I could really use some support...Please...

Im currently in a relationship with a man who is 32 years older than me. (19 and 52).

When I am with him it is nothing but happiness. I know deep down I truly care for this man and I know he cares for me as well.
However, at the same time it seems easier to let him go than to live with the criticism we face as a couple.
First off, we lie about our age so that we dont get the looks of judgment being passed on us. He told his family im 25 and I told mine he was 32. Even still, my mother had the nerve to tell me that I was getting "used and molested by a creepy perverted old man" this was such a hard blow for me. It hurt that my mother could think that.

I had ended our relationship once because of not being able to handle the criticism but our love drove us back together. I love this man. I want to have his children and be his wife. I just need someone to tell me that what Im doing is ok, How can I overcome what people have to say?

He is currently employed in a well paying job and always wants to take me places or spoil me and its nice but I hate that it makes me look like a golddigger which I have no intention of being. I have told him I dont require physical possessions, I dont want him to think Im here for the money. He says he enjoys it though, he likes "taking care of me and being able to provide." Yet even still, some people only see me as a golddigger and him as a pervert. any advice on how to work through this would be very helpful.

I want to find a place where we are accepted for our love.
I wonder many things to myself, for instance, is it to late for him to have kids? He doesnt have any and wants some but would that hurt the child in the end to have such an elderly father?
Can I be a widow at a young age? He is in very good health for his age and looking at him you would only guess him to be mid 30's, but still the thought of losing him worries me everyday.
I love this man, and I just wish others could see that. I wish I could explain to everyone that when he holds me I feel as if my dreams have come true and when hes apart from me my heart literally aches for him. Why do people have to pass judgment on me?
I dont even know how to tell my family his true age or if I even should. At times when we lay in bed together I tell him how i just want to go with him somewhere far away from everyone we know and start our family away from their judging eyes and criticism. Then he reminds me that no matter where we go we will have to fight this.

I have noone to talk to about this and noone who understands. Please any advice you can give me at all would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks...

You seem to have a beautiful relationship. You are very young but even at your age you have to be brave and take a stand for your love. Tell your family his real age. That way they will know you are not being deceived, I am sure he does look older than 32. One can pass for 10 years younger but 20? That is tough.

I do not know what else to tell you because at your age I was not yet ready for marriage. Marriage is a big responsibility and I wanted to have fun and party, on the other hand, I was not in love like you are.

What about college plans? How does that fit into your relationship?

Best of luck and be strong.

There are a lot of people here who will understand what you're going through, some with similar age differences. Anything outside of the norm is going to garner comments and disapproval from certain quarters. Family and friends will hopefully come around if they respect you and your ability to make your own decisions (being honest with them may help in this). Unfortunately people we consider loved ones sometimes don't actually have that kind of respect for us and we have to make difficult decisions. For the others, the strangers and busybodies that want to issue their unsolicited opinions, well you'll just have to learn to ignore it, or come up with some decent responses. Those people don't matter.

How can I overcome what people have to say?
By caring more about your own judgment than you do about theirs. You can't live your life for anyone but you, and this is only one of many situations where people will try to tell you how to live your life. Living according to your own will and conscience is difficult at times. If it wasn't, everyone would do it. But I think it's got to be worth it. If you ended this you know what you'd be losing, but what would you be gaining? The approval of people who only want you to conform to their expectations, and the knowledge that you allowed them to control you.

He is currently employed in a well paying job and always wants to take me places or spoil me and its nice but I hate that it makes me look like a golddigger which I have no intention of being. I have told him I dont require physical possessions, I dont want him to think Im here for the money. He says he enjoys it though, he likes "taking care of me and being able to provide."
Regardless of what he likes, if it makes you uncomfortable he should respect that. Giving you gifts isn't a need for him, it wouldn't seem. I would be uncomfortable in that situation even without considering what other people might think, because of the dynamic it sets up within the relationship. What you're comfortable with is up to you, and you need to discuss this seriously with him so that he understands that you're not just being modest or anything like that.

would that hurt the child in the end to have such an elderly father?
I think kids need parents who love them and can provide a healthy environment for them, not parents of a particular age. It is good to think about these things in advance, but it's not something to strike out as a possibility. There are lots of kids who had older than average parents and who turned out fine, and lots of kids who had average-aged parents who didn't.

I would be concerned about you neglecting your own goals in order to pursue children before you're really ready to do so, however. Think very hard about what you want in this.

Can I be a widow at a young age?
Statistics aside, people lose their partners at all ages. Having a younger partner would be no guarantee of having a particular number of years together. If it happens that you're together and he dies significantly before you do, it would be difficult, of course. But people do get through things like that, and are happy for the time they did have.

the thought of losing him worries me everyday.
And yet you're considering giving him up voluntarily in order to avoid the judgments of other people?

Do you live in a city or a town? It might be easier to move to an area where you won't bump into your judgmental families and friends. Moving to a bigger town, it will be easier to make friends with people that will be more tolerant of your relationship. If you are 19, I hope that you will seriously put some thought into getting at least a college degree and develop a career before you settle down to raise a family.

How long have you been dating your OM? With you being 19 and him being 52, don't feel rushed into marrying him. Have the same length courtship that any similar age couple would normally have. Really get to know each other. Have a few fights and then make up to each other. Wait until 21 to be engaged etc... True love will withstand the tests of time. And if you approach the relationship sensibly like this, your family will worry less about you. And please be sensible about your education and your work path as those will give you important skills to be an independent adult woman in life. We all crave finding our soulmates, but other things in life are important also, like being able to be a productive member of society. You mentioned people might think you a golddigger, so it sounds like your OM is comfortable financially, but it's always good to be ready for a rainy day.

You handle your family, by being honest, and straightforward. Same with him. It's a simple fact, that if you act as though everything is normal, and expect the same from others, with time, it'll happen. It's not easy.

Here's the thing. I want any woman to be able to take care of herself, regardless of any man. That means college and/or a career of some kind. If, God forbid, you're alone tomorrow, you need to be able to take care of yourself. And that will also help your family see that you're an adult now, if they see that you can be self sufficient. It's great that he wants to care for you, but even if you were the same age, I'd be giving you the same advice.

It's the same thing I insisted on with my guy, our age gap is similar to yours. He has his own accounts, his career, things in his own name. If I were to disappear off the face of the earth tomorrow, he'd do fine.

Children and his age. Well, there's one more reason you need to be able to support yourself. It's fine to be in love, and love conquers all, and all that. But realism has to be part of the equation. He may very well be able to support a family through college, but he may very well not as well. You're going to have to be prepared to step up to the plate if you need to. That's part of the realism of these things.

We've made plans, and had discussions, on what happens if I become sick, or disabled. I don't want him losing everything if that happens, nor do I want him giving up years of his life to care for me. He insists he's not going anywhere, no matter what, but we'll see.

As the younger, he had a lot of agony about the fact, that realistically he'll wind up losing me while he's still fairly young. He finally got to the point where he decided he'd rather have me, and what we have together, for as long as he can, than to give me up, and maybe never find that again. I'm sure he'd have been able to fall in love again, but that was something he had to work out himself, and decide for himself. I wouldn't have wanted him to stay if he hadn't been able to make that decision.

On another support group, there's a lady dealing with your future right now. They have a 30 year gap, I think, 5 kids? He's in his mid 80s now. He's in a convalescent home recovering from an illness right now, she's facing what she knew she'd come to. She still says she wouldn't have given up a day with him, to avoid now.

If you really love each other, you take it as it is.

First off, I just want to say thanks to those who replied. Your support means so much to me at this time. As far as schooling, which many of you mentioned, I am currently attending a university and he knows this. He supports me being in school and encourages me to graduate and do whatever I want. Hes harder on me about my grades than my parents have ever been, lol. Hes actually very helpful to have around due to the fact that hes been there and graduated with his masters, he understands the attention I need to give to school and is respectful of it. I know I need to wait to have a family, but it scares me because I know his time to have children is slipping away quickly and I want to be able to give them to him. When I met him I was the party girl, the girl who didnt want to settle down until my 30's. I enjoyed being a free spirit. Now that I have him in my life, I cant even imagine going to a keg party over laying in bed reading a book in my lovers arms. My future goals and wants have changed, as of now all I know I want is him in my life. However, he has always encouraged me to go hangout with my friends and go be young, its always my choice to stay with him over going out. I know I should tell my family his age, but honestly, Im kind of scared to. Ive always been close to my mother, and the thought of her not wanting anything to do with me and the man I love is hard to handle. Im so confused, Im just trying to make sense of my feelings. I know some commented about have to be realistic about the situation, which is what Im trying to do. I love him, but realistically, will this work?

I know I need to wait to have a family, but it scares me because I know his time to have children is slipping away quickly and I want to be able to give them to him.
I'm happy to hear that he is a good influence on your studying.

Now does he actually want to have children with you or is it more that you feel having children with him goes along with being married to him? He's 52... why didn't he have children earlier in life if he wanted some?

I know some commented about have to be realistic about the situation, which is what Im trying to do. I love him, but realistically, will this work?

Yes it can work. Many of those who responded are in relationships with large age gaps as well.

Just take a deep breath, I know it seems overwhelming (and a bit exciting ;)).

You don't need a quantity of replies, so I won't bother repeating the same things. The quality of Bella and PinkPanther's repsonses are amazing and I think you should reread what they've said. They've definitely answered your question.

My mom is my best friend, and for her, who is a devout Catholic, it was practically an embarrasment and disgrace that her daughter would live with a younger man who is not her husband. She threatened (briefly) to cut her relationship with me but I reminded her that I have always been a good daughter and that I intended to keep being a good daughter but that I was going to be firm about my relationship. She saw that I was serious and gave up.

I know that my life experience and financial independence helped me be strong and face my mother. But you can be strong too. If your mom is your best friend she will understand.

Why dont you reach an agreement with your mom? Tell her to accept the relationship on a tentative basis until you finish college. Time will tell if the relationship will work or not and you both will make a decision then. Do not allow emotional blackmail but do not break a great relationship with your mom. Moms have good intentions if maybe a bit overprotective, please understand her.