Talk about feeling insecure...

It's amazing how electronic we have become and how simple things like phone numbers programmed into a phone can undermine us! Briefly, you can catch up on my story in the newbies board, my YM and I had talked on the phone a couple of times last week, the last time being Friday morning, with plans to catch up this weekend but nothing definite had been decided, he was going to ring me. So Saturday came and almost went and I hadn't heard anything so I sent a quicke message asking was he OK and if he wasn't busy to give me a quick call, nothing! Next morning I sent a second message quite early, didn't want to ring him and wake him but still no response, I had things on Sunday and when I got home I called but he didn't pick the call up or answer my third message, by this time I was convinced that he was ignoring me on purpose for something that I was unaware I must have done to insult/ hurt him. By this morning I was almost beside myself feeling ultimately betrayed by his total lack of communication... I get to work and log on to find a message of apology that his phone was playing up and in for repair and he wouldn't get it till Wednesday and he was sorry that he didn't get in touch with me but all my details are in the phone and on speed dial so he doesn't have to remember the number, i guess he just didn't think when he put it in for repairs. i did stop to think if I was in the same position i wouldn't know his number off by heart either (we are both quite new to each other), neither of us have a car at the moment so it isn't like you can just jump in and go visit, and i wouldn't anyway without an invite. So half my weekend was lived stressed out for no reason, talk about paranoid!

I've seen electronic gadgets put a lot of extra stresses on all kinds of relationships. It's just not (mentally) healthy to be so connected and at each other's beck and call 24/7. Fortunately, my YM is not a phone person but I've had other friends freak out because their girlfriend didn't pick up her phone right away or said she couldn't talk at that moment. Then their imaginations run wild.

I'm so glad that there weren't cellphones and pagers around when I was young. even now, I refuse to have a cellphone.

LOL i have done this to only to find out my interent was out and did not notice OMG i felt SO silly and stupid!

Ok...some thoughts...I'm not sure how "new" you & your guy are... I'm in this a little over 3 mo myself (me, 38, him 21). I've had that happen...and my guy has the WORST cell phone in the world...the battery dies suddenly, even if he charges it all night. He also loses it...forgets it and misplaces it...lol
Now, earlier in our relationship, I didn't believe this...not a word of it, I kept thinking, if he really wanted to talk to me, he would find a way...or at least charge his darn phone! I finally put my foot down and told him to go get a new phone, or at the least, a new battery...he did it. Today? It still does the same thing! It's quite annoying...so he gave me "alternate" numbers, just in case.
Here's some honesty though, sometimes they DO ignore it, or are just so pre-occupied they don't answer right away... I thought it was a game, so I tried it once...didn't answer my phone and didn't check e-mail for 2 days. I have to say, he was rather upset about it, but he got the hint.
I don't know how to explain it, but it seems (at least my YM) has certain things he doesn't think should be priority, (like replacing the phone until it really breaks) I happen to disagree. Sometimes they just don't realize that we can be insecure about this as well...but the best advice I have is BREATHE! When things come up, take a step back and think about it...don't get all irrational on yourself and on him, It's easier said than done, but you have to start the relationship out with TRUST and HONESTY, no matter what you or he have been through in the past. I get to the point sometimes when I'm FRANTIC because I haven't heard from him, then I remember... Nolan (that's him), is just Nolan... he is who he is, sometimes forgetful, but never intentionally hurtful or spiteful. I cut him some slack in my mind and calm myself... he always finds a way to get in touch.
Just be cautious if things don't start shaping up... he needs to know that contact is important to you, even if it's just a smile-face text message!

Plus, what happens, especially with young people... they give out their phone number to too many other people. It rings off the hook, maybe their cellphone bill gets out of hand, but they start shutting off their phone or ignoring it. Or they are just in a situation where they can't talk right then. Since this is the OW/YM side of the board, remember that guys just don't enjoy talking it up like us women folk do. And yes, you make plans to talk at a certain scheduled time in the future, but it's impossible to schedule in their good mood to want to chat with you. Don't turn yourself into the ball with the phone being the chain. I think that some of the appeal of having a relationship with so many boundaries and restrictions is that the guys don't have to deal with an insecure young girlfriend in their face all of the time. Just some thoughts to consider.

Otherwise, my YM and I have a huge pet peeve against people talking on their cellphones while driving. Please don't do it. It's a very dangerous habit.

Well.......


Guess what. I waited Friday for a call from my YM. He called, late late, as usual (he works til late hours, but he'll call after he's had a shower, eaten, and had some tea). Lately, he works so long that by the time all that other stuff is out of the way, he tries to talk to me, but he's already half way to dreamland. He says he'll call the next day. Next day, same routine.

So Saturday I wait.. he calls for that one minute and says he'll call back again (Sat), but he doesn't. Sunday all day I wait... nothing.

I'm sitting here late at night, chatting to an acquaintence on messenger when who shows up - after never being online for MONTHS AND MONTHS!

It's my YM! He says, "Thank God I found you on here!" Someone forgot to pay the cell phone bill and it got shut off.

I've been sitting here thinking it's impossible. After such a long string of things going wrong, I just don't believe it anymore. Then I come on here and find these posts! LOL....

I guess he's just being "a guy"....

Plus, what happens, especially with young people... they give out their phone number to too many other people. It rings off the hook, maybe their cellphone bill gets out of hand, but they start shutting off their phone or ignoring it. Or they are just in a situation where they can't talk right then. Since this is the OW/YM side of the board, remember that guys just don't enjoy talking it up like us women folk do. And yes, you make plans to talk at a certain scheduled time in the future, but it's impossible to schedule in their good mood to want to chat with you. Don't turn yourself into the ball with the phone being the chain. I think that some of the appeal of having a relationship with so many boundaries and restrictions is that the guys don't have to deal with an insecure young girlfriend in their face all of the time. Just some thoughts to consider.


I just wanted to point out that I think a lot of what you said here is stereotypes, and that *can* be a slippery slope that can end up justifying poor behavior.

Neither my SO or I enjoy talking on the phone... which of course could make a LDR quite hard. I totally agree that we should not have the phone be an electronic leash. But if we are only going to talk once a day and only for 15-20 minutes, you'd better believe that I expect that call to happen.

There was a time when Chris started getting flakier about calls, and I was very clear that this situation was not going to work until there was some dependability regarding our communication.

We still occasionally have a day or two now and again where we don't call, but no longer do we have the 2-4 day stretches without talking while I sat here and wondered if something happened.

For us, that communication was a sign of mutual respect and I would never cut any slack around it just because someone was young!

For us, that communication was a sign of mutual respect and I would never cut any slack around it just because someone was young!


I didn't say anything about cutting slack because they're young...lol I cut mine slack because he is who HE is...which is a highly intelligent human being who becomes forgetful when it comes to "regular" things! Personally, I'm glad he doesn't have a cell phone glued to him 24x7... I'd get more upset if it was ringing constantly when we were together. Please don't think because I don't have an LDR that I don't get it...I do...if I don't hear from mine in a 5 hour time span,(during work hours not included!), I do freak out! .... I just try to calm myself, because stressing out over it makes more stress on the relationship.
I don't cut mine slack because he's young at all, I expect him to be YOUNG! I expect he will be forgetful and make mistakes, and not always be "mature" about things... but sometimes they don't get it right off, and you have to keep letting them know HOW important it is to you, without laying guilt. Trust your feelings, if you feel like you're being "played", you probably are...we are the older ones here, we're supposed to be able to control our own behavior.

MisKryptonite,
I wasn't directing my post toward you at all... I was referring to Miu's post as I quoted.