Ex YM/boyfriend keeps calling me for support

Hi,
You were all so wonderful to help me the other day. I have backed off as you suggested and it appears we are friends. However, it is SO HARD being his friend. He is going out and staying out all night partying with a group his age (24). Alos he is extremely negative about his job and gave them notice. I really do care for him and it is so sad to see someone do all this crazy stuff. Is this just "normal" behavior for this age and I am too old to remember? So far I have just listened but I'm afraid sooner or later I will say something. It seems since he borke up with me he has "gone wild". Help! Thanks.

Maria, I am on my 2nd breakup with my YM in 5 years and on our first mine did the same party deal. He went to the bars and drank and drank and drank. After getting back together the drinking subsided and now he doesn't touch a drop and has no desire to go to a bar. This breakup I have seen no sign of him going back to that so maybe it is just a phase he has to go through. No matter what you say to him now he's going to continue it if that is what he is wanting to do. Give him a chance to experience it and hopefully he will decide on his own that it's not all what it's cracked up to be.

Goodluck
Brenda

thanks. I talked to him tonight and found out he has a date with a younger woman- 18. Evidently that is why he was out all night last night. She works with him. He told me he just wants to have sex with her, period. How sad. Anway, I have to go on with my life I know but this is killing me. The only thing I feel good about is that I acted like I did not care that he went out with her. I told him I wanted him to be happy. AT least I did not fall apart and/or beg like I wanted!

[maria273]Ex YM/boyfriend keeps calling me for support [/QUOTE]


[Maria273]I talked to him tonight and found out he has a date with a younger woman- 18. Evidently that is why he was out all night last night. She works with him. He told me he just wants to have sex with her, period. How sad.[/QUOTE]


next time he calls you,tell him Never to call you again,and hang up,and most of all mean it.if someone can hurt your feelings like this,they are not even worth your thoughts....please don't settle for this treatment.....he's not worth it....thats my advice.

if you waste anymore time with him you may miss someone really kind that comes along.

Yes, yes, yes. I agree with the other ladies. You need to think of yourself and your feelings first. If you don't, unfortunately, no-one else will look out for your best interests. Obviously he does not take your feelings into consideration much, talking about sleeping with other women directly to you. How painful!!!! *hugs*
I don't know if I would be able to be quite as blunt as Mel or Naf would..but I would say at the very most you and he should only be aquaintances. Just a hello and how have you been if you bump into each other somewhere.
You are just torturing yourself and these conversations have to be making you feel terrible. You don't want to do that to yourself...make yourself feel badly. You would not treat anyone else like that and purposely do things to make them feel bad, so why do you do it to yourself? Value yourself...treat yourself well.
*hugs* to you....

Hello again- you people have enabled me to get through this rough time and I cannot thank you enough. I think- pray- today was the final straw. I found out today that I have cancer, I had been going through tests for a couple of weeks. So I think I have been especially vulnerable. Anway, he called again and I told him and asked if he would come see me as I really needed a friend. He pretty much fell apart- had to leave work- kept calling me and telling me he loved me and that this was so hard on HIM. Then he tells me he is still going out with that girl tomoorw. So basically I guess he is a jerk and I have been stupid. I always think the best of people so I do not want to get bitter. I know I will get through this. When he calls tomoorw I will tell him not to call me anymore. I cannot believe that anyone could act like this toward anyone they say they love. I guess it took something really bad for me to open my eyes. I am better off alone than with someone who could cry and be all upset and then go out with someone else. Thank you.

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I'm also sorry that this YM can't seem to be there for you when you need him most.

I hope you have people where you are to support you during this tough time. But like Al said, you also have all of us here too. Sometimes it's easier to dump your feelings on strangers on the net than on people you have to look at in the eyes. Trust me, I know.

::hugs::Sorry I can't do more. But I will listen if you ever need it.

Maria says:
thanks. I talked to him tonight and found out he has a date with a younger woman- 18. Evidently that is why he was out all night last night. She works with him. He told me he just wants to have sex with her, period. How sad. Anway, I have to go on with my life I know but this is killing me.

Change your phone number, serious!! He can write you if he feels the need!!

I am so so sorry you are sick! I just want you to know, that I CARE about it!!
You have cancer, and thats not bringing him back, if he really loved you he would be there for you.
He is just not the guy for you at this moment, you need people who really care for you!
And you WON'T be alone!! There are plenty of people who care for you, some you don't even know
;)[B]

Maria, I am sorry for your diagonis as well. This sort of thing is not the most pleasant news, but I pray that your type can and will be arrested very soon. I have no doubt that there is a special young man in your future Maria, but right now you need to take care of you.

Please contact me if I can be of any help, with anything at all ... I care as well ... we all do.

Princessdy

Hello,
You have all been so wonderful to me. It has really helped to vent this pain. Tomorrow I go for another MRI and will hopefully know my prognosis in the next few days. This weekend has been very hard but just getting through each day seems to make me stronger. I wish I could just focus on me, that he would get out of my mind. He left me a message on Firday night- I did not answer the phone- it just said- wanted to check on you-call me back and I did not call him back. That is a miracle- that I did not call him. But just the fact that I did not call makes me feel better. I know that if someone really loved me they would be here for me. That is is hard to accept on a gut level but I know it is true. And he is not. No matter what he did this weekend the fact remains that he was totally not there for me throught his pain. Of course, I just keeping trying to "understand" him- attribute it to his father dying of cancer. But no matter how painful for anyone, the right thing to do would be to be there for a sick friend. Instead of going out with a new 18 year old and drinking and partying. I am rambling now so I will go. Thanks again for your support.

besides, he just wants to brag, have you pine for him so his ego can get even larger,and then can say to his buddies , "She is after me again, chasing me, and missed me so much."
For some men, they only view themselves as service d*cks...there is no emotional love attachments, to them that only means weakness. Learn to use *60 on your USA phone dial...it is a very powerful service and gets messages across very quickly...
then you are in control of your time....Hadley

Being a guy, I have to agree with Hadley, this guy sounds pretty loveless and is probably puffing up and bragging about the older woman begging at his feet, sounds like a ego trip to me too, and as everybody else sorry to hear about your problem, hang tough though, my dad just went through that, looked pretty bad at first but things look very well now, they have alot of better treatments for it, and the last thing you need is somebody stressing you out, the telling you about his sex life almost sounds a little sadistic,I"m like the one lady, next time he calls sound mad and say, Damn it I finally find a good f### and you gotta interupt, then hang up the phone,, well, might make you feel better thinging about it anyways :)

Beings you say love, I"ll copy this reply I made to a sweet little lady in the younger womans posts, this is my views of love, good luck, ok I"ll try, you mentioned the word love in your response,
what is love, to some a 2 to 6 month emotional high, then
oh golly the new wore off I just don"t "love" him or her
anymore, to me it is a bonding that lasts a lifetime, and
really love is just an emotion, my translation of love is
companionship, now does a person of any age have the
maturity to commit themselves to be with one other person
thier whole life, (again explaination lol sorry, to me maturity
is the ability,,will,,,of a person to able to make a decision
between right and wrong without someone looking over thier
shoulder,) the reason I said of any age, is because I have
meet some very young girls, who have more emotional
maturity than some older women that I have known,(older
women, notice I said some,) but as for younger women, (not
everyone of them,) sometimes it takes a couple life
experiances to learn what,,,,love,,,is. A reason why you get
to know somebody for awhile before you get involved
emotionally with them, because when the new wears
off,,,and it does, how the person was before the firestorm is
how they will be after it cooled down,( are they
trustworthy, faithful, is the ability to love even in them,, are
they somebody you would trust with your most sensitive
feelings and are they somebody you can give the same back
to,) anyways, so is a person looking for love, are they
looking for sex, or are they just looking for some occasional
entertainment, I think as you get older you know the
differences more, I"m not putting younger women down, to
be honest one of the most emotionally and sexully fulfilling
relationships I ever had was with a woman ten years
younger than myself, but these are the learning processes I
was talking about, if you want to see love, watch the
ducks, there is love,,,companionship, they choose a mate,
they don"t squabble and fight, they don"t look for another
mate, where one goes the other follows,, they are content
with ecother, they are enough for ecother, I have to go, I'm
trying to learn how to draw, I hope I confused you ,because
I confused myself