Big Dougie
03-01-2003, 05:02 PM
Hey guys.....Well, some of you may have read my post "We are friends again," or heard me mention how things have been going in my life in other posts. I may need to hear some of my own advice.
To recap, about mid January, me and my ex girlfriend began talking again, (after three months of no communication) and after we forgave each other for the mishappenings in our relationship, we decided to be friends to each other once again, and we both mentioned to each other how each would hate to lose the other person, or lose sight of each other. We also came to a point after a couple of weeks where we told each other how we both love each other, the first time each of us genuinely meant it, I feel, in the whole time we have known each other.
I told her that part of me wants to get back together with her and she said she just does'nt see it. I asked her if, over time, we as friends grow closer, do you think then that there is at least a chance, that we could get back together? Then, she said yes. She said that she was flattered that I would think that way, and said there is always that chance. I am grateful to be back in her life as a friend. And we both agreed that maybe we will move onto bigger and better things, possibly with each other, or with someone else. It's the someone else part that I am having a problem with, and she said it will be difficult for her too, to think of me meeting someone who is maybe 22-23. (I am 2.5 months away from turning 27, she just turned 35 recently)
I need to say that I love this woman with all of my heart. There is not anything that if she called me in the middle of the night that I would'nt do for her. I am really hopeful that we can be friends for the rest of our lives, if we can't be lovers. This woman has made this much of an impression on me in my life. I haven't had anyone who has been this real with me, this gentle with me.
She also says that she does'nt want to date anyone right now, because she is trying to sort out her own life in terms of career moves, and especially in terms of working out her own issues. I can't fault her for that, and even when we were together, she tried to break up with me 3 different times, saying that she thought that I was more ready to be in a relationship than she was. I broke up with her, because I was getting tired of her anxieties, and I was insecure over the age gap. (People would always think that she was younger than me) So, rather than deal with it, it was easier for me to run away from it. But now after having some time to think about it, I think that I was wrong, and when I think of us together in a relationship, I feel that age would'nt even be an issue for me anymore. And seeing people wrangle with it on this website, I no longer feel alone and ashamed for having doubts. I feel sad that I let go, but she even told me that she wanted to let go of our relationship too, that she just was'nt being honest with me. *SIGH*
So now, we are two people who are being honest with each other as we rebuild and start anew a friendship. It seems like a good thing, and I am trying to be the gentlest that I can be with our fledgling friendship. I don't want to lose this person from my life. I think that is what I am trying to tell myself, that I should be patient, only time will tell, and don't cut off my nose to spite my face. I have a tendency to overanalyze things, and I do not want to do that right now. I guess that I just need to hear that I am doing the right thing. Having this woman in my life has taught me so much about life and loving.
To recap, about mid January, me and my ex girlfriend began talking again, (after three months of no communication) and after we forgave each other for the mishappenings in our relationship, we decided to be friends to each other once again, and we both mentioned to each other how each would hate to lose the other person, or lose sight of each other. We also came to a point after a couple of weeks where we told each other how we both love each other, the first time each of us genuinely meant it, I feel, in the whole time we have known each other.
I told her that part of me wants to get back together with her and she said she just does'nt see it. I asked her if, over time, we as friends grow closer, do you think then that there is at least a chance, that we could get back together? Then, she said yes. She said that she was flattered that I would think that way, and said there is always that chance. I am grateful to be back in her life as a friend. And we both agreed that maybe we will move onto bigger and better things, possibly with each other, or with someone else. It's the someone else part that I am having a problem with, and she said it will be difficult for her too, to think of me meeting someone who is maybe 22-23. (I am 2.5 months away from turning 27, she just turned 35 recently)
I need to say that I love this woman with all of my heart. There is not anything that if she called me in the middle of the night that I would'nt do for her. I am really hopeful that we can be friends for the rest of our lives, if we can't be lovers. This woman has made this much of an impression on me in my life. I haven't had anyone who has been this real with me, this gentle with me.
She also says that she does'nt want to date anyone right now, because she is trying to sort out her own life in terms of career moves, and especially in terms of working out her own issues. I can't fault her for that, and even when we were together, she tried to break up with me 3 different times, saying that she thought that I was more ready to be in a relationship than she was. I broke up with her, because I was getting tired of her anxieties, and I was insecure over the age gap. (People would always think that she was younger than me) So, rather than deal with it, it was easier for me to run away from it. But now after having some time to think about it, I think that I was wrong, and when I think of us together in a relationship, I feel that age would'nt even be an issue for me anymore. And seeing people wrangle with it on this website, I no longer feel alone and ashamed for having doubts. I feel sad that I let go, but she even told me that she wanted to let go of our relationship too, that she just was'nt being honest with me. *SIGH*
So now, we are two people who are being honest with each other as we rebuild and start anew a friendship. It seems like a good thing, and I am trying to be the gentlest that I can be with our fledgling friendship. I don't want to lose this person from my life. I think that is what I am trying to tell myself, that I should be patient, only time will tell, and don't cut off my nose to spite my face. I have a tendency to overanalyze things, and I do not want to do that right now. I guess that I just need to hear that I am doing the right thing. Having this woman in my life has taught me so much about life and loving.