Practical financial matters...

How to protect yourselves? This would be relevant to any kind of relationship but I guess the age gap relationship when one partner is quite young, would probably be more so. I am financially secure and own my own home and I am loathe to share this with anyone, as I never want a time to come when a relationship fails and someone tries to take half of what I already have. Many/ most younger men are not in such a secure position and this makes me extremely nervous/ cautious when it comes to long term relationships. Am I the only one with these qualms and if not, how do/ did others resolve them... thanks in advance!

I would get a prenuptial agreement, establishing the rules in case of a divorce. Get a good lawyer who can help you.

Do you have children? Make a will to make sure that upon your passing, your wishes are respected.

I would also be concerned about co-signing loans, and other binding financial documents that may leave you with an obligation after a possible divorce.

Also find out about the laws in your country/state about common law marriages and the rights of the parties. For example here in Panama you are married after 7 years of living together. So that is something to watch out for too.

I "invested" a small bit of money in a business that my guy was starting. Other than that, I'm not going to give him any money at all, unless I'm asking him to do some kind of work that contributes to our household and I happen to be making more money than he is.

Even the investment I made is risky - well all investments are. But he doesn't want to take my money, and doesn't want to have any kind of financial thing like this in the middle of our relationship because he doesn't ever want me to think he's taking advantage of me, or that it's the reason why he's with me. So even though we agreed on a much longer time frame for the "return on the investment" (ROI), he's trying to work double time now to save enough to pay me back NOW.

I'm lucky - as a muslim woman, whatever I have is always mine to keep anyway, and he knows that because he knows my rights as a muslim woman (that's a blessing, too - that he knows my rights). No matter what his age, or his position, it's his religious duty to provide for ME the necessities of life (that is, if we're married - which would be the only way he'd be living with me anyway). I can be the richest woman in the world and he the poorest man, but if we're married, he'd still have the duty to cover all my necessities. I keep everything that I make as income or whatever, and he can't touch it unless I decide to give him anything myself.

But since I live in a non-Muslim country where these laws aren't always considered, and I live in a "50%/50% community property state", I'd get a prenuptial agreement stating my rights. Actually, that is also an Islamic law - to get a prenuptial agreement. If I do things properly in the religious sense, I'll be doing that, too.

I'm pretty young so I don't have a lot of investments and assets. I rent an apartment, a 401k account, and a savings account.

If you have plentiful I agree with the previous poster about getting a prenup. I also learned that if you are in a long term relationship or you are married to always keep a seperate bank account with your name only. Also be careful cosigning.

A prenup if you marry, or a cohabitation agreement if you live together. In CO, if you live together for 2 years, it's considered common law marriage and only a prenup will protect you. In other non-common law states, definitely do a cohabitation agreement. I learned this the very hard way, believe me.

I recently went through a divorce, and as the partner in the marriage with the higher income, it cost me big time!! While I am not anxious to relive that experience, and in the future I will have a prenuptual agreement, I have to say that during the marriage I never worried once about sharing my assets. And even in the divorce it did not bother me that he got half of what we, as a couple, had generated in income. I doubt that it will bother me again.

What I want to avoid at all costs is alimony. That the laws entitle an able bodied, educated person with a PhD and a university position to continue to encroach on my income for seven more years makes me want to scream!! (Lol, and I have!!) That said, I am still idealistic enough to think that when you find someone you want to share you life with, you have to go into that relationship with a sense of generosity.

I recently went through a divorce, and as the partner in the marriage with the higher income, it cost me big time!! While I am not anxious to relive that experience, and in the future I will have a prenuptual agreement, I have to say that during the marriage I never worried once about sharing my assets. And even in the divorce it did not bother me that he got half of what we, as a couple, had generated in income. I doubt that it will bother me again.

What I want to avoid at all costs is alimony. That the laws entitle an able bodied, educated person with a PhD and a university position to continue to encroach on my income for seven more years makes me want to scream!! (Lol, and I have!!) That said, I am still idealistic enough to think that when you find someone you want to share you life with, you have to go into that relationship with a sense of generosity.


I think I may share your sentiments Rozie (I'm a "romantic" like you :) )

Hey are you sure you have to continue to pay alimony? When I first divorced my first husband (who is a Harvard undergrad and a Boalt Hall lawyer), he was first ordered to pay me $200 a month alimony. But he got that stopped after like just 2 months on the basis that I am "young and healthy and able". I didn't have a job then either.

Don't kno what to tell you Alawiy, except that two lawyers I consulted, his lawyer and the arbitrator all said the same thing. I am really bitter about this and to add insult to injury, the only outstanding loans in that marriage were MY student loans which I still have to pay off. Why was there no debt? Because we paid things off as we went. So in my mind, he has already benefitted more than he realizes, and this whole thing is simply punitive.

My YM, on the other hand, would be happy to live in trailer with me.
Very different personalities. I'm just happy the marriage is over.

Don't kno what to tell you Alawiy, except that two lawyers I consulted, his lawyer and the arbitrator all said the same thing. I am really bitter about this and to add insult to injury, the only outstanding loans in that marriage were MY student loans which I still have to pay off. Why was there no debt? Because we paid things off as we went. So in my mind, he has already benefitted more than he realizes, and this whole thing is simply punitive.

My YM, on the other hand, would be happy to live in trailer with me.
Very different personalities. I'm just happy the marriage is over.

Awww... man, that really sucks. Well my ex I think is waiting for me to get a job again so he can try and get me to pay him somehow.

That's so sweet about your YM... mine said that, too (that he could live with me just about anywhere - didn't matter to him). Thankfully, I have no debt, just recurring expenses that could be stopped any time. I loathe owing money to anyone though. I have always tried to do things without loans. It's just a thing with me. Both my husbands on the other hand got us into deep deep debt. That's one thing I like about being alone - being able to make the decisions and NOT spend!