Loving an Alcoholic

I Love this woman with all my heart.
I feel she uses me as a safty net for life when it suits her.Raising the children,paying the bills and all else that needs looking after in a family.
My only need is to be loved in the true sense of the word. The love I have in my heart for her endless,yet she has no interest in me. Our life together has been a life of lies and broken promises, I'm sad to say I've lost the trust that I once had for her, that is my shame.
I find myself lost in thought of another life with a woman who loves me for me.
It's one thing to lose a wife to another man(that I could accept) to lose the LOVE OF MY LIFE TO A BOTTLE is killing me inside.
I find myself trying to keep my 4 daughter shielded from such despair I feel.
I have found forums such as this so helpful.The thoughts of loveing and caring people( woman & men) reassuring and uplifting.
The tears I HIDE FROM MY GIRLS MAKE ME FEEL SO ALONE.
Please forgive my name(lostlover4u2) it's been one of those days in hell today.
SEEKING WORDS OF WISDOM

My advice is to get out of that relationship right now.

To Patricia's excellent advice I must add, from the perspective of one who grew up with alcoholic parents, "and get your children away from that relationship right now".

I am so sorry for you! My ex-husband is an alcoholic (hence the reason he is the ex) I loved him very much and he is the father of my children - but....he was awful when he drank and i could never convince him to stop - just like i couln't convince my mom to stop (and it killed her at 58). So, as heartbreaking as it was, I had to see that he would never change and I had to stop living in "if only" land. Now, I am really married to my soul mate and I wouldn't have been if I had hung on to the nightmare.

It sounds to me like you are in deep despair - that is your clue that your well being, maybe even your life is at stake here! Please don't think that I'm being melodramatic, either. Depression kills just as easily as alcoholism does. Even if you decide to stay in the relationship - go to Al-Anon and get help for yourself - Please!

BTW - All of my children are very happy that they no longer have to live the nightmare either.

RUN -- DON'T WALK RIGHT OUT OF THIS REALTIONSHIP.

You can never have a relationship with an alcoholic, because the bottle will always be a better lover than you will. If she doesn't get into recovery, this will only get worse and you and everyone else suffers too. In fact the family of an alcoholic suffers even more.

Sorry, I realize it's probably not what you want to hear, but you need to know what's at stake here.

Originally posted by Savannah
To Patricia's excellent advice I must add, from the perspective of one who grew up with alcoholic parents, "and get your children away from that relationship right now".

i second that whole heartedly. children being raised around alcoholism are affected in so many more ways than most people can even fathom till they've lived through it. get them out. now.

if you want to try and salvage things, seperate (phsyically, maybe legally), get away from the situation asap, then tell her if she goes in for help and kicks the problem AND seeks therapy you'll consider giving it another chance.

my step father stopped drinking yet continued for as long as i knew him with the same abusive, alcoholic nature. they need to drop it, then fix themselves. both the reasons they started drinking and the psychological issues that have arisen from the drinking itself. it's a long, difficult process, but unless it's done 100% there's *nothing you can do to help them*, they can only help themselves, and you can only hurt yourself and your children by hanging around. badly.

-j

It's an unfortunate thing,but more often then not,the alcohol wins out over everything.
now in some cases if someone really wants to stop drinking and they do,they can go on a live a healthy life and have a great relationship.
I have seen both happen.some stop and things are great.some can't and in that case I recommend leaving.otherwise the alcoholic pulls you down with them.
My ex husband was an alcoholic.I tried.he would quit for a while then go back to it.I couldn't deal with it,so I left.of course he said if I would come back he would quit,I didn't beleive him anymore.I had given him almost 3 years to stop.that was long enough for me to try.

either way,good luck.

Alcoholism runs a mean streak through my family. Three of my four uncles died from it. One aunt stayed with her husband for 40 years and more, through the violence, the broken promises, the attempts at recovery, the relapses, the constant ill health, all that. He was a good man when he wasn't drunk, and she loved him with all her heart, but she and my cousins paid a heavy toll. When my uncle died, his family mourned him, but it was also a blessing. A few years later now, my aunt has a gentleman friend who treats her like gold, and she looks 20 years younger (she's in her 70's). She smiles, she's light-hearted, she has hope. I'm just sorry it took so long for her to find this happiness. My cousins, on the other hand, bear lifelong scars from their childhod.

Sometimes love is not enough. Please take good care of yourself and your child.

The one thing I remember being a proud member of al anon is that there are some of us that will choose to stay in this kind of relationship and there are some of us that choose not to. I stayed with my husband for 12 years. He was the most well-liked funny coolest husband and father in the world until..........I would remember having a great dinner (this was typical most every night)...him doing the dishes because he was so thoughtful...playing with the kids.......walking across the street to see a neighbor.....having a beer.....and walking back through the door the most arrogant, unbearable mean person I ever could know. His thing was..he wouldnt drink so much if I drank too...I don't touch it. But the next day he was his great self again so I was satisfied until....
If you choose to stay in this situation and only if it is safe then you need to get yourself help even if your partner doesn't want help for themself.
It will make you stronger and then you will probably look at your life differently...It helps to be with people like yourself.
It was amazing to listen to other peoples stories because it seems like they are talking about you. Everyone in this situation knows what your going through,

AL ANON...it really helps

Thank you all,
The words of wisdom you all have offered is so uplifting and restores my faith in people & GOD.
I needed hear all your words of hope and support. I'll forever be gratefull to you all.
For today "I'll LET GO & LET GOD", and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Thank you all. TERRI,ARACHE,COWGIRL,NAFADDA,JAYE,NIALL,REDOAKGAL, SAVANNAH,PATRICIA and most of all YELLOWROSE your powerful words i needed to hear, WOW!!!!!!!

Always from the heart Lou