I need to calm down!

Me and OH have been living together for a year now, since he finished his study. He moved down to my town to find work. We both expected that he would find something reasonably soon. Well, one year on and he has still had no work - he's tried everything, from professional jobs suiting his qualifications to stacking shelves in Tescos. He's currently working two voluntary jobs - one doing administration and one in a museum library - and also helping the local voluntary ambulance service. However, being out of work "proper" is really getting him down. He's been in tears several times because he's started to believe that he is "crap" and nobody wants him. He feels that he's letting me down by not contributing financially. He is so far from letting me down that it's untrue, in fact he's actually the best thing that has ever happened to me.

He's had quite a number of interviews but as he suffers from social anxiety he does struggle with them, although the feedback he is getting is really improving and he's working hard at putting himself outside his comfort zone and really going for it.

Well, anyway... last Thursday he attended an "interview day" for an apprenticeship with the local government. Good pay for a starting out post, excellent training opportunities and a ready-made social circle. There are 20 placements and 25 people were interviewed on the day, he had to do team exercises, individual tests, demonstrate computer skills and have a formal interview. He was reasonably happy with how it all went.

Anyway hopefully he should hear fairly soon whether he was successful at obtaining a placement. I know the odds seem good - and he has actually done some work experience with the local government earlier this year so has worked for them before, unlike anyone else interviewed. I can't help feeling horribly nervous about it though. I just want to know whether he was successful, and I'm sat here working myself into a shaky sweat wondering if he'll be picked. I know if he is picked he will be over the moon, it will be so huge. But if he is one of the five to miss out - well, that will knock his already fragile confidence almost completely flat, I am sure of it.

I'm so on edge it's untrue. Fortunately I've not been like that around him (he's quite calm about it at the moment, says that he's done his bit and there's nothing else he can do about it now), but I know I need to calm down. But I can't stop freaking out. I keep imagining him getting it, and if he does then I want to know NOW. Then I imagine him NOT getting it and it breaks my heart to even imagine what effect it will have on him.

Please help me step back and calm down!

Hi rosiecotton! Okay . . . take a deep breath . . . that's right . . keep breathing. Sit down and relax. Imagine a big balloon floating above your head. Take this little package called worry and tie it to the string of the balloon. Then let it go and watch it drift away. More deep breathing . . . .

'Cuz really, he's done his part and there's nothing more he can do right now. If by chance he doesn't get this, you will be there with a hug and a smile.

Come on . . . . relax and breath . . and I'll keep my fingers crossed on this end.

HI rosie..dont feel bad we went through the SAME thing. Kai my sweetie felt as if he was letting me down because he had no luck. FINALLY he got his apprenticeship for chef!! WOOT...I know how you feel with fustration. YOu hate seeing him go through all the let downs and trying to encourage him. Sometimes I grab a pillow and just scream in it LOL it helps ALOT!

It's okay, Rosie, I hear you - it's never easy being in this position. Rob's dealing with it at the moment too. He left a secure job to come out here before we secured funding for the movie, that means he has to find a day job to pay the bills until funding comes through, just like me. He got mugged before he got out here, lost his SS card and license and once he got here, of course, couldn't apply anywhere because he had no id and it took almost three weeks to get that straightened out. Once he got the id situation taken care of, he's run into the whole Native problem...this being SD and this city's penchant for snobbery, it's held against him because he's a Native American (you'd think in a state where the Natives outnumber the white guys 5 to 1 that they wouldn't dare do that but well, they do...) so he's still been having a hard time getting a job and it frustrates the living hell out of him. I do my best to be supportive but there are some days I just feel like crying because it upsets him to the point of distraction where he can't even draw and that just makes me so sad...Last night we cut his hair to make things easier in the job department, he's got a big interview this morning, I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that it works out, he really deserves it.

So glad Kai got something, must have been a HUGE relief.

Molly, I hope Rob's interview today goes well - it really is painful being out of work and not just financially. In fact, the money side is the least of it.

Anyway, the employer just called here so I gave them his mobile phone number as he is out at one of his voluntary jobs today. Apparently he was on the other line when they called him so they've left a message saying they'll call him back in 20 minutes.

Argh! Keep your fingers crossed. At least we should know soon, one way or the other.

EDIT: The call was actually from someone at the same company but a different department, offering him an interview for a different job next week. He gave the apprenticeship people a quick ring to ask if there was an update and when he might hear, apparently they have shortlisted but are checking references and everyone should find out shortly. So it's a bit longer to sweat it out, but I will update when I have some news!

Well I know first hand what it feels like from the other side.

I quit my emotionally draining/boarderline abusive job and have been unemployed now for two weeks. :(

It's exhausting. It's depressing. You feel like you're letting everyone down including yourself.

My SO says everyone goes through it...but that doesn't really make me feel better.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for your men Rosie and Molly. :D

Nadine.

I'm happy to report, Rob got the job!!!!! Here's hoping OH gets his!!!!! :runnningaround::yay:

It's okay, Rosie, I hear you - it's never easy being in this position. Rob's dealing with it at the moment too. He left a secure job to come out here before we secured funding for the movie, that means he has to find a day job to pay the bills until funding comes through, just like me. He got mugged before he got out here, lost his SS card and license and once he got here, of course, couldn't apply anywhere because he had no id and it took almost three weeks to get that straightened out. Once he got the id situation taken care of, he's run into the whole Native problem...this being SD and this city's penchant for snobbery, it's held against him because he's a Native American (you'd think in a state where the Natives outnumber the white guys 5 to 1 that they wouldn't dare do that but well, they do...) so he's still been having a hard time getting a job and it frustrates the living hell out of him. I do my best to be supportive but there are some days I just feel like crying because it upsets him to the point of distraction where he can't even draw and that just makes me so sad...Last night we cut his hair to make things easier in the job department, he's got a big interview this morning, I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that it works out, he really deserves it.


You cut his beautiful hair????

Congratulations to you both for him landing his job!!

Hi,
Congratulations on the job and I'm praying that OH gets his.

I was laid off of my travel job a month ago, but I'm not looking yet for another. This job was so exhausting and stressful, i need the time off.

Tell him to hang in there, as he said, he's done his best and now its up to the employers to really be smart about how they're going to hire. Keeping my fingers cross for him.

Paris

I'm happy to report, Rob got the job!!!!! Here's hoping OH gets his!!!!! :runnningaround::yay:

Congratulations to him! That's great news. Let's hope some of his good fortune rubs off on Andrew :)

Hey, my youngest son's name is Andrew - he's gonna get that job just based on the fact that he's got a COOOOL name!!!

Yeah, sorry Sora, we cut Rob's hair last night...didn't have much of a choice. The whole long hair thing stigmatized him to the point he could barely get interviews. The NEXT DAY after he cuts his hair, he gets not one, but TWO job offers. SD is a VERY prejudiced state, which is kinda ironic when you think about it cuz there is more of THEM than there are of US!!

Now, back to Andrew getting his job!!!

fingers crossed!!!




both hands...

I'm happy to report, Rob got the job!!!!! Here's hoping OH gets his!!!!! :runnningaround::yay:

FANTASTIC NEWSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!:bighug:

I lost my job in April, and for a while just felt like I was going to be unemployed forever. I was either overqualified or under qualified, or people were offering pay I couldn't live on (and support my kids). One thing that just kept going through my head was, the perfect job is coming, you just gotta be patient. I even got to the point where I was pretty sure I was kidding myself, but thought, it's either that or beat myself up, which isn't fun either.

And here's the funny thing: when I got the interview for EA Games, I really didn't want it. I felt it was too far a commute, the money was liveable but not much more, and the job I was being interviewed for was, though interesting, not really one that thrilled me. When I got there, though, the energy was awesome, the opportunities and room for advancement there are amazing, the people were great, and after talking to me, they offered me a job much more in line with what I'm into than the one they originally picked me for. And, for the top starting wage.

So you never know what's going to happen. And even though it's really hard not to go this route, try to keep positive. Not getting a job has nothing to do with a person, they don't even really look at the person. They look at the fit. Would he want to work in a place where he's not a good fit? I have, and trust me, it's no fun.

So even if he doesn't get this job, there is one out there with his name on it. Keep telling yourself that, and tell him that as well. It WILL happen. Not in our time, unfortunately, but its own time.

I'm happy to report, Rob got the job!!!!! Here's hoping OH gets his!!!!! :runnningaround::yay:

Yay!!!!!!!!!!! That is great!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, sorry Sora, we cut Rob's hair last night...didn't have much of a choice. The whole long hair thing stigmatized him to the point he could barely get interviews. The NEXT DAY after he cuts his hair, he gets not one, but TWO job offers. SD is a VERY prejudiced state, which is kinda ironic when you think about it cuz there is more of THEM than there are of US!!

Now, back to Andrew getting his job!!!
Congrats to Andrew!!

About Rob's hair did you save it or donate it to Locks of Love? Otherwise, many years ago, my little sister's boyfriend (now husband) had beautiful long hair. He is Scottish in background and the long hair was more of expressing his artistic nature. He was very clean cut looking and he kept his hair tied back. At one point, was looking to make so extra money and I got him a job as a part time banquet waiter. What he did for the first dinner he worked was braid it and stick his hair down inside his tux shirt. But it wasn't quite good enough for the hotel. They let him work, but he did back of the house work that night. Well the pay was good and the rest of the staff very nice, so he cut his hair the following week in order to continue working there.

As well as a little prayer and good wishes. It will work out if not this time sometime soon!


Wendy

Congratulations to him! That's great news. Let's hope some of his good fortune rubs off on Andrew :)

Thats wonderful news! Congratulations!!! :yes:

Hey - we never heard back from Rosie!! Rosie???? Did Andrew get the job??!!