the difference in love

Ok, here's the story.

My guy had a stroke ten years ago. Physically, he's fine. But last night he told me something about his emotional damage, that makes me question our whole relationship. He told me that in his mind, alot of emotions are gray, including love. He said that now being in love is a conscious decision that he can make. He even looked down on emotional love because it could change, or go away, while his kind of love was there by his will forever. And then he told me how sex was a form of love, just as valid as emotional love...

I was shocked, I was saddened, I am confused. I am a very emotional person, and his telling me this made me feel so invalid, angery, and lied to.

Am I being unreasonable? Should it matter why he loves me? Is it too much to want to be loved in a romantic way? Is this just the way love is different between men and women, older and younger?

Please help...

love is not a conscious decision. ask emcad80. ask jd8e. ask me. ;)

love overwhelms and consumes you. sex is a conscious decision. sex is easy. just turn the lights out and pretend she's someone else, if need be. sex is physical. sex is common. love is rare. that's why we go ape **** when we feel it.

i'm a guy and i see where he's going with this.

"sex was a form of love, just as valid as emotional love." no. i dont buy it. this is not even close to being plausible. let's be clear: sex with someone you love is easily the most intense thing one can experience. i cant think of anything more pleasurable.

you are not being unreasonable (ladies...chime in). i dont think so. it does matter why he loves you.

is there no one with a sense of romance in this world or am i just delusional?

or am i just delusional?

Do you really want me to answer that?!

Mazzyn....it's all about emotion!!!

I am currently in a situation similar to yours. My honey recently told me (on v-day) that he is really not into V-day, Easter, Thanksgiving...etc...he's not into holidays that much. He's been this way for a while...ever since his Dad died - almost 20 years ago.

But he has opened up to me and told me that he doesn't want to be like that forever, he wants change, and wants to enjoy these things with me.

My adivce (not always wise, but just my opinion) talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that you need the emotion with the relationship, because it's not worth it if it isn't there. Especially if you need that in your relationships.

I'd hate to say this but...enigma's right...


love overwhelms and consumes you. sex is a conscious decision. sex is easy. just turn the lights out and pretend she's someone else, if need be. sex is physical. sex is common. love is rare. that's why we go ape **** when we feel it.

let's be clear: sex with someone you love is easily the most intense thing one can experience. i cant think of anything more pleasurable.

Your not being unreasonalbe...do what makes you happy. A relationship can only work if both parties put forth the effort. I wish you the best!

I didn't think I was being unreasonable. Well, not really. But when I talk to my guy about this, he makes such a good case that I end up questioning my feelings.

I like what someone posted to you EMC. About being a woman and standing up for what you want. That would solve both of our problems... If we knew what we wanted and needed. And, we could communicate it to our partners so they understand.

It will happen some day...:)