What should I do?

Hi! I'm a newbie here!
I am currently have been in a LDR for about 6 months.
I met her online.
I'm 45, she's 36. She prefers older guys! Yay!
I live in Cali, she's originally from Cali,
but she moved to Kentucky to be near her family.
Normally, I would-not have pursued a relationship
with someone so far away. But she said that she
would be willing to come-back to Cali,
once her house sells and if her and I
seem to be hitting it off.
So I invested lots of time and emotion in her,
hoping that we would be together someday soon.
Then she announced that she is most likely gonna stay
in Kentucky, because her family is all there.
When she said that, we started having disagreements
periodically about some things.
In reality I have been very disappointed that she lead me on in a way.
However by now, we are too attached to each
other to let go. We talk every night on the phone, and
lately we've been getting along great! But I somewhat
am still upset that she will most likely never be with me here in Cali.
She just closed on her house and moved into an apartment still in KY.
I told her that I sure would love it if she would come and visit me.
She said she will see how her finances pan-out,
because she lost alot of money on the sale,
due to the poor housing market right-now.
I have resigned myself to the most likely senario that we will never be together as a couple.
Perhaps it's for the best.
So now I'm trying to think of her as a friend as much as I am able to anyways!
Am I wasting my time with her?
I want us to be together,
but it's not looking very encouraging right now. :(
Thanx for your words of wisdom!

My understanding is that you have never met this woman in person. Have you suggested visiting her? I think you should visit her to really have an idea as to what is really going on. I get the feeling that she is not interested in pursing the relationship so that's why she changed her mind about relocating to Cali. I may be wrong but you will never know what the real story is until you have visited her and is sure that she isn't married, attached and simply enjoy talking to men on the internet. At least once you have met her in person you would have an idea as to how to proceed.

I'm no expert on long-distance relationships, so I'm sure the others will have better advice for you!

All the best!

Thanx for the input! I'll consider what you said.
Anyone else want to add their 2 cents?

I'm with goodchild. Go see her. Or have her come out to you. Just spend time in person together.

I've been in your position. And, I have to ask you...how much do you KNOW her? I mean REALLY KNOW her?

If you say that you do "know her" one hundred percent, I'll throw my hands up now. BUT, if you say, "yeah, looking at everything, I don't really know...."...here's my advice. Plan a meeting. See things for yourself. There's nothing wrong with being skeptical until you meet...it's the logical "next step" in your relationship.

In cases like this, I get an icky feeling when people start making excuses about things. Isn't it better to know for sure, than just to rely on what someone says to you?

I would suggest you offer to go see her. If she throws excuses after excuses at you as to why you can't visit, I think you got a problem.

In LDR once both of you have established your liking of each other, the next step is meeting. Usually both people are eager to want to meet. Of course there are situations that keep couples from meeting for a lengthy period of time, however the desire to meet is there.

One of the things about LDR is that until you meet and spend time together ... our minds have a way of filling in the gaps. Sometimes our thinking is correct about the person, other times the reality is very different.

The only way you are going to know for sure if there truly is and can continue to be a relationship between the two of you is by meeting her.

Just - FYI - we were in a LDR for two years. We made frequent trips to be with each other, about every 4-6 weeks. He moved to where I lived and just short of a year we were married on January 4. We will be married for two years soon, and together for five years.

Welcome to Ageless. I agree with the other replies. If she cannot go there, make the trip to see her. If she comes up with reasons why not....perhaps she has cold feet. In either case, you will know and if you do go, you'll see if the attraction and attachment pans out in person. It could even get her thinking of moving again to Cali, or you to KY.

Count me in as another agree with all the other wise ladies replying to you. I met my guy online and we were even farther apart then you two! He's from British Columbia, Canada and I'm in Columbus, Ohio. We had all that to overcome on top of the age gap, but managed. Meeting in real life is the key to moving any online relationship forward... before you have done that... even though the feelings are certainly real... the relationship is only a potential at best.

Yup! I agree that if we are to move-forward,
we need to meet in real life.
Hopefully that will happen in the not too distant future!

She's making excuses. There are a zillion single women here in California. Find yourself a local girl.
:-)

My husband and I met online and have been doing the LDR thing for over 2 years now. Our fingers are crossed that he'll be here for good in the next 2-3 months.

That being said, with our age difference, I had a ton of doubts before we had met in person as to whether or not we would ever get beyond a "cyber relationship". Fortunately, when we did meet, it was clear that there was no turning back and that this was meant to be. Since then we've seen each other every 2-3 months as well as he came to live with me as a visitor for 6 months.

I do have a couple of friends, one in particular that met a girl online. They professed their love and stayed in a LDR for about 6 months. She finally made the journey to meet him... and he couldn't stand her in person. There's lots you can hide online (and I'm not saying lying about, but that's a whole other story) so you need to physically be with someone to actually get a picture of what an in-person relationship would be like.

You need to meet her. What if you've spent all this time pining after a fantasy? Plus meeting in person can really put a fire under some butts to get things in motion to be together for good.