Older Women and Sex Drive

We've been having a pretty good discussion on impotence. This is something that can happen to any man if the conditions are right. Women have our version of it too. It used to be called "frigid" but now is referred to as "low sex drive." It can be the result of illness, injury or menopause and whatever the cause, it's not much fun and can hurt a relationship.

Having been taken off Hormone Replacement Therapy by my doctor I found that my sex drive went straight into the basement. The interest just wasn't there. For the first time in my life I didn't even think about sex. :eek:

Bear had been having his own problems because of his hormone imbalance and still undiagnosed illness, so for a while it wasn't really a problem. Cuddling is something we do 24-7 so there was no loss of intimacy, but on the occasions he was interested I wasn't. It is hard to go through the motions when the drive isn't there. It's like eating chocolate cake when you are already stuffed. It doesn't taste as good and you know what you are missing out on, but have no control over the situation.

Now that I've been totally off all estrogen for a month my body is starting to adjust and my sex drive is creeping back. Unfortunately so are the hot flashes. *sigh* I'm taking Black Cohosh for them and it's helping somewhat. All of this is just a delightful reminder that my body is growing older no matter what my mind says.

I consider myself fortunate to have a loving understanding partner who was willing to settle for cuddling when I was really not in the mood. With a different partner this could have been a disaster and bady bruised our relationship.

There are various drugs/potions/snake oil products coming out to aid female sex drive. Some of them show promise, some of them are a waste of money. I think it's only fair to realize that as women grow older and Hormone Replacement Therapy has proven to be much less of an option for most of us, that we too can experience problems and will need the understanding and patience of our partner.

So, the door is open for discussion on female sexual dysfunction.

Peace,
BA

I know it's a very hard situation to be in but what a true test of love to be able to enjoy each other in other ways. To me even though sex is great, true passion comes from just holding each other and feeling the love inside.
Can anyone quote to me what was once said by doctors that love is ----% mental and----%physical...I can't remember.
Anyway...I for one can say that if my guy was not able to perform then so what...just hold me and tell me you love me and i'll be on top of the world.

BA, you might want to check with your doctor and see if you can take Testred. It is a male hormone. Females have this hormone in their bodies in a smaller amount as well as the estrogen etc. When we start losing the estrogen, we produce lower amounts of the male sex hormone as well. It gives not only the sex drive a kick, but helps with fatigue in menopause. When I was in my 40's, my gyn put me on it to help with fatigue. I take it 3 times a week. Be sure it is Testred and not a generic. In this case the generics do not work as well.

At 38 I am just now realizing my sex drive didn't die. For years, I've been married to an attractive man with a healthy drive. I totally lost interest in sex and hated it. I think now the reason for that is due to hubby never wanting to be intimate with me.

He never cuddled, hugged, we never kissed, touched even less. But he'd jumped in the bed late at night after a long day, and point at the woody. I know now why I got to where I'd say " Nice flag pole hun, goodnight!" LOL Without the intimacy of all that, that is all it was to me.... a flag pole.

I have y/m now (long distance) that has never touched me. He is very affectionate though and *tells* me all the time what he'd be doing to me if he were here. The words alone are enough to send me into orbit. And we are not talking raunchy stuff. He'll say stuff like "you have such a nice neck, I'd be nibbling and kissing all over it"..... or "awww hun your back hurts? I'll come give you a wonderful massage and draw you a hot bath."

Maybe it's just words, but if he lives up his promises..... the intimacy will rock! and if his diabetes should some day make him impotent...... I'd still be in heaven.

Shame my husband never got it when there was a chance of saving the marriage. It wasn't like I didn't try. He didn't like all that mess...... would push me away if I tried to be loving.

Guess my point was loving someone from the heart first and showing them can do wonders for the libido, and I'm proof of that......cuz mine was dead and gone. Now..... my little puppy is in big trouble when he gets down here in July for his visit! LOL

Robin and I have been together 3 and 1/2 years. At first, the sex drive was equal...twice a day. After about a year, I wanted it only once a day. After about another year, I was really only wanting it every other day. NOW, it would be fine with me if we had it once or twice a week. HE'S still at twice a day!!! :D

We cuddle every time I watch t.v. with him or whenever I come to bed, but sooner or later, for HIM, it turns into "Mr. Happy Time!" I tell him, "Why can't we just HOLD EACHOTHER? WHY does it have to always turn into THIS???" He says, "I can't help it." Yeah, whatever, I still don't always give in. There are a lot of times though, when I know he's been horny for at least 24 hours, that I DO give in, and I must admit, he always somehow gets me "in the mood" even when I at first didn't want to be. I don't sleep well, I'm always more tired than he is (he sleeps TOO WELL), and right now we're really stressed out over financial issues, so for me, sex isn't a priority. I always have believed though, that sex IS the glue that holds a relationship together, sex in WHATEVER form, so even when I don't feel like it, I make an effort to be open to it. Now, if I'm sick or something, FORGET IT! Otherwise, I feel good when I make him feel good. I end up enjoying myself as well, so, it turns out okay. :)

My sex drive went down the toilet after I went off of estrogen also but I finally found a doctor who would perscribe bio-identical harmones (Biest). Now that I've been applying it twice a day I feel much better and my sex drive has returned (and then some!).
I also found out that when you are tired all the time, and you are cold all the time (have cold hands and cold feet) it usually means your thyroid is low. I started taking Armour Thyroid and the fatigue I was having went away along with being cold all the time.

Hi Midge,

Thanks for the info. Did the Biest help with hot flashes? I had them something terrible and they are back as mild but uncomfortable. I've been taking a soy and black cohosh tablet but I'm not sure that's helping a lot.

My hands and feet are cold all the time too, but my throid tends to run a little high. I wonder what that means?

Gypsyheart, I'm glad to hear that you found someone who you love and who turns you on. An erection isn't much good if that's all there is. Bear and I were long distance too and it wasn't long before the sexy talk turned into phone sex. If you haven't tried it I'd highly recommend it as being fun and taking some of the edge off of being apart.

Peace,
BA

This may be unrelated....but has anyone else found that being on the pill makes your sex drive just crash and burn? Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't try a different brand; am I the only one who has ever had this problem?

Datura, have you talked to your gynecologist about this problem? Hormones cause sex drive and can take it away. If yours is gone then the mix of hormones or their amount may be wrong for you. Please talk to your doctor about this, it won't be the first time he's hard it and he can offer you some suggestions.

Peace,
BA

FWIW - my mom who is now 69, has never taken HRT, relies on Fosamax to protect against bone loss, and tells me her sex drive is quite intact (and I don't need to know anything more about that). She also continues to look pretty young for her age.

On the pill - me too, me too! It absolutely depressed my sex drive somewhat - and I really didn't notice until I switched to a diaphragm for birth control - zoooooommmmm was the effect.

Something to consider if you're in a safe, monogamous relationship.

Thanks for the replies. I am on Ortho TriCyclen again after being off for a few months and I feel things slip-sliding away just as before. :( I do have an appointment coming up, I've never discussed it before but plan to bring it up. Hopefully I'll have a woman doctor again. Just wondering...is this part of the way the pill works?!? I'm only half-kidding....

Hello BearsAngel,

Yes, taking the Biest did help my hot flashes quite a bit. My doctor had to regulate the combination of pogesterone and testosterone up and down a bit but now I'm on the right dose for me. Make sure you get the bio-identical haromones and it's Biest / P4 / T3 combination. I feel much better being off the estrogen and on the bio-identical harmones. Not many doctors will perscribe them so you will have to find a doctor who is into natural medicince and regualr medicine.

The pharmacy I order the bio-identical hormones from is College Pharmacy - 3505 Austin Bluffs Parkway - Suite 101 - Colorado Springs, CO 80918. You can call them at 1-800-888-9358 or go to their web site at www.collegepharmacy.com They have lots of good information on their web site and they may bea able to help you find a doctor in your area if you are interested.

If there is anything else I can help you with BearsAngel please let me know.

Margaret