How Do You Handle This?

How does your young man react when overtly flirted at in front of you? Do you notice? Does he notice? How does it make you feel? What did you do about it?

For my part, it has happened twice in the last year. The first time we were invited around to our new neighbours house to get acquainted (the guy is a Dutchman of about 60+, the woman is a Thai lady of about 25+).

We were invited to sit outside on the terrace with cold drinks. The young lady proceeded to outrageously and openly flirt with my young man, who did not even notice. The older gentleman did, however, notice, and responded by getting nastier and nastier to his wife.

I noticed of course, and could empathise with her, when comparing the two guys. When we got home, I asked my young man what he thought of the newly christened “Miss Sparkle”. He replied that she seemed ok he supposed. I said I thought the guy ought to get some lessons on how to treat a woman, and he just laughed. He asked why I called her Miss Sparkle. I explained that it was because she was positively sparkling at him (my young man). Hence the name. He was incredulous, although he hardly spoke to her at all, instead discussing something about electricity with the Dutchman.

The second time it happened, we were having a late Sunday brunch in an Irish pub. The landlady (a Thai woman married to an elderly Irish gentleman) had smiled and attempted to make repeated eye contact with him, the last couple of times we had been in. He did not even notice. But I did!

This time, she was taking no chances. In a busy pub, with every table full, and about ten staff behind the bar and waitresses walking around serving food, she made her entrance down the stairs from the living quarters upstairs, coming down to the ground floor. I was facing that direction and saw her clattering down the stairs. My young man could not see her until she was right in front of him. She totally ignored everyone in the place, both staff and customers, marched straight up to our table, totally ignored me, and proceeded to place herself directly in his vision, give him a big smile, and then performed the traditional Thai ‘wai’, which is a deep bow from the waist, with palms pressed together. She then asked him in Thai, how he was.

He was completely embarrassed and totally ignored her. He looked sheepishly at me, crossed his arms, and leaned back in the chair, turning his head to look resolutely out of the window. The landlady walked off behind me and teetered about on her six inch platform shoes and skin tight jeans. It he has been looking in my direction, he could have seen her, but kept looking out of the window. I eventually heard her clatter away to the other end of the bar.

If this performance had not so deeply embarrassed my young man, I would have without doubt have said something to this woman. But I knew that it would just upset him more, and make him even more embarrassed. So I just sat there aghast. We discussed it on the way home and I commended him for the way he handled it.

We have not mentioned it again, but neither have we gone into the Irish pub (we moved shortly afterwards).

This may be hard for people who have never lived in a place like Thailand to understand, but the Thai women (and girls for that matter), only have one aim in life. Snag a ‘farang’, in other words a foreign man. Doesn’t matter what he looks like, doesn’t matter what his age is, the only thing which matters is his wallet.

A large part of the rural population of Thailand are extremely poor, and often the girls from these rural areas head for places like Bangkok and Pattaya, with the sole intent of bagging a foreigner. And of course, often they do succeed. There are plenty of men in these areas who fall ‘victim’ to these young ladies. It works out for some, and not for others. It is a very sad situation.

Although now in hindsight I can look back at these two episodes and smile, at the time, particularly the second time, I was absolutely livid. It was very insulting to me. And I was furious. With the woman, not with my young man, who made it clear he was completely baffled and mortified at the unwanted attention.

Recalling this makes me wonder if this, or something similar, has ever happened to you?
If so, how did you deal with it? How did your young man deal with it?

It sounds like your ym handled this just fine. Trying to intervene could make matters worse. Let it go . . . he obviously wasn't taken in by their advances and thank your lucky stars you have a nice man.

My YM has be flirted with only once with me present, and several times (to his knowledge) without me. He doesn't feel flirtworthy as he is overweight, but I told him that he has a sincere smile, great eyes and has a really refreshing wholesome collegiate quality to him.

Well with Miss Sparkle, consider that she is in an AGR herself and the flirtation is more just attention grabbing and needing to know that she is still attractive to younger men. It's more her husband's problem and not yours. She also might have been getting back at her husband too. Just stay away from that couple. Otherwise, some women are just chronic flirters.

With the landlady of the restaurant, just don't go back there. I suppose my first instinct in that situation would have been to grab a glass of ice water and "accidentally" bump into her and spill it on her to chill her out. But again, why lower yourself to her level? But having a revenge fantasy can make you feel better.

Not reacting makes you the much better woman in all of these situations. And your YM sounds like a wonderful man that would just be embarrassed to see you launch into a cat fight over him. The most important thing is that he's not interested. At the end of the day, he is home and in bed with you and by his own choice.

So the one time a woman flirted with my YM was at his older sister's wedding. I had noticed her early on as she was very tall, and about my YM's height (6'-5"), blonde, slender and with huge fake tits that looked like they were going to fall out of her halter top dress. She was one of the sisters of my YM's younger sister's boyfriend. It turned out a long time ago, my YM's little sister tried to fix them up together (because of her height, to get in closer with her boyfriend's family), but she was never his type. And my boyfriend also quietly told me at the dinner table that the girl used to be heavier and the fake breasts were a better proportion to her looks, but once the weight dropped (from coke), they looked enormous on her. Of course, most of the guys in the room weren't objecting to the show. She was there without a date, but with family. At one point, she came over to our table and tried to beg my YM for a dance. He doesn't like to dance (*sigh*) but anyway, steadfastly kept turning her down. Apparently I was glaring at her and she told some other people that I did. I thought her very rude as it was very obvious my YM was escorting me that night. Also, if my YM were to dance, it would be me that got the first dance out of him!

Anyway, for all of my bristling, it was totally unnecessary as my YM would never be interested in her or any other woman. Now we just laugh at the incident. My YM is wonderfully unaware of his appeal and it sounds like your YM is the same way. Sometimes, my YM catches me in a big Cheshire cat type smile at him, and when he comments about my pleased expression, I always tell him that I got the best guy for a boyfriend. And I think that is more the positive attitude you should take with you YM. You are the one with the prize, not them. The other womens behaviour are very annoying, but in the big picture, who can blame them for appreciating a quality man such as your YM?

My YM has be flirted with only once with me present, and several times (to his knowledge) without me. He doesn't feel flirtworthy as he is overweight, but I told him that he has a sincere smile, great eyes and has a really refreshing wholesome collegiate quality to him.

Well with Miss Sparkle, consider that she is in an AGR herself and the flirtation is more just attention grabbing and needing to know that she is still attractive to younger men. It's more her husband's problem and not yours. She also might have been getting back at her husband too. Just stay away from that couple. Otherwise, some women are just chronic flirters.

With the landlady of the restaurant, just don't go back there. I suppose my first instinct in that situation would have been to grab a glass of ice water and "accidentally" bump into her and spill it on her to chill her out. But again, why lower yourself to her level? But having a revenge fantasy can make you feel better.

Not reacting makes you the much better woman in all of these situations. And your YM sounds like a wonderful man that would just be embarrassed to see you launch into a cat fight over him. The most important thing is that he's not interested. At the end of the day, he is home and in bed with you and by his own choice.

So the one time a woman flirted with my YM was at his older sister's wedding. I had noticed her early on as she was very tall, and about my YM's height (6'-5"), blonde, slender and with huge fake tits that looked like they were going to fall out of her halter top dress. She was one of the sisters of my YM's younger sister's boyfriend. It turned out a long time ago, my YM's little sister tried to fix them up together (because of her height, to get in closer with her boyfriend's family), but she was never his type. And my boyfriend also quietly told me at the dinner table that the girl used to be heavier and the fake breasts were a better proportion to her looks, but once the weight dropped (from coke), they looked enormous on her. Of course, most of the guys in the room weren't objecting to the show. She was there without a date, but with family. At one point, she came over to our table and tried to beg my YM for a dance. He doesn't like to dance (*sigh*) but anyway, steadfastly kept turning her down. Apparently I was glaring at her and she told some other people that I did. I thought her very rude as it was very obvious my YM was escorting me that night. Also, if my YM were to dance, it would be me that got the first dance out of him!

Anyway, for all of my bristling, it was totally unnecessary as my YM would never be interested in her or any other woman. Now we just laugh at the incident. My YM is wonderfully unaware of his appeal and it sounds like your YM is the same way. Sometimes, my YM catches me in a big Cheshire cat type smile at him, and when he comments about my pleased expression, I always tell him that I got the best guy for a boyfriend. And I think that is more the positive attitude you should take with you YM. You are the one with the prize, not them. The other womens behaviour are very annoying, but in the big picture, who can blame them for appreciating a quality man such as your YM?

Hi Miu - Having another sleepless night, courtesy of 'the change' (from woman to monster?) And delighted to read your comments on Miss Sparkle etc. And I can just imagine you sitting there bristling at the cheek of the fake boob girl trying to dance with your man.

I would have been the same for sure! You are quite right, better not to react on their level, but really annoying, and how very rude of her. My YM is quite shy, and like yours, does not feel he is handsome or gorgeous, which he is, and therefore considers himself unflirtworthy also. I knew if I reacted in any way to these two 'come ons' he would be even more embarassed, and at the end of the day, we laughed about it and he realises that I trust him implicitly, and that I wont embarass him. These women are basically just embarassing themselves it seems to me.

Yes, following the Miss Sparkle episode we kept well away from them, and now it looks like we are moving back to Europe soon anyhow. Great because it is so hot here, like 102 plus very high humidity. I lived in the Arabian Gulf before, and it was real hot there too, and even humid, but not this bad.

How funny, I too often just beam like a Cheshire cat at my YM, when I think he is not looking, or is asleep, and he often catches me, and asks what I am so happy about. I too tell him that I am so lucky to have absolutely the best man for my husband! He usually just says something like 'aw shucks' and blushes (really!)

Anyhow, thanks for making me smile and grin reading your account of the fake boob girl at the wedding. Made my night! How very rude of her. I'll just creep back to bed now.........

Oh god, the fake boob girl makes me think of my boss's wife! At the company Christmas party last year at their home, she of course, was wearing a dress that showed them off quite well, and on our way out, she made a point of hugging me and my husband. She is very tall, (and she's exactly my husband's age, grr) and his face was right in the middle of them! I could tell he was embarrased and couldn't quite figure out where to look or what to do. If that wasn't bad enough, she had to hug him AGAIN!! I wasn't very happy about it, but what can you do? :mad:

When we got in the car on the way home I said something about it, and he said, "yeah, like she had to hug me again like I didn't see them the first time."

I told my YM about this thread and he was horrified that I would want to spill a drink on the landlady of the Thai restaurant. I assured him that it was only something I would think about in my mind, an inner thought. So yes, laugh it off later and don't do anything that would embarrass your wonderful husband.

Actually, my mother went through a little of this in marrying my stepdad. She often felt that my dad being very waspy white, other wasp women were upset to see such a wonderful man taken by a Chinese women. But my mother wasn't a some Asian mail order bride type, she spoke perfect English with a slight Aussie accent, was very well educated and her dad was a UN diplomat. And my stepdad was very charming in public in a very old school movie star sort of way. He reminds me of Gregory Peck or Cary Grant sometimes. And because he was so civilized and never flirted himself, I could see other women loving to flirt with him because it was a safe flirt and they couldn't get into trouble. Otherwise, my dad is someone that never felt himself flirtworthy, and never considered himself a ladies man. And he fell in love with my mother's intellect more than her beauty.

LOL! Have you ever seen the movie, "Love Actually"? The movie starts off in England and in one scene, one of the characters who can't get any attention from the ladies decides to take off for America because he heard that American women are absolute suckers for British accents.

My experience is that this is so, so very true! Everywhere we go, people get a little dreamy-eyed when Tim talks. It doesn't help at all that he's tall, looks great in just about anything and has huge, blue eyes fringed with thick, dark lashes!!

I always say it's a strong, self-assured woman who marries a Brit and lives in the United States. It's almost embarrassing to watch my husband try and fit his big head in the door when people start going on about his accent.

Younger women come onto him all the time and it can be a bit disconcerting. I'm very nice but direct about it and have been surprised at the positive responses that I've gotten from the younger women. I usually smile and say something like, "You are really pretty and I am a very possessive wife so just remember that when you're making eyes at my husband." LOL! They usually are a little taken aback by my honesty but when they know that I'm onto them and the jig is up, they back off immediately. And they're very appreciative when they realize I mean them no harm as long as they stay away from that which is mine!

Thankfully, I've been blessed to have married a man who thinks I am a goddess. I'm not sure WHY he has such wonderful myopia but I am NOT complaining! :no:

This has happened to me in the past and I never really know how to handle it. I've been in relationships with YM where their female coworkers amped up the flirtation whenever I was around - suggestive compliments, "you should call me sometime," shoulder rubs. I've no idea what these girls are trying to prove. But it does often seem intended as an insult and while my boyfriends have been baffled by it, they definitely don't perceive the subtext therein. My most recent ex complained to me that he had all kinds of girls hitting on him when we were together... and when we broke up, it stopped.

I've yet to find a satisfying solution. I tend to just take the high road since the basic goal seems to be to provoke me.

This has happened to me in the past and I never really know how to handle it. I've been in relationships with YM where their female coworkers amped up the flirtation whenever I was around - suggestive compliments, "you should call me sometime," shoulder rubs. I've no idea what these girls are trying to prove. But it does often seem intended as an insult....


Wow!! Female-to-female dynamics are a little scary! Guys don't do that to one another's girls/wives -- at least not that I've ever seen. Probably 'cause we know that someone'll be headed to the emergency room pretty quick. :D

Veronica, you're probably way too nice to do this, but I do think a slap in the face may be in order -- in some circumstances. The only reason I say that is because of the shocking rudeness involved. :eek:

On the other hand, if the young heifer is litigious and wants to take you to court for slapping her... that wouldn't be good. You could win but it would cost you. lol It's a judgement call.

What interesting replies ladies, thank you.

I think I rather favour the idea of a direct approach to the girl/woman. But would have to do this aside, ie not in front of my YM, who would be mortally embarassed. Thanks for this idea, I will at least be preparared the next time it happens.

And yes, I agree with the lady who posted that sometimes it feels like it is directed at the older lady. That struck a chord. Something like, well you have every advantage, but watch me take away your man because I am young and you are not.

Women here have so little, and when they do have anything, it is usually because of them having to compromise in some way, or put up with someone they would not usually dream of going with, just for financial gain.

This reminds me of yet another time when I was 'in the way' of one of these Thai ladies intentions. I was in hospital (briefly) here and my YM had gone to the local 711 to pick up some bits for me. While he was out, the nurse who had earlier in the day put in an IV very roughly came into the room. She shot an awful lot of pethedine into the IV. I was used to having the regular dose every four hours, but this does knocked me out almost instantly.

I felt I was losing consciousness and grabbed her hand. I said stay please, she replied "If you stop breathing, call me" Shook me off, and left the room. I told my YM when he returned, who was horrified. Reporting it here is pointless, hospitals are run as mere money making machines, and while nursing standards are high in care (usually), the training is pretty poor. This is the scariest of the episodes by far. But many women here are desperate.

Made me hope I never have to go into hospital here for something dire, I would be unsure if I would ever come out again. Meanwhile, little Thai nursey is there to comfort my grieving man. :mad:

This reminds me of yet another time when I was 'in the way' of one of these Thai ladies intentions. I was in hospital (briefly) here and my YM had gone to the local 711 to pick up some bits for me. While he was out, the nurse who had earlier in the day put in an IV very roughly came into the room. She shot an awful lot of pethedine into the IV. I was used to having the regular dose every four hours, but this does knocked me out almost instantly.

I felt I was losing consciousness and grabbed her hand. I said stay please, she replied "If you stop breathing, call me" Shook me off, and left the room. I told my YM when he returned, who was horrified. Reporting it here is pointless, hospitals are run as mere money making machines, and while nursing standards are high in care (usually), the training is pretty poor. This is the scariest of the episodes by far. But many women here are desperate.

Made me hope I never have to go into hospital here for something dire, I would be unsure if I would ever come out again. Meanwhile, little Thai nursey is there to comfort my grieving man. :mad:

OMG! It's not funny. They really play dirty over there. It's kind of scary.

That is certainly frightening!! I hope you never have to go back to the hospital either, wow.

And Harrison, yes, women to women dynamics IS pretty scary. That's why it is so difficult to have close women friends. My husband has a CD that some comedian even made a joke about it on. I can't remember which comedian, it may have been Richard Pryor (?), but the gist of it was, when a man envies another man's GF, he says, "Man, I want to find me one JUST LIKE THAT!" When a woman envies one of her "friend's" BF, she says, "Girl, I am gonna take that man away from you if I have to KILL you!" ..or something like that.

It's funny, but not. :(

I don't think you have a problem. If he shows absolutely no response to their flirting, that is the perfect response.

Wow!! Female-to-female dynamics are a little scary! Guys don't do that to one another's girls/wives -- at least not that I've ever seen. Probably 'cause we know that someone'll be headed to the emergency room pretty quick. :D



That is so the truth! When I'm with a man, and we run into a guy I know, that guy will unfailingly be neutral and sometimes even a bit distant... It's a respect issue, to my way of thinking.