Being Mistaken For His Mom - Any Tips?

Being in a long term serious relationship with the man of my dreams has posed some big problems. The first was how my teenage son would react to mom having a significantly younger partner.

Glad to say that although he (my son) did show signs of jealousy to start with, after three years he has come to view my partner for what he is --- a shining example of what a man should be, and how to treat women. He is a FAR better role model for my impressionable son than his biological father ever was, who was selfish and resented our son from the day he was born.

But really my question is how do strangers treat you, when you are out with your younger partner? And how does it effect you and your partner?

I thought people stared a great deal in Europe, but now, here in Thailand, people don’t just stare, they gawp, open mouthed and stare incredulously, some pointing and sniggering.

I am a big blue eyed blonde, and he is a swarthy dark skinned Arabic looking man. So I guess we do make a rather distinctive sight, especially here in Thailand, where the indigenous people are super skinny, very short and all dark skinned with dark hair.

My partner just shrugs it off, he says we are unusual in any culture, and it doesn’t bother him in the slightest. We hold hands when we go to the mall, always instigated by him. I do try to just ‘laugh it off’ now, as even though there is a big age difference (he is 22 yrs younger than me), he is an old soul in a young body, and I am the opposite. We are therefore very compatible and have many common interests.

But even worse than being stared at, which probably would happen even if I were by myself, (the Thais just love to touch white skin), is being mistaken as his mother. An example of this happened recently. We were buying large sneakers for my very tall son at a shop in a shopping mall in Bangkok.

The salesman was making smalltalk in pidgin English (not that many Thais speak English, and my Thai is non-existant), saying what big feet etc etc. Then he turned to my man who was pulling out his wallet to pay for the shoes, and the salesman said “Lucky lady, your son paying”. It just was not worth explaining to him, so we just smiled and left.

Does it happen to you? How do you react? What do you say? Tips appreciated!

I am anxiously awaiting some answers here. This hasn't happened to us yet, but we have only been going out for six weeks or so. I am 22 years older too, (47-25) so I have a feeling it will happen.

There really is no way to completely avoid being referred to as your YM's mom. I've been called that once to my face and I'm Chinese and he's Caucasian. Then my phone voice is mature, so people that don't know us will tell my YM that they talked to his mom. I just can't do the youth speak.

What helps is when walking next to each other, just act more intimate. And don't forget to look happy and self-confident either. In fact dress more exotically and less like you want to be invisible. Laugh more and whisper in his ear as you walk together down the street. Imagine yourself as Sheryl Crow dating Lance Armstrong. Then think of the women your age being jealous and the younger men wondering what it is you have that got you your YM. My YM and I forget to as when we go out, we are usually on some errand. So we tend to walk next to each other, but very independently and purposefully. So when we are out for pleasure (dinner, rock club) we try to remember to slow the pace and act more couple-like. It's all about the body language.

As to the rude stares of other people, ignore them. They need to get used to seeing YM/OW couples anyway. The YW/OM couples have been around longer and so they get less of this attitude, but even they have to tolerate some of it too. Remember in the movie Pretty Woman and the early references to her "uncle" by the hotel manager? Later on, he was accepting of them because he got to know them.

There are going to be compromises in any relationship. You just have to decide if you can deal with it or not. When I think of my list of what makes my perfect soulmate, having a YM was not on the list. He's also a little chubby and that wasn't on my list either. However, all of his stellar attributes more than eclipse his two "faults"... and still make him the most amazing boyfriend I've ever been with. He's so far above my old boyfriend and ex-husband that I can accept our age gap and being referred to as his mom once in a while. And I've never cared what other people think. Happiness doesn't come from what outsiders think.

Also consider that it might be time for a fashion makeover. Perhaps a more relaxed hairstyle, different makeup... I've discovered that regular foundation and powder accentuated the fine lines, so instead I use a tinted moisturizer sparingly. But I think that how we dress ourselves boxes us into an age group or the era we are from. For instance, high waisted jeans are considered "mom jeans" and SNL did a funny skit on that a while ago. I think that Oprah dresses really nicely. For my lifestyle, I am in beat up used straight cut jeans from the thrift shops and I love my t-shirts. I collect leather jackets and boots. I have a hard time dressing conservatively as a 48 year old. lol

Off topic here, but Sultan, what part of Thailand are you in?
I have a friend who owns and runs a large elephant refuge in Thailand. Also have you seen anything worth sharing as to the ele's in the cities? This is what I do and any and all help would be appreciated. :yes:
As to the "mother" thing, it happened to my ex y/m and I while in a pet store.
At the time, we had only been together for one year, and it really upset me but, as with everything, the more time that past by the less it would have bothered me if/when it happened again.
Kind of the same as in any relationship, at first, everything is new and you might try harder to look good in front of your mate, after a while, you could care less if he see's you going pee or whatever....you, hopefully, get my point.
Blessings, TD

my partner is 17 yrs younger than me but thankfully he doesnt look his age and gratefully nor do i...
we met online so its been hard for alot of out online friends to deal with use getting together..especially as he moved 150 miles after staying only ten days with me....must be my charm lol...
i have kids too and my eldest is only 5 yrs younger than my partner and a growing teen so sometimes it can be fun here..
dont let people's narrow mindedness get u down.. its ur life and aslong as u 2 love eachother thats all that matters


kizzi

I know that what our friends see is a very happy couple in love with each other. And some of them are jealous with how compatible we are, especially his friends as their girlfriends are like alien creatures to them, all girlied up and living at the malls with their Coach handbags on their arms.

My ex is 26 and I am 46. He looks about 18 actually. On a couple of occasions, I've gotten the looks. I just "wink" back at them. Kinda confirms, without a word that "Yes, we are lovers!". Works every time!

Well, I can't offer an opinion about the OW/YM side of things...but I do know what it is like to have people make uncomfortable assumptions about my marriage. My husband is 11, almost 12 years older than me. This may sound like nothing compared to 22 years, but considering that I look young for my age and my husband looks older than his age (depending on his attire) it can make things rather interesting.

Just last week I was in Cairo airport after flying in from NYC. My husband had already went on to Riyadh to return to work after our summer vacation so I was traveling alone. I am in my fifth month of pregnancy and had about 60 kilos worth of bags. As I was standing at the baggage claim I asked a porter to get my bags, explaining that I was pregnant because I always feel embarrassed to ask for help since I am not really showing yet. A woman next to me said "PREGNANT? Why are you pregnant??? You're too young to be pregnant, you're 17" I said.."I'm not 17" she said "You're 18!" I said "No, I'm 25 and married"...she totally dismissed what I said and still insisted that I was way too young to be pregnant/married. When I told my husband this story he nearly died at the mere thought of what her reaction would have been if he had been there with me, with his gray hair and nearly bald head!

I realize this story probably seems like nothing compared to yours, but trust me...having the reverse happen can be super embarrassing and uncomfortable! Just try to hang in there and remember that for all the silly folks out there, there are bound to be ones that surprise us with their positive reactions!

Welcome!

~Emily

Hey Em - long time no post, I've been thinking about you. I hope all is going well with your tummy.

To the sultanswoman: This question comes up every now and then and there really is not way around it. It's awkward and embarrassing.

You can stock up on witty replies (ask Chamaeleon, she's got a million), you can practice a gracious smile and a slightly sexy "no, I'm definitely not his mother", but you can't stop it happening.

However, you can learn not to let it bug you so much. This involves a certain amount of confidence, or at least the ability to fake confidence which is just as good most times, and the ability to brazen it out.

I have gone from hating to have people look at Rocco and me in public - there's a twenty year gap, and even though I look younger than 52, he looks young for his age, and there's no obscuring it - to really not much caring any more.

You'll figure out your own way of doing it.

Thanks Bijou!!! I think of you often and just haven't had the time to post during all the traveling. The hard drive on my American computer blew while I was there and I just arrived back in Riyadh laaaaaaaaate last night after spending a few days in Cairo. I'm exhausted!!!

The belly is doing good..had an ultrasound a few days ago and all looked well. The doc couldn't tell the sex due to the baby's hand stand position but hopefully in two weeks we'll know for sure.

I'll be in touch.

Love to you...

~Em

I once thought that the racial difference would protect me from being asked if I am his mom, but there are mean people out there. They cannot possibly think that an aztec-looking hispanic woman could produce an auburn headed scottish-looking son.

They do it because they are rude and mean and I honestly do not care at all.

My man loves me, I love him, I am older, what can I do? *shrugs*

Thanks Bijou!!! I think of you often and just haven't had the time to post during all the traveling. The hard drive on my American computer blew while I was there and I just arrived back in Riyadh laaaaaaaaate last night after spending a few days in Cairo. I'm exhausted!!!

The belly is doing good..had an ultrasound a few days ago and all looked well. The doc couldn't tell the sex due to the baby's hand stand position but hopefully in two weeks we'll know for sure.

I'll be in touch.

Love to you...

~Em

Wow girl your baby is already doing acrobats, I see the Olympics in a few years!!! LOL:bgrin2:

The salesman was making smalltalk in pidgin English (not that many Thais speak English, and my Thai is non-existant), saying what big feet etc etc. Then he turned to my man who was pulling out his wallet to pay for the shoes, and the salesman said “Lucky lady, your son paying”. It just was not worth explaining to him, so we just smiled and left.

Does it happen to you? How do you react? What do you say? Tips appreciated!

LOL - now that is just silly. How would anyone mistake you two for mother and son unless internation adoption were a thing of the norm in Thailand?

We've had that happen before - I mean, spend two minutes talking to us and it's clear that my husband is from England and I'm a midwestern hick... duh!

We just stare back and say, "Are you serious?" when people say dumb things like that :)

it really does not matter in the long run, does it? I am so past overreacting to a strangers comments, i just answer back really unemotionally with a sigh and i have said, he is not my son, he is my husband and leave it at that. it has not happened lately... not sure why? Maybe when we stop noticing or waiting for the world to react, the world moves on to its next victim. what fun is it making a comment to someone like me, if i dont give a fig? no fun at all in that.

last night i was out with my husband and his friend from the army and i ordered them drinks, the waitress asked me if they were old enough? I said I sure hope so, i married one of them. she just laughed and said GOOD FOR YOU! it was a fun experience, i was a bit jealous i didnt get carded and then i went on to tell the guys it felt great to be seen out with two young men, i rather enjoyed the moment.

To 'Tinydancer'

Hi there, to reply to your question about elephants here in Thailand. We are about two hours drive south of Bangkok, it is a busy 'party' city, and many Thai's come here believing they can make easy money. Sadly, many of them are involved in exploiting animals --- animals of all kinds.

There was something in the local 'newspaper' about a tourist teasing an elephant, and trying to feed him alcohol. She was apparently given a 'caution' by the local police and told to move on. She was drunk.

Occassionally, we will see an elephant 'parked' at the side of the road, munching on vegetation.

I have purposely avoided the many so called zoo's and animal shows, as I disagree on principal with humans exploiting animals. But here, the people are so very poor, that many feel they have no choice.

Seems to me that elephants are an endangered species. The environment in which they evolved is more or less gone. And it seems they are finding it difficult (unsuprisingly) to adapt to their new environment of high rise blocks, and concrete jungles. I dont know what the answer is, but admire people who try to help.

The dogs here, so called 'soi dogs', are in an even worse state than the poor elephants. There are literally millions here. Many of them are diseased, sick, injurred and starving. The Thai culture is so different from the Western culture regarding animals as pets, that the gulf is just impossible to bridge. On top of that, the prevailing religion (Buddhism) does not allow folks to neuter their pets, nor to 'euthanise' terminal pets. Abortion for animals is also not forbidden. Vets here fear bad karma coming to them, if they perform any of these procedures.

The national tourist board, have come up with a new slogan to attract visitors to Thailand and it is very appropriate.

It is "AMAZING THAILAND".















Off topic here, but Sultan, what part of Thailand are you in?
I have a friend who owns and runs a large elephant refuge in Thailand. Also have you seen anything worth sharing as to the ele's in the cities? This is what I do and any and all help would be appreciated. :yes:
As to the "mother" thing, it happened to my ex y/m and I while in a pet store.
At the time, we had only been together for one year, and it really upset me but, as with everything, the more time that past by the less it would have bothered me if/when it happened again.
Kind of the same as in any relationship, at first, everything is new and you might try harder to look good in front of your mate, after a while, you could care less if he see's you going pee or whatever....you, hopefully, get my point.
Blessings, TD

Thanks for the info!
Your right about all of the animals. The biggest difference is this......there are only 45,000 of these amazing ele's left on the planet :(
They WILL die out in our lifetime and there will be no more.
Thanks again for taking the time to answer my "off topic" question.
And again, as far as what others say.....be it an agegap, racial, ELEPHANTS etc.... people can be so very ignorant and truly not worth your stressing over it.
In a way, this type of adversity, can help you and your husband to bond and love in ways that the ignorant will never know. So, feel sorry for them....they are the ones that are unhappy not you!
Peace, TD

My ex is 26 and I am 46. He looks about 18 actually. On a couple of occasions, I've gotten the looks. I just "wink" back at them. Kinda confirms, without a word that "Yes, we are lovers!". Works every time!

DYNAMITE!!! :D 5-stars for Coloradogrrl for that response. I love it, I love it!!




last night i was out with my husband and his friend from the army and i ordered them drinks, the waitress asked me if they were old enough?

I said I sure hope so, i married one of them.

she just laughed and said GOOD FOR YOU! it was a fun experience, i was a bit jealous i didnt get carded and then i went on to tell the guys it felt great to be seen out with two young men, i rather enjoyed the moment.


I love it, I love it, I love it!! :D I've always admired "Fast-on-your-feet" wit.
For sure, if you can't learn quick comebacks, you are going to be a hurting older lady.

Good work, ladies! Both of you. :)

I wouldn't worry about being mistaken for his mom...as long as you don't act like his mom.:D

Alec and I just try to see the humor in it.

On Father's day we went out to get the oil in our cars changed. We usually do it at the same time so we have someone to talk to in the waiting room and also because we bought our cars on the same day...so they're due around the same time anyway.

Well...Alec and I went up to the counter to pay for our cars and I let Alec pay (our money comes from the same account...so it doesn't matter who pays) and the guy behind the counter looks at me and says..."It's Fathers day...he shouldn't have to pay!"

I realize that most comments we get aren't mallicious in intent and so we just shrug them off. It actually took me a moment to realize what the guy was saying so I ended up shruging it off.

When we got out of the place Alec and I looked at each other and burst out laughing! We were making jokes about how I should have given him a huge kiss on the mouth or made some innapropriate comment. :D

Humor is almost always the best medicine. :D

Nadine.

Jesique's post made me think of something. Why not just let people think what they will. Why should we feel we have to explain? We don't owe explanations to anyone and it's not our responsibility to correct anyone either. If someone wants to take it upon themselves to assume something and express that assumption like it's a fact, that's their business and their perogative. If we don't want to explain, that's also our business and our perogative!:yes:

Jesique's post made me think of something. Why not just let people think what they will. Why should we feel we have to explain? We don't owe explanations to anyone and it's not our responsibility to correct anyone either. If someone wants to take it upon themselves to assume something and express that assumption like it's a fact, that's their business and their perogative. If we don't want to explain, that's also our business and our perogative!:yes:

Exactly. Plus what do we really gain by explaining it to people?

Because I truely believe that most of the comments we've received have not been malicious in intent...then it seems as though explaining the truth to them only serves to make them feel stupid.

Now if I thought someone was trying to be a jerk...I do have to admit that it'd probably be a lot harder for me to bite my tongue. But then...what do you gain from being rude back? Nothing.

If you don't mind...then it doesn't matter. :D

Nadine.

Exactly. Plus what do we really gain by explaining it to people?

Because I truely believe that most of the comments we've received have not been malicious in intent...then it seems as though explaining the truth to them only serves to make them feel stupid.

Now if I thought someone was trying to be a jerk...I do have to admit that it'd probably be a lot harder for me to bite my tongue. But then...what do you gain from being rude back? Nothing.

If you don't mind...then it doesn't matter. :D

Nadine.


ya sometimes I bite my tongue but when I hear the *oh your old enough to be his mom, or How can you sleep with someone THAT young* my mouth speaks before i think. EEK

EEK! regarding my previous post on this thread, i gotta give you an update!

Today hubby calls me and tells me when he was paying the bill at the restaurant last night, the bartender majorly hit on him, the same one (female late forties) that had asked if he were old enough to have a drink.

Apparently she goes on to tell him that she thought I was his mother and that he looked like her type, a bad boy. she went on to say that i looked girly and made some comment about that???? Adam has tattoo's and the like but if anyone is the bad-boy in the relationship, I moreso fit the bill than him.

He said he squelched the conversation and said, "she most certainly is my beautiful WIFE and we have a great relationship" Apparently she went on about something else and he reminded her again that I was his wife.

WTF? First of all the broad looked older than i do? spose you cant outgrow tramp, poor stupid woman....

I was in shock, what an idiot, anyone who knows adam knows he is a *****cat, a realy *****cat, man-o-man, the nerve!!!!

EEK! regarding my previous post on this thread, i gotta give you an update!

Today hubby calls me and tells me when he was paying the bill at the restaurant last night, the bartender majorly hit on him, the same one (female late forties) that had asked if he were old enough to have a drink.

Apparently she goes on to tell him that she thought I was his mother and that he looked like her type, a bad boy. she went on to say that i looked girly and made some comment about that???? Adam has tattoo's and the like but if anyone is the bad-boy in the relationship, I moreso fit the bill than him.

He said he squelched the conversation and said, "she most certainly is my beautiful WIFE and we have a great relationship" Apparently she went on about something else and he reminded her again that I was his wife.

WTF? First of all the broad looked older than i do? spose you cant outgrow tramp, poor stupid woman....

I was in shock, what an idiot, anyone who knows adam knows he is a *****cat, a realy *****cat, man-o-man, the nerve!!!!

Don't feel bad some hoochie girl from Kais past whom tried to get in his pants sends him a message on his myspace saying WOW i hope you remember me..how are you darling I hope your well..lets chatty hehe LOVE tahila OMG I WAS TICKED..So I told him he said *oh god not her..crazy idiot so he rips her then tells me feel free to tell her go away ..She is a rather strange yet brash sort of girl. She can see we are dating it says so and he writes about me alot on it
Some women have NO morals when it comes to other womens men..To me this is ****ty

I'm 27 and my g/f is 46. When we are out we don't get any "looks". I'm surprised because I actually look 21ish. She looks to be in her mid 30's. Even if anyone did ask, or question that I would ignore it. The only thing that matters to us is each other and how we feel.

We have received many compliments actually that we look very good together and I feel the same. We bring out the best in each other and that's all that matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks. There are much worse relationships going on besides age gap. I wouldn't have it any other way. More people looked at me strange when my ex g/f and I (also 27) would argue in public all the time. lol