What are your online and/or phone conversations like?

It occurs to me as read through various posts in differents sections of this site that people do a lot of chatting, online communication, and/or phone talking. When it comes to referring to the "communication" or "relationship", it appears that everyone assumes that the activity is the same for us all. But I suspect that there are different levels of communication through these avenues. Maybe that relates to how communicative in general you and/or your partner happen to be anyway. Maybe it relates to something else.

I thought I would ask the question to see how it varies from couple to couple.

As for me, I am a long time chatter and forum poster (have been in cyberspace doing this since 1991). I could be called "verbose" or "long winded" in my forum posts, but in person, I speak very reservedly - words just don't flow out of my mouth like they do from brain to paper/keyboard. Although, in both cases, the longer I get to know a person, or the closer I feel to them from the get go, the more I am likely to open and say what's on my mind. If I feel very comfortable with a person, it's possible for me to talk for HOURS upon HOURS.

Otherwise, I prefer just not talking at all. It's rather like a chore for me to talk (believe it or not! LOL)

With my partner, language is definitely his forte, but it's in the verbal form, not the written form. For him, the written is a chore, so we have never much communicated by any form of writing. It's been almost exclusively on the phone. Occasionally, I have gone on a web cam and chatted with him, but after speaking to him on the phone for so long, the chatting just doesn't seem the same and I don't think either of us really like the online chatting, with or without the web cam.

For both of us - and this may make us a little unique, I don't know - seeing each other while we are in a long distance relationship only makes the anguish of not being together more painful. So I will open up digital files once in a while to look at his pictures, but then I have to close them down again. It just makes me miss him too much. He has that reaction from the camming. He has a couple of pictures of me that he keeps in frames beside his bed.

So it is mostly just a phone connection we have. BUT... the way that we communicate by phone has been via cell phone and we will talk from various places, many times using the speaker feature, so that it could be that for hours of communication, we're also sharing that communication with others who happen to be around us at the time. (In his case - his friends, customers, strangers on the street he happens to bump into and talk to, like the time he was helping the old man change his flat tire. In my case, co-workers if I happen to be at work, or people in my life like ex husband and kids.)

We also have our private conversation times, too - usually late at night, but could be other times of the day or night when we both just happen to be alone.

This wide variety of situations and conversations has allowed me to get a real sense of how my partner is in different situations and scenarios. Hearing his voice gives me a greater understanding of who he really is, I think, rather than just seeing text and interpreting mood or intention from the written word only. He feels the same - that is, that we really feel like we know each other. Of course, we are both quite open about a lot, too, so that adds still more to what we can assess about each other.

In this sense, I cannot categorize our relationship as being the same as online chatting or camming. I feel I have gotten to know him far better the way in which we have gone about it.


So... how is it with you? What are your thoughts about this? Are all "online" (including phone only) communications the same? Can any of them be close to "real life" representations of people?

hmm.. this isn't exactly the right forum since this isn't specific to YM/OW, but neither is it specific to long distance relationships either. It does have to do with relationships though, and not just discussion/debate or chit chat.

Don't know where to put this one exactly!

Alec and I were only long distance for about 6 months before I made the move to be with him. (I honestly can't believe that was almost 2 years ago! :D)

But we started out with emails...we have thousands of emails back and forth...several a day...many of them were very very long winded. We talked about anything and everything that went through our heads. :D

We also talked on the phone...mostly on the weekends. This was very sparse in the beginning but later as our relationship progressed it because more important. It wasn't unusual for us to spend 8 hours or more in a weekend on the phone. He would use his cell phone to call my house and we'd talk until my house phone died and then I would use my cell to call his house phone! :D

We'd talk about everything but my favorite was when he would read to me over the phone. :D

We also used Yahoo IM a whole lot. This was hard for us because Alec isn't a fast typer but it was convienant because it was free and it was real time. We tried the voice over IM a few times but I didn't feel comfortable with that.

As our LDR went on...it got harder. Especially when we knew there was an end insight. I could post some of our emails and yall would laugh because they are filled with so much angst and heartache.

I am thankful for our communication that we had because I think it allows us in our day-to-day lives to talk about everything and anything.

Although nowadays I'm lucky if I can get a 5 sentance email! :D

Nadine.

Chris and I met playing an online game where we used teamspeak, so we chat a lot on that. It is kind of geeky, I know, both of us sitting here with our headphones on for hours, either playing games together, or browsing on AL or watching funny youtube videos....

I DO think we get a pretty good representation when we do this because during that time, we go eat, pee, take phone calls, chat to people around us etc. I like it better than the phone, but we also talk every night AFTER we get off TS. We spend at least 4 hours a day communicating. Chris thinks it is one of the reasons we WILL be able to work through almost anything. We founded our relationship on open, honest communication and it serves us well on good days and bad days. I will say that for me, talking on TS is a more real life representation than the phone. I can't tell you WHY, just that it seems to be that way for us.

I did notice when we first met that Chris was more reserved and shy when we were together than when we talked online. It actually caused some problems for us initially because I felt our online relationship wasn't going to translate well into r/l. :( But - because of our good comunication skills, we had several long talks about it and he REALLY wanted to get over being so shy, especially around the one person he felt so at ease with. It just wasn't anything he had made an effort to do before....even with his family. He made some huge strides in that aspect and today, it isn't an issue for us any more. And, I think it has helped him be more self assured with others, although I think he will always have a shy personality, which balances my extroverted one...:o

One thing I liked about meeting someone online, in a situation where neither of us was "looking" for someone, was that our friendship developed so openly and honestly that we REALLY got to know one another without some of the pretenses I have dealt with in other "getting to know you" scenarios. I know that isn't always the case, and that people online can be looking to take advantage of someone...but that happens in real life "hookups" and dating scene as well.

We'd talk about everything but my favorite was when he would read to me over the phone. :D


That just reminded me of a couple that I know. They actually worked together in the same firm where I was. In this particular place, it was very much discouraged (in order to prevent any sexual harrassment cases from arising) for people to become too "familiar" in their conversations with each other at work. Actually, they are very strict in the way they run their office anyway so that no chit chat really is allowed to go on anyway. There were a few outside firmwide activities, but even at those, there seemed to be a close watch on things by "the powers that be".

But I came to find out that one of the secretaries and one of the attorneys had gotten married. They didn't work together as in she being his secretary, but they did work in the same section of the office together. He is a good friend of mine and after I left the firm, we stayed in touch. He told me that how they fell in love was over the phone. You know what the clincher was for her? He would read her a bed time story every night!

He told me that how they fell in love was over the phone. You know what the clincher was for her? He would read her a bed time story every night!

We had a certain book he would read to me from every night and I just fell in love with the sound of his voice...it was so calming and reasurring. I can't count how many times I fell asleep on him though! :D

Nadine.

Chris and I met playing an online game where we used teamspeak, so we chat a lot on that. It is kind of geeky, I know, both of us sitting here with our headphones on for hours, either playing games together, or browsing on AL or watching funny youtube videos....

I DO think we get a pretty good representation when we do this because during that time, we go eat, pee, take phone calls, chat to people around us etc. I like it better than the phone, but we also talk every night AFTER we get off TS. We spend at least 4 hours a day communicating. Chris thinks it is one of the reasons we WILL be able to work through almost anything. We founded our relationship on open, honest communication and it serves us well on good days and bad days. I will say that for me, talking on TS is a more real life representation than the phone. I can't tell you WHY, just that it seems to be that way for us.

I did notice when we first met that Chris was more reserved and shy when we were together than when we talked online. It actually caused some problems for us initially because I felt our online relationship wasn't going to translate well into r/l. :( But - because of our good comunication skills, we had several long talks about it and he REALLY wanted to get over being so shy, especially around the one person he felt so at ease with. It just wasn't anything he had made an effort to do before....even with his family. He made some huge strides in that aspect and today, it isn't an issue for us any more. And, I think it has helped him be more self assured with others, although I think he will always have a shy personality, which balances my extroverted one...:o

One thing I liked about meeting someone online, in a situation where neither of us was "looking" for someone, was that our friendship developed so openly and honestly that we REALLY got to know one another without some of the pretenses I have dealt with in other "getting to know you" scenarios. I know that isn't always the case, and that people online can be looking to take advantage of someone...but that happens in real life "hookups" and dating scene as well.

I, too, feel like the representation is very close to being "real." But I agree, that many online or phone only relationships can be deceptive or nothing more than a scam. I've dealt with those kind before myself. I won't know until we are living together for sure, but compared to my "real life" relationships in the past, I can say I have gotten to know my partner better this time than at any other time and this relationship isn't like the scammer situations I've experienced. Like some have said, if someone is going to be a cheater or whatever, they will do it on line or in real life. My worst relationships ever in my life were ones that started from and only included face to face "real life" meetings. In real life, it can actually be even more difficult to find the scammer in the crowd because they have to sometimes be even more clever about hiding their secrets.

I also have "gone to the bathroom" with my partner. (I wasn't going to get that detailed or graphic, but since Epo you already mentioned it... LOL). I cover the phone though when I'm there - I'm more private that way (and in real life - just like going to the bathroom alone, thanks..heheh).

But we've both "gone along" with the other to various places inside and outside the home. That's the beauty of a cell phone. He's been with me at meal times whether at home or away and I with him (somehow, strangely, we've always been on the same eating schedule even though both of us don't keep a regular one and we were 3 hours difference in time zone). We've gone along "together" to stores where we've heard each other talk to the clerks or others in line. Once I was standing in line and a lady in front of me was joking around with her teenaged sons. She turned and asked if I'd like a couple of boys. I joked around with her (said "no thanks, I've already got enough to handle!"), but my partner then also was hearing all this and contributing to the joking around, too.

We listen to music or funny videos together, too. Right now it's hard because he's working at a store that is just so busy, and it's really not allowed for him to be on the phone while he's working, but he's working from the time I wake up on the west coast until about the time I'm falling asleep on the west coast (noon to midnight his time; sometimes they ask him to work until 1 or 2 am). So the amount of contact we have is sparse these days, but still intense, even if that is in the amount of time it takes for him to say he loves me.

For me and my guy, Epo, I think the roles will be kind of reversed. I'm the shy one; he's the extrovert. But it is a nice balance. :)

We had a certain book he would read to me from every night and I just fell in love with the sound of his voice...it was so calming and reasurring. I can't count how many times I fell asleep on him though! :D

Nadine.

Same here :) I can't get enough of his voice, especially when he's speaking his native language. And he loves my voice, too (especially when I speak his native language.. like when I say "Anta hala" -"you're sweet" or call him "habibi" "sweetheart"...*giggles*). And yes, we fall asleep together - a LOT lately because we're both so tired. He used to say he is a "beast" that can stay awake for days. But lately, he's been working so hard, he falls asleep in the middle of his sentences sometimes. I laugh at him now because one time he was actually saying "I'm a BEAST!" when he fell asleep. But I do have that kind of a voice, I'm told, that is soothing, calming and it's not just with him, or not just on the phone, that my voice has that affect on people (puts people to sleep.. LOL).

Great post!
Well we are on 24/7 Cam and mic. I don't care what he talks about..I LOVE IT ALL! We laugh we cry we discuss our future all of that. I can't imagine life
with waking up and not seeing his beautiful face or listening to his soothing voice.

We have only been a couple for two months (and not sure how much longer!), but we talk on the phone 5-15 times a week. He drives truck all night, so some of the calls are short, but we talk about the traffic, what I did during the day, the traffic, when we will get on-line again, the traffic, his daughter, the traffic, current events (when the traffic is light)--well you get the idea. i have heard about road conditions and scenery on I80 in CA so often, I think I could drive it myself! He says it is like having me in the cab with him, and I get a chance to hear him "be himself"--not just the sweet things he says when we chat on-line, but an irritated truck driver. lolol

In IRC, we talk about the same things (except the traffic thank god), and throw in politics, religion, movies, food, just about anything. Well, maybe just a little bit of intimate stuff now and then :tongue2:

His emails are usually two sentence gems--right to the point, but I go on and on enough for both of us.

Every conversation--text or phone begins with a "Hi sweetie" from him and he ends with love and hugs and kisses. Not exactly love sonnets, but it means a lot to me. :) A man of few words really, but what he says is always interesting.

My dad is like that, Whyme... he hardly EVER speaks - to anyone. Not even his own family. And it's not because he's not happy or because he's depressed or anything. He's actually a very happy man - just a man of very few words. But when he speaks.. they're gems! He also rarely laughs out loud, although he smiles a lot. When he laughs, it's so cool - that's like a special moment for all of us.

hmm.. this isn't exactly the right forum since this isn't specific to YM/OW, but neither is it specific to long distance relationships either. It does have to do with relationships though, and not just discussion/debate or chit chat.

Don't know where to put this one exactly!

Since it isn't specific to just OW/YM, I'm going to move it to chit chat where more people will see it and can comment. Chit Chat is kind of the general section, so that should work.

We had a certain book he would read to me from every night and I just fell in love with the sound of his voice...it was so calming and reasurring. I can't count how many times I fell asleep on him though! :D

Nadine.

This is like so freaking sweet i could cry!! :kiss2: Precious, really :)

Hmm... I'll have to take a trip in the way-back machine to remember what it was like... :tongue2:

Let's see. The first time we ever talked on the telephone I couldn't understand what the *bleep* he was saying because his accent was very strong! Tim, on the other hand, understood me perfectly as they have lots of American television in England :) Since we were talking across the pond back then, we had to be careful about how we spent our phone minutes and so we supplemented with Skype (which wasn't very good). We mostly IM'd and web cam'd. But, like Nadine, Tim would sometimes read to me and I just loved the sound of his voice. I would pretend I was lying on his chest, prop the phone on my ear and just listen to that beautiful voice. I have to admit, we had some very teary (on my part) good-byes back then!


As for me and how I am online compared to how I am in real life? I think I am exactly, exactly the same. And I would say the same of every person from Ageless that I've met in real life so far.

And me on the phone? LOL! The only person from Ageless that I talk on the phone to with any regularity is Molly. And the two of us jabber on and on for hours. It usually goes like this:

Molly: "Hey Kel - did you know...sksksksksks??"
Me: "No Way! Really?"
Molly: "Oh definitely. And furthermore, sksksksksks!"
Me: "Shut UP!"
Molly: "I know!"
Me: "Hey I forgot to tell you... blablablabla"
Molly: "I thought it was something like that!"
Me: "Oh and... blablablablabla!"
Molly: "Shut UP!"
Me: "I know!"

...and so on until one of us goes, "Holy crap, we've been on the phone for 90 minutes again!" and we hang up until the next time.

Oh! And sometimes I talk with Michael (The Shadow) on the phone, too.

Not that I wouldn't love to talk with more of you but (this is so bad) I have a confession: both Molly and Michael were the initiators of our phone friendship! Isn't that terrible of me? Yes, yes. I know. :no:

Lately, my guy has been so tired from working, we haven't had any long conversations at all. Usually just a few seconds, long enough for him to tell me he loves me. Sometimes, he tries to stay awake and talk, but his voice trails off, and I can tell from the sound of his breathing that he's slipped into dreamland...

So what about everyone else? Nobody else wants to talk about whether their phone calls give any sense of "reality" to your relationships?

I remember that our phone calls and web cam visits used to make me cry. I felt like I was in some sort of prison (kind of like those mirrors in space that the bad guys got banished to in the Superman movie - where they could see out but couldn't reach you) and that it was just horrible that I didn't even know what it felt like to kiss Tim or to even hold his hand. The phone calls just made that reality even more real sometimes.

Man, I am so glad we're past that. BUT. I'm also glad we went through it because I do think it's made me appreciate what we've got even more!

I remember that our phone calls and web cam visits used to make me cry. I felt like I was in some sort of prison (kind of like those mirrors in space that the bad guys got banished to in the Superman movie - where they could see out but couldn't reach you) and that it was just horrible that I didn't even know what it felt like to kiss Tim or to even hold his hand. The phone calls just made that reality even more real sometimes.

Man, I am so glad we're past that. BUT. I'm also glad we went through it because I do think it's made me appreciate what we've got even more!

Oh mannnnn! I can sure identify with all THAT! That's why I can't even look at his pictures for very long either. Well, the last time we shared a few words, he told me how much money he's saved up so far for the trip to meet me. It should be about 4 more weeks before he has saved enough money for everything he is saving for, including the trip. I'll have to report back when and if that happens - to share my observations of how true to life the phone conversations have been.

He's mentioned on occasion, too (which makes me think he's a little afraid to meet me) that when he meets me in person it will be too difficult to leave again... like the "prison" will be more like "maximum security" or ..what's the "isolation" term they use?

Oh! And sometimes I talk with Michael (The Shadow) on the phone, too.

Not that I wouldn't love to talk with more of you but (this is so bad) I have a confession: both Molly and Michael were the initiators of our phone friendship! Isn't that terrible of me? Yes, yes. I know. :no:


Awwww come on now Kellie,its not so bad.I enjoyed talking to you and Tim.Yes,Tim still has his accent...LOL.Also allow me to say you,yourself have nice voice.Prehaps soon,we could talk again,but with better spriirts,and news,since Im out the hospital now..LOL.

I,myself have spoken to a few memembers here.Have always thought is neat to put a voice with someone words.Now,when a post is read by that person,I hear them reading to me.(Is that odd..LOL)




Michael