Worried about the age gap for the first time

Well not so much the age gap. Moreso looking like a pedophile.

He was here with me for the first time last week for a fortnight and I can't say how young he really looks bothers me nor do I notice it at all but it was noticable the first few times we spoke on webcam, I just got so used to it because I love him so much.

He may or may not have a chromosome disorder that results in youthful features. He has all the physical symptoms but has not got checked for it yet, why I don't know as there are medical issues involved.

Anyway he was here for 2 weeks, everything went smoothly against everyone's expectations, the visit did result in pictures which he proudly showed to his friends on the internet.

They laughed at him for looking like a 14 year old and said I looked like his mom.

He is 20 years old and I'm 32, so that sort of galled. Now I wouldn't normally care, he was here in Asia and we didn't get any bad reactions, I guess Asians can't tell our age much as it is vice versa, though one obvious asian age gap couple sitting across from us (the lady about 40 ish, the guy about 20 ish) did give us knowing smiles, so I guess something is obvious but they certainly didn't think he looked 14.

My problem is I may need the help of my parents in staying with them while I get a divorce, until I am back on my feet because I left literally everything behind. They do want to meet my new man, and I want to get him a ticket to visit in new year. But I'm worried sick they/others are going to see him and think I am a pervert. I absolutely do not want to hurt him, and I've discussed this with him. He says I shouldn't care what people think but I may have to actually move back to my home town. I've been judged there heavily in the past for being an "odd" child, my first boyfriend there was dragged from his car and beaten by bullies back when we were 18. I moved away very quickly as a result. I don't want him getting flak from it. We may need the support of these people.

I don't want people thinking I look like his mom, that is awful because there's not a huge age gap. It really sort of hurts. But the bigger deal is his friends said "You look around 30, it is just that he looks SO young." So I'm going to look like an abusive freak.

I'm not posting pictures here because I didn't get permission, anyway knowing how old he actually is, I think he looks gorgeous but it's playing on my mind. If anyone wants to know privately what I am getting at drop me a PM, but really I don't know what to do about this.

My YM is 26 and also looks young for his age. Don't be upset by the comments of his 20 year old male friends. At that age and in groups, guys do act shallow and compete for who has the hottest girlfriend. Your YM is more mature than them and eventually he will have older and mature friends that won't tease him in that way. And if the comments don't bother your YM, then it shouldn't bother you.

I think that I have it tougher than you being 48. But I've been at several gatherings of my YM's family and friends. Each time, everyone has said that we make a great couple. Otherwise, we cheat and they think that I am his older sister's age ~35, but I look younger than her. We are in this relationship for the long haul, but unless we formally tie the knot, there is no need to create undue family drama. At this point, it's only his sisters that might freak out about me.

The one time a restaurant host referred to me as my YM's mom (odd as we are different in terms of race), it was because I was tired and had my hair tied severely back.

And I have to say this... at 32, you are still so young!! Your age gap is not that big, wanna trade? lol

I think that in terms of your YM meeting your parents, once they see how happy he makes you, they will be very happy for you. And things that parents like to hear about the guy their daughter dates would be if he is good in school or is on a good career path.

At least the friends were even handed in their criticism of how you guys looked, and I honestly think it was more directed toward him than you. If they are otherwise accepting, don't let their silliness derail you. I agree, this is a guy thing.

*shrugs* My husband looked VERY young for his age. Not so much now that we've been married for 2.5 years. Example:

When we took my son to get registered for his freshman year of high school, the guidance counselor turned to my husband and said, "Have you gotten a tour of the school yet, honey, or is this your first time here?"

My husband was 23 at the time. :notsay:

My YM was barely 20 and I was 34. He looked very young when he did not have a mustache.

We found having a sense of humor worked the best. We were comfortable in our love and looks. If anyone judged us we laughed with them and the joke was really on them.

Enjoy... don't take things like this so seriously. You have someone that adores you. That covers a lot of "headaches". Good luck! :)

AWW girl don't let others bug you..dont worry about self image and how it will look to others. Kai looks young to but we dont care..If people want an issue with it I tell them off :) in the end it is about you and him! HUGS!!:yes:

I can totally relate to this. When Dev and I met, he totally looked about 14. I'll try to find some pics and post em here. LOL I did post those pics on AL a loooooong time ago and almost everyone agreed... 14 if a day. I was terribly self-conscious. Today my guy looks every bit of 22, if not more. He is rarely if ever carded, which does shock me.

I felt all the things you do now. I was so concerned what others thought and that we looked so weird together. For us it was not just the years, but those were so freaking obvious too, but also a very large size gap too. Dev weighs about 145 soaking wet and I weighed 318+ at the time. We are much closer size wise now and that does make me more comfortable.

Hang in there... all that matters is that you two are happy together... time will take care of the rest. Believe it!

He is rarely if ever carded, which does shock me.


Over the last month or so, Phil isn't getting carded either, funny you should mention it. He's Dev's age.

Of course, our gap is so enormous that in public everyone just assumes I'm his mom. Some nice lady at the supermarket (yeah I know Marcy, it's always the supermarket, lol) remarked last night that I looked young enough to be his sister (jokingly of course). We just both smiled. *shrugs*

To the OP, I agree with the others, it does get better over time.

Same thing with Tim! We were just laughing the other day at the fact that "26" seems to have been the magic number for him! :D

Wow, I feel for you ladies. I'm not sure how I'd handle that.

Luckily (?) Jeremy looks OLDER than his age. People always think he's in his early 30's.

He says it'd be different if he shaved, but I can't imagine it'd make that much of a difference.

He's cute and he's mine! :yes:

....I don't want people thinking I look like his mom, that is awful because there's not a huge age gap. It really sort of hurts. But the bigger deal is his friends said "You look around 30, it is just that he looks SO young." So I'm going to look like an abusive freak....

Ariadne,

Bite the bullet and learn to take what's comin' at ya. This is not a huge deal. If you're 30 or 32, any child you gave birth to "should" be no older than 14 -- going by the fact that the average Mom has a baby after age 18.

ANYBODY who's different is going to get a second look (or a stare) in our culture: handicapped, racial minority, tall women, morbidly obese people, "little people (formerly known as midgets)," people with disfiguring burns, etc., etc. It's human nature.

If you DO look like his Mom.... well, you look like his Mom. :) Worrying about it is probably not going to help.
What WILL help is effectively coping with people. Having a thick skin (it can be learned) is a must, and so is learning to respond with wit or biting sarcasm or outright hostility, depending on your temperament.

Personally I like sarcasm and humor.



An example: Once in college, there was a guy who was taking up a lot of time on one of the microfiche machines in the library. I think he may have exceeded the posted time limit.

Another student came up to him and said something to him.

The first guy just gave him a blank stare and said "So? Call the cops." :D

I've always loved that line. Absolutely classic! :p That's what you say to people who get mad at your OW/YM situation, saying "You are a child molester!"

Just shrug your shoulders and say "I guess you better call the police." :D


Good luck!!

Joel also looked VERY young for his age when I first met him... here is a picture of him from when I first met him (he is 19 1/2 in the picture)

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b196/Joelstrouble/family/HPIM1076.jpg

This is how he looks now at 22.
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b196/Joelstrouble/family/imag0296.jpg

I don't know if he looks very young of not anymore... I just thinks he looks like my husband! :yes:

Hmm, I dunno...

What is the phone number for the Norwegian Federal Police?


Just kidding... LOL :p

I can totally relate to this. When Dev and I met, he totally looked about 14. I'll try to find some pics and post em here. LOL I did post those pics on AL a loooooong time ago and almost everyone agreed... 14 if a day. I was terribly self-conscious. Today my guy looks every bit of 22, if not more. He is rarely if ever carded, which does shock me.


I don't anymore either. :D This will sound a bit sad, but I have a list of all the pubs/bars that we have been to, and which ones I get/got carded in. There are some that just card everyone that comes in, so they don't count. :p This IS something that plays on my mind sometimes, and so I would venture that it plays on a lot of YM's minds? I, personally, do not like going to a place that I KNOW I'm going to get carded at because it makes me feel uncomfortable. So, we avoid them when I know there's going to be someone at the door checking everyones ID.

Donna has told me that the first time I came over here she was worried about how young I looked because I was skinny as a rake. I filled out a LOT in a very short time, apparantly, and it didn't/doesn't bother her any more. The thing is that this didn't stop her from being with me.

To the OP, my only advice would be to try and not make it an issue with your YM because it could potentially really hurt his feelings. You know his age, you know nothing is wrong with it, and no-one can take that fact away from you.

One other point is that when people see a couple with an age-gap, even when it is only 13 years, or 10 years, and both look their age, they will throw out the 'mother' or 'father' comment... sometimes. I think it's just a reaction to not quite 'getting' the age-gap thing.

We have had the mother comment once (or twice?), but I have also been referred to as her daughters father (separately!), so we must have some crazy family thing going on. This would make Donna a potential grandma to an (almost) 11 year old, and there's no way she looks anywhere near that old herself!

...To the OP, my only advice would be to try and not make it an issue with your YM because it could potentially really hurt his feelings. You know his age, you know nothing is wrong with it, and no-one can take that fact away from you.

One other point is that when people see a couple with an age-gap, even when it is only 13 years, or 10 years, and both look their age, they will throw out the 'mother' or 'father' comment... sometimes. I think it's just a reaction to not quite 'getting' the age-gap thing....

"Reaction," my a$$. It's rude, inquisitive commentary by people who feel a need to comment on other people's private affairs.

Think about it a moment: They don't know you, but want to make small talk about your marital/relationship status.
How would they react if you responded with "Well, that all depends on how often you have anal sex and what kind of lubricant you use"???

Of course I'll never reply in that fashion because my wife and I never get those idiotic Mom/Son comments. But I'd love to see the reactions from busybodies if someone DID respond to them like that. :D

Yep, when I first met Andrew "in the flesh" it did strike me that he looked young and I would say he did look young for his age then. He still looks young now, but somehow not as much so, even though it's only been 18 months.

I was self conscious about it at first and I know we did get some looks on a couple of occasions (and one barman made a paedophile comment, for which I complained to his manager), but I have to be honest and say that I don't even think about it now. I know he does look younger than me, but I don't have a problem with it and neither does anyone else we care about. That is all that matters to me. At the end of the day, what's really important is the two of you and how you feel about each other.

Here's a recent photo of me, Andrew and his mum when we went for a family picnic (excuse my grinning!). I don't think we look so bad together ;)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v27/furrypolka/Lulworth2.jpg

Well when i started dating my Fiance he was 20 and had just that line of hair that defines a mans jaw. Once we started dating he grew out a beard and a moustache. I think he did it because he wanted to be taken seriously by the people that we met, instead of seeing him as some kid.

When I met him, I thought he 25 though. He had laughing lines around his eyes, so I figured ooh he has wrinkles he must be older lol. Now with the beard and stash he looks like he as if he is in his late 20s rather than his early 20's..or maybe he just looks older to me because I have becomed accustomed to seeing him...hmmm. I usually nag him off and for fun to shave it off, and he did once and looked all of 18 which had me giggling everytime I looked at him.

Funny thing is people his own age that come across him call him "Mister" now.

Here is us at the beginning of the relationship

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a386/Strwbrries/Us/doh.jpg


And here we are at the 4th of july this year.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a386/Strwbrries/Us/4th.jpg

Hey, it's really great seeing all these pics!

To the OP, from what you typed, it sounded like they might have been making more of a big deal over the fact that he looks so young. I haven't heard too many comments re: our age gap from my bf's friends, but he's 23 and I'm 33 and when we started dating (at 19 and 29) I am SURE his friends thought it was weird. That's just how young dudes are... well, whatever. 4.5 years later they've kind of just accepted the situation. Let's face it, when you are 19/20, it is novel for one of your friends to date someone late 20s/30-ish or older, even in a YW/OM situation.

...At the end of the day, what's really important is the two of you and how you feel about each other.

Here's a recent photo of me, Andrew and his mum when we went for a family picnic (excuse my grinning!). I don't think we look so bad together ;)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v27/furrypolka/Lulworth2.jpg


Mmm, Rosiecotton is HOT!! :p Andrew is a very lucky bloke. :D

And here we are at the 4th of july this year.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a386/Strwbrries/Us/4th.jpg

Nice, Strwbrries. ;) You are gorgeous and I honestly do not see an age gap.
Rock on! :cool:


P.S. This thread is turning into Hotties R Us. lol

Nice, Strwbrries. ;) You are gorgeous and I honestly do not see an age gap.
Rock on! :cool:


P.S. This thread is turning into Hotties R Us. lol

awww thank you Harrison on both counts.


pS check is in the mail;)

delete-duplicate post

Hmm, I dunno...

What is the phone number for the Norwegian Federal Police?


Just kidding... LOL :p

http://www.teknikmagasinet.se/prod/liten_bild/220190.jpg112http://www.teknikmagasinet.se/prod/liten_bild/220190.jpg

But you have to remember that the stagetory age in Norway is 16 not 18 like it is in the States ;)