Womanspeak....vs.... English

Womanspeak....vs.... English

1. You want = You want.

2. We need = I want.

3. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

4. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

5. We need to talk = I need to complain.

6. Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

7. I'm hungry = (a) Make me something to eat (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $5, and go drive across town and get me something to eat. -- I don't care if what you are doing is important.

8. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.

9. You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

10. You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

11. I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

13. This kitchen is so&ldots;inconvenient = I want a new house.

14. The car is empty = Go fill it up

15. The trash is full = Take it out

16. The dog is barking = Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong

17. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

18. I need wedding shoes = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

19. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

20. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

21. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

22. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

23. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

24. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

25. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

26. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

27. Please walk me home = Let's go make out.

28. It's all right, dear. = You'll pay for this.

29. Yes = No

30. No = No

31. Maybe = No

32. I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

33. Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get use to it.

34. Was that the baby ? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

35. I'm not yelling ! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

36. All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOSH there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?



In response to "What's Wrong?":

1. The same old thing. = Nothing.

2. Nothing. = Everything.

3. Everything. = My PMS is acting up.

4. Nothing, really. = It's just that you're such an _______.

5. I don't want to talk about it. = Go away, I'm still building up steam.

6. What makes you think there is something wrong? = I'm going to kill you.


*lol* :)~



THE RULES

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.



2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.



3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.



4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.



5. The Female is never wrong.



6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.



7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.



7. The Female can change her mind at any time.



8. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.



9. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.



10. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.



11. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.



12. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.



13. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.



14. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.



15. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.



16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.



17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

:)

That is sooooo true!

Us guys don't stand a chance, but I'm trying to learn some of your devilish tricks. One day I'll . . . I'll . . . oh I don't know what I'll do, but look out!

talk about a double standard

Ain't that the damn truth!
Hey ladies, you wanna get rich? Get together and write a Womanspeak-to-Englsh dictionary. You'll be millionares in no time! And then, when the sales start to slow down, you can translate to other languages. Only problem is, you'll probably put a big dent in the medical industry with the lack of sales in indigestion and ulcer treatment.
TC

These are great, Rayne!! :)

I hate to admit, but I can relate to most of these! :rolleyes:

Men would understand if they weren't so danged stubborn. ;)

"Men would understand if they weren't so danged stubborn"

"And, with the right one...he can always be trained!"


See, that's the kind of crappy woman attitude I'm talking about. I'm being trained alright, trained to never believe any of the "words" that are spoken. Once I figure out how to translate womanese I won't seem so stubborn, only because I'll know what all the lies and manipulations really mean. Worst part is that because I get run over with this crap, the only way to deal with it is to play the game right back. Not what I'd like to do, but what it seems I have to do.

Of course there are some exceptions to the rule, just to make life interesting.

Ronin, Im right there with ya. The sad part is that even though we know they dont play far, we still play the game. Hoping we'll get lucky and win eventually I guess.
TC

Well you know gents......this small piece of our dictionary meanings...I thought would come in handy for you all:)

& Ladies it may be sad but it's true....but look on the bright side *sunshines* least our men will know our meanings now...or atleast the tip:) lol.....................
now lets see how many more steps to go lol.

hey maybe you all have a list too ah? Hmm lest see I'll start it...

1. sex= sex

2. hungry=sex

3. sourface=sex

lol :)~

We don't play fair???? Goodness! :rolleyes:

You guys quit sounding so bitter. I think you're much harder to figure out than a woman is. And guys play their share of games, too.

Yes, TC, one day you will win... ;)

I believe you think women are easier to understand than guys are because you're a woman. And rightfully so. I can understand guys pretty well (except when they do bonehead things in which case, Gentlemen, you're on your own).

We should start up a poll, finding out what the popular belief is to who is the complicating of the genders: Male or Female. I think its a novel idea. Hmmm. . .if I wake up tomorrow and don't see one then i'll post it. But, anyone is game to take my idea.

As for the topic, I will have to say that I've seen a lot of these in action right before my two young eyes. Guys are a lot more literal i'd say. When we say "Get me a beer" is exactly what we mean, "Get me a beer". What we get back is "Sure Honey" which means "Get your lazy *** up to get it yourself". :D

Naaa, i'm just teasin with that last paragraph (atleast the ending of it). Let the conversation continue.

Steve

Guys sure do their share of bonehead things, I know I sure have. As well, men and women have different ways to express the same thing. Yet in our hearts we know what is right and true.

a guy asks you 'what are you doing?" (when you're online and he can't see you). (and i'm talking about a bf not a stranger).

and what in the world do you tell a YM who asks you 'what are you thinking?" when you are laying in bed (in the dark)?


That's why I always liked the line 'young men should date older women because we won't wake them in the middle of the night to ask them what they are thinking cause we don't care.'


I don't speak guy.... but i gotta admit dating younger ones, i'm learning.

Not entirely true, Raven. I have 3 sisters and still have no idea what in the hell women mean 90% of the time.
TC

Yes Raven, I'd love to be with a woman that I could have deep feelings for, and be able to express them freely. But I don't want to have my heart ripped out of my chest. All the testing and toying creates doubt in my mind and no real amount of emotional security, so the feelings stay locked up.

"one side is cut and dry and the other is a myriad of rainbow colours"

You got that right there, well said! That is I think why we have such trouble communicating. Guys mean what they say, women think it should mean what they want it to mean. Guys hear what a woman says and think it should mean what it says it means, while the woman actually means what she feels it should mean.

Holy cow! It's tough!

A scuba diver lover huh? Well, heh heh, that could be interesting.
I sure like to go . . . um . . . diving? ;)

Hmmmmm...and then there are the women at the other end of the spectrum. When I say "Honey, get me a beer" I really mean Honey, get me a beer. And when he says "Sure" it means he is on his way to the refrigerator. *smiles* And when I say "Honey, do I look fat in this" I really want him to tell me if I look sexy and slender or like a Macy's parade float. I guess I am just not as mysterious and mystical as most. lol

I can speak Lady, in most cases ;).

I know that when she says "I'm tired" she's really saying she doesn't want to do all the dishes and garbage, and all the house work and just wants to relax with a cup of tea. This is my queue to offer my services cleaning and getting the tea. When she is looking bummed after I did something mental, when I ask whats wrong and she says "nothin" I know chances are there is something really wrong, but she just doesn't feel like saying it. Most of the little cyrptic statements I've figured out, but **** I do agree. . if you women assembled a dictionary then you'd all be millionaires. God knows i'd need to buy one.

I've told Lady this many times, both jokingly and literally: One of these days i'll either figure it [women speak] out or I'll die. Anyone wanna take bets on which'll happen first?

Steve

Originally posted by Tall Guy
One of these days i'll either figure it [women speak] out or I'll die.
Sniff, Sniff, I hate those losses....and he's so young!!!

http://www.nicknetwork.darkfiles.net/~mysmilies/kao/otn/pcrying.gif

Originally posted by joannalee
Hmmmmm...and then there are the women at the other end of the spectrum. When I say "Honey, get me a beer" I really mean Honey, get me a beer. And when he says "Sure" it means he is on his way to the refrigerator. *smiles* And when I say "Honey, do I look fat in this" I really want him to tell me if I look sexy and slender or like a Macy's parade float. I guess I am just not as mysterious and mystical as most. lol

Just had to second this one Joannalee! I also say what I mean an mean what I say ....... Life is far to short for all that double speak, an I can't lie to save my life......Now if I can just get 'Manspeak' sorted I will be on a winner :D...... .. So I guess there r several exceptions to that rule :D

Oh come on guys just say it......we are such a cutie species .......aren't we all? You can't live without our kind, LOL LOL LOL midnite how funny! But we are still cuties, PMS and all lol:)

I see some type of debate is happening here *slight laugh*

We are who we are. And Gents are who they are.
Think about life for a sec, if we were all the same, men and woman, would life not be boring? we would be all clones.


Besides I do believe as we grow in wisdom *no matter what age, seeing some younger ages have wisdon of an 80 year old,,,,and an 80year may not have none* so growing in wisdom is within.
Saying this...I believe that the "VS" bit starts to deminish, and even if it creeps in from being with a person so long, it is learned to place it underlock and key, when one does not think before they speak, it leaves the "VS" back open.

Hey Julianne! We men are not stubborn! We try to understand you women, but we don't know these rules (thanks for posting them, Midnight).

Why don't women just be honest? Say no when you truly mean it, not yes. If you want me to go outside and stop the barking dog, or want me to go out and get you some food, tell me straight up. There's nothing wrong with being honest. If you're honest, we men will appreciate you, and your lives and ours will be much, much easier.