I hate "I'm old enough to be your mother"

I just HATE when some women inquire about OW/YM relationships and say "I'm old enough to be your mother". That is VERY IGNORANT!!!! The principle is that she is NOT his mother, nor a relative at all! So that statement is irrelevant!

I just HATE when some women inquire about OW/YM relationships and say "I'm old enough to be your mother". That is VERY IGNORANT!!!! The principle is that the guy is NOT her mother, nor a relative at all! So that statement is irrelevant!


Um.... Not her son maybe? :)

I understand your point, but you are talking about a very emotional thing. Where intense emotions rule, logic is thrown out the window.

Enjoyinglife,

I hope you are not feeling frustrated by women who feed you that line before dismissing you. I have NEVER had an older lady feed me that line.

I might've got something like "I'd prefer someone a little older," but never that "mother" nonsense.

Just prepare some quick comebacks and have them ready on the tip of your tongue. Maybe something like "Oh really?? Well, it's a good thing I'm looking for a girlfriend and not a Mom!" Always have a smile ready and try not to show anger ..... even if you're ready to blow a gasket! LOL

Good luck!

Thankfully, I'm NOT old enough to be Rob's mother, so that little gem of a comment no longer comes up...it's now "aren't you a little white to be with that guy?" or "he needs to be dating a nice strong native woman, not some white *****"...

Thankfully, I'm NOT old enough to be Rob's mother, so that little gem of a comment no longer comes up...it's now "aren't you a little white to be with that guy?" or "he needs to be dating a nice strong native woman, not some white *****"...

Ya know when people say that to me only had it happen a few times..I just laugh and go ya LUCKY ME HUH and walk away. One time had someone say how can you have sex with someone that young..i just said EASY i laid down and took it like a champ..they dont know what to say after that LOL

Ya know when people say that to me only had it happen a few times..I just laugh and go ya LUCKY ME HUH and walk away. One time had someone say how can you have sex with someone that young..i just said EASY i laid down and took it like a champ..they dont know what to say after that LOL

DAAAAAMN, Cham!! You are good! :D

"Easy, I laid down and took it like a champ!" I LOVE IT!! :p

I am older than his mother would be a great reply :D Its funny that those who speak of these bs would be ever ready to drop their pants when ever they get a chance with one of those so called older ladies :rolleyes: The ' I 'associated with human beings is not the body which he or she posses, but is represented by the immortal soul which is our true self...and soul is forever young .

I am 37, the lady I love is 73. So yes, she is old enough to be my mother.

But the thing is, I don't see her as a mother.

I love her for her, plus the fact that she looks very sexy, very distinguished, she has a strong personality and all.

It's actually a phrase that makes no logical sense. Being a certain age has very little to do with actually being someone's parent...whether biological or adoptive. The more accurate phrase would be..."I could be a similar age to someone who is your mother." In other words "your mother and I might possibly be contemporaries--at least generation wise." But that's not necessarily so. And also it doesn't always relate to the age of the actual potential partner. I have a male friend is 28 (I'm 48). His parents are ten years older than me. Then, I actually had a couple of casual dates with a man who is 33 and his parents were the same age as me because they got pregnant as teenagers and then divorced.

Also, I'm a legal assistant and work for attorneys. Well...as I get older, many of the attorneys get younger and they are my bosses. One of my attorneys is early thirties. I suppose technically I COULD be at an age where biologically I could have a son his age. I'm not going to say to him..."Hey, kid, you could be my son!" Not if I want a good year-end review, raise, and bonus!!! No, I relate to him as my boss. He's been an attorney for several years. I'm not going to be "freaked out" because my "boss" is much younger than me. That's just the roles we are in due to our respective professional positions. An attorney is always going to be the boss to a legal assistant.

No difference in any kind of relationship. If I am on a date with a man who is at an age where I could have a biological son his age, I'm not going to say that. Talk about killing the mood! When I'm on a date with a man...he is the man and I am the woman. Age makes no differnce.

And Silverspice...when are you going to get the nerve to do something about your "love". When I'm 73 years old, I'd be overjoyed to have a nice, attractive 37 year old man ask me out!;) I'm sure it would make her day!

It's actually a phrase that makes no logical sense. Being a certain age has very little to do with actually being someone's parent...whether biological or adoptive....

You're absolutely right, Rosebud. It's a complete non-sequitur and I think women who toss it out are:

(a) Nervously trying to dismiss the possibility of something that seems exciting but somehow "inappropriate."
(b) Shocked by the "taboo" flavor of such an advance from a ym, so they seek to counter it with the inference of a counter-taboo, which would be maternal incest.
(c) In need of a sustained campaign of persuasion by a determined YM. :D

Item (c) is meant half-jokingly. If the older lady in question makes the annoying "mother" comment without actually saying "No!" I would say she's open to persuasion.

As a YM, I would label her with (a) and assume she means "This might work but I'm a little nervous about it. Are you sure it's okay, and if so, why??"


Does my reasoning make sense to others?

When somebody tells me "you are old enough to be his mother" I say "I am actually older than his mother", with a smile. That normally shuts them up.

Now for guys: Too bad you guys do not live in Latin America. Here that "Im old enough to be your mother" immediately gets you a "Si, mi amor, quieres ser mi mamacita?" So we older women cannot use age as a dismisal. :rolleyes: Of course you can pretend you are hispanic and solve the problem with this method.

LOL - I guess my response would be, "so what? You're not!" and be done with it.

When somebody tells me "you are old enough to be his mother" I say "I am actually older than his mother", with a smile. That normally shuts them up.

Now for guys: Too bad you guys do not live in Latin America. Here that "Im old enough to be your mother" immediately gets you a "Si, mi amor, quieres ser mi mamacita?" So we older women cannot use age as a dismisal. :rolleyes: Of course you can pretend you are hispanic and solve the problem with this method.

You dirty girl. For you Sheila I say...

"íA si lo que mamacita ahora!" :prayer:

I'm hoping that what I wrote is at least legible, lol! My Spanish, I admit, is terrible!

I have no idea what either of you are saying but I'm guessing it's kinky!:confused: All I got was amor and mamacita I need to call my aunts bf to translate.....

If a woman tries that line on me I just smile, say "But you're not" and take the convo in a different direction.

DAAAAAMN, Cham!! You are good! :D

"Easy, I laid down and took it like a champ!" I LOVE IT!! :p

LOL ty!:bow:

Shiela LOL i have told people that to..Yes I am old enough to be his mom and old enought o be his moms older sister...I love the looks on their faces!!

DAVE YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!!! LOL

You dirty girl. For you Sheila I say...

"íA si lo que mamacita ahora!" :prayer:

I'm hoping that what I wrote is at least legible, lol! My Spanish, I admit, is terrible!
It is legible, perfect spelling, but I am still trying to figure out what it means. :p

But I bet that if you tell that to a guy he will have no problem figuring it out. LOL

i doesnt really bother me when people notice, i dont notice anymore and that is what is the most important to me.

to me its like this....SO WHAT. I just cant fathom up the brain energy anymore to get really hot about this subject. he is younger, so what.

although sometimes (just for a laugh) I make a little "cougar" hiss and pretend like i am a big cat just to have a giggle after adam and i notice someone is surprized at our relationship.

i am a girly girl anyway and he has tattoo's all over the darn place, on that front we dont look compatible either, but we are.

MEOW!

Okay, I admit I may have said something along those lines to a young man or two. :p But I had good reason. Many people tell me I don't look anywhere near my true age. So, when a significantly younger man approached with romantic intentions, I had to find out if he realized how old I am before proceeding further. It is rather blunt, yes, but if a man can't take that sort of bluntness, he has no business chasing after much older women, because he will likely hear it from his friends, his family, everyone.

So, I say, get it over with right away. Find out first thing if the two of you can handle it.

Thankfully, I'm NOT old enough to be Rob's mother, so that little gem of a comment no longer comes up...it's now "aren't you a little white to be with that guy?" or "he needs to be dating a nice strong native woman, not some white *****"...

Not to hijack, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I had it a little with my ex Native American bf, but only from that side of the family (he was 1/2 Irish, too), but not ever with Jeremy's family.

We just came back from the annual July 4th get-together in Antigo, WI and it was truly a melting pot:
Native American, Puerto Rican, Mexican, Polish, German, Irish, Greek, African American, Italian & Iranian (family & dear friends) were all in attendance!

I won't get into all of the OTHER drama, LOL.....

Oh, and I never gave the "old enough to be your mother line to Jeremy because I'm NOT! I did ask him, "What the heck do you want with a middle-aged mother of two??" LOL!

, but if a man can't take that sort of bluntness, he has no business chasing after much older women, because he will likely hear it from his friends, his family, everyone.

So, I say, get it over with right away. Find out first thing if the two of you can handle it.

Great point, Ginger!!

I am two years younger than my YM's mom. Whew!

BTW speaking of women old enough to be their mom, there are some seriously hot women over 40 in this list:

http://bix.yahoo.com/contest/6892

I am 37, the lady I love is 73. So yes, she is old enough to be my mother.

But the thing is, I don't see her as a mother.

I love her for her, plus the fact that she looks very sexy, very distinguished, she has a strong personality and all.

You proved my point, thank you! Good reply.

i doesnt really bother me when people notice, i dont notice anymore and that is what is the most important to me.

to me its like this....SO WHAT. I just cant fathom up the brain energy anymore to get really hot about this subject. he is younger, so what.

although sometimes (just for a laugh) I make a little "cougar" hiss and pretend like i am a big cat just to have a giggle after adam and i notice someone is surprized at our relationship.

i am a girly girl anyway and he has tattoo's all over the darn place, on that front we dont look compatible either, but we are.

MEOW!


That's good, I'm VERY happy for you and your relationship! :-)

Miu, I also am 2 years younger than my husband's mom. I have gotten the "is that your son?" line enough times to make me seriously wish for plastic surgery. He says it does't bother him, but I really hate it!!!:mad:

However, I dated a younger man when I was in my middle forties, same age gap, and although we sometimes got looks or questions it never really bothered me until after the age of 50 for some reason. I guess I still felt attractive at that age. *shrug*

Miu, I also am 2 years younger than my husband's mom. I have gotten the "is that your son?" line enough times to make me seriously wish for plastic surgery. He says it does't bother him, but I really hate it!!!:mad:

However, I dated a younger man when I was in my middle forties, same age gap, and although we sometimes got looks or questions it never really bothered me until after the age of 50 for some reason. I guess I still felt attractive at that age. *shrug*

I am one year older then Kais mom but she looks older then me...I am just waiting for some wanker to say to me OMG your older then his mum!

Miu, I also am 2 years younger than my husband's mom. I have gotten the "is that your son?" line enough times to make me seriously wish for plastic surgery. He says it does't bother him, but I really hate it!!!:mad:

Don't waste time getting mad. Step up to the plate with quick comebacks like Cham does!! :cool:

The instant response to that inquiry is to put on your best smile and reply: "Nope, not my kid. Is he yours??"





You always, always REDIRECT and put the spotlight on those that seek to nose into your business. :D :cool: And always smile if you can. You never want to let 'em see you sweat. :)

LOL Harrison! I love that. *Puts it in notebook for future use*

When my VYM started to flirt with me I was smiling to myself but began with the I'm old enough to be your grandmother line - he quickly did the math and said no you can't be (which I'm not) unless you gave birth at age 9

Then it was I'm old enough to be your mother to which he kept saying but you're not and I don't see you like that

The last attempt by me to make sure that he really liked me/this was the right thing to do was to say I'm really worried I am cradle snatching, to which he said well I'm not in a cradle and you haven't snatched me :D

To be honest it sometimes crosses my mind from time to time but I'm getting used to the idea that its OK to like each other and focus on what a good time we have and what we share and give each other and NOT our ages/life experiences

I don't feel it is a taboo at all anymore and I'm grateful for that lesson

Usually, actually, when someone says "your son", I just naturally look all confused, and go "huh??? he's not my son!". Depending on who it is, I've been known to add, "that would be highly illegal"

I AM old enough to be his mother. That's a simple fact. It'd be pretty silly for anyone to get upset for someone making that assumption. You can usually tell when it's done in a snide way. If he's sitting there with his arm over my shoulder, and someone says your son, uh, duh.

I not only told him I was old enough to be his mother, I beat him up with that I was going to be elderly when he was still fairly young, that I had kids older than him, actually every possible turn off I could come up with. I knew I'd done that to death when he wistfully asked me one day, if, since I'd sent him so many pictures to point out how bad I was, and he'd not been scared off yet, if I could possibly send him just one where I looked good. His stick toitiveness was amazing. The very first picture I sent him was one I took of myself after I'd been up all night on call, and my hair was a mess, and I had shadows under my eyes, and looked like dog meat. I told him you need to see the worst of what your getting yourself into. When he got that one, he called me and said "poor baby, you look like you need to be tucked into bed and kissed on your forehead." Gah.

Well Im not old enough to be his mother since his mother is older than my mom by a few months...but I am old enough to be his sister since he has a half sister who is a few months older than I am.

And Ive told him that once.."Im old enough to be your sister" and he said "My sisters a lesbian"..."Ok maybe not your sister then..."

Miu, I also am 2 years younger than my husband's mom. I have gotten the "is that your son?" line enough times to make me seriously wish for plastic surgery. He says it does't bother him, but I really hate it!!!:mad:
I've only gotten someone referring to my YM as my son (he's Caucasian and I'm Chinese, so I must have adopted him!) once, and it was when we were being seated at a Chinese restaurant by a Chinese man who I believe was older than me. lol. I looked startled and he quickly apologized. I know I look younger when I am smiling or laughing. I think that going into the restaurant, I was tired and hungry. We go to this place a lot, about once every two weeks or so. I wonder if the waitstaff have been wondering about us? When I worked at a little Japanese restaurant, us waitresses didn't wonder or gossip about our customers' personal lives, but we had nicknames for some of the regulars. One guy was known to us as Mr. Sushi Moriawase (a sushi combo board), because that's all he ever ordered off of our menu and he always sat by himself at the sushi bar reading. I think that he was the one that wanted his green tea very very hot, so we'd always nuke it in the microwave before serving it to him.

My YM has a few Asian friends and I used to worry that they would be able to tell that I was very much older than my YM and then say something.

I forgot if I've already told this story on this board (if so, forgive me for repeating myself). Last year, we attended the wedding of his older sister. At the rehearsal dinner, I sat across from his younger sister. The assembled large table that the restaurant had setup to hold our large party of about 25 made his sister and I sit about 4 feet away from each other. So the dinner conversations were made mostly sideways and not across the table. At one point during the dinner, I was very horrified to hear his sister start asking the people next to her how old they were. First she asked the people to her right and to her left. Then she moved onto the people next to them. It seemed like she had run out of anything else to talk about, so she was asking this just to fill in the blank air time. It was just a simple "how old are you" and nothing further. I started getting very nervous about her starting to ask the people across the table from her, but fortunately the waiters started coming by to remove our empty dishes. My YM was to my right and he was talking to his mom and never noticed or heard her line of query. I later joked that if she had gotten close to asking me my age, I would have "accidentally" knocked over my glass of water as a distraction. :D What I really felt inside was it is a very rude question to ask someone's age in public, and especially to ask a woman, and it's an added annoyance to have that question come from a 21 year old fresh faced insecure girl.

Thankfully, I'm NOT old enough to be Rob's mother, so that little gem of a comment no longer comes up...it's now "aren't you a little white to be with that guy?" or "he needs to be dating a nice strong native woman, not some white *****"...

Kerry used to tell me when she was on the board that I should not throw away age gap relationships entirely, I should simply not do the vym thing. My initial age gaps were about 22 years and that was just too much in many ways.

But that doesn't mean that a man who is 10 or so years younger would not be a good love prospect!

Ali

Kerry used to tell me when she was on the board that I should not throw away age gap relationships entirely, I should simply not do the vym thing. My initial age gaps were about 22 years and that was just too much in many ways.

But that doesn't mean that a man who is 10 or so years younger would not be a good love prospect!

Ali
I would define a VYM more as what age group they belong to, perhaps in the 18-23 range. And a YM that I might consider having a relationship is someone 24+ in age. When they are under 22, I would think them not experienced enough in the dating world to make the sound choice to be with an OW in a LTR. I don't want anyone's virginity. And I don't want a YM that was disgusted with girls his own age just because of one or two bad drama-filled relationships with them and comes running to an OW who is calm, steady and logical.

Many times, I think that it's easier to have a relationship with an older person because we already have a house, the settled life, or just more answers to life's questions, and we know how to be a good considerate s/o. Whereas the young people their own age are immature, their lives and careers up in the air, and they aren't very good company yet.

I would define a VYM more as what age group they belong to, perhaps in the 18-23 range. And a YM that I might consider having a relationship is someone 24+ in age. When they are under 22, I would think them not experienced enough in the dating world to make the sound choice to be with an OW in a LTR. I don't want anyone's virginity. And I don't want a YM that was disgusted with girls his own age just because of one or two bad drama-filled relationships with them and comes running to an OW who is calm, steady and logical.

Many times, I think that it's easier to have a relationship with an older person because we already have a house, the settled life, or just more answers to life's questions, and we know how to be a good considerate s/o. Whereas the young people their own age are immature, their lives and careers up in the air, and they aren't very good company yet.

Not necessarily. Just because a man is older than another man it doesn't mean the older man is more knowledgeable. Many older guys been through several divorces and are ABUSIVE!!

Not necessarily. Just because a man is older than another man it doesn't mean the older man is more knowledgeable. Many older guys been through several divorces and are ABUSIVE!!
True. My YM's dad's third wife is starting to realize that he isn't the man he said he was. It's too bad because when he is happy, he leaves the rest of the family alone. But this third wife is rich and protected by prenups etc... so she'll be okay.

But that is why when dating anyone, one should really take the time get to know them and their past before committing to moving in and having a long term relationship with them. Meeting their friends and family is a good start. Even hiring a PI if you get any funny vibes or somethings aren't adding up.

True. My YM's dad's third wife is starting to realize that he isn't the man he said he was. It's too bad because when he is happy, he leaves the rest of the family alone. But this third wife is rich and protected by prenups etc... so she'll be okay.

But that is why when dating anyone, one should really take the time get to know them and their past before committing to moving in and having a long term relationship with them. Meeting their friends and family is a good start. Even hiring a PI if you get any funny vibes or somethings aren't adding up.

OK, if youre thinking about hiring a PI because of funny vibes and things not adding up maybe you should really just walk away before you throw yourr money away.Your funny vibe is your intuition telling you something is wrong..things not adding up is the proof...common sense people common sense!

OK, if youre thinking about hiring a PI because of funny vibes and things not adding up maybe you should really just walk away before you throw yourr money away.Your funny vibe is your intuition telling you something is wrong..things not adding up is the proof...common sense people common sense!

I've never needed to hire a PI, but maybe it's more helpful if one has a lot of assets than the other person. And especially if it's a LDR. I've seen enough awful stories on 20/20 about people being taken by con artists, someone having multiple wives, that sort of thing. Counting on your spider sense is not good enough. And of course it's wrong to generalize, and not every restraining order is justified when two people are really having an ugly breakup.

One of my friends took a college psychology course two years ago, and his teacher cautioned her students about taking their internet friends at face value, that no one is exactly who they say they are. And those posts are written in a subjective, not objective fashion. And of course, it will be slanted in the favor of the poster. And what was interesting was that this professor married someone she met on the internet.

Also others can often misinterpret what is typed and posted, getting only what they want out of the conversations. Most people that participate in internet chats type briefly and in a shorthand. Not many people are as wordy as I am.

OK, if youre thinking about hiring a PI because of funny vibes and things not adding up maybe you should really just walk away before you throw yourr money away.Your funny vibe is your intuition telling you something is wrong..things not adding up is the proof...common sense people common sense!
I agree that hiring an investigator to follow someone around or something is pretty far out there. But I don't think there's anything wrong with running a simple background check (you can do this yourself online) just to make sure someone is who they say they are. You can't be expected to trust someone before you really know them.

I agree that hiring an investigator to follow someone around or something is pretty far out there. But I don't think there's anything wrong with running a simple background check (you can do this yourself online) just to make sure someone is who they say they are. You can't be expected to trust someone before you really know them.

Net detective is 29.95 and is AWESOME!!

I think I've said this to Devon too. I *am* definately old enough to be his mother. There is an 18/17 yr gap between us. At 18 or 17 it is possible to have a baby. I did have one then ;). It just so happens that Devon's folks had him somewhat later in life and are the same age as my parents, but that doesn't change the age gap in the least and still means I am old enough to have had him. Frankly, I think anyone with a 15 year age gap plus could have been their partner's parent because most 15 yo are capable of reproduction.

Thankfully, I'm NOT old enough to be Rob's mother, so that little gem of a comment no longer comes up...it's now "aren't you a little white to be with that guy?" or "he needs to be dating a nice strong native woman, not some white *****"...

Wow, I totally understand. My ym is Native and I get crud from his family about being Italian all the time...:(