Pick up bar?

So - be honest! How many of you met your SO at a bar / pickup bar?

My last relationship was through a mutual friend. Never really had much luck with the bar scene.

We met at a bar.

I was dating anothjer guy and Jeremy kept saying, "He's no good for you. He treats you like crap. You should go out with me!"

And I kept saying, "What does a young guy like you want with a middle-aged mother of two?? And do you have a deathwish? My boyfriend is right over there and he's a jealous former Marine!!"

He didn't care. And I eventually relented. (My bf had been killed first in a mugging, but that's another story.)

Related: Found out recently that the rumor was that Jeremy & I had had my BF killed - until they caught the muggers. People are CRAZY!!

Related: Found out recently that the rumor was that Jeremy & I had had my BF killed - until they caught the muggers. People are CRAZY!!
You do look like outlaws in that picture. :p


I've never met anyone in a bar. I don't tend to take someone flirting at a bar seriously. I did meet my ex-husband at a keg party though.

Not me! I have never met a man in a bar.

I've never met anyone in a bar that I've had a long-term relationship with.

I've had a lot of fun in bars with guys in my younger days, but I never took any of them very seriously. I met my husband when someone brought him to my house to a party....uninvited! It was the fourth of July, and he was setting off all kinds of fireworks...I thought he was a wild, adventuresome guy, and I later met him in a bar accidentally...and it went on from there!

It lasted twelve years.

You do look like outlaws in that picture. :p


I've never met anyone in a bar. I don't tend to take someone flirting at a bar seriously. I did meet my ex-husband at a keg party though.

OK, that's the second time in 12 hours that someone made an "outlaw" reference to me! Hmmmm.....:p

I've never met any of my boyfriends at a bar or a club. One was met while joining a very bad local rock band, another was a co-worker's brother. Then another at an antique pottery show. My current was on a message board and I liked his posts. He never talked about going out to pick up girls, he never asked me my age or for a picture, but we would talk a lot on aim. I was and still am impressed that he was one of the only guys I know that has absolutely no porn pictures or videos on his computer. He just isn't interested in that sort of thing. He's a very old fashioned in his morals and musical tastes. I think a good term for him would be NOS (new old stock).

My YM's mom (just turned 50) met her second husband at a bookstore.

I met my ex-husband in a bar, but it was a local hangout, and the drinking age was 18 back then and all my high school friends and i hung out there :)

So it was kinda just a meeting place, and some of my friends happened to be his friends, and he was home from the service on a leave, and i'd never met him. The rest was (hideous LOL) history...

I wouldnt expect to meet an SO in a bar nowadays (at my age). I'm sure i could meet a hookup...but i think the chances that i'd meet someone there who'd want something long-term would be rare.

me neither, never met anyone in a bar, hoped to and had to intent to meet someone interesting but all i ever met were skanks. i think its cause i went to more club like settings, maybe at local watering holes its easier to met people.

:tongue2:OK, that's the second time in 12 hours that someone made an "outlaw" reference to me! Hmmmm.....:p

nah you look to me like the sallon girl and the cowboy hehe:yes::bgrin2:

:tongue2:

nah you look to me like the sallon girl and the cowboy hehe:yes::bgrin2:


Me I would go for the new "Bonnie and Clyde" duo. :bgrin2:

OK, that's the second time in 12 hours that someone made an "outlaw" reference to me! Hmmmm.....:p

Interestingly enough - that packer picture in the back of your signature brings back memories of home! I'm from WI originally

Where was that taken?? I grew up in Appleton, went to college in Milwaukee.

It's the bar in Riverwest (Milwaukee) where we met. We still hang out there occasionally!

I've never understood the belief that pick-up bars are a bad place to meet people, if by "pick-up bars" we mean places that have bands, dancing, and serve alcohol, the people are just people.

Met my first love in a bar. Met a man that I was married to for 22 years and shared a life most people only dream about in a bar. Met the sweet, sweet younger man that was the icing on my cake - and the most awesome sex of my life (and I have had some awesome sex ;) ) - in a bar.

Bars have been berry, berry good to me! :yes::bgrin2:

I've met people that I ended up in relationships with in all kinds of places. One in church, a few in school, some at work, a couple on the internet, and yes, even one at a bar.

Actually, it's been so long since I was in an establishment that serves alcohol as their primary source of income, I forgot there's a difference between a "pub", a "bar", and a "club". I guess that the one guy I met and ended up being engaged to for a while I met in a "club". I had been asked out by a guy who came into the restaurant where I was working, and at that time, the date got up to go to the men's room when someone else in the club approached me. I don't remember the whole conversation... something about noticing me from the other side of the room, nice to meet you, etc. I may have told him I was a college student, but that would be the extent of the conversation. My date returned, and I think we left shortly after. A couple of weeks later, the guy who had approached me in the club gave me a call. I'm not sure how he got my name OR phone number, but he says he tracked it down by knowing I was a student at the university. I guess he knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who had access to the school records or something and could get my home phone number (no cell phones in those days).

I wouldn't go into a bar anymore these days, I think. I'd be afraid of meeting someone that was an alcoholic like my first husband. Of course, that could happen that I could meet an alcoholic anywhere, but I bet there's a higher percentage of alcoholics in a bar than at other places - greater chance of me meeting an alcoholic - at least that's my fear and I do not EVER want to be married to a drinker/alcoholic ever again in my life. One hellish experience is enough for me, thanks.

I think in most "pick up bars," people (men lol) are looking for one nite stands, or just hookups. Not ALL...you might get lucky and find relatioships. I do think in the smaller, local bars there's more chance to meet people to actually make a friendship/relationship with. JMHO

And if thats NOT what they're looking for, then they're surely at least going by looks - they have the whole bar to look around at... I do much better when people know my personality.

Out of the 7 main relationships in my life hmmmm.
Well, first and second were met through friends and I was a teenager.
Third, in the circus......he was a Bulgarian acrobat LOL
Fourth, ex husband #1, ..... at the theater after one of my performances.
Fifth, my kid's father, in Daytona during bike week........he was riding with our group.
Sixth, soon to be ex-husband #2,........he was working at the local pub in Idaho. Great place to go and hang for everyone from the professors at the Uof I, to the students, hippies, bands, locals, etc...
Seventh, recent and going strong, well, we met the first time at a very longtime local bar. The second meeting was about him doing work on my house. The third was him taking me, as a friend after my two week old back surgery, to go sing Karaoke and help me to not get bumped or knocked over by any drunk people.
From there? Well, we just "are" and go many places together....so there you have it.
I have found no difference in where I have met someone as to it working out any better or any worse.
Blessings, TD

I wouldn't go into a bar anymore these days, I think. I'd be afraid of meeting someone that was an alcoholic like my first husband. Of course, that could happen that I could meet an alcoholic anywhere, but I bet there's a higher percentage of alcoholics in a bar than at other places - greater chance of me meeting an alcoholic - at least that's my fear and I do not EVER want to be married to a drinker/alcoholic ever again in my life. One hellish experience is enough for me, thanks.


Tell me about it!!!! Although I enjoy a margarita or a glass of wine once in a while (I'd actually enjoy them often, but I have a cranky backlash :( ), I am not into drinking everyday and prefer not be in a romantic relationship with someone who does, sooooooooooo anyhoo, I meet this gorgeous guy in a pick-up-bar-club and he's drinking Coke - which makes me very happy .... ... .... .... come to find out, alcoholics drink Coke when they're trying to stay off the booze. :(

I think in most "pick up bars," people (men lol) are looking for one nite stands, or just hookups. Not ALL...you might get lucky and find relatioships. I do think in the smaller, local bars there's more chance to meet people to actually make a friendship/relationship with. JMHO

And if thats NOT what they're looking for, then they're surely at least going by looks - they have the whole bar to look around at... I do much better when people know my personality.

Very true, Jellybean, but it's been my experience that men like the old song says, "fool around and fall in love", so the fact that they are they to get laid doesn't preclude a relationship.

WARNING: OLD LADY PERSPECTIVE WARNING: A TEENSIE SEXIST WARNING: SOUNDS LIKE A LECTURE, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY SHARING
I know this is not a hard and fast rule and I know that people have had long-term relationships resulting from sex on the first date, but my many years on this earth have taught me: if you are looking for a good time, go ahead and have sex on the night you get picked up/pick someone up in a bar; if you are hoping for a serious, long-term relationship, don't. Dance all night. Leave the bar and go to a coffee shop. Go out for breakfast. Talk. Get to know each other a little bit. Enjoy the newness. Enjoy that delicious feeling of knowing that someone w-a-n-t-s you. Enjoy the sexual tension. Enjoy the anticipation.

Date for awhile. Sometimes a hornie man (and I assume hornie women, also) need a little sex-free space and a little time to find out how much they like someone. I also think it makes a difference to a man whether they just want sex with someone, or whether they want sex with A someone, and that wanting A someone comes with that little extra time.

I totally agree, Chatter. And i've done both lol. I have nothing against just going for it, if you need the sex (i think we all know that by now ;) ). But i also have learned not to expect that it will "turn into" love.

I used to blame guys for the way my relationships went, now i kinda - more or less lol - blame myself. I go into it expecting too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I give great sex, because i love it, but i think i also think the guy will want to be with me more because he loves the sex. - Yeah, he'll want to be with me more...but FOR the sex...duh! :)

BUT, i am who i am, and that aint changin now...

I still have my online friend - we havent met in RL yet - and i chat with an old friend from work who i've always had a thing for, a YM who's been a great friend but i'm also attracted to, and now i let him now how it is, because we're on different shifts and it wouldnt be uncomfortable if it didnt work out (and i also know that he did want to fool around before).

He's always had a little bit of my heart, so i'm hoping for something there, but i dont worry about ANY of it anymore...i really dont.

sorry for the rambling...i slept late and just enjoying my coffee :D

[/QUOTE] Date for awhile. Sometimes a hornie man (and I assume hornie women, also) need a little sex-free space and a little time to find out how much they like someone. I also think it makes a difference to a man whether they just want sex with someone, or whether they want sex with A someone, and that wanting A someone comes with that little extra time.[/QUOTE]

I must be a unique hybrid, LOL. Meet my current BF (i hate that word, boyfriend) in a local pub but followed the scenario above as far as sex was concerned. Now, it was not my decision. I was ready to jump him for about 2 years. But, against my wishes, we followed his gameplan and things have worked out quite nicely. It is the most compete relationship I think I have ever had. He knows things about me that I forgot I told him...I would recommended getting to know someone before jumping their bones. I am just glad it was worth the wait...what if he had been bad in bed, ye gods...

He drinks and so do I, but I don't consider either of us alcoholics. The pub is just a fun place to hang out with friends.

"A hybrid"! :D Cute!

PS: I am NOT saying "no hot and heavy panting and kissing" on the first date! That's part of the fun and it gives each person a little taste to keep them interested. NO, not THAT KIND of taste!!! :p

And I agree with you, Jellybean, that sometimes men and women just want to "go for it" and that's okay as long as both are looking for the same thing. But in addition to increasing the chances that each of you gets a chance to get to know someone if you put off the sex, we get to have the deeeeeelicious feeling of just real hot and heavy making out that we had when we were kids! Sccccccchhhhhhhhhhhweeeeeet! In some ways, better than sex. Not as a replacement, of course, but as a delightful appetizer or just a fun time all by itself! :D

PS: I am NOT saying "no hot and heavy panting and kissing" on the first date! That's part of the fun and it gives each person a little taste to keep them interested. NO, not THAT KIND of taste!!! :p

And I agree with you, Jellybean, that sometimes men and women just want to "go for it" and that's okay as long as both are looking for the same thing. But in addition to increasing the chances that each of you gets a chance to get to know someone if you put off the sex, we get to have the deeeeeelicious feeling of just real hot and heavy making out that we had when we were kids! Sccccccchhhhhhhhhhhweeeeeet! In some ways, better than sex. Not as a replacement, of course, but as a delightful appetizer or just a fun time all by itself! :D

I have to agree!

I knew a woman that met her rich entrepreneurial husband through a small neighborhood bar like Cheers. But she didn't rush into bed with him. She managed a small furniture store and was fairly clean cut and preppy looking.

If you want a long term relationship out, build a non-sexual friendship first. If the guy can't wait, then he's not worth falling in love with. I despise guys that think more with the head in their pants. Ick.

PS: I am NOT saying "no hot and heavy panting and kissing" on the first date! That's part of the fun and it gives each person a little taste to keep them interested. NO, not THAT KIND of taste!!! :p

And I agree with you, Jellybean, that sometimes men and women just want to "go for it" and that's okay as long as both are looking for the same thing. But in addition to increasing the chances that each of you gets a chance to get to know someone if you put off the sex, we get to have the deeeeeelicious feeling of just real hot and heavy making out that we had when we were kids! Sccccccchhhhhhhhhhhweeeeeet! In some ways, better than sex. Not as a replacement, of course, but as a delightful appetizer or just a fun time all by itself! :D

Oh i totally agree!!!!

Thats what my online friend and i talk about all the time. All that making out of the old days!!

And miu...i totally agree with you, also!

After 16 months of hot and heavy "making out" actually doing it the first time felt really weird.

He asked me why it felt weird and I said it was kind of like really, really, really wanting a pony but knowing you weren't going to get one. Then, you wake up one morning and there is a pony and you think what the heck should i do with this pony. LOL He literally did wake me up one morning and said "Guess what time it is?" It was one of the strangest, oddest but nicest experiences. Took a couple of times for me to, well, shall we say, saddle up?