Thoughts and prayers needed

My relationship with Remi may be ending. After 4 years, and after dealing with so many huge hurdles in the past, Remi is at the point where he is feeling beat down and wants to give up.

Our biggest problem has always been his socioeconomic situation. The chaos started when his family started having problems. He and his siblings still lived with the parents until Remi's stepfather's drinking damaged all their lives.

I don't like to share all the details of his life, but let's just say that it's been very difficult. Remi's relationship with his family is really non-existant. He's angry because the rest of them went back to the father despite some really horrific brutality in the past. He can't forgive them for that and made a decision 2 years ago to never speak to them again. He has always said that my children and I are now his only family.

He's angry with himself because he had opportunities to apply for the visa when we previously had an approved petition. There were some circumstances that were beyond his control, but some were within his control. And he screwed up. And now we are paying the price of not being together as a result. Because the petition expired, I haven't yet reapplied. We had so many difficulties that I felt it was best to wait until we are together once more before I re-apply.

I had planned on returning there this past spring, and then had to spend $1500 on unexpected repairs to an outside water line in my yard and then suffered the torn cartilage in my knee, followed by having to care for my mother for 2 months after she broke her leg. Now I just don't have the money to return there until I get my bonus in the spring. So, that would be at least another 5 months before we could see each other again.

Remi has lost hope and wants to give up. He feels that all he is doing is dragging me down and holding me back. He somehow thinks that if we break up that he won't have to worry about me worrying about him (as if breaking up is going to change that).

I know what he's doing. He is literally becoming a hermit. He is closing himself off from everyone who loves him, including me.

I'm encouraging him to not make any decisions about us while he works on getting his life sorted there. However, I think that he's just so overwhelmed at the moment that he has lost hope and doesn't believe it will get better.

So, I'm not asking for advice. I'm mostly just venting because my heart is breaking at the moment. I'm so frustrated. I appreciate everyone respecting my privacy and not asking for details about our lives. We're just both really private people.

But, if you believe in the power of prayer, then that is how you can help us. Remi especially needs prayers right now. He needs hope and he needs to find a job that he can count on. Or, he needs to get over his stupid moldavian pride and reach out to his family to help him. Or, that he will even reach out to old friends from the Vaslui region where he used to live. I'm afraid if he continues to try to "go it alone" that he is going to get into trouble physically or legally.

So, if you believe in prayer, please add him to the list. And, I know it's selfish of me, but I hope that you will pray that we will finally be able to remove all the obstacles and be together at last.

Thank you

:bighug::bighug:

I'll be online later if you need to talk, sweetie.

I will pray for God to grant him wisdom, patience and perseverance. Hugz.

Many hugs and many prayers coming your way. I know you asked for no advice. Since when does anyone post here without getting at least a teeny weeny bit of advice? Just as you have asked him not to make any decisions until he can get some of this mess sorted out, he needs to understand that its impossible for you to make any decisions until that happens as well. The frustration for you both must be absolutely overwhelming; everything that has happened must feel out of control. So wait until you get a little control back...then whatever you two decide won't feel as bleak as it does right now. God bless you both!

:bighug:

Awww Whiterose Sorry to hear you so down. I will pray for you, this is a rough time for both of you and I agree you shouldn't make any big decisions right now, while you both are stressed and down. Please hang in there and know you have friends here who care. :bighug:

Whiterose,

Please know you will be in my prayers daily. Remi as I are much the same. I'm very much a loner and it isn't an admirable trait. When one suffers from disappointments and setbacks, good decisions become increasingly scarce if the emotions are properly dealt with.

After returning from Iraq and finding my house robbed, I've retreated from people in general. Not one family member or friend acted honorably. My ex-supervisor stepped in to assist until I returned and I thank God for him. I've decided that family and friends evidently don't love with the intensity as I do.

Sounds like Remi is having a momentary "pity" party. Encourage him to not give up on your relationship or anything else he wants to go after. Our parties should be brief as it uses too much creative energy.


Men sometimes view it as a sign of weakness to ask for help or counsel. However, if there is a priest or pastor he could talk with, perhaps he could gain a new perspective.

WR, just wanted you to know that I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

I'm routing for you guys Kat, I will pray that what is best for both of you will happen...

*big, huge, encouraging hugs*....

from a website i visit...

September 25, 2007
Sharing Grief
Opening To Receive Comfort
When we experience something that causes us to feel shock and sadness, we may feel the urge to withdraw from life. It may seem like remaining withdrawn will keep us protected from the world, but during these times it is important to reach out to those trusted and precious people who care about us the most. Even with our best information and reasoning, we never know when someone else’s experience or perspective can give us additional information that we need. The universe speaks to us through many channels, and when we open ourselves up to receive its messages, we also receive nurturing care from a loving partner in life’s journey.

Grief is part of the human experience, and sharing our vulnerability is what creates truly close bonds in our relationships. Opening ourselves up in this way gets to the core of our being, past all of our defenses and prejudices. When life seems to crack the outer shell of our world, we are both raw and fresh at the same time. It is then that we discover who is truly willing to walk with us through life. We also see that some of those sent to us may not be the ones we expected to see. Regardless, we learn to trust in the universe, in others, in our own strength and resilience, and in the wisdom of life itself.

Sharing grief allows us to ease our burden by letting someone else help carry it. This helps us process our own inner thoughts and feelings through the filter of a trusted and beloved someone. We may feel guilty or selfish, as if we are unloading on someone who has their own challenges. Although, if we think about it, we know we would do the same for them, and their protests would seem pointless. Remember that not sharing feelings with others denies them the opportunity to feel. We may be the messenger sent by the universe for their benefit, and it is on this mission that we have been sent. By sharing our hopes and fears, joys and pains with another person, we accept the universe’s gifts of wisdom and loving care.


praying that remi can open to trust, and that you katrina continue with patience and offering of your hand

Hugs and prayers Whiterose.

My thoughts and prayers are with you..... :(

I will write you in a pm ...

princessdy

Whiterose praying for the best...

So, if you believe in prayer, please add him to the list. And, I know it's selfish of me, but I hope that you will pray that we will finally be able to remove all the obstacles and be together at last.

Thank you

This is the only line I take issue with. There is nothing selfish about being in pain and reaching out for some compassion to those who joined this site in order to find and give compassion.

That is not a selfish request. You give a lot and ask for little.

Prayers being sent from my house to you and Remi's.

Praying that all goes well for the two of you!

I hope that know you will always have my prayers lady!
This has been a long road for you two.......it will work itself out.
Love, TD

I know the feeling or the fear you maybe experiencing right now. I'm going through a similar situation. My relationship with my girlfriend might be coming to an end too. I believe in the power of prayer with all my heart. I know how desperate, and sad I feel sometimes, and to tell you the truth I wouldn't like anybody to feel that way. I also know, that it doesn't matter how many people you have by your side, it doesn't matter how many times they tell you, It will be ok. No matter what they say, because nothing works, nothing can't take the pain away. God alone!

I will remember you in my prayers

Jonny.

Just wanted to post and let you know that I'm thinking of you today and hope all is at least calm. :(

I'm mostly just venting because my heart is breaking at the moment. I hate to hear that Katrina. I will certainly pray for you and Remi tonight.

I don't know why things are not working out for you, but I DO KNOW that 'someone' is passing up the opportunity of being with a wonderful, loving, intelligent, 'beautiful inside and out' woman. You are still all those things whether Remi sees that or not.

Big hugs... and prayers. :)

YR, I think he does appreciate everything about me. In fact, he has always loved me just as I am. But, after so long, dealing with the kinds of circumstances he has had to deal with will just wear a person down to the point where you just give up. Love doesn't conquer all. And, he is beating himself up for the mistakes he has made.

It's been an interesting, wonderful, and yet challenging relationship. I'm so grateful for all I've learned. I've been blessed to have been able to travel to Romania. And here I was, halfway through my life, and I had never left the U.S. before. I've been able to travel there more than once. I've met wonderful people that I never would have had the opportunity to meet. And I've been able to spend 4 years with a man who makes me laugh like there's no tomorrow. A man who walked 8 blocks in the pouring rain to buy an umbrella for me so that I would have an umbrella over me when we went to the mall together. A man whose closing line of every email included wonderful words about my children.

He's a very unique man. Very stubborn and very, very proud. He's the kind of guy who would go without just so that he could give his little sister money for a dress that she needed for a high school dance. He's the kind of big brother that always took care of his brother and sister when the family had problems. He took them in when the father was drinking and beating up everyone in sight. When his brother was in an accident, he was the first person in the family at the hospital.

But, he has become basically a hermit. And this worries me so much. No one can make it in this world all alone.

It's difficult for anyone to understand who doesn't know him, and what he has had to endure. But, I ask everyone to remember this... He obviously is someone special to me. And he is a human being who has lost his way off his path and just needs something positive to nudge him back on the path again.

Thank you to everyone who stopped by to post a kind word. Thank you to everyone who is praying. I appreciate it more than you know. Even if it doesn't work out, it's good to know that there are people in this world who care.

YR, I think he does appreciate everything about me. In fact, he has always loved me just as I am. But, after so long, dealing with the kinds of circumstances he has had to deal with will just wear a person down to the point where you just give up. Love doesn't conquer all. And, he is beating himself up for the mistakes he has made.

It's been an interesting, wonderful, and yet challenging relationship. I'm so grateful for all I've learned. I've been blessed to have been able to travel to Romania. And here I was, halfway through my life, and I had never left the U.S. before. I've been able to travel there more than once. I've met wonderful people that I never would have had the opportunity to meet. And I've been able to spend 4 years with a man who makes me laugh like there's no tomorrow. A man who walked 8 blocks in the pouring rain to buy an umbrella for me so that I would have an umbrella over me when we went to the mall together. A man whose closing line of every email included wonderful words about my children.

He's a very unique man. Very stubborn and very, very proud. He's the kind of guy who would go without just so that he could give his little sister money for a dress that she needed for a high school dance. He's the kind of big brother that always took care of his brother and sister when the family had problems. He took them in when the father was drinking and beating up everyone in sight. When his brother was in an accident, he was the first person in the family at the hospital.

But, he has become basically a hermit. And this worries me so much. No one can make it in this world all alone.

It's difficult for anyone to understand who doesn't know him, and what he has had to endure. But, I ask everyone to remember this... He obviously is someone special to me. And he is a human being who has lost his way off his path and just needs something positive to nudge him back on the path again.

Thank you to everyone who stopped by to post a kind word. Thank you to everyone who is praying. I appreciate it more than you know. Even if it doesn't work out, it's good to know that there are people in this world who care.

He is a wonderful man with a heart so big. How wonderful that he is in your life. Such a caring and loving man to his family, such beautiful quality to be the one everyone turns to in time of trouble.

Yes, it sounds like he's just tired, so much seems to rest on his shoulders and with his heart so big, it is difficult to turn away. It seems that he takes on everyone's concerns and it is overwhelming to him.

I am sure he has become a "hermit" as you say because perhaps he's just shutting down in his own way, to deal with the burdens of everyone. He seems like he feels that he must fix everything and when he can't he feels responsible.

I am sure that he loves you more then the stars in the sky, and I am sure his words are said because he loves you so. In his mind he sees thinks differently then his heart.

I'm sorry you are hurting. But reading your words, I honestly believe that he means well and he thinks by breaking off with you is in your best interest.

Continue sharing your moments with him and your love as if nothing has changed, and he will realize that you two are meant to be together.

With continued prayers from everyone, God is sure to hear all of us and guide your relationship to the place it is meant to be.

You are such a wonderful hearted person as is Remi, I just can't imagine you and him not being a couple.....love does conquer all if you just believe....and sometimes the road is long and winding...but you will reach your destination together.

love to you always,
sora

katrina...*H's*

my continued thoughts and prayers...

...My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
You both have a special place in my heart.
:bighug:

Katrina, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray love will conquer all. :bighug:

Gah Katrina, I can't even imagine how helpless you must feel. It's one thing to be a few hours drive away, but half way around the world....

I wish so hard there was a way for you two to just reach out and touch, that would fix it, I know.

I'm praying.

You two have been the most faithful long distancers I've ever seen. I know without a doubt, I'd never have been able to stick it out like you have.

Would he be willing to wait to make decisions till you see each other again? If you assure him you won't pressure him in the meantime, but you will just be there when he wants you?

Spring's not so far off, in the scheme of things. Seeing each other again might be all that's needed.

That's what I've asked him to do, Bella. I've told him that now is not the time to be making any decisions about us. We haven't spoken since then, and that was on Wednesday, so I'm not sure whether he will consider that. He did say in one of his previous emails that maybe after he gets his life in order, he will reconsider.

Right now, I believe he is depressed. I think that it's taking a lot of energy to try to even think of any solutions to his current living situation. So, I think he needs to focus on that first and then on us second. There are just some priorities for him right now that are more critical to his health and well-being and I think he should focus on them more than on me at the moment.

So, I am periodically emailing him to remind him that he is loved. But, I am not asking for anything more because I want to give him space to work on his life there and to get his thoughts and feelings in order.

I pray so many times throughout each day that I am able to accept the outcome of what God has in store for both of us, even if we do not end up together. If nothing else, we have both learned from this whole experience, and that is what life is all about, even when it hurts.

Oh, and about hanging in our LDR the longest. You know, I thought so, too, until I started reading posts about people who've been in LDRs even longer than ours. It's amazing the connection that love builds between two souls.

Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to stop by this thread, or to PM me, and offer words of support. It's rare that I ever ask for anything, but I definitely needed you all now. And so does Remi. So, thank you so much!

:grouphug:

i hope you both find the courage and grace to see all options.
wishing you both peace and clarity

I'm sorry I just saw this thread!

My heart is with you, sweetie. I hope everything work out and you both find happiness....

Good! I'm relieved to hear that no permanent decisions are being made while he is in this state of mind. You guys are in my thoughts every day.

Well, Rozie, I think that it's permanent as far as he is concerned. He's never really agreed to wait to make a decision. :(

But, then he didn't answer, so maybe he's thinking it over.

*sigh*

Whiterose, I am hoping that you find clarity in the midst of your prayer. You have a beautiful family and I hope that through putting focus on them and focus on regaining your health that the rest becomes apparent to you.

Phil and I wish you the absolute best.

Thinking of you and Remi tonight. Praying for some comfort and hoping someone near you is hugging you.

It is too soon to know what his longterm intents are. Right now focus on you and allow everyone around you to keep you strong enough to tackle each moment as they come.

I'm trying very hard to let go and let God guide me. But, I'm struggling so hard with that because of Remi's circumstances at the moment. How do you stop worrying and thinking about someone that you love, especially when they are struggling?

I have this link to a Bucharest city webcam. It makes me feel closer to him because I can see the city where he lives in real time. It's not a snap shot. It's a beautiful webcam view of a boulevard in Bucharest that I've ridden on many times. You can see their Arcul de triumf (arch) in the background. I have a picture of that arch that Remi took with my cell phone on the morning I was leaving to return to the U.S.

I know I should just delete this from my favorites, but how can I when I can look at this little window into Bucharest and think of him out there somewhere?

LINK TO WEBCAM VIEW OF BUCHAREST (http://82.76.75.160:59764/cgi-bin/guestimage.html)

Pathetic, I know.

My prayers are with you too.

And I'm glad you told him to hold off on making any kind of decisions. I hope he holds off until spring. There is no rush to make those kinds of decisions now.

In the meantime, all you can do is support each other as best you can, hold him up if you have to until things get better for him.

And we will do the rest to hold you up here. Believe in the power of prayer...and you're not pathetic either...you are simply a woman in love with a good soul.

Paris

Pathetic, I know.

There is nothing pathetic about not wanting to move on and be perfect merely days after hearing some horrible news like this.

NOTHING.

Cry. Let people in.

Reach out like you're doing right now and let us build a fortress of strength around you while you find the will in you to weather this relationship, where ever it leads.

Right now it seems hopeless, but everyone's relationship can be flipped and examined and found flawed.

So one moment at a time. Give him time to process things and give yourself time as well.

My heart is with you and I am praying very hard for Remi's heart to soften and hear God's words.

katrina...my heart breaks for you...such a dificult time in just this moment.
sometimes we can't see the reason, but we are where we need to be. and this too shall pass...know you are loved and protected on your journey.

the webcam is a beautiful shot...you will return there.

praying for you and remi...

hey Katrina sorry to hear you are sad and worried. Sending both of you love and light.

AWW girl keep those spirits up..we love ya here and there is always good listeners for you to vent to. HUGS LOVES AND PRAYERS HEADING YOUR WAY!

Lots of prayers from me going out to you and Remi, and good thoughts for both of you too. I hope things work out.

WhiteRose,

I hope the sun shines on you and keeps you warm, until your love gets aways from the rain cloud. Much luck and love to you.

Donna

You two will be in my prayers..Hang in There!

Man, Kat, I'm sorry to hear this, prayers headed in your and Remi's direction!!

Me, too, WR! Positive thoughts and prayers for you and Remi!!

Thank you all so much. I appreciate the continued thoughts and prayers. And, I told Remi that people here are praying for him. I know he appreciates that, too.

We still speak through email every few days. But, it's nothing like it was before. Apparently, we have broken up. He has never responded to my request that we wait to make a decision about our relationship until after his situation has stabilized.

Yet, he still reads my emails and responds back to me. He is very, very, very discouraged about his living situation. It's a very desperate situation that he is living in at the moment. He really needs help, but the social services there are nothing like here. I can tell that he is depressed and feeling very hopeless at the moment.

I think he's hitting rock bottom. And, I hope that he will eventually try to go to his family for help. Please pray that he does, or that some other miracle happens for him.

Thank you

I'm so sorry Katrina. It doesn't sound like Remi has the capacity right now to maintain a relationship of significance....like his glass is almost empty, and there isn't anything left to share. That's very sad for both of you.

I've read health care in Romania is not so good, but they do have a national insurance I think? Maybe he can seek some kind of help for his depression, but it sounds like he may be too far under to care.

I hope you can let go of worrying too much and as Bubbleee says, focus on your family and yourself. He will work out his own problems and resurface eventually if it's in your future to be together.

It's kind of strange how men withdraw when they really need others, and women do the opposite.

Hang in there.

They have a national health insurance plan if you've worked in a job for 5 years or more. Remi had a job for 5 years, but it was working as a contracted graphic artist, and not a permanent employee. And any other job he has found hasn't lasted that long. So, he doesn't qualify. Besides, with the culture there, seeking treatment for depression isn't something they do like we Americans do.

Letting go of worrying about someone you love is not quite simple. Picture yourself with someone that you love very deeply and tell me how soon you would stop worrying about that person when they were going through hard times. It's so easy to advise someone to let go. And I know that you mean well. But, it's not as easy to do it and it would be something I will do in my own time when I'm ready and not because others think I should.

I have enough love for everyone, Remi, my family and myself, that I can focus on everyone. I don't have to choose one over the other.

Back to the prayers...

A very dear friend of mine, who I consider an angel (you know who you are), has a romanian friend who knows of a job opportunity there. I forwarded that information on to Remi. Please, anyone who prays, please pray that he will pursue it, that he does get the job. It would involve having housing and transportation to/from the job as well. I can't remember another opportunity that sounds as wonderful as this one. If he gets a job like this, it could truly change his life.

My deepest gratitude to my dear, sweet friend who reminds me every day of what true friendship is all about. She cares about both Remi and me. And, I am so lucky to have her in my life. I won't share her name here unless she says it is ok. But, I am forever grateful to the never ending support she has shown me AND Remi. She never judges me or him and never tells us what to do. She just simply cares. :)

Thank you so much dear friend for that information this morning. I passed it along to Remi and let's both pray that this opportunity will change his life there.

oh katrina...how wonderful that will be when remi gets that job!!

been a hard, long road... for its reasons. and after time, a shift does happen.

Praying that he will take advantage of this opportunity and continued prayers to you and Remi.

((hugs))

I hope this job opportunity works out for him. It's all so sad. You both have really been through so much during this relationship...and I would so love to see the two of you together and married one day like you both dreamed.

It's heartbreaking for me to see you go through so much and worry so much. :(

Lots of prayers going out to you and Remi.

Just to let you all know, I've had the pleasure of being able to chat with Remi before on IM, and he is a really quick-witted, funny guy, who obviously adores Whiterose. He actually had me laughing out loud... :) I really hate to think of him hitting bottom like this. I sure hope he rebounds soon.

I really hope someone can be there for him....depression is a terrible thing coupled with hopelessness, it sounds like he could really use a friend over there as well as your support. Does he have anyone besides his family he could turn to? Anyone you could have a word with?

No, not anyone that I know personally and could contact. He doesn't have many friends. Most of his friends are from the region where he came from, which is about 6 hours away from where he lives now.

Hi Whiterose (What a lovely username : )
I am sending you positive energy and lots of electronic hugs : ) I hope you are able to sort this out with Remi. You and he and in my thoughts today.

:bighug: :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Kat,
So sorry I didn't see this sooner....been up to my eyeballs but still.........that's no excuse.
You got my prayers lady! But then you guys always have!
Blessings, TD

Today I woke up and you both came to mind and I had to say a prayer.

Hugs, comfort, and continued prayers for comfort.

Me too Angel.
For some reason I felt like I needed to let Katrina know that she is still in my prayers.
Hugs Rose!
B. :)