Things you NEVER say to your dates parents!

Had to post this...LOL

*Top Ten Things Not To Say To Parents When Picking Up A Date*

10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
9. "Show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Hi, I'm Hoopla69."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
2. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"

:rofl:

Nice one!

I was also thinking NEVER say ..so ya got a beer...

Burp fart or pick your nose..then say WOOT nice one:no::tongue2:

Very nice stuff. Also very classy:bgrin2:

Very nice stuff. Also very classy:bgrin2:

I was thinking how classy would it be to walk up to your dates parents BURP and say YO hows it hanging...I think it would be GREAT:eek:

try it when you go to Australia I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it

Your fly is open ... LOL

Funny!

Hey, we should do an age gap version of this.

How about:

"Didn't we go to the same high school?"
"We got married online so I thought we should screw in real life, too"
"OMG! Didn't you know your YM is in an AGR with an OW IRL??"
"You won't mind if I pretend I'm his mom so he can drink at the bar, right?"
"God, I'm having hot flashes."
"My ex left me for a 20 year old so I figured I'd get me a young hottie, too."
"Can you sit my kid while we are out?"
"I helped him get his fake ID."
"It's ok, my kids can call you grandma and grandpa instead."
"I used to date guys your age!"

mer ROFL


OMG KRIS!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and jen HMM i think i will..his mom would not she is kinda prissy but i love her..his dad though ROFL!


okay how about this!

MY god I forgot what it was like to have a young stud in bed..do you realize how fast your son can go?

Don't worry i will teach him how to drive...more things then a car..hehe

I really wish you all would cut the roses back cause when i climbed up into his bedroom the other night I cut my legs up bad

everything is banging with you! I seriously can't take this anymore...wait you learned from me never mind...Well your older so I learned from you, crap I'm lost like hell.

everything is banging with you! I seriously can't take this anymore...wait you learned from me never mind...Well your older so I learned from you, crap I'm lost like hell.

nono jen I was normal till I came to ageless LOL...okay maybe not!

hehe

nono jen I was normal till I came to ageless LOL...okay maybe not!

hehe

No you weren't I was than you corrupted me into a wild young crazy little chick that gets a little to out of control sometimes, but right now I need this or I think I would really lose it...

No you weren't I was than you corrupted me into a wild young crazy little chick that gets a little to out of control sometimes, but right now I need this or I think I would really lose it...

OH heres one...

Hey didn't i sleep with you to??

I just had to see if he was bragging in our Cyber-Sex sessions

I'll have him back in time for school Monday morning

I'll gladly pay for any of his clothes that are ripped tonite

My parole officer thinks your son has a calming effect on me

Do you have a condom..I had NO time to pick some up for your son

OH heres one...

Hey didn't i sleep with you to??

I just had to see if he was bragging in our Cyber-Sex sessions

I'll have him back in time for school Monday morning

I'll gladly pay for any of his clothes that are ripped tonite

My parole officer thinks your son has a calming effect on me

Do you have a condom..I had NO time to pick some up for your son

for those of you that don't know...these are all things that she has said in her lifetime to bf's parents...I know she's nuts!!

for those of you that don't know...these are all things that she has said in her lifetime to bf's parents...I know she's nuts!!

LMAO!!

okay okay im guilty *chews tobacco and spits in a spatoon* but hey Im a redneck...now where did my cousin go!

LMAO!!

okay okay im guilty *chews tobacco and spits in a spatoon* but hey Im a redneck...now where did my cousin go!

Gross!!! I'm a city girl and know nothing about being a red neck banging my cousin...

Gross!!! I'm a city girl and know nothing about being a red neck banging my cousin...

EEEW my real father does..long story WIll tell you in pm...no one would believe me if i said it here..we had a HUGE battle my sisters and i did...he was WIERD he is dead...I never hardly knew him ..long story..lets just say most of that side of my so called family the family tree goes straight up

EEEW my real father does..long story WIll tell you in pm...no one would believe me if i said it here..we had a HUGE battle my sisters and i did...he was WIERD he is dead...I never hardly knew him ..long story..lets just say most of that side of my so called family the family tree goes straight up

Was your dad ever on Jerry...NO I love you J/K:jerry::jerry::jerry::jerry::jerry:

I can't wait to hear this story...

You guys please don't stop. My stomach hurts from laughing.

I'll gladly pay for new clothes if his clothes get ....ripped?. .........

You made my day.

Donna

You guys please don't stop. My stomach hurts from laughing.

I'll gladly pay for new clothes if his clothes get ....ripped?. .........

You made my day.

Donna

that's why were here...well me anyway I have no other reason for my madness:tongue2:

that's why were here...well me anyway I have no other reason for my madness:tongue2:

LIfes to short to be dare is say it...oh god help me...anallll LOL..SORRY had to ONE MORE TIME!

OKAY THINGS NOT TO SAY DURING SEX:

OH my god its SO CUTE!

But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Try breathing through your nose

A little rug burn ever hurt anyone

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant

Do you accept Visa

(holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo

Got any penicillin

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs

Did you know the ceiling needs painting

Is that blood on the headboard

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate

Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

LIfes to short to be dare is say it...oh god help me...anallll LOL..SORRY had to ONE MORE TIME!

OKAY THINGS NOT TO SAY DURING SEX:

OH my god its SO CUTE!

But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Try breathing through your nose

A little rug burn ever hurt anyone

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant

Do you accept Visa

(holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo

Got any penicillin

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs

Did you know the ceiling needs painting

Is that blood on the headboard

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate

Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

handcuffs...got a funny story about those...haha memories!!!

handcuffs...got a funny story about those...haha memories!!!

DARE I ASK...i got caught by my ex uncle with um on..ya i was red...SIGH


OH JEN DO SHAREEEEEE ROFL>.with me or group we dont care! LOL:tongue2:

DARE I ASK...i got caught by my ex uncle with um on..ya i was red...SIGH


OH JEN DO SHAREEEEEE ROFL>.with me or group we dont care! LOL:tongue2:

HAHA well let's just say bf was cuffed to the bed Jen dropped the key some where else in the house, mom walked in when Jen was trying to find key bf was mortified to say the least...

Do you two want us to leave you alone in this thread? LOL! :p

Do you two want us to leave you alone in this thread? LOL! :p

HAHA...if you want you could join in!!! Wait that sounds weird, Jenny is crazy but doesn't do chicks...

Do you two want us to leave you alone in this thread? LOL! :p

KRIS MY LOVE!!!!!!!!! join join..it helps us relax in poking a lil fun and humorous day to day crap we are fed...come play!!..loved your HOT flash post LOL...i wrote um down cause im thinking when i talk to my future inlaw father in law he would get a HUGE kick out of it!!

KRIS MY LOVE!!!!!!!!! join join..it helps us relax in poking a lil fun and humorous day to day crap we are fed...come play!!..loved your HOT flash post LOL...i wrote um down cause im thinking when i talk to my future inlaw father in law he would get a HUGE kick out of it!!

Do you think people get our bond? Or do you think that we are just weird and crazy?

Both, JennyJen

Both, JennyJen

Just checking!!! thanks Kris!

:bgrin2:
.....

HEHE kris...
Jenny makes me wanna be a better weirdo:bgrin2:

HEHE kris...
Jenny makes me wanna be a better weirdo:bgrin2:

HAHA I have that affect on people because I'm just so out of control...you guys get the censored version you don't know the real Jenn Jen, well Meri you do!!!

HAHA I have that affect on people because I'm just so out of control...you guys get the censored version you don't know the real Jenn Jen, well Meri you do!!!

I know i know ya now...IM still wondering about the hand cuffs LOL

I know i know ya now...IM still wondering about the hand cuffs LOL

what about them...I gave the cliff notes version of the story I'll PM you the x rated version!

what about them...I gave the cliff notes version of the story I'll PM you the x rated version!

Oh god am I going to be corrupted AGAIN!

Oh god am I going to be corrupted AGAIN!

HAHA you know it...just pay back for all the corruption you've done to me...

HAHA you know it...just pay back for all the corruption you've done to me...

LOL ya...but others have done this to me as well...lets see chatter..ally..kris even..okay maybe not all but some lol

LOL ya...but others have done this to me as well...lets see chatter..ally..kris even..okay maybe not all but some lol

Yeah but you always start it...you're just a kinky little devil!

You know I was thinking about this NOB i dated...he burped smelled it said OOH good one in front of my mom..needless to say we did not go out that night

You know I was thinking about this NOB i dated...he burped smelled it said OOH good one in front of my mom..needless to say we did not go out that night

WTF? you picked some winners in your time babe!! who does that?

What happened to my thread, I leave and it dies? I'm not having it, someone better bring this back to life....:mad:

What happened to my thread, I leave and it dies? I'm not having it, someone better bring this back to life....:mad:

TOP 10 REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED (okay - 11)

11. No one ever steals your chair.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

7. So that -with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your
exaggerated resume.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

... And (drum roll) the number one reason to Go To Work Naked:

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your *** in here by 8:00!"

about the "bad hair day" what if you shave????

about the "bad hair day" what if you shave????

then its a bad bald day :)

then its a bad bald day :)

OK just making sure...

TOP 10 REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED (okay - 11)

11. No one ever steals your chair.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

7. So that -with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your
exaggerated resume.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

... And (drum roll) the number one reason to Go To Work Naked:

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your *** in here by 8:00!"

hahhahahha...:yourock:

OKay since it is almost summertime Here where I am here are things you can do in the pool!

Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met

Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you

Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here

Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''

Play Marco-Polo by yourself



Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.

Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

OKay since it is almost summertime Here where I am here are things you can do in the pool!

Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you



Hey i should try this one, hehe.:D

:bgrin2::tongue2:Hey i should try this one, hehe.:D

LOL heheh if you do YOU HAVE TO SHARE!:yes: