Why is it harder?

I was just reading and noticed several times people saying that these relationships are "hard" or "harder", so why do you think that is so? What makes them harder than a relationship with someone closer to your own age?

I find it much easier being a YM with an OW. No drama, jealously, fighting. We have the same interests and have fun no matter where we are or what we do. I guess it has to do with the person you are with. I don't think age determines what makes a relationship "hard/harder".

Some other people may frown upon it, but what others think shouldn't mean anything at all. Especially since it's really not a big deal.

The answer to this lies in nearly every single post in the OW/YM section. People have concerns about acceptance in all realms of their lives; family, work, peer groups, public gatherings. People have insecurities about the viability of these relationships. Can it really last as one partner ages, or a younger partner decides they need children? People are struggling with personal issues; loss of self esteem during the aging process, divorce, issues with exes, issues with children.

I think most people on this site are attempting to have a satisying, long term relationship with their younger partner. With all these obstacles, that just isn't so easy.

They're harder if youre the type to care what others may think about your relationship, including familes of the both of you, and close friends. There may be grown children involved and it can be uncomfortable in that respect, or even something that the kids cant deal with. You'll see threads here about it.

It can be harder because along with the regular things that go along with a relationship, you may have health issues, or insecurity issues. You may have two people at totally different points in their lives.

And YES, you can also have any of these problems in same-age relationships also, there's just more of a chance of them in age-gap relationships.

edited to add: how could i forget about the 'having children' issue...thats why my relationship ended

My ym has shown me a sweet affectionate side that I have not seen from other men, but he also has difficulty from time to time with the age gap. He mentions that people look at us, but I don't pay attention. I believe, though, that the AG may play a role in his reluctance to get too close as I discuss in my "suck it up" thread. Because of this, and even though I am told I look years younger than I am, I find myself noticing the lines on my face first thing in the morning. I sometimes think (and maybe this is dumb) but it occurs to me occasionally if I dated an older man, he may think I'm a spring chicken, and it would be less pressure on me. I do realize, of course, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it is what is on the inside that really counts.

Just my 2 cents . . .

It is very unusual and what is unusual makes people uncomfortable.

I can't blame people.


If I was with the woman that I love (she's 73), I guess people would either make faces, laugh, whisper or whatever, and I am afraid that kind of stuff could take its toll on the couple.

That being said, if you are prepared to deal with this kind of stuff and are strong enough to get through it, it should be great.

My YM makes it very easy to have the relationship. Before we even had discussed our age gap, he had already decided that it didn't bother him at all. And while we were only platonic friends for about 6-7 months earlier, I could tell and see for myself that he was not at all attracted to women his own age, or the typical hot Maxxim model type. And what mattered to him was how smart I am and my cranky personality. lol. So by the time we became lovers, I felt that in choosing me as his life partner, he was not compromising himself and would be happy with me in the decades to come. I would say that my relationship with my YM is the easiest, most natural and most comfortable relationship that I've ever been in.

What's harder is that I both want and have to keep in better mental and physical condition as I age. So far, his family and mine, and our friends think we make a great looking couple. When we go to his family's gatherings I spend a day hiding my gray hairs. I also make a greater effort to get along with his family. They live far away and I don't want them to worry about him being with me. So being with someone so much younger requires a little more thought and advance planning in going to social events. But the effort is in my best interests also. In conclusion, I would say that my YM is a great influence on me. :yes:

Realistically, this is the EASIEST relationship I have ever been in! Harder, I guess, comes mainly from two things:

1. The way others perceive the relationship and whether or not you are strong enough to ignore the negativity.

2. Self-perception. When we are out and I see all the hot young things that he could be with, I cannot help wondering what he sees in me.

If I can ignore the first and have faith in the second, then I think I may have a shot at the first true happiness I have ever known.

When it is just the two of us...I see unlimited potential for greatness.

*shrugs* It hasn't been harder for us.

This reminds me of when my kids were little and I'd whine a bit about something or another that seemed difficult to me. People would always say, "you think this is hard? wait until they're teenagers!" My kids became teenagers and nothing got harder - the challenges just changed. Same thing in my relationship with a significantly younger man. The challenges are different but they haven't been harder.

In approx 2.5 months, Tom and I would reach the one-year mark in our relationship. The only "hard thing" in our relationship was my ability to wrap my mind around the idea of being with a man who is significantly younger than I am. We have gotten over that hurldle (thanks to the folks here at ageless) - well, I have finally gotten over it.

This relationship is much easier than the one I had with my exhusband (my age group)and the OM with whom I was involved after my divorce. Tom and I "get each other". I don't believe that age is the determining factor in whether a relationship is "hard" - it comes down to the two parties involve in the relationship.

My most difficult relationship was with my exhusband - we were sooo incompatible on all levels. My current relationship is so refreshing and yet profound - fully satisfying.

My 3 year relationship with my 26 year old fiance is a LOT easier than my 2.5 years previous relationship with a 40 year old man.

I agree that it is only hard if you or your friends/family can't accept the age gap for whatever reason.

I found it harder with my exes then this one..the only prob we had was How will people react..we fought HARD for it and now its AMAING!!!

My ag relationship (24yrs) is the best & by far the easiest ever. I think the majority of longer term relationships that post here are posting more about the typical day in and day out problems all relationships go through. Some of the newer relationships are in the beginning phases which like most relationships are delicate at the get go. No relationship should be hard if it is it isn't working...imo

....use the age difference as a scapegoat for any problem or conflict that crops up in the relationship.

I have YM friend who is just platonic at the moment, but we have some conflicts that arise now and then and I'm the first to admit that I am guilty of thinking...."What can I expect from a man in his 20s!!!"

It's VERY easy to do that...when in reality the conflicts you might have are usually the same old relationship issues you might have with a person same age or closer and really has less to do with age and more to do with the individuals involved.

But I agree with the others that the degree to which the couple worries about what others think is where specific problems arise for AGRs.

Normally I would say I don't care much for public opinion. But my friends' skeptism of my past relationship, in which I lived with someone 14 years younger, was tough. It was as if we could discuss all of their relationship problems seriously, yet if I had a grievance or issue, all of them would dismiss it as an AGR thing. It made me a little bitter and ended up putting some emotional distance in my friendships. Especially when I was criticized by people in really negative relationships with alcoholics, chronic gamblers, etc.

You care more about what other people have to say about you and your relationship.

I was just reading and noticed several times people saying that these relationships are "hard" or "harder", so why do you think that is so? What makes them harder than a relationship with someone closer to your own age?


It's not harder! Honest!