Babies

So...if this relationship I am in keeps progressing at the rate it has, there's a very good chance that I will finally get to spend my life with the one I love.

I have seen a lot of references to the baby thing here. I have two children
(21, 18), and I am almost 47 years old. As far as I know, the menopause thing has eluded me so far...I will check with my doctor when I have my annual check up in August.

Are there any people on this board who have had another child at my age? My VYM says he is fine either way, but realistically, he is 25 and may very well change his mind.

I am healthy for my age ~ 5'8" and 145, and my other two pregnancies were textbook no problem (although I DO wish they had given drugs during those years because totallly naturally childbirth hurts like hell).

Anyway, although I may be thinking about this too soon, I would still like to have some feedback from any of you who have had a baby after 45.

This place is a total godsend to me. Thank you for all your advice in the past.

What about freezing some of your eggs just in case? You could always use a surrogate mother later on. I know it's expensive, but so is actually having a child.

Then there is always the option of adopting a baby at any point, which my cousin had to do (she married in her mid 30's and she and her husband couldn't conceive), my YM's mom, aunt and uncle were all adopted, and gay and lesbian couple friends of mine have done. Even though it doesn't sound as special or connecting, all those I mentioned were very happy with the results.

well..I am 33 now, and my parents didn't have me until they were in their late 40's.

I hear the negative things that people say about having parents who are older. Such as you'll be taking care of them while your young...you will lose them earlier..they will be to old to do alot of physical activities with you and on and on and on.

The bottom line for me is that I have two wonderful parents whom loved me and age was never an issue from my POV. (the child's POV). To be honest as a child I never even noticed they were older than other peoples parents.

From my parents POV which we have spoke about since I don't want to have children until I am older. THEY LOVED IT...my mother always said it kept them young. Skiing, travelling. baseball...ect..ect...ect.

It was a hard birth for my mother which was more age related. However that was over 30 years ago and I am sure that on the medical aspect things have improved over time.

Maybe I am bias since my parents were older when they had me, but I really don't see this difference. Yes, I know that biologically there are increased chances of certain chromosomal mishaps, but medically we've come a long way.

I still got given an awesome life and family.

I am 41 my sweetie is 20 and yes we want children! I have 2 already a 21 year old son and 22 year old daughter. I talked already to my gyno about this and I can get my tubes untied (was forced to at a young age to get them done LONG story) If we can't that way we are adopting!!
ps our neighbor lady had a baby at 48 so it CAN be done

Originally stated by Wary:

well..I am 33 now, and my parents didn't have me until they were in their late 40's.

I hear the negative things that people say about having parents who are older. Such as you'll be taking care of them while your young...you will lose them earlier..they will be to old to do alot of physical activities with you and on and on and on.

The bottom line for me is that I have two wonderful parents whom loved me and age was never an issue from my POV. (the child's POV). To be honest as a child I never even noticed they were older than other peoples parents.

From my parents POV which we have spoke about since I don't want to have children until I am older. THEY LOVED IT...my mother always said it kept them young. Skiing, travelling. baseball...ect..ect...ect.

Quite insightful!

Just a correction, freezing eggs isn't a very doable option. They've only managed to bring about 10 frozen eggs to a healthy birth, in the world, and most of those were in Italy.

You can freeze a wedge of ovarian tissue fairly successfully, or you can freeze fertilized embryos, but the science of freezing eggs, isn't quite there yet.

My grandma had my dad at age 47, my ex was born when his mom was 47. It can happen, it isn't very likely without medical help, but is sure can.

My doctor told me just a couple of months ago, I'd be able to manage it if I wanted, I'm young for my age, and still ovulating like clockwork. I hope she was just kidding.

Just a comment on egg freezing. bella is right it is a very new science....you can easily freeze sperm, or an embryo, but egg freezing is another thing. Some IVF specialists say you have as much chance at natural conception as you do with egg freezing on its own.

One of the problems is eggs are made up of a lot of water and have a fragile membrane, basically to make it easier for the sperm to get through. When you freeze an egg the water forms crystals which can pierce the membrane, rendering the egg useless. Also the thawing process is very problematic. Most IVF places will immediately fertilize eggs they have harvested and then freeze the embryo....you could give that a go if it sits in your ethical framework.

Also just because you ovulate doesnt mean the eggs are viable, so Bella you may not have anything to worry about LOL. For most women the viability of eggs rapidly declines from the age of 40 onwards. Again the harvesting process for IVF can cause a lot of eggs to be released but again there are no gaurantees.

Yup, I'm banking on that every month, fs. That and as much nonoxyl 9 as I can use.

Good points to know about freezing older eggs. I just didn't want thoughtcriminal to worry too much about having to get pregnant soon. From her original post, it sounds like her YM is not thinking at all about having a child with her. On the other hand, she knows her biological clock is ticking. I'm not sure if she wants a child with her YM in order to complete her marriage with him as a sign of their lifelong commitment to one another, or that she wants to make sure that if later on, he wants a child together, she doesn't let him down.

On a side note, I was just taking to an old male friend. He's around 45 and newly divorced. He mentioned to me that in terms of dating again, he's more interested in dating women in their 50's because he doesn't want children, and he's afraid to get into a relationship with any woman younger than him in case their biological clocks start ticking, and they suddenly want children when initially they said no. I agreed with him. While most women know their mind on reproducing, sometimes if one is thinking about never having kids, meeting finally meeting Mr. Right will change their mind (like if he's got great genes being gorgeous and extremely smart). My previous boyfriend's family was full of little genetic flaws and there was no way I would ever consider having children with him.

I've been doing a lot of research about pregnancy lately, along with talking to my mom who has been an R.N. for many years...

I think the reality is that the eggs of most women by the age 47 are not usually viable, even if that woman still has her period. My mother had her period well into her 50's but the timer on her eggs had gone off well before she hit menopause.

By the time a woman is almost 50 her chances of miscarriage become rather huge, especially if she is using her own eggs...also, the sad reality is that if the baby does go to full term risks for birth defects and diseases are much, much higher than for babies born to younger women.

The difference between a pregnant woman at 25 and 35 is not that great, but the difference between 35 and 45 (in regards to using ones own eggs) seems to be very huge.

There are sooooooooooooooooooo many kids with out families out there, why don't you consider adoption???

BUT, and this is a big but, for those reading, for those still menstral, and not sterilized, you MUST still use contraception till a full year without a period has passed.

Because Mother Nature is a wonderful creature, fully intent on keeping the race alive.

And it still happens.

And I don't want to be the one getting stories on the net about them.

Realistically chances are, if I did get pregnant, it would end in miscarriage, but that in itself is hard on your body.

Adrienne Barbau, or however you spell that, still swears that those twins she had at age 51 were a total surprise, and totally unassisted. Your risk for multiples also goes up, the older you are. Again, Mother Nature's determination working.

I also read a study once, that said that if you fertilize an older egg with younger sperm, it's more likely to result in a healthy pregnancy, than if you fertilize an egg with same age sperm. Just thought that was interesting.

Most of the late life (over 45) pregnancies that you read bad things about, are because of pre-existing problems, like, high blood pressure, and diabetes. If you're healthy, and fit, a healthy pregnancy is a lot more likely.

I chuckle at pictures of my ex as a baby. His mom was close to 48 when he was born, had grey hair, and a distinctly matronly body. His sister had to put her wedding off by 4 months, as his mother would have been about 8 months pregnant on her original date.

They have a picture from the wedding of these grown adults, this elderly looking couple, and this little baby, being held by a very tired looking, grey haired lady. Can you imagine having your daughter's wedding, and a newborn to deal with?

My youngest Aunt was a "change baby". My grandmother was well into her 40's when she had her, which is why my Aunt is only 5 years older than I am. My grandmother is now well into her 85, my auntwill be turning 40 this September amd I just turned 35.

My mother has said that my grandmother was terribly embarrassed when she was pregnant with my aunt, that she felt too old and that people would judge her...my grandfather on the other hand was walking around very virile as if he "still got it" lol.

One of my closest friends is also a change baby she is my age and her mother passed away just this year. I remember hearing my godmother talk about being pregnant with her..and how she thought she was "safe" since she hadnt had a period in months then boom she found out she was pregnant and she was a nurse too lol.

Ah well, if you cant freeze your eggs, you can use harvested eggs later on and carry his baby..it wont be your DNA but it will be his.