Health Aspect of Age-Gap Relationships

This is my first post here, I stumbled across the site by accident, or was it fate?

Anyhow, I am wondering how you ladies who have younger partners have been effected, if at all, by going through the menopause? How has it effected the relationship?

My husband is 22 years younger than me, and I do sometimes fear for the future. He says he will be with me ‘to the end’ but I wonder how he would cope with having a sick wife to look after day in, day out? Not that I am planning this, but hey, one never knows.

I have only just started (in the last six months or so) to endure symptoms of ‘the change’ (from lady to monster?) as has he. The worst is complete night time insomnia. The second is itching so bad that I have lesions just about everywhere on my body, particularly my legs. My online research indicates that progesterone may be the cause of the itching. The third are general achy bones and joints, and fourth are the dreaded hot flashes.

Being a big blue-eyed blonde and living in Thailand where it is regularly in the upper thirties, and equally humid, I am finding it far harder to acclimatise to the heat and humidity than I ever did earlier in my life while living and working in the Middle East. Plus it’s costing us a fortune in electric bills for Air Con.

And while my partner does not say anything, it is not great for either of us when I am awake all night, tossing and turning or watching TV --- and then sleep all day. Doctors are very reluctant to prescribe sleeping tablets, although I have got some from a pharmacy who is more interested in making money than the law, BUT just found out that these are highly addictive and am slowly weaning myself down to the lowest dose possible.

I tried various herbal and alternate remedies before resorting to these meds. Including Valerian, St. Johns Wort, and the usual over the counter stuff, like anti-hystamines. Also tried good ‘sleep hygeine’ like setting a routine, hot bath before bed, and regular times to sleep and awake. Nothing works so far (except for the meds).

I also wonder if any of you considered the healthcare implications of a large age gap relationship before you took the leap? Must admit, I was rather swept off my feet and didn’t give it a second thought, maybe because I secretly thought that it would not last anyway.

But now we have been together for a number of years, and as time passes, I am beginning to wonder. Also, maybe I am being selfish holding onto this gorgeous young man, possibly into my old age senility, when he should be out enjoying his young life?

It seems like you don't have a good doctor tending to you. Is your doctor aware that you are also trying herbal remedies? Regardless of your YM, you need to sort yourself out physically.

So far *knocks on wood* I am in excellent health, but I am aware of the need to keep myself well preserved for both my sake and my YM's.

Hi,

I considered all of this, and brought it up to my YM. I don't know if he, being 27 years younger than me (I'm 47, he's 20), really thinks it through carefully, or as seriously as I do, but his answer is that it doesn't matter to him. He keeps talking about my eyes, and how he loves my eyes, and how the eyes never change, no matter how old someone gets (or what you see in eyes).

He's gorgeous, too. If I follow in the genetic footsteps of my mother and grandmother, I could be looking fine even up into my 70s and 80's, and if he ages like some men do, he could be looking worse than me by the time he's in his 40's. So I guess that could balance out. He has said that he's always prayed to find a good woman, with a good heart, and who is "at least average looking". He does think I'm more than average looking. He thinks I'm quite beautiful, but I believe him when he says that it's not the looks he's after. He's used to people in his family living to VERY old age, and his best friends are already in their 50's, so I don't think that my aging in looks will necessarily be too much of a shock for him.

I'm also curious what will happen when I go through the perimenopause. I've had night sweats a handful of times over the past few years, but for me, it's been welcomed. I don't really know what to expect other than what I've read about other women's experiences. I don't remember my grandmother or mother or anyone particularly complaining about anything except hot flashes. Again, I think I may welcome that (I have a medically documented "aversion to cold" and I have like allergic reactions to cold weather, plus for years now, I never seem to be able to get warm - I'm like Sam McGee).

I know that my mother and grandmother's sex drive never changed at least up until their 70s. I don't know about after that.

My grandmother and mother both were .. I don't know.. I'll call it "vitamin" or "healthfood junkies". Both have always drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes, but other than that, they, for the most part, got exercise and ate healthily.

I have bought a book about what to expect and how to get through menopause. I've just started reading it.

Some suggestions so far:

1) Eat lots of fiber. Not only does it help the digestive tract, but it also aids in the process of eliminating fat and cholesterol (which are suspected to probably play a part in how bad your menopause symptoms may be).

2) Eat soy, but not too much. Having too much may actually cause cancer.

3) Avoid "flash foods" (foods that make you hot and sweaty anyway - like peppers, and caffeinated foods)

4) minimize weight gain and get your calcium and vitamin D

5) destress with deep breathing, smile, stay sexy

6) get your sleep (tips: get 30 mins of natural light per day which is supposed to reset your inner clock to sleep better at night; take a brisk walk late in the afternoon; sleep in the dark as darkness helps your body produce melatonin which induces sleep; don't drink late; watch when you nap - don't nap closer than 4 hours before your bedtime).

7) stay hydrated - drink that 8 cups of water every day. Dehydration can trigger a range of menopause aggravations.

I think I can do all these without too much discomfort. I have been doing them mostly all my life anyway.

As for my YM wasting his youth. Yeah, I have concerns about that, too. But he's a muslim, and he reminds me that we have a teaching which says on the Judgment Day, God will ask us how we spent our youth, and he says he's going to be proud to say he spent it with me.

And then if we're talking about physical disabilities. That could happen to either one of us at any time, in our youth or old age. If we've made the commitment to be with each other for our whole lives - however long God has determined that to be - we have already made the commitment to be with each other if tragedies should befall us, too. I think that if something happened to me and I saw that he was good intentioned, and that he was still suffering, I wouldn't want him to continue to suffer and waste his youth. At that point, as long as he continued to care, love, and provide for me, I would be alright with him taking another wife.

I was so concerned for your health, that I forgot to say that even though I am 22+ years older than my YM, in the big picture, I feel that I can last long enough for him. As was mentioned in another thread, on average, women live 7 years longer than men so that brings our age gap down to 15 years. I eat my veggies and fruits and am in better shape, so perhaps knock off another 10 years between us.

And then, can I keep my YM satisfied with our relationship until the end? I don't see why not. It's not all about sex. We cuddle and I give him plenty of non-sexual massages. We never get bored of talking to each other. My YM is not just some boy toy to me. I really feel that he is an old soul in a young body.

I really hope that you feel better physically soon.

thesultanswoman --

Welcome to the site!

My wife is 54 and I'm 37. The menopause thing isn't that big of a deal if the relationship is good. It's just different. I've learned more about water based lubricants and hormone replacements than I ever imagined possible. Guess what? The bedroom is as much fun as ever.:pianodance: It's all good!

There are also a number of other threads on menopause if you search or look back through the past titles.

Well, I cried and cried when my ow brokeup with me... this was even more so because she is already quite old and I WANTED to take care of her and give all the love of the world to her when she became really old, maybe 65 . Given the state of her family, very few will be there to take care of her. Well thats what I call pure love. Even now I love her and pray for her :x

Our agegap is 21 years. I look older than him... who would not? You cannot hide 21 years. I am already menopausal. I used hormone replacement treatment prescribed by my doctor. But I do not use it regularly. After you go through the worst of the menopause your body levels out the hormones and you can stop the HRT, or use it sparingly.

I never got hot flashes. I am a tropical flower and I freeze in 75 degree weather.

My opinion on this is, you can have a husband as old as you and he can still leave you for a younger woman when you are sick and old, so why not have a younger man and enjoy the benefits while they last? :D

Well, what a lovely bunch of people you all are. And some very interesting and helpful stuff in your replies too, thank you.

I was particularly moved by the gentlemen who responded, I thought that my husband was a 'one off' his love and care and consideration, but seems that (lucky for us ladies) there are lots like him, well similar anyhow.

What a wonderful suprsise!