Any way to get him to commit?

:confused:Help!!! I am the older woman who really wants a committment from my younger man. He's 21 and says that he is way too young to settle. I have 2 young children and fear that he may never be ready and my kids will be broken hearted too. Sometimes i think he uses his age as an excuse... I was 21 when I first got married...my YM says that my marriage ending was becauseI was too young. I disagree! It ended because we never loved eachother and we got married for the wrong reasons. My YM and I feel that we are eachother's PERFECT...so why would he want to wait. Don't get me wrong, I do kinda understand, and then again I kinda don't. Any advise?

How old are you? How long have the two of you known each other? How long have you been a couple? Is he finished with his schooling? Has he started a career yet? Does he have a good job? Do you have a good job?

You married at 21, but what happened to your husband?

There is no good way to rush, urge or coerce anyone into marriage sooner than they say they are ready for it. All you can do is be very patient. Give him time and show him that you are the best match possible for him. My YM turns 26 tomorrow and while we are an amazing couple, I will not rush him to the altar. I understand that since you have children, you probably desire the stability of another marriage, but also at 21, your YM may not be ready to be a daddy yet. I know that with many men, they may have the strong love feelings for their woman, but wait on the marrying until they can make enough money to be a proper husband.

Imo, 21 is too young a age for most to get married and to do it successfully. The human brain doesn't finish developing until the age of 25. And the part to develop last is frontal lobe area where the decision making is located. And I think this is why young people have the potential for more car accidents. Once they reach 25, their car insurance rates drop.

If you push for marriage now, there may come a time when he will feel the need to leave you to experience more of life. Not necessarily other women, but just all the different things all young single people ought to experience without the burdens of a family. Things like travelling or more schooling. I have to say that I am sad when I hear of teenage pregnancies.

First off how long have you been together? tell us about your relationship ..how things have been more about him as well. I dont want to post advice if i dont know more hun

If you push someone into a commitment when they're not ready you're going to regret it one way or another. Either he's going to be resentful, or he's not going to be a good partner or step-dad, or something else. Everyone has the right to make choices about their own lives. If he's made the choice that he doesn't want to be married and have two kids to help raise at 21 years old, then that's his right. Your need for a commitment is not more important than his need to live his life the way he sees fit.

I was 21 when I first got married...my YM says that my marriage ending was becauseI was too young. I disagree! It ended because we never loved eachother and we got married for the wrong reasons.
Not to be harsh, but if you and your exhusband never loved each other, then you shouldn't have had TWO children together. I can understand having one child and then having to get married, but having a second one just compounded the mistake of a loveless marriage. I hope that your ex pays child support.

Unfortunately, marrying a woman with two kids is not as simple as marrying a woman with no children at all. I think that he is wise to be taking marriage so seriously. Marriage should never be entered into lightly.

:confused:Help!!! I am the older woman who really wants a committment from my younger man. He's 21 and says that he is way too young to settle. I have 2 young children and fear that he may never be ready and my kids will be broken hearted too. Sometimes i think he uses his age as an excuse... I was 21 when I first got married...my YM says that my marriage ending was becauseI was too young. I disagree! It ended because we never loved eachother and we got married for the wrong reasons. My YM and I feel that we are eachother's PERFECT...so why would he want to wait. Don't get me wrong, I do kinda understand, and then again I kinda don't. Any advise?

I had to reread this a few times before i posted.

Your Ym is not ready to commit yet and your pushing him that way it seems. You cant force anyone to marry you it makes them very resentful and is a good way to end it:(
He wants to make sure he is ready maybe mentally, money wise as well before he settles down.
My question is how long have you all been dating..months year years ???

Imo, 21 is too young a age for most to get married and to do it successfully. The human brain doesn't finish developing until the age of 25. And the part to develop last is frontal lobe area where the decision making is located. And I think this is why young people have the potential for more car accidents. Once they reach 25, their car insurance rates drop..

Kinda sorta almost right.

The brain isnt fully developed until the age of 25 true, and yes it is the frontal lobe area, but it is more in regards to impulse control on decision making. So lets say if a young adult has been given lots of responsibility in their lives then their impulse control would be more developed than another young adult who had not, cause and effect, action and reaction..etc etc. By the time you turn 25 your brain has trimmed away the pathways that have not been in use in decision making. Which would suck if you have overbearing parents that make your decisions for you, then you probably end up shiftless and living in your parents garage until you become geriatric. Until that age a young adult relies more on their limbic system which functions more on emotions and motivation, because young adults are run more by emotion and motivation they are more likely to think things through when it comes to major decisions in order to develop those pathways.

The quiz will be scheduled at noon tomorrow everyone please bring a #2 pencil.:tongue2:

As for the actual post..lady you cant force a man to marry, he has obviously thought things through enough to know that he isnt ready to marry. You might have been ready but youre a completely different person than he is. Nagging him and guilting him about it wont do anything but make him look for someone who wont.

:)Thanks everyone. You are all right... I shouldn't push for marriage, but is wanting some sort of committment from him (for the sake of my kids) too much?
Let me clear some stuff up: I am 31. I was 21 when I got married the first time! Yeah, I know, sounds really bad (we were BFs that thought it better to be together than alone) that is until he started snorting all of our money and decided he should tell me he was gay and only married me to make his Mom happy. We were married for 18 months. Marriage 2 was to the father of my children. He was mentally and physically abusive to me following the birth of baby #2. I didn't want my daughter to think it was ok for a girl to be treated that way. My YM and I have know eachother for 2 years and have dated for 1. Typing this makes me feel sooooo stupid to think that he, or any other 'normal' guy would be ready for marriage yet. I appreciate all of the advise! I haven't actually pushed for marriage with my YM. But I'm sure he senses that it is what I want. I gotta back down. He is in his last year of college, works part-time, and lives with his parents (I won't let him move in with me and the kids). I have an awesome job in the medical field and don't need his financial support. Any other questions?

Thanks again!

So you've been married twice? Well he sounds like a terrific guy, so just be patient. I also think what YM like about OW is that we tend to have our sh*t together and don't freak out over petty nonsense. Less drama etc... So just be calm, steady and consistent in your actions and he will get there (marriage) eventually.

Otherwise, it seems to me that currently the young people are taking longer to really mature and shoulder adult responsibility. And divorce rates are only increasing. I'm basing this on personal observation only. My YM's 90 year old grandfather just past away and he led an extraordinary life. Then I think about my own grandparents and parents and what they were doing in their 20's. The kids today are almost spoiled with their credit cards, xbox gaming and be able to lease $30K+ cars. It's that they and the rest of our culture have more playing ability. Previous generations led a more austere lifestyle and it was easier to commit to lifetime marriage to one person because that is what society expected of them. Now, divorce is easy and is the common and easy way out of a less than perfect marriage.

What's actually best for your children (aside from you marrying your YM) is to see that you are in a stable loving situation with him, one filled with a lot of love and respect, and good communication and understanding of the other one's needs. You and you YM's actions are far more important to them that a marriage certificate. And should your relationship with him not work out, the breakup should be calm and drama-free.

Perhaps at this two year mark, the two of you could be considered going steady? Would he object to the two of you exchanging promise rings or bracelets as a symbol of commitment for your kids?