never feel this way

hi.
well its not easy huh....
i met this man from internet. we've been such a wonderful friend at first ..
then i felt like i fell in love with him..
then .. i cried alot cuz ..man i guess its so impossible. he is 38 years older than me and he's thousands miles away from me. and i never met him!!
but i kept going on chat and have a good communication.i
then i met someone on my age .. and became my bf
but we still chat and email and sending letters ..
until one day .. he came to visit me to my country.and i was soo confused.. in a hand i love this guy in other hand i love my bf too. during his visit i always accompanied him. we went for holiday together and stuff. i never lie to both of them. my bf knows about him and this man also know about my bf.this situation made my bf so sad and hurted.then we broke up.

then he came back to his country .. but i didnot give him any promises.i didnot give him a word that am gonna marry him or everything.
he wanted me to come to his country, knowing him better and if i want..marry him. i just say that i wont be able to make decision after i graduate. i am now a university student semester 6. i am 20 years old. and my mom already met this man. my mom leave it all to me. its up to me she said.
i know she is aabit disagree about age.. but she said its my life but one thing she asked its just i have to finish my school.
now after he back to his country we still keep in touch and caling and etc. then i also "going back " again with my ex bf.
well not officially but .. we get close again.
my Om knows it and now am in dilemma cuz i know its confussing. this guy really loves me and this man too. i can never lay my heart in one of them. everyone has their own plus and minus.especially for this man.. its all about his AGE...

gosh i wnated to be with him, i wnat to take care of him.. he's the nicest,sweet and adorable man on earth for me. but he's so far away and we have this difference. what should i do.......
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :confused:

capuchino,

It's easy to fall in love with a dream, and not always the person. I think right now you are confused but also excited at the possibilities. If I had to give you any advice, I would say unless you love the older guy 100% (and it doesn't sound like it) then for your sake and his don't give up your life to come and marry him. Not until you are ready to commit to the relationship. I know this sounds hard, but it would be a lot harder if you left your country and got married and then found out that you did not love him.

Unfortunatley, American immigration law does not give a couple so much time to find out if they get along. If he sends you a fiance visa you have to decide in 90 days after arriving if you are going to marry him. It's not long enough to know someone... not to make such an important decision.

In my case, My YM and I knew we didn't want to get married yet, but I also wanted her to live with me. So I enrolled her in college so we could live together and take our time deciding. As a student she is allowed to stay here as long as she continues to study.

I hope you can take some time to think about what you want in life. You don't have to decide everything at age 20 though.

"It's easy to fall in love with a dream, and not always the person."


so true. so damn true.

First of all...so glad to see your pic oneofthoseguys ~ for a second I thought you were gay...you post YM! Then later you said her...so I put 2 and 2 together...LOL

Capuchino ~ Torn between two men is one of the most difficult and emotional things you can possibly go through. I'd hate to say it, but I agree w/ oneofthoseguys, if your going to move and make a huge change, you better be 1,000% positive about your love for this OM. You even said that you have a problem w/ his age. I think most of us here have an advantage when his/her SO has age doubts...they have time! They can figure things out and see if the age gap is workable. It's unfortunate that you don't have that luxury. I would suggest sitting in your room (or a secluded place) and weigh out your options. Truly sit down and think what is right for you. Look into your heart and in your mind. Your mom is right....it's your life YOU live it the way YOU want to...but make wise choices and don't go on a whim. I did and ran into many many obstacles...but now have found a wonderful man because of it....I got lucky.

Best of luck to you!

well...

we have plan to meet every college holiday. so we can get to know better before i decide to go to USA. hopefully this will help us finding out what we really feel about each other actually.

i am doing my college here. so he cant put me in college there like what onethoseguys do. it takes about 1 and half year more for me to finish my school. so during that time. we will meet once in 6 months.
and have a trip together.

maybe i fall in love with my dream.. not him. i dont know...thats what i have to find out. we've chat almost 2 years before we finally meet....

gosh he's the most wonderfull caring man i ever met.
i think i love him........ but .. its my cultural backround and my family. my mom maybe can tolerate about the age gap. but not my other family like my grandparents. they have such big influence in my family. they are very conservative. this is my biggest obstacle of all. beside my ex bf who really loves me and try to get me back. he is so nice guy and i hate to break his heart again. :(

its not easy when i really need my OM beside but he's thousand miles away apart from me.
i know i'll be okay with him if i were in USA. but not here.. people look at us like we were some kind of alien...and i hate the look in their face when they see us together. :(...

thanks for oneoftheguys and EMCAD80 i need more input :)

I am happy to hear that you realize that you could be falling in love with a dream and not with the OM. Taking your time is the best thing that I've seen you post! :)

With the family issues....it is hard, but you have to do what makes you happy. You can't make everyone happy...they don't live your life, you do. If you lived by you families standards, you might be miserable. Feel whats in your heart and find out if its true to you or not. If your family doesn't approve - remember that they are your family and always will be...they will come around. If your happy.....they should be happy for you.