes back to you.... Something along those lines.

I don't know why people are so hung up on age. What if we didn't know when we were born or how old someone was? It should be about feelings. Though I admit it's easier said than done.

Excellent communication is the key to many things. Talking and working through feelings and emotions will help you know each other better. Friendship is so important in dating, marriage, living together, etc. How many people consider their lover their best friend also? My husband and I are best friends. We genuinely like each other. It is possible to love someone and not like them. We are comfortable talking about any and everything. We can have quiet times also and it's alright.

He is 56 (57 in two weeks) and I am 41. 15 years. That only means he's been here a little longer than I have. Men closer to my own age. It's not that they don't do it for me. I wouldn't know if they did or not. I don't need or want anyone else. Have I ever been tempted? I can honestly say I haven't.

I have loved this man since I was 16. We lived together for two years and then we were apart for 17 years. I married twice in that time frame. The first man was a decade older, the second was 14 years older. I guess I have always been attracted to older men. Only because we seemed more or less equal in maturity and temperaments. We were friends first. I did love those men. I made the mistake of thinking because our friendships were so strong that we could make a marriage work. In my heart I knew I would never be in love with anyone but my first. Did I think or worry about the age? No. It played no consideration. I loved him. What else was there?

Yes, it was a big part of his fear. He was scared that my feelings would change. It was the reason we broke up. So all those years he loved me and I loved him. Because we didn't work through it then we paid the price.

One of our first ground rules was that we would always talk through everything. Sometimes it has made us angier. We've had huge fights. Once everything is out in the open it can be worked through.

I went a little far afield here. Started rambling. Hope there is something in this novel that can put to good use.