fashion sense or common sense

This one's for the YW's.

How to word this???

We were talking about her style the other day, and she wants to update her wardrobe... I know, comes with the territory. :)

But we're wondering, should she dress a little more "mature" (that evil word) when we go out together, rather than dress as other women her age. Now we are making this distinction, because she doesn't care to dress as a typical 22 year old "girl", and I don't think I want that either. Not to tick anyone off here, but in the sense that she's not going to wear low rider jeans and a crop top and 5 inch platform shoes.

Now I am used to taking my 18 year old daughter to the mall, who relys on my fashion sense very much. And I have no problem letting her dress in the above mentioned way. Sometimes I encourage her to make a statement. But now that my SO wants me to take her out shopping, I surely don't plan on dressing her the same way! Nor do I think we have to head straight for the womens dept. at JC Penny either.

So I am being counted on to help "design" her look. I'm actually laughing as I write this because it amuses me. I used to hate shopping with the ex and didn't care what she wore.

Just wondering how all you YW's in her age range like to dress for your men. Is this a stupid topic or what? :)

Before you say "Geesh, she must have some style, let HER decide!" I need to mention that, no, she doesn't have much of a clue as to what is a good style in this country. She's said this herself and really wants my help. And she has already said she doesn't feel at all like a 22 year old, and doesn't like younger styles much.

And I don't want to play "barbie" here... I see a lot of things I would love to see her in, but that's just fantasy. It's not my job to dress her up and parade her around town. That would just make us both look ridiculous. :p (maybe I could compliment the look by wearing 10 or 20 gold chains??)

Sooo... Maybe you can start by telling me styles that should be avoided?

You say she doesn't know what style is in this country.....did she not grow up in the U.S.? Just wondering, that part was unclear. As for style, I don't know about this one...I can't imagine asking my OM for style advice, or my dad for that matter! You must be one "hep cat". I don't like most trendy clothing so I have little advice to offer in that area....if I learned one thing from my teenage years, it's to dress as classic as possible to avoid looking back at pictures and saying "what the @*%$ was I thinking?" Plus most people who follow trends don't take into account whether it really looks good on them...I say, if it doesn't flatter you, don't wear it, no matter how cool or "now" it is. Low-rider jeans are a perfect example. This is one trend I happen to LOVE because they make one's butt look really good and there's no extra jean material to bunch up under the bottom of a shirt. However, some women I have noticed seem to revel in the "plumber's crack" look that low-waisted pants can create, and wear thongs pulled up really high to hang out the top. THIS IS NOT SEXY, especially if a woman is more J.Lo than Calista Flockhart. It just looks as if your pants don't fit! I don't have to dress differently to go out with the OM, because I don't dress like a tart when he's not around anyway. If there was ever a brand I'd live in it would be Ralph by Ralph Lauren, because the clothes are really nice, classic while still youthful, unfortunately they're slightly out of my budget while I'm in college so I have to stick with what I can find at the Gap or Abercrombie (both of which have gone considerably downhill recently). A good rule of thumb is to avoid stores where every mannequin looks like they're ready to go clubbing, and probably avoid Goodwill unless she's really shooting for that crusty retro look that's supposed to be somehow ironic but makes one look, well, crusty. I know pop music and Britney Spears have been declared all but dead, and we're going to war and people want seriousness again, but I hope this doesn't signal the return of the grunge look or anything akin to it- even Courtney Love can look respectable in nice clothing, and still hold on to the bad-girl persona. Good luck, and happy shopping- I just hope you're a quicker decision-maker than my OM. (I though women were the recreational shoppers of the world; boy was I wrong!!!)

God, that post just cracked me up! Know that I am not laughing AT you, but WITH you. This is a fun topic for me, so I thought I'd give you my two cents.

I am a very fashion conscious individual who is used to having her own style. I beleive, in fashion, there is a time and place for most things! (EXCEPT WHITE PANTYHOSE. Grrrrrrrrrrr.) Really, we all know that one doesn't show up to a business lunch in the same outfit you show up in for a night out on the town. I LOVE clothes and I run the gamut of the most trendy, fashionable thing to the classic Ralph Lauren look.

Anyhoo, I'm 28 and my sould mate is 52. (I look about 21, He looks 35, so we don't run into a (whole ) lot of prejudice when we are out in public...);) During the early days of our relationship, which began during the summer (casual, trendy, less-is-more season) he DID worry a little about the "youngishness" of my clothes, so he went and picked some out for me all by his lonesome. Didn't do a bad job, but I could see that my coture could become a serious issue if we didn't tackle the issue immediately and head on!

So, I brought him all of my fashion magazines and we flipped through discussing what we liked and what we didn't like. What I discovered was that there are clothes out there for young women (meaning young WOMEN and not "girls") that is still sexy, fashionable and is usually better made than most!

We also discovered that a great source of clothing for me is the Victoria's Secret catalog and website! They have some great, fashionable clothes! Really, it's one stop shopping! Clothes, err.."foundations", shoes, accessories - they have it all! They are one of the few places I can find clothing that fits me! (XXS all the way to L, sizes 0 - 12 in most numbered size clothing.) The only problem I have discovered with them is that sometimes, my size runs out quickly (XS) so I can't always wait for the sales. Some of the clothing is a fantastic mix of conservative/trendy. Really GREAT stuff.

Another solution is pairing an otherwise conservative black skirt (a woman should always have the following black basics: one mini, one knee length pencil and one ankle length) with a sexy, trendy top or some flashy shoes. A little flash goes a long way. A woman can look trendy and sexy without looking like some little pop-princess or heroin-chic model...

I wish ya'll the best of luck and happy shopping! (Shopping is now one of our favorite things to do together. It really can be fun!)

Happy4Me

I would stay away from department stores and focus on boutiques. Some that I like are The Buckle, Express, The Gap and Lerner's New York. I'm 23 and I have some hip-hugger flared jeans that I bought when I worked at The Buckle, but I usually wear slacks and button-down blouses, usually with 3/4 length sleeves. You really can't go wrong focusing on classic styles with feminine cuts. Definitely watch the shoes, though. Nothing screams "teenager" like obnoxious platform shoes.

Victorias Secret website is wonderful!

They have a wide gammut of jeans, tops, workwear, workout wear, that has sex appeal w/o looking too juv. or too mature.

i mean, i hate to see catalogs of models in the twenties and thirties wearing stuff my grannie would wear. ick!

anyway, yes, victorias secret.com has options to search for items by size, style, price, etc.

i guess i'm a weirdo because i've never really enjoyed shopping...i like to sit back and shop online.

but then again, i'm no donatella versace...i'm the last chick anyone would want to take fashion advice from...i spend most of my time in scrubs. :)

happy hunting

Thanks, ladies. Your input is worth reading. Who would have thought it was a big issue...

Yes, I love to shop.. Thought I might be gay at one point (JUST kidding). I also love to decorate.... SO?

datura81, She grew up in Japan, but not as you might think with those funky Tokyo fashions, i.e. hip-high patent leather boots and micro skirts.. NO!, she's a simple country girl who pretty much wore whatever was available. And for the record, Japanese women do not walk around in kimonos either, unless it's a special occasion(like 3 times in a lifetime) . To compound things, she's always been a tomboy, and has an aversion to girly stuff. Shame, she's got great legs and ought to show them off on occasion. Getting her to even wear shorts is difficult. And we live in Florida! Her usual outfit is jeans and a t-shirt, with an occasional sweater.

This reminds me of that movie "My Fair Lady".. but again, I don't want to change her or create a new person. I love her just the way she is, and I never have to worry about her dressing too young.

Maybe I'm thinking too much about the clothing... but at the same time I didn't want to make a mistake by choosing something inappropriate.

She's actually excited at the new-found freedom she has to finally become her own person. And at the same time she has no idea how to do that, so she asks for guidance. However, I'm glad she asks me and not my daughter for advice ... Only 4.5 years between them, but quite a difference in maturity. The 2 of them get along fine, but they don't share much in common.... and I think I like it that way.

This is a topic for me as well. I tend to dress a little young for my age but with in reason. I wear a size 5 in juniors but all the clothes are bell bottoms or hip huggers, so then I wear a size 4 in misses instead but it is not the best fit. I can't wear the misses tops because they are to baggy I am a C cup on the top but thin every wear else. So the tops are tight. So any way, this clothes thing is hard for me also as I am no spring chicken any more. My OM friends that are female of course dress completely different. So until the styles change back, I'm stuck. So in the answer to your question- Try to dress young but not to sexy but a little is ok. I think she can wear hip huggers and bell bottoms and the 2 of you will look alright . By the way thanks for your reply to my first post. I told my mom and suprisingly I got support.

FYI! The new Victoria's Secret spring catalog is AWESOME. Just went nuts on a spending spree....

Clothes have been somewhat of an issue with my boyfriend and I. He dressed a little too old sometimes and i think i dressed too young at other times...but we compromise. I pick clothes out for him so he does not look like my father and when we are out together i try to dress a bit older.

THe problem i have with clothes is that i have a creative spirit and like to express that in clothing. When you get a certain age, all the clothes start to look basic and you are expected to look classic and pretty much stick to simple things. I also don't like to spend a lot of money on clothes since i am a college student. But i think no matter what i do, i will look young anyway....have a really young face, very thin body.... the only way i ever look my age or older is when i wear more makeup than usual...but then I like to stick to being low maintainance.

oh, and i disagree that Goodwill is crusty looking. You can find non-crusty things at goodwill...some still brand-new, lots of name brands...many items quite fashionable. My mom works there.

Anyway, it is fun to shop together...go to stores, try on things....get each other's opinions, and then decide from there.

"THe problem i have with clothes is that i have a creative spirit and like to express that in clothing."

The way I've heard it is one should either be a work of art or wear one. From what I've seen on this board, both would be very possible.