When is it appropriate to say I Love You?

I've been with my YM for a month and a half now and I really do love him and I think he feels the same way. Last night he asked me how I felt about the words 'I Love You'. I told him that they should never be taken lightly and should be said and used with caution.

I'm not sure if he asked this because he wanted to say it or what. And I do love him but I am afraid to say it fearing it may throw him off or withdraw from me.

His best friend spilled the beans to me and told me that I am all he talks about when I am not around. And that he feels that his friend is in love with me.

My question is how soon should you tell a person you love them? Is a month of dating too early? Should you wait until they say it first?

I honestly don't believe you can set a timeline for emotions, or there is a right or wrong set of guidelines to follow.

I've known people where love developed from friendship over the years..or one couple that moved in together 2 weeks after dating. They've been together over 4 years and are getting married in two months.

Your individuals in a unique relationship.

People warn that after such a little time together you cannot know somebody enough to actually love them.

You can love what you have seen so far.

If you feel that you love him after a month that is how you feel.


I'm not sure if he asked this because he wanted to say it or what. And I do love him but I am afraid to say it fearing it may throw him off or withdraw from me.

That could happen, OR he could be completely flattered and relieved that you were brave enough to be the one to make that step.

We really can't control how others react to us....all we can control is our PRESENTATION. ;)

Use your woman's intuition on that one.:yes:

Jeremy knew me about a year before we started dating. I say he knew me because I was pretty much oblivious of him until about 2 months before.

When we started dating, he already knew he wanted a serious relationship, but I was just finally getting to know him.

So, he told me about 2 weeks after we started dating. It didn;'t take me long after - about a month.

It is hard to tell if it's love or just infatuation at that stage. I guess only time will tell.

Seems to have worked in my favor this time, though.

Your guy sound really sweet.

I've always fallen in love very fast...so I end up saying it kinda fast. I also never think about the consequences about saying it...I just say it.

So I think it's appropriate to say "I love you" when you feel it.

Nadine.

My YM told me first that he loved me. We had been online friends for about six months and be both had very deep feelings of friendship and like for each other. The morning after we first made love, he suddenly announced that he loved me. He was 23 at the time, and I was in shock. Looking back, I had loved him as a dear friend during the first months together, but had not planned on telling him. Being this is my first AGR and the gap of 23 years was big to me, I had put a lot of thought into our friendship and decided that I would have been content with being only a role of friend and mentor him. Sort of like an older spirit guiding and protecting a younger one through life. I was also surprised that he was physically attracted to me and still is. We feel that we have a lot of like, love and lust for each other. And we also coined a special word that means "contented love" to us. I do feel that the word love is overused and also that there are different kinds of love (crush, infatuation, platonic love, mature love etc...).

I didn't use the love word with my former boyfriend of about 5+ years. Looking back, it was more of a friends with benefits kind of thing for me. As we were breaking up, he said he loved me, but I think that most of it was that he was comfortable with having me around and helping him with his business.

Hmm. At first, my reply was going to be the obvious answer: "Uhm... when you feel it?"

But the truth is, I usually feel it way before I say it. Love is when you look at that person, genuinely see some of their faults, know that they'll drive you insane some days and you still think, "Yeah. I can actually see myself committed to this person."

Real love is when you've just had the worst fight EVER, you haven't made up yet and you STILL wash his underwear because you love him. Love is when you're PMSing big time and he still does nice things for you without asking you if you're PMSing. Even after you've been together for six months and it's not so "cute" anymore.

Say it when it's genuine...but remember... saying I LOVE YOU only means that. It's completely separate from all the (implied societal expectation fantasy) stuff that gets so sticky. If you can say I LOVE YOU -without- feeling affected by any of the "happily ever after" stuff, you can say it now...if it's real for you.
But if the "expectations" of what "i love you" is SUPPOSED to mean get in the way...think about it a bit.

If you feel it... say it!

Thank you everyone for your ensight! Now I am confident that it will come out at the right time. Hugs to everyone and enjoy your weekend!

I am the kind of person who when falling in love, falls real hard :feest013:, i.e head over heels, everytime swearing that this is the real deal and the man is THE ONE, and I make it clear to them that I LOVE THEM either through gestures, body language or verbally. I am not usually that outspoken

Sex and love for me come together. I am unable to love someone if I am not intimately involved with them, even for a relatively short period.

:bowdown:

I think I told my wife that I loved her within about a month of our second date (I date it from our SECOND date because I was out of the country for a month or so after our first date), we were pretty much living together 6 months later, and were married less than a year later. And we're still happily married 30 years after that.

My first marriage involved a much longer courtship, but a lot more ambivalence on both sides, but we were too young and stupid to know that it was ambivalence. Basically, I think you KNOW, and once you KNOW, you might as well say it.

And by the way, if there's an age difference between you and your boyfriend, it's not obvious to me at all.

You say "I love you" after *they* say it, 'cause if you don't get the "I love you return," that's a pretty big mozza ball hanging out there :O
..... I don't watch much Seinfeld.....

I said it first...in the middle of our first fight. LOL

Hows that for ironic? We were argueing about his exgf who kept texting his phone and his inability to make her go away, so there he is sitting with this long sad look on his face because Im pacing around telling him that I will not see anyone seriously that has little hangerons floating about, completely engrossed in my rant when I look up and see his face.

That was it, I stopped mid rant and just walked up to him sat on his lap and said Oh I love you. and he said he loved me too while squeezing the life out of me...cant breathe. And thats how it happened.

Oh and exgf went away once she realized that he had a serious new gf and once he stopped trying to tell her "nicely" to go to hell.:p