age problem?or just a jerk?

:confused: I am new to this website I am 42 years old my husband is 27 years old I guess Im looking for support my family and some friends feel no sorrow for me or what Im going through they say that is what happens when you get with a kid! we dated and lived together for a year and a half and have been married for a year and a half we have had our ups and downs is he still growing up or not ready to settle down I love him and thought he loved me things where great but then last year he cheated on me I found out we seperated then got back togeter then now he has pulled away from me agian sending lots of time at his twin brothers home do I give up or wait it out the pain hurts a lot I have been so deppressed the past few weeks and like I said no one seems to care or understand why I let him treat me this way maybe hes cheating agian Im not sure but this closeness then him pulling away is like riding a roller coaster ride if anyone has been through the same please let me know also is it because he hasnt grown up yet or he isnt ready to settle down? any advice will help thanks.

I'm guessing just a jerk. Has your husband said anything to you about having doubts about being married to a woman older than himself?

One thing to remember is that infidelity and other relationship problems spoil a great many marriages, most of which involve partners close in age. That being said, the misery and loneliness that you must feel wouldn't be any different whether your husband is having second thoughts about an older woman or for some other reason.

((((Hugs from California)))

LADave

Well...first of all, I am 34 and 27 does not really seem like that young of a guy to me. I mean, there are many, many, many men that age settled down with families and children. So, as far as the cheating thing goes....age or jerk, I vote jerk actually. Being unfaithful happens at all ages... *frown*
Now, as far as advice on where to go from here, I will leave that to someone who knows better. Someone closer to your situation...
However, I do want you to know I have spent many years with an unfaithful husband...and then eventually he was faithful, but the pain just lives on and so do the bad feelings of mistrust, jealousy and the like.
I'm sorry that your depressed. I wish you could be here and we could eat a tub of ice cream, drink wine, watch chick flicks and complain about guys...but since that is not a possibility...
All I can give you is a cyber *hug* and tell you that I will say a little extra prayer for you tonight. *smiles* Good luck. I know someone will come along behind me with some great supportive advice.

Sorry that you have to put up with this guy. I would advise that you need to take care of you right now. Be good to yourself, take a vacation with a girlfriend, (albeit someone WHO IS NOT going to say "I told you so") post your questions here on this website---there are a lot of healthy attitudes here--- and take some time for you to heal. This does'nt sound like an easy situation. I know for me that it is tough to make decisions if I love someone. But, it does sound like he is not being clear with you. It sounds like he is being a jerk.

I am sorry for your suffering. First of all, I think that you need to sit down and clarify the situation with him once and for all. Put your emotions aside and treat it like a business meeting. Ask him why he is cheating and staying away from you and demand truthful answers. If he does cooperate, then ask him if he wants to continue the marriage or terminate it. If he wants to continue, tell him that you both need to go to a counselor or you will leave. If he doesn't cooperate, then tell him the marriage is not working for you and that, since he refuses to communicate, you are leaving. Then, leave. It sounds like not only is he a jerk, but also those people you call family and friends are jerks, so don't involve them in this affair, although your words "no one seems to care or understand why I let him treat me this way" perturb me. If you have only been seeking justification for your weakness from those family and friends, then that might explain why they are being unsupportive. You have to be willing to help yourself or people eventually get tired of hearing you complain without heeding their advice and taking any action to correct the situation. However, if they have been so unsupportive and insulting from the beginning, then drop them and find people who really care about you to be your friends.

Good luck!

This is not an age gap issue, it's one of his lack of maturity. But that has nothing to do with his age either as there are a lot of 40 year-olds out there just barely out of the thumbsucking stage. I read a similar post on another site and the ages are reversed. He's in his 40s and can't understand why she's upset that he's out running around.

You need to make it plain to the "I told you so" people that this is not because he's young and don't let them tell you different. My husband is 29 and would die before behaving like this, so would his younger brother who is 27.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is abusive. You need to get him to counseling or get yourself a good lawyer. You can't fix someone like this, he has to fix himself and the chances are, I'm sad to say, pretty slim.

Peace,
BA

:p Thanks to all of you who replyed to my post as for my family they have been I told you so from the begining but thanks for the support to all of you.

I agree with the others, a cheater is a cheater no matter what the age gap is. You need to pull away from this type of person unless you enjoy living your life in turmoil.
Self esteem is a big issue, you need to have it, you need it to become important to yourself, with a strong sense of self esteem you would not be with this loser.
Life is too short, please think of yourself and don't think you and the child are better off financially living with this cheater.
You will do so much better becoming dependent on yourself.
He cheated on you once, why on earth would you even sticvk by him if he was doing it again?
Give him time to "grow up" only if you are into self mutilation.
He is a bad habit, get rid of him.


Discalimer:
This is~ JMO!!!!

My Dad, who cheated on my Mom, told me that once trust is broken, it is very hard, or in some cases impossible to get back. That is what happened to my folks and they were in there Forties when they split.

I do not think age is the problem in this case. Being immature and a lack of commitment, seem to be the problem to me.

As to what to do....I would leave and move on, but it is always easier to tell someone what to do than do it yourself.

Hugs and good luck what ever you do.

yours
Tzigane

I read this to my 19 year old boyfriend. His response? Nothing to do with age... a jerk is a jerk.
Straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

Hmmmm