New member needs help!

Hi all!
I am so confused and really need some good advice from others who have been in my situation. I am 42 and have been dating a 24 year old man for over a year. I have never been with a more kind and caring person and thank God that he is in my life. However, his behavior is erratic when it comes to our relationship and I don't know if it his age or what!
Anway, things were terrific until about 6 months ago when out of the blue he ended our "romance"- said he just wanted to be friends. We continued a friendship, which turned into romance again. This time he introduced me to his friends and family, and was talking about us being together "for a long time". He wanted a commitment and in spite of my fear I let my heart trust him again. Then, all of a sudden, last week, with no clue, he pulls the same thing again! Right when he was more loving and giving than ever, he announces that it will not work becuase of our age difference. He said he might want to get married someday and have kids- that right now he does not but he does not know how he will feel in 5 years! He has no interest in anyone else either.

Well now we are back to friends- still sleeping together after an agonizing week when we were both very depressed. I am so confused- we care for each other deeply- well I thought so. This weekend he was very loving and kind but neither of us spoke of feelings. Anway, sorry this is so long. I need the bottom line- he is just scared or a jerk?
Thanks you so much!

I expect he's scared. But I also think he's telling you - ambivalently - that he's not really up for this. And I think that's a message that you should heed.

These relationships are hard enough of you want it with everything you have.

They don't work well if you're starting out unsure and wanting to run from the gate

Hard as it is, I think you should listen to what he is telling you. He ain't ready.

I agree with Desert Spring. Your man isn't ready by an means.
Stay friends with him and move on. If he was really serious about a "future" then he wouldn't have played those silly games of "break-up, make-up" continuously.
Let him be and realize what he is doing, and you continue to better yourself for the future.


joe

Don't sleep with him! It'll make the hurt all the worse! Friends are just that...friends. They talk, console eachother, share interests, but they DON'T sleep together. That is only reserved for couples who are in a committed relationship.

If I were you, I wouldn't be able to be in a friendship with him either, not at this point. I think that is asking too much. I think you should make a clean break, because he has messed this up not once, but twice, and has shown you he can't be trusted to stay in a commitment.

You should just cut your losses, and next time he calls, tell him that he means a great deal to you, but you have had enough and just can't take anymore. You don't owe this man anything, including a friendship or sex. You DO owe yourself something...LOVE! Time to start looking at what you want out of life and what you need to do to get there. Pamper yourself, find out all the wonderful qualities about you, get into a new hobby, get back in contact with your friends, and start living FOR YOU! :)

Well, here are my two cents.........If I was in this situation I would have run so fast that skid marks would be all that was left of me the first time he did that.
On the bright side......at least 5 more years haven't gone by when he may feel ready to start a family and leave you in the dust.
I am sure he probably does love you but it takes a lot more than love to hold a relationship together.
Brightest Blessings, TD

Thank you all so much for your input. I have decided- as much as it hurts- to let go of this for awhile. I just pray I have the strength. Right now he is reaping all the benefits of a realtionship- without any effort or commitment. I believe I am worth more than this sort of treatment.
Again, thanks for your wisdom. If you have any ideas on how to let go and/or stick to my guns please let me know! This is really scary but it feels right.

Hi Maria,
Stay busy!!!!!!
Get together with friends, rent movies, go out, do somthing that you have always wanted to do.
Am sorry that you are going through this.......it sucks.
Just know that you deserve better and....eventually...better is what you'll get.
Blessings, TD

When I was trying to get out of an unhealthy relationship where I was still in love with the guy, I did the following:

1: Made a list of all the reasons I NEEDED to get out of it.

2: Made a plan: Don't talk to him anymore, if he showed up, don't answer or try to be gone, have close-by back-ups in case of harrassment, keep a busy schedule and keep the doors locked.

3: I sat down and made a list of what I wanted from my life: what I wanted to achieve in one year, in five years, in ten years, in retirement. I then made plans to achieve those goals.

4: I cajoled, pleaded, begged, and bribed girlfriends into spending more time with me (most all were married and weren't into going out). I also utililize every opportunity to make single girlfriends, such as parties, school outings with my kids, and exercise groups. I learned to go out by myself as well, and got really comfortable with it! :)

5: I thought about what it was I really wanted to do as a hobby that I had never pursued before, and decided to DO IT! Mine was S.C.U.B.A. A GREAT place to meet single guys and to have wonderful adventures! But whatever your interest, hobby or DREAM is, NOW is the time to ask yourself what you can do to make it happen.

6: I dated men, even men I wasn't interested in. If someone asked me out, I went. I put singles ads in the paper, and I answered some. I went to parties, I went on blind dates, I WENT! Even when I didn't feel like it, I ended up having a good time, and most of the time, making a friend. One can NEVER have too many friends.

7: I read Dr. Wayne Dyer's book, "Your Erroneous Zones". It changed my life and my perception of myself for the better. It's an extremely positive self-help book, which addresses all of our inner-doubts.

8: After doing all of the above, I learned what self love is! :)