The Latest ....

Hi folks,

Unlike Tinydancer, who is being virtuous and confining her saga to one nice, neat thread, I shall spill over eternally into new threads, and just continue on and on. Well, not really. There have been a lot of changes :>

Things are actually pretty good. Much better than I would ever have imagined possible in less than three months. In many ways, it feels like I have myself back, and that is a pretty big deal. I felt so changed and different and less than and in much less time than I would have thought, I see and feel that isn't so at all. Same old me ... just partially released from the weight of all that struggling to make something work when I couldn't. It was a truly overwhelming weight. It *felt* easier than the anguish .... and of course the anguish is pretty unbearable at the time ....but really it is a lot better not to have that sword hanging over me all the time. It just made life ...exhausting.

So it feels like there is energy again for life and adventures - some of which does need to be devoted to emotional processing but not, by any means, all of it. And I am enjoying friends and activities and work and downtime alot more than I was, when the relationship was just bogging down everything in its path.

And ummmm..... somehow in the midst of all this, I'm seeing someone. Although it is in the very early phases of course (two weeks, two "dates").
But it's kinda ... nice. I thought it was just a sexual thing and while it is most affirmatively that, the second encounter was about an hour of sex and three hours of lying around talking afterwards :>

I'm full of jokes about rebound men and hey, maybe thats all it is, but its more than a bit wonderful to have someone eager to see me again and bubbling about "next time". I deserve it :>

I should confess that he is both age-appropriate (44 to my 43) and ethnically appropriate - things that I *never* do - lol, but actually it was pretty lovely to have someone flip through my high school record collection and know *exactly* who everybody was <grin>

So heck, even if its temporary, I'm planning to enjoy it ....

E and I persist in our pained friendship and did the movie on Sunday night. We managed outward cordiality and pleasantness, with the occasional awkward silence, even through a movie that turned out to be emotional and based on a busted relationship causing trouble years later. (Neither of us did adequate research on the plot beforehand). He still over-generously fixes anything that is broken, although I am somewhat ungrateful, and he drives me a bit nuts with his determination to have entirely abstract conversations that are never personal in nature. I find myself consumed with an urge to prick him to see if he bleeds :>

We do a little better on the phone or via e-mail than we manage in person.

Oh well, I guess it can only be what it is ... at this early phase.

But on the whole, things are reasonably good and I feel mostly of a piece. And relieved that my suffering didn't have to go on and on forever, because it was damned hard and I wasn't sure I could have taken much more than I got.

So hang in there ... breakup folks. It doesn't always take as long as you think.

Can I still hang around even if I'm dating someone old as me? :D

Can I still hang around even if I'm dating someone old as me? :D

Hi there!:) Good to see you're feeling well enough to use the green grin. As far as your question, absolutely! I turn 38 on Saturday and had to end a 3-month thing with a woman of 61 (go down to SS and read pages 4-7 of "How soon to have sex") if you want the story. My next door neighbor has a woman in mind with whom to set me up next month. She sounds really neat, totally together--but she's 34!:eek: I'll still be hanging around.

The great thing about this site is that although it's focused on age gap relationships, it's just a great site for networking about dating and relationship matters in general. There's a ton of collective wisdom here.

It is wonderful to read that you are seeing the good and the joy in the world again!

I'm sure this thread will be an inspiration to others in a similar situation. :yes:

My thoughts will be with you for continued happiness. Yes, you do deserve it!!

Good to know that things are improving, DS :)
Wishing you well etc . ;) So please stick around, you have always been such an insightful person, would be too much of a shame losing you here :)

Can I still hang around even if I'm dating someone old as me? :D

Well, sure! Only now you have to post on the younger women/older men side! We'll just have to meet up with you in the chit chat forum :bgrin2:

Getting on the other side does take some time ... but I just want to commend you on doing so well ... That's all it takes, feel the feelings, then try to go on ...

Wishing you all the best ... as always.

princessdy

You sound so much better :)
Virtuous huh? LOL.......I thought it was more like completely self involved lol.
Yes, I know the feeling of pricking to find real flesh and blood....I felt the same with Griff......still do.
Yes, a new man, for whatever reasons, is a good and, for a smart woman, is OK.
Who cares what the reasons are :D
It may become something or it may not but, again, who cares...........for now, if it can help you to feel better and be a pleasant distraction from falling apart, it is just as important as any relationship we may find ourselves in.
I am so happy you have found some peace and a smile here and there too.
BTW, guess I will see you over one the yw/om side LOL My man is also 1 year older :eek:
Blessings, TD

DS it is so good to read you sounding so well!

As you know, DS, I have always thought the world of you, and just always found you to be so wise and insightful, not to mention graceful. I held my breath when I read you in certain threads, revealing your break up, little by little. Is IS hard to come back here and talk about it, but it's also liberating and healing, I think.

I felt your pain, but I never had any doubt you'd get to the other side of this, as you are such a strong, emotionally healthy woman, probably the sanest woman I've ever read. So it doesn't surprise me that you're coming out of this all smelling like a rose! :) Nonetheless, I'm happy for you.

I too, have gotten to the other side. I feel healthier and saner than I have in years, and am looking very forward to accomplishing things that I'd put off. I too, am spending a lot more time with my ever-patient and caring friends, amazing loyal, and always there for me. You'd think they'd get tired of dealing with my bad choices and occassional drama, but for some reason, they stand by me and even carry me when I'm down. The same goes for my wonderful parents. Sometimes I just feel like one of the luckiest people on Earth!

I think one of the positive things that comes from ending a relationship that can no longer be sustained, is the emotional "clean house" that we do. We take inventory, we own our part, and we decide life starts NOW and make better, more promising choices of what we want to do with it. I myself have been enjoying that immensely! It seems too, that when we allow ourselves to let go of the baggage, good things just start to come to us. I've been wanting to get back into music for quite awhile...and lo and behold, just 3 days ago, I got a call from my favorite bass player of all time, inviting me to join her band!!! I was absolutely ecstatic! Things like that are happening to me quite frequently now.

Anyway, glad to hear you're doing so well. Please DO continue to come here. Nobody can fill your shoes! :)

I vote yes, stay! :)

Life after E......I knew it would happen! Congrats! Now, where'd ya meet the new guy?

Age and ethnicity are great places to start yanno. :p

That's what yr mom would say.

You BETTER stay.

I'm really glad you're healing Sweetie.

Big hugs.

It really is amazing how far you've come in a short amount of time...

Just a question: Is there ever someone who is "ethnically inappropriate"? I hope not!

Anyway, stay with us. You've shown so much grace through all of this and taught me something about myself through it.

Hi Zolie,

I was just cracking a joke :>

I'm Jewish, and what I meant is that I am breaking my long-term inability to *ever* date a jewish guy. It's been kind've a lifelong aversion to the males of my people - lol, that has caused my mother much sadness <grin>, so I find myself pleasantly bewildered by *this* development. We actually had a long discussion of pickles and bialys :>

And Kat - apparently everything can be found on Craigs List - even a rebound man. I was bored one night, um ....so I answered an ad. :D

LOL DS,
You sound like me. I am Italian and I think that I have been with almost every other race and culture except for an Italian man.
Don't know why other than I am not fond of gold jewelry or any jewelry on a man. OK, yes, I am stereo-typing, sue me, my Aunt Josie also has plastic over ever piece of furniture in her house.....some things are just a given. LOL
Don't anyone blast me, I am not being all that serious.
Hope today is still bringing that smile to your face DS!
Blessings, TD

Haha. I'm 100% Chinese and have never dated another Asian of any kind. My stepdad is WASP. Me and my two sisters have only dated or married Caucasians. Our men like using chopsticks better than we do.

Ouch. Feeling a bit sad today. Probably the damned holiday. Nothing like fireworks when you ain't got none :(

(New guy is out of town. Old guy is .... not mine anymore).

Yeesh, sometimes this friendship thing is hard. Called E last Saturday to say hi only to find out that a friend of his had been killed in a bicycling accident and he'd just found out and was all broken up. Tried to act like a friend, only to be told that when he's in this kind of "state", he prefers to be alone. Which immediately put me back into jilted girlfriend mode - making dark comments to myself about emotionally blocked up people who don't know how to talk about their feelings and push everyone away who cares about them.

It's true enough, of course, but not the immediate issue at hand ...

Kind've horrified myself with the selfishness of it all. After all - someone else died, for Christs sake, it really wasn't about me, now was it?

I know, it's only been three months and some of it is bound to be raw still and it's just a button being pushed, but its hard sometimes when you get thrown right back into the middle of messy feelings that you'd like to get some distance from .... and have been.

Nothing like one of those two steps back kinda weeks ....

Oh well, I knew July was gonna be like this. Our anniversary is July 19th, so I may be out of luck for a few weeks.

New guy needs to come BACK - lol.

Otherwise, I guess things are okay enough - it's just ....argh. Not a particularly wonderful firecracker day this year :rolleyes:

Maybe Labor Day will be more fun :>

Hang in there DS...this too shall past.

It may take a bit, but there will be a path you will be able to take on the other side of the fence...at least that's I keep telling myself. Its just a bit obscure right now with our own thinking and emotions, but its there.

keep the faith.

Paris

My ex-husband and I MET on the 4th of July. For many years it was "our holiday" and after we divorced, it was bittersweet. His new wife knew of our "anniversary" so began a new one by getting out of town, in fact out of state, for every 4th of July since they met 17 years ago.

Sometimes it is good to start new traditions for holidays when you have such strong ties them, or anniversaries, or whatever. I leave town every year for the 4th too...(I'm at a lake house as I write this...which I spend with family. It's SO much nicer than being in the town where I had so many memories with my ex.)

Hang in there. But also just remember, you called him. Maybe you should wait for him to call next time. If he's in a better mood, it might not result in negative feedback loops!!

True enough.

Grrr. I already have to make special plans for October (husband died) and March (wedding anniversary). Now this. All the baggage as you get older is utterly exhausting :D

I don't know about the rest, Kat. Most likely he'll call me when *I'm* in a mood. That's the way things go, isn't it? I'm inclined to avoid trying to play games and just let it be what it is. Sometimes all is well and sometimes there are feelings. That's life. There isn't any avoiding feelings unless you have some secret I haven't found about yet :o

My goodness, for three months, a little bouncing back to "the feelings" to yet look at them one more time, to then move forward is not all that unusual. I know i bounced back and forth for quite some time when I was breaking up my ltr. But the good news was that "each" time I did go back to the feelings, I came out a little more healthy, a little more peaceful about the decision, a little more solid, strong, determined to go forward ... that would be the good of "those feelings".

My 4th was spent in bed reading voraciously the six books I bought for myself last week ... of course they all came at the same time. My dilemma was which one to read first ... which one would it be ... Well what I did was read all of them, a little of each, and am even more excited about getting back to them and finishing each ... lol. (I'm a Gemini ... I suppose that might explain that whole book thing).

I just wanted you to know that I think you are doing great ... and really are moving forward probably faster and quicker than you might think ... Do the best you can at arm's distance for difficult situations in E's life. It's really all you "can" do ...

Hugs,
princessdy

Ah DS... yes, in that case, my SO is ethnically "inappropriate" as well, since he's one of the first Caucasian guys I've dated! (I've spent the majority of my adulthood trying to recapture my Latin heritage)

He promises me that we can adopt ethnic babies though! :)

I don't know about the rest, Kat. Most likely he'll call me when *I'm* in a mood. That's the way things go, isn't it? I'm inclined to avoid trying to play games and just let it be what it is. Sometimes all is well and sometimes there are feelings. That's life. There isn't any avoiding feelings unless you have some secret I haven't found about yet :o

OMG, where do I begin? First and foremost is the heroin. Then there's food, skydiving, prostitution, wandering the desert...I'm sure you have some favorites, C'MON girl!!!

LOL. Given that choice ... wandering the desert, for sure :D

Although chocolate has it's appeal :o

OK Kat,
I have to ask......what is up with the heroin??? :p
DS, How are you today?
You and I are going through very similar situations these days.
Today, for me, is a good one and am hoping the same for you.
Blessings, TD

Tiny,
It's called "bad medical humor."
Kat

Ah, well....carry on.
Just checking;)
TD