Personality disorder...

I'm trying to gain some perspective...:)

Would you remain friends with someone who has a mild form of Borderline Personality disorder?

Would your opinion of the person change?

Would you trust the person?

Do you think this person is capable of making sound decisions?

Would you feel safe leaving your children in their care?


What concerns would you have if any!
This site will give you some info on BPD
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/conditions/mental-behavioral-health/borderline-personality-disorder/

That totally depends on the person and how well I know them. My husband's ex-wife has BPD but I have to be fair...she was always good to my kids and my kids loved her.

I do believe they can make sound decisions, and I would be friends with them, but I would have my healthy boundaries intact.

I read the article and symptoms. I imagine that as with every condition there are mild cases and severe cases.

I think that we can all find in ourselves what could be considered traits of BPD. So, who are we to judge?

Of course I would remain friends with a person with BPD and regarding trust in their decisions and child care it would depend on the specific person, same as with a non BPD.

I think you need to think long and hard about yourself, as much as your friend. With all due respect. What kind of person are you? Are you a fair minded person? Are you a bigot? Are you a caring person? Are you a cold, uncaring person? Are you a loyal friend? Are you a disloyal friend?

What kind of person do you want to be(come)?

You OP and whatever you decide to do, say as much about you as it does your friend. Your friend has an illness that's not her fault. One question you forgot to ask yourself is, what kind of character do you have? What kind of person do you want to be(come)?

Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, on what premise did you base your conclusions? I asked a question and gave no other information, yet you have drawn all sorts of conclusions. You have a rather active imagination!:)

Thanks for responding though!

Well, you didn't say she was causing you x, y, z problems and you don't know if you can deal with it. That I could understand and sympathize with.

What you did say is that your friend has a condition and you aren't sure if you should, or want to, associate with a person who has a condition. That is what you said. It comes across as very cold, heartless, and disloyal to your friend.

Good people show compassion to others, and to their friends they show compassion and loyalty. Please consider that, and please do consider how your attitude about your friend reflects on you as much as your friend. Examine yourself as well as your friend.



I do not wish to argue with you Wesley! Once again, thank you for responding to my post:)

Wesley...

As with anything else in life, BPD comes in many forms and in many grades. I'm sure that most people have met people with BPD and never knew it. Yet, there are those who cannot even function with BPD. Even without knowing the terminology or symptoms of the disorder, you KNOW that these are people who you cannot relate to, on any level, really. And, of course, there are many that fall in between on the spectrum.

Could you be "friends" with someone with BPD?

My first response to this would be to ask another question: why would this even be an issue?

Seriously, Wes, most people with BPD are functioning to highly functioning. I don't see any reason to evaluate a friendship on any different basis because the person has BPD.

I honestly don't understand why this would even come up, especially in the case of "mild BPD".

My apologies Wes. It's been a long day.

Would you remain friends with someone who has a mild form of Borderline Personality disorder?
Honestly, it depends on their behaviour. After having read the symptoms of BPD several times, I feel that if someone in my circle of acquaintances was exhibiting any of the symptoms on that list, I probably would not be close friends with them anyway.

Would your opinion of the person change?
If a person's poor decision making or behaviour could be explained by having BPD, I would be understanding and sympathetic, but if I wasn't close friends with them to begin with (and I suspect that I wouldn't be) then I would neither shun them nor be more forgiving and try to become closer to them.

Would you trust the person?
How so? Would I let them drive my car? No. Would I lend them money? No, nothing significant. Would I date them? Well, probably not based on how picky I am anyway. I don't date men that make poor judgments or have low self esteem.

Do you think this person is capable of making sound decisions?
It really depends on what I have observed in their overall behaviour track record. I would assess the person, not judge them based on just a diagnosis. There are varying degrees of this disorder. It's not the disorder I would be judging them on, just their behaviour as I see it myself.

Would you feel safe leaving your children in their care?
Probably not. But again, it's not having the label of BPD, but their actual history and current behaviour.

In real life, my YM and I are quite compassionate people. And we've helped out a lot of our friends at one point or another. We are good at being intuitive of their needs, we are good problem solvers and we don't want to see any of them suffering from whatever crisis they are going through. However, we draw the line at people that seem to repeat getting into the same binds. It's one thing to help out a close friend once or twice, but if they don't get a clue as to how to function as a human being, then they don't get anymore help from us. And if they turn out to be a toxic personality, then we cut them loose so they don't drag us down with them.

We also distinguish between close friends, casual friends and just acquaintances. So in terms of your original question, if someone was a good friend of ours and we had no issues with him, then if he announced that he was diagnosed with BPD, then we certainly would not change his friend status. If the BPD was getting worse, then we would protect ourselves and belongings by not giving him opportunities to be a negative impact in our lives.

We did have an acquaintance once, he was a roommate of a good friend. Because of the connection, he thought he was our friend. However, we observed that he seemed to like to mooch off of our friend. And he liked to get drunk and do stupid things that were very entertaining to him, less so for the rest of us. Then he left the apartment without notice, took another roommate with him, and moved to within a few blocks of my house. Naturally, we were upset as this caused our friend to also have to leave his apartment. This didn't seem to bother the jerk, and in fact, he then tried to find my house so he could drop by. Fortunately, he couldn't find my house. And shortly after that, I had to tell him twice point blank (the second time in front of his co-workers) that he was a jerk, a user and was never welcome at my house ever. I believe part of this guy's problem was that he was an alcoholic. However, his problem was not our problem to bear. Actually, during the last months we knew him, we helped him out by lending him a car part to get his car running again. He never paid for it, so finally I had to get that back from him too.

No worries Wesley! I appreciate all the responses as I'm really interested in hearing how people respond to this type of news.

Would you feel safe leaving your children in their care?



Okay...now that I am responding to the correct person (apologies again, Wes), I want to comment on this part of the issue.

How well do you know this person otherwise? Without having read all of the possible symptoms of the disorder, would you have trusted them? I think that's the key here.

There are people with BPD who are far better caregivers than people without it. And, there are others with BPD that you would be insane to trust. But, frankly, I think you would know that, even without knowing their diagnosis.

Take this person as an individual, and treat them as you would any other person in your life. You want them as a friend? Cool. You don't? Also cool. The BPD shouldn't have any real impact on that. It's not like it's a "secret" once you get to really know someone.

However, if their behaviors are not endangering, or substantially inconveniencinng you, then I think some extra tolerance is in order if you realize they have an illness.

Really? I don't know. I would hate for someone to judge me on the basis of a diagnosis, but I also would hate for them to "give me slack" because of it as well. It just doesn't seem "real" to me.

Yes, knowing why someone may behave in the way that they do can be beneficial, but I don't see why extra slack should be cut because of it.

Okay...now that I am responding to the correct person (apologies again, Wes), I want to comment on this part of the issue.

How well do you know this person otherwise? Without having read all of the possible symptoms of the disorder, would you have trusted them? I think that's the key here.

There are people with BPD who are far better caregivers than people without it. And, there are others with BPD that you would be insane to trust. But, frankly, I think you would know that, even without knowing their diagnosis.

Take this person as an individual, and treat them as you would any other person in your life. You want them as a friend? Cool. You don't? Also cool. The BPD shouldn't have any real impact on that. It's not like it's a "secret" once you get to really know someone.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Would I trust this person without knowing the diagnosis?

However, if their behaviors are not endangering, or substantially inconveniencinng you, then I think some extra tolerance is in order if you realize they have an illness.
How are we wrong? I said that we accept people as they are not based their labels. What extra tolerance would you have me offer them? My YM is an abusive selfish alcoholic in denial. I see no reason to show him extra tolerance. When my YM was growing up he subjected my YM to both verbal and physical abuse. I still see the mental scars left on my YM to this day. I stand by my YM's decision not to let him into our lives.
Karma is an interesting and real thing. When you get sick or injured you find out who your real friends are. If you've been trying to choose your friends based on some standard of perfection, then they will dump you if/when you can no longer meet that same standard. Hope you don't get sick or injured because if this is how you choose or disqualify your friends, then they will be people like yourself, and someday they will disqualify you as a friend if you get sick or injured in anyway. Something to think about. Not for you since I'm sure you wouldn't listen to me. But something for others to think about.
I know all about karma Wes. And I am willing to accept what life has to throw at me. In terms of friendship in general, I do not offer my friendship expecting my good deeds to be rewarded by them in equal measure. However, I don't want my good efforts to be futile as some of what we have done takes time and sweat. I have a small group of best friends that I know will stick with me through both thick and thin. And I've never wanted to be Miss Popularity either. Frankly, I feel that my good friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Anymore than that and the quality of the relationships begin to suffer. I don't feel like spreading myself to thin and in some effort to make sure that my karma is super good. So don't try to make me paranoid over not doing more charitable work.

Life is too short, and realistically, I can only help so many people. I don't believe in heaven or hell either. I see no need to be a Mother Theresa. So I will be good to the people I cross paths with, but I am not going to go out of my way for every stray either. I also feel satisfied in my heart that I am a good person, my YM thinks we are good people too, and that's all that matters to me. And I really don't care if you think that my karma is in danger, because it's not. And if my life suffers a downturn, it won't because I am a bad person. Stuff just happens randomly.

Really? I don't know. I would hate for someone to judge me on the basis of a diagnosis, but I also would hate for them to "give me slack" because of it as well. It just doesn't seem "real" to me.

Yes, knowing why someone may behave in the way that they do can be beneficial, but I don't see why extra slack should be cut because of it.
I agree with this. And most people that have a deficiency would prefer to be treated as an equal and not as a charity case.

I'm trying to gain some perspective...:)

Would you remain friends with someone who has a mild form of Borderline Personality disorder?

Would your opinion of the person change?

Would you trust the person?

Do you think this person is capable of making sound decisions?

Would you feel safe leaving your children in their care?


What concerns would you have if any!
This site will give you some info on BPD
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/conditions/mental-behavioral-health/borderline-personality-disorder/

After reading all the symptoms, I would would be in Mui's camp, I would never have been friends with them in the first place. Why? because I hate, loathe and despise drama and histrionic behavior. Also the below things:

Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse , binge eating , or reckless driving.
Have recurring suicidal thoughts, make repeated suicide

Total and complete deal breakers for me. As for my children, as a friend is fond of saying " Hell to the no", If someone might have a =Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical fights.

it's bad enough having to worry about your kids all the time but add that to the additional chance that something might happen, should this person "snap" because they have a condition. Well nope sorry, condition or not if someone snapped on one of my kids...I would snap right back and probably end up in jail. PLus I would never forgive myself if something really bad happened to my child, what would I say to that child? Oh I KNEW they had a condition but I gave them the benefit of the doubt....yeah no.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Would I trust this person without knowing the diagnosis?

Ahh...grasshopper has learned her lesson. :D

Seriously though, this is a very tough thing, I know. And, it's for that reason that 3 people in my real life know that I suffer from BPD. Frankly, it's just irrelevant for all the rest, including everyone in my family.

For me, it was an important thing to share with my boyfriend early on. Just one of "those things", you know? Something that he could try to understand about me, and maybe bring us closer.

As far as my friends and family go though...nah. It's not that I don't trust their reaction to it, or anything like that...it's just not their business. If, at some point, I choose to share it, then I will.

And, it's because of my own situation that your last question about taking care of your children hit home to me. I know, full well, that I am a far better caregiver than many people without BPD. That's just a fact. And, it made me sad to read your question, in light of the great time I had with my 4 year old nephew over the weekend....hanging out, putting together legos, baking. What I suffer from is irrelevant to that. MY particular BPD doesn't even remotely come into play.

So, that's where I come from when I say, take this person for who they are. For what you have seen of them before you knew about the diagnosis. I'm confident that you would KNOW about their ability to be a caregiver, or whatever other issue would come up.

I agree with this. And most people that have a deficiency would prefer to be treated as an equal and not as a charity case.

And, the very real issue with taking a look at a "list of symptoms online" was just demonstrated. One of the symptoms *may* be "violent outbursts", however, it's not universal. But, tell someone you have BPD, and that's what they'll see.

Any wonder why so few people know about my condition?

Frankly, I'm of the school that believes that 95% of this world should be in therapy. What makes me different from anyone else? I actually have a diagnosis which makes me feel less alone in what I am experiencing. But, as someone who has been a caregiver in many different capacities in her life, it makes me sad that this even becomes an issue.

*shrug* I have BPD, and one or two other imperfections. :) But, I also have the confidence to know that most people in my life take me as I am, and like me or don't like me, and trust me or not. I sure as hell don't fit into a list of symptoms found online.

At the risk of seeming to be condescending here, I *do* admire the fact that you are asking questions about this, and I would urge you to take a look into this a bit more, to try to get a good perspective on it.

Bottom line is what I've already said. If this person is someone who you know and otherwise trust, I don't see how a list of possible symptoms should change your view of them.

Their disorder affects their mood, not their underlying character, IME. See the difference? At least based on my 2 very extensive experiences with BPD women. The one experience being a good experience with my friend, and the other experience being a nightmare with my neighbor.

And, Wes, as I've already said, and as you have illustrated here, the disorder affects people differently, and the list of symptoms doesn't have much of a bearing on them as individuals.

Yes, I see the difference. And, I see that you see something in this woman that you are defending that you find to be worth it. And, that's great. But, again, no matter the extent of your experience with these two people, it's just two people. And, it's YOU dealing with them. It's your prerogative to cut the one woman slack. That's cool.

Personally, I would want the slack cut to me without having the "diagnosis" there, but that's my opinion as someone who does suffer from this disorder.

I think that in terms of the question of someone with BPD taking care of my "children" that's not really a fair question because in this day and age, if I had children, I would be super discriminating about anyone I would leave them alone with. If one of their teachers had a mild case of it and had a stellar history with her pupils, then I certainly wouldn't object to that person being their teacher. Plus within the structure of a classroom, I feel that all the children would be fine. But as a babysitter to young kids, I think that as a parent I should have some concerns. Of course, since there are many degrees of severity for BPD, I would take it on a person by person basis. But young children are very vulnerable and need constant good adult supervision.

It's different standard than me being friends with them as being an adult I would able to an unsafe situation on my own.

I think it's important to note that mild cases don't do those extreme behaviors you mentioned in your post. They just get sad, and maybe irritable part of the time. In my friend's case, she gets extremely sad, and irritable part of the time.

Actually, Wes, BPD can manifest itself in many different ways. Be careful about making these blanket statements.

Mishigas73 - Certainly, no one is perfectly normal. After listening to one NPR show, I was wondering if I was hyper manic. And I do like my alone time and I consider myself an eccentric person. My YM has ADD, some anger management issues inherited from his dad (he's never been mad at me because if it, it's mostly road traffic issues), he's got a good handle on hardly ever drinking (we share a beer or two with a steak once in a while, but his younger sister has been in rehab for drinking), and there was some NPR show on some mental disorder (I forget at the moment) and he felt some similarities to one woman's experience with it.

And I don't go around labeling some people as normal and some having mental issues. The people that become my close friends are those that I get along with personality-wise and that I have real common interests with. I have nobody I go out with just for the sake of drinking or partying.

In the two cases I'm familiar with.

Which doesn't constitute "mild cases of BPD are...".

Just clarifying things here.

Mishigas73 - Certainly, no one is perfectly normal.

And, if they were, this world would be a perfectly boring place, right? :D

As one person who suffers from this disorder, and has her particular symptoms, I just thought I'd chime in and try to dismiss some of the blanket assumptions about it.

Case by case basis. Best way to go, just generally, I think.

Yes, but I've never seen any of those behaviors in my friend, aside from being irritable when she feels badly. No worse than PMS though. Just more often and lasting longer. I mean getting snippy and just, not violence. She's never done anything violent in her entire life.

Mostly she just gets really sad and withdraws.

So ya, those behaviors you listed would be grounds for avoiding someone, but my friend has a severe cases and has never exhibited any of those extreme behaviors you mentioned, except getting suicidal at times.

Even my nasty neighbor never did any of those extrem things that I know of. Her worst things are staying up all night and making a LOT of noise, and being a sneak thief and habitual liar. Very unpleasant qualities in a neighbor. However, even she's never done those other really bad things you mentioned in your post.

I think it's important to note that mild cases don't do those extreme behaviors you mentioned in your post. They just get sad, and maybe irritable part of the time. In my friend's case, she gets extremely sad, and irritable part of the time.

My friend has an extreme case and is disabled from it, but she's never done anything criminal in her life. She has a good character.

My neighbor is also an extreme case and disabled from it, and she is a petty criminal, like a sneak thief, liar, and a totally loud party animal part of the time. However, she's not a hardened criminal. She is a major nuisance though, mainly from her staying up all night banging on things while I'm trying to sleep. That's very annoying. Several times I aimed my stereo at her place, and left it all on day while she was trying to sleep during the day.

However, most of those hardcore behaviors, especially the criminal ones, you posted about are not anything I've ever seen in either of these bipolar women I know.

Now if I did now someone with those criminal behaviors, it's a safe bet I'd not be associating with them, but it wouldn't be due to their condition, it'd be due to their unacceptable and intolerable behavior.

I also wouldnt want someone who is irritable and a depressed all the time around my children. Kids are a lot to deal with and irritable and kids especially little kids are not a good combination. As for the depression also something that is not a good thing to have around small kids.
I think Mui had a good comment here

young children are very vulnerable and need constant good adult supervision.

To me, irritable and manic depressive are not good qualities for a child care provider. Being around kids can overwhelm you, it can depress you especially on bad days and if someone with this disorder has 1 bad week a month, well theyre not very reliable either.

"Occasionally suicidal" how do you overlook that?

"Occasionally suicidal" how do you overlook that?

Not everyone who has BPD falls into this category. That's the problem with reading a list online.

Not everyone who has BPD falls into this category. That's the problem with reading a list online.

yeah I know, I should have been more specific, I was refering to Wesley friend who is occasionally suicidal.
So ya, those behaviors you listed would be grounds for avoiding someone, but my friend has a severe cases and has never exhibited any of those extreme behaviors you mentioned, except getting suicidal at times.

yeah I know, I should have been more specific, I was refering to Wesley friend who is occasionally suicidal.

Ah, ok. My confusion continues. (For the record, that's not a symptom of my BPD, just my lack of sleep over the past week or so. ;) ).

Ah, ok. My confusion continues. (For the record, that's not a symptom of my BPD, just my lack of sleep over the past week or so. ;) ).

lol. Yeah I feel your pain, Im an insomniac.

OK, just want to make a point of clarification here. Wesley is talking about BIPOLAR disorder while goodchild is talking about BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER... two completely different things.

As a physician, I get to see them both... I think there are positives in addition to the negatives that come with such disorders. I like to see the good in folks, including personality disordered...

I have found that I have a personality disorder to. It is called A.D.D ,and it has caused me problems all my life. It seems I have trouble understanding things at time ,and if so it takes me time to figure it out. Like just recently I had a situation come up with my g/f. I admitted it was all my fault but it took me a few days to work it out. I do not know why this happens, but it does. Something I have had to live with all my 45 years. Seems I am not able to say sorry to make the mends or feel I can say sorry to make that mends. I am going to a doctor soon to get meds to in hopes remedy this, and to save the relationship. Another thing also is I had missed church at mine, and decided sense I was at my ex's I would go, ( I was dropping my daughter off )but I did not feel comfortable about being there. I can say I will never go there again. I was wrong to do so, and said so. What can a guy do to prove to his lady these things are not done to hurt her to to make her feel I do not care or love her? I need help. Thanks

OK, just want to make a point of clarification here. Wesley is talking about BIPOLAR disorder while goodchild is talking about BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER... two completely different things.

As a physician, I get to see them both... I think there are positives in addition to the negatives that come with such disorders. I like to see the good in folks, including personality disordered...

Thanks for clearing this up Zolie. I just read through Wesley's post and realize that he was referring to Bipolar.


Michigas, thanks for sharing your problem with us. I know that must have been difficult knowing people can be extremely judgmental.

Miu and Strawberries, I understand your positions but it's highly unlikely that you would even recognize that a friend has mild Borderline Personality disorder. It is mostly an internal struggle and only the individual or people extermely close to them might be aware that the individual has a problem.

For example, you might think your friend simply likes shopping and needs to cut back on her spending, but that could be one of the signs of BPD and she can't help herself. Or she could drive really fast but you think she simply needs to be more careful, (or she might only drive fast when she's alone) but that could be a symptom of BPD.

She might withdraw from time to time saying I need my ME time, but that could be a symptom of BPD and she could need that time so she can deal with the conflicting, negative, thoughts in her head. OR She could be the nicest person in the world that never says no to a request, always bending backwards to please people and you think she's just a really nice person, but that could be a symptom of BPD and she does all those nice things because she has low self worth and needs to do such acts as it makes her feel better about herself.

See, she could be any of your friends or your children's school teacher, but you might never know or would guess. Yet the instant people hear BPD and read the symptoms they get scared and start treating these people differently. If the person has severe BPD then certainly, precautionary measures should be taken especially if they are a danger to themselves and other people and refuse to get help. Most likely, you would know if a person has severe BPD as their behaviour would appear abnormal, but even then they are not always dangerous as the symptoms manifest themselves in various ways and varying degrees.

I think it really depends on the person.

I have found that I have a personality disorder to. It is called A.D.D ,and it has caused me problems all my life. It seems I have trouble understanding things at time ,and if so it takes me time to figure it out. Like just recently I had a situation come up with my g/f. I admitted it was all my fault but it took me a few days to work it out. I do not know why this happens, but it does. Something I have had to live with all my 45 years. Seems I am not able to say sorry to make the mends or feel I can say sorry to make that mends. I am going to a doctor soon to get meds to in hopes remedy this, and to save the relationship. Another thing also is I had missed church at mine, and decided sense I was at my ex's I would go, ( I was dropping my daughter off )but I did not feel comfortable about being there. I can say I will never go there again. I was wrong to do so, and said so. What can a guy do to prove to his lady these things are not done to hurt her to to make her feel I do not care or love her? I need help. Thanks

I hope you get the help that you need. Think positive and the results will be positive. I'm sure your girlfriend will understand that you have a problem and help you through it once you explain the disorder.

All the best!:)

I have had two bosses in my life with BPD. Both were a NIGHTMARE! Obviously they had "mild" cases, or they would not have obtained the positions in life that they did.

I also had a very close friend for many years with BPD. I ultimately had to end the relationship due to her behavior.

I would not willingly enter a relationship of intimacy or friendship with someone with this diagnosis. Too much fallout.

Well, I have had relationships with two people who have disorders.

The first one was BPD, ADHD and an acoholic. He was a nightmare.

The second one is BiPolar, and I am married to him. He is also diabetic, so he has two conditions that can influence his behavior.

My husband is kind, caring and compassionate, and the best friend I ever had.
If his blood sugar gets too low, he can be mean, or just act drunk. (Example: One day we were standing in the kitchen looking in the cabinet, and he started laughing at the box of buckwheat pancake mix. When I asked him what was funny, he looked at me and said, very meanly, "F* you! Just F* you." Turned out his sugar was about 50. He drank some sugar kool aid and was fine. I asked him what he was mad about..he said he had no idea where that came from. )

If he is brain chemicals get too "high" toward the manic stage, he can be impulsive, unreasonable and mean. (Reminds me of someone high on coke or something) If they get too low, he gets depressed and uncommunicative. Luckliy, we have him on the correct medication and keep a close eye on his moods, and we work together to contol his illness. The doc says he has a "mild" case of BP. Do we let most people know about it, especially employers? NO. Why? Because people WILL judge based on the sensational news items they hear about, or because they know someone with a severe case, or whatever.

Anyhow, the point being, that you have to judge the person just like you judge anyone else you know...on what you personally know about them in your interactions. Not on what some treatise on their "symptoms" says.

Alright, I wasn't going to jump in to this thread but..what the hell.
I am a BPD...........mild case these days.
Many, many, artistic, high IQ, sensitive, souls do have this disorder.
I have NEVER lied, NEVER cheated (except the government), NEVER broken a promise to anyone in my life.
I have, however, made several poor decisions, taken insane risks on my own well being, etc...
I have also, been almost everywhere on this planet, done more good, and achieved more success than many so called "normal" people.
Now days, I understand myself and my "impulses" much more than I did when I was younger and other than becoming a little depressed sometimes or feelings of anxiety....I am just fine!
Everyone is different.........label or no.
Blessings, TD

Many, many, artistic, high IQ, sensitive, souls do have this disorder.

Isn't that what they all say with these artiste types? All of them have personality disorders, not just BPD - just look at VanGogh, Rembrandt, etc...they're all nutcases. The OM I used to date was highly eccentric and highly intelligent, but he claims to not have any personality disorder. Maybe he was just really odd. lol.

Ok, I am going off tangent here, but I read somewhere about Bipolar disorders, that people who suffer from BiPolarism have high regard of themselves, they're often narcissistic, and have intense mood swings. They're totally different from BPD. I can't imagine anybody living a life like that. Must be a living hell.

Sometimes I wonder why all these personality disorders come up - I mean, what defines reality and normal anyway? Is there really anybody who is "normal"?

Yes, many do feel that highly artistic people are a little "off" lol.........and high regard for myself or not (depends on the day)......I am glad that I am a part of that group!
All people are HELL to live with sometimes.
I also believe that most people these days have something wrong with their thinking and coping skills, whether they admit it or not.
I am not Bi Polar so I cannot speak on their behalf but, my best friend is and she too has mellowed and learned to cope with age.
I was a HUGE risk taker in my youth b/c I truly did not care about outcomes back then.
I HAVE to look on the bright side and see all of the wonderful things that happened as a result of those risks.........no point dwelling on the downside that sometimes followed.
Anymore, I could really care less who understands me or doesn't. Those who throw stones, imo, are lacking intelligence and compassion......the two things that are most important to me.
Blessings, TD

Isn't that what they all say with these artiste types? All of them have personality disorders, not just BPD - just look at VanGogh, Rembrandt, etc...they're all nutcases. The OM I used to date was highly eccentric and highly intelligent, but he claims to not have any personality disorder. Maybe he was just really odd. lol.

Ok, I am going off tangent here, but I read somewhere about Bipolar disorders, that people who suffer from BiPolarism have high regard of themselves, they're often narcissistic, and have intense mood swings. They're totally different from BPD. I can't imagine anybody living a life like that. Must be a living hell.

Sometimes I wonder why all these personality disorders come up - I mean, what defines reality and normal anyway? Is there really anybody who is "normal"?

Nope not really, personally I think "normal" are people who dont fall into emotional extremes. Histrionic behavior and narcissism, mood swings, suicidal tendencies...that is just too much for me. I've known people like that and it's like being stuck with a teenager that never grows up. You forgive and over look as much as you can until you realize youve done it so much youve become a doormat to their disease.

There are mild cases of these conditions out there and those people are functional adults and that is great. I have compassion and sympathy for the people who are struggling to maintain what they consider their personal normalcy while trying to overcome their disease.

It's the more extreme cases that Im wary of and if someone that I knew exhibited any of those those characteristics, I would keep them far far away from me and my family. Im thinking more of the anger/ violence/ irresponsible behavior personalities more than anything. It's just not something that I would want in my life.

I think fear and misunderstanding come from ignorance... I'd rather not point fingers or cast stones, lest someone do the same to me.

I'll say it again, tolerance is key to getting along in this world. When you're busy pointing out everyone else's wrongs and feeling superior on your "normal" pedestal is usually when the rug gets pulled out from under you. Lesson learned the hard way!

It's likely that 10% of the people you interact with on a daily basis are personality disordered. That's a lot of people struggling... some you won't even recognize and the others need love and understanding in whatever capacity we can provide. It'll be a lonely world if you cast out folks with personality disorders.

PS to Hobart- ADHD is not a personality disorder

I just thought I'd point out that Goodchild never said it was a friend of hers. Everyone assumed she had a friend in mind and was considering abandoning that friend. She simply asked how you would feel about a friend who had BPD.

This could be a strickly hypothetical question designed to make us think and understand the condition better. Or it could be she has a friend, or she could have the condition herself.

Hmmm... maybe I have a touch of BPD. I love shopping and I can be impulsive. Anyway, definitely people need to be taken on a case by case basis.

Hobart - Both my current and previous boyfriends have ADD. But they don't act at all alike and both deal with their issues differently. And probably what helped did in my relationship in with my ex was because he couldn't read books. He just said that he couldn't because of his ADD. I don't think that he tried books on tape. And that lack of intellectualism in him led to a huge void in our relationship. And my current boyfriend loves to read. It may take him a few tries, but he loves soaking up the knowledge and the culture.

Knowing that there is a reason for a behavioural pattern helps with being able to tolerate a situation, but it doesn't solve the incompatibility problem. Just because there is a medical reason for it, doesn't make being with that person any easier in the long run. Yes, it's good to know they aren't doing it on purpose, but the situation is what it is. And it is her choice if she doesn't want to compromise what she wants and deserves in a boyfriend for the rest of her life.

I thought the same thing SS!
I think the best way I have found to describe my "condition" is like the difference between a headache and a migraine............they are both an issue but one is a bit more magnified.
In my case, from early abandonment, whatever......I felt that I was too sensitive for this world and really didn't want to be a part of it at all.
It wasn't until I found dance that I found my "home".
Animals have always been my biggest joy and my biggest sorrow b/c I just cannot do enough to show the world how to treat them.
I used to take EVERYTHING very personally and that screwed with my emotions and added to my "death wish" quite often.
Like I said.........now, I just don't really give a damn what others think.
I still do what I can to help out what is important to me and try to stay out of societies way as much as possible.
Frankly, society as a whole, imo, is sicker and more misguided than I ever was!!!!
Blessings, TD

I think fear and misunderstanding come from ignorance... I'd rather not point fingers or cast stones, lest someone do the same to me.

I'll say it again, tolerance is key to getting along in this world. When you're busy pointing out everyone else's wrongs and feeling superior on your "normal" pedestal is usually when the rug gets pulled out from under you. Lesson learned the hard way!

It's likely that 10% of the people you interact with on a daily basis are personality disordered. That's a lot of people struggling... some you won't even recognize and the others need love and understanding in whatever capacity we can provide. It'll be a lonely world if you cast out folks with personality disorders.

PS to Hobart- ADHD is not a personality disorder

Zolie,

While I agree with your sentiment, I've learned the hard way that it makes life much more peaceful if you pick and choose what "disorders" you choose to deal with. A borderline can make your life a living hell; I've experienced it first hand. It's a disorder for which there is no cure and no treatment, so far.

Many other mental health disorders are difficult to deal with; my ex YM a case in point. Major depressive disorder and OCD. I dealt with it, but it was difficult most of the time. I did not agree with him that drugs were the only treatment choice...that he needed drugs AND therapy, but he did not agree.

All my life I seem to be surrounded by people with mental health issues. In my job, the majority of my patients have at least some degree of mental illness.

Tolerance is key, but you can choose to avoid trouble if you see it coming down the street for your intimate relationships and friends. I just weeded one out that was causing major trouble for me. I feel badly, but she was too much of a liabilty to me, my family, my career.

Zolie,

While I agree with your sentiment, I've learned the hard way that it makes life much more peaceful if you pick and choose what "disorders" you choose to deal with. A borderline can make your life a living hell; I've experienced it first hand. It's a disorder for which there is no cure and no treatment, so far.

Many other mental health disorders are difficult to deal with; my ex YM a case in point. Major depressive disorder and OCD. I dealt with it, but it was difficult most of the time. I did not agree with him that drugs were the only treatment choice...that he needed drugs AND therapy, but he did not agree.

All my life I seem to be surrounded by people with mental health issues. In my job, the majority of my patients have at least some degree of mental illness.

Tolerance is key, but you can choose to avoid trouble if you see it coming down the street for your intimate relationships and friends. I just weeded one out that was causing major trouble for me. I feel badly, but she was too much of a liabilty to me, my family, my career.

Is it fair to say there is no treatment? There is no medication (except to treat associated problems such as anxiety) but other measures can be used to treat the condition. Psychotherapy is one such treatment.

Kat,
While I agree with you on your sentiments of who you allow in your life........I am extremely picky about who is around me, you just keep lumping ALL BPD's in the same pile LOL!
Your choice but, like any other disorder, physical or mental.....people are still individuals and not all is manifested exactly the same in all people.
Like my back surgery for instance...........not very many bounce back so quickly and pain free, yet many do have the same back problems and surgery that I had.
I am not going to try to convince you.............
I have a huge fear of Scorpios on a whole lol............many of the same traits but........still have found over the years that not ALL of them are cruel and out to sting me ;)

GC, no, therapies are known to irradicate BPD.........even psycotherapy.
It can help but truly...........very little.
I do take a low dose of anti-depressant........a larger dose makes me too anxious.
I have had a lifetime of therapies of all kinds lol.
What helped me???
Forgiving myself and using my "illness" to my advantage........it can, believe it or not, be an incredible advantage and, for me, I think I see things more intensely than "normal" people and, for me, I feel it is my blessing.

GC, no, therapies are known to irradicate BPD.........even psycotherapy.
It can help but truly...........very little.
I do take a low dose of anti-depressant........a larger dose makes me too anxious.
I have had a lifetime of therapies of all kinds lol.
What helped me???
Forgiving myself and using my "illness" to my advantage........it can, believe it or not, be an incredible advantage and, for me, I think I see things more intensely than "normal" people and, for me, I feel it is my blessing.


That's why I said treatment. Psychotherapy can treat the disorder and help to retrain the individual's thought process, but certainly not CURE it. I was responding to the fact that Kat7 said there is no treatment and I do not believe that is true.

Thanks for sharing your struggle with us Tinydancer. It does help to hear from someone who is dealing with the disorder.

Zolie,

While I agree with your sentiment, I've learned the hard way that it makes life much more peaceful if you pick and choose what "disorders" you choose to deal with. A borderline can make your life a living hell; I've experienced it first hand. It's a disorder for which there is no cure and no treatment, so far.

Many other mental health disorders are difficult to deal with; my ex YM a case in point. Major depressive disorder and OCD. I dealt with it, but it was difficult most of the time. I did not agree with him that drugs were the only treatment choice...that he needed drugs AND therapy, but he did not agree.

All my life I seem to be surrounded by people with mental health issues. In my job, the majority of my patients have at least some degree of mental illness.

Tolerance is key, but you can choose to avoid trouble if you see it coming down the street for your intimate relationships and friends. I just weeded one out that was causing major trouble for me. I feel badly, but she was too much of a liabilty to me, my family, my career.

I have to agree with you. There is only so much that you can take before you just cant do it anymore. I dont see anything wrong with choosing what we deem acceptable for our own peace of mind or health. Some people are just too much, while I can see that if the person is in the family, well, we cant choose our family members but we sure can choose our friends.

Ive been on that rollercoaster, after a while it's time to get off.

Hmmm, well, I never had much luck but, until now, I never really had doctors who wanted to deal with a BPD patient lol.
Still, it does very little, but..every little bit helps.
For me, it has been time and experience of understanding myself, my thoughts, my gifts, and my drawbacks.
When I was younger it was something like this............I knew what I was doing wasn't exactly healthy, etc.... but, like having Chicken Pox, it is hard to be so full of iches and not scratch LOL!
For me, in that once a year or so, bad time I might have...........I take a couple xanax's and ride it out.
Every year that goes by, through self discovery, and patience in my own shortcomings, I become more centered and balanced.
Again though.........I have worked out my life where I am very rarely around critical, ignorant people and there for have less to be bothered by ;)

I have to agree with you. There is only so much that you can take before you just cant do it anymore. I dont see anything wrong with choosing what we deem acceptable for our own peace of mind or health. Some people are just too much, while I can see that if the person is in the family, well, we cant choose our family members but we sure can choose our friends.

Ive been on that rollercoaster, after a while it's time to get off.


I doubt anyone is saying you should embrace someone who is causing you pain and putting your own mental health at risk. I think people are saying that it is unfair to judge someone solely on the diagnosis of BPD. The disorder manifests itself in different ways and some people with BPD would be a good friend and could bring more joy, than drama to your life.

I googled up the NPR interview that my YM and I have listened to a few times. It's a very interesting listen.

Elyn Saks, author of The Center Cannot Hold on living with schizophrenia:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/005436.html

Hmmm, well, I never had much luck but, until now, I never really had doctors who wanted to deal with a BPD patient lol.
Still, it does very little, but..every little bit helps.
For me, it has been time and experience of understanding myself, my thoughts, my gifts, and my drawbacks.
When I was younger it was something like this............I knew what I was doing wasn't exactly healthy, etc.... but, like having Chicken Pox, it is hard to be so full of iches and not scratch LOL!
For me, in that once a year or so, bad time I might have...........I take a couple xanax's and ride it out.
Every year that goes by, through self discovery, and patience in my own shortcomings, I become more centered and balanced.
Again though.........I have worked out my life where I am very rarely around critical, ignorant people and there for have less to be bothered by ;)

Good for you. It seems that the individual plays a major role in their treatment and you seem to be doing well! Continue to think positive and I wish you continued success!

Personally, I am one of the best friends a person could have lol.
In my youth, I still was a good friend but, b/c of all of the drama that I either caused or allowed in my life.........I was not a good romantic partner to have but..I knew that.
Which is why I lived my life travelling in the security of a ballet company and did whatever with whomever I wanted to LOL.
And ya know what else......I wouldn't trade one minute of any of it for all the balance in the world.
It has made me into the best "teacher" I know.
And your welcome GC.....ignorance is everywhere.
If people are afraid of being so harshly judged to come forward............nothing will ever change.
Look at the so called sane people running our government, etc:confused:
I'll take "crazy" any day!!!!!!!!!

BTW..........the best book even written, imo, on loving someone with BPD is called "Walking On Eggshells"..........can't remember the author's name.

BTW..........the best book even written, imo, on loving someone with BPD is called "Walking On Eggshells"..........can't remember the author's name.

Thank you! I'll get a copy.:)

I think people are saying that it is unfair to judge someone solely on the diagnosis of BPD. The disorder manifests itself in different ways and some people with BPD would be a good friend and could bring more joy, than drama to your life.

It's not fair to judge, but unfortunately, people with BPD are bound to follow a certain pattern of behaviour that probably 90% of people would veer away from. I think my roommate has BPD, and I've known her for about 6 years, and in the earlier stages of our friendship, I did consider her as my best friend and big sister. I love her like my own blood. But after living with her, and she does exhibit symptoms of BPD, or some type of personality disorder at the least, I don't think I'll ever want to get close to her. I'm always cautious about what I say to her, so as not to trigger anything. It's come to a point where I couldn't even be myself around her. I think it'll take a certain amount of compassion, a Mother Theresa almost, to have the patience and willingness to embrace somebody with such disorder. I guess I'm not one of them.

I doubt anyone is saying you should embrace someone who is causing you pain and putting your own mental health at risk. I think people are saying that it is unfair to judge someone solely on the diagnosis of BPD. The disorder manifests itself in different ways and some people with BPD would be a good friend and could bring more joy, than drama to your life.

Well of course it's unfair but having had the experience and a bad one at that with someone who had issues, then it would only be "normal" for us to not want to take the chance to invite that kind of situation into our personal life again.

In a perfect world, yes we wouldnt judge another person on their mental issues and most people wouldnt if they had never come into contact with someone who was really off of their head at times but having had that experience I have learned from it and it has made me very wary of people who are diagnosed with a mental disorder that can be hard to handle and has the potential for drama. Yes, everyone has the potential for drama but some come with a bit more of a guarantee.

In my personal life, I approach with caution and give them the benefit of the doubt but I would really be cautious about getting close to someone like that. I would be their friend but casually.

Personally, I'd never have a roommate..........sane or not LOL!
I would never want anyone in my life or around me and mine at all who thought of me as a chore........ack!
I give much more than I take and the ones who love me are awesome, intelligent, accepting, and love the things I do have to offer which is A LOT :yes:
To each his own though!
Peace.

Well of course it's unfair but having had the experience and a bad one at that with someone who had issues, then it would only be "normal" for us to not want to take the chance to invite that kind of situation into our personal life again.

In a perfect world, yes we wouldnt judge another person on their mental issues and most people wouldnt if they had never come into contact with someone who was really off of their head at times but having had that experience I have learned from it and it has made me very wary of people who are diagnosed with a mental disorder that can be hard to handle and has the potential for drama. Yes, everyone has the potential for drama but some come with a bit more of a guarantee.

In my personal life, I approach with caution and give them the benefit of the doubt but I would really be cautious about getting close to someone like that. I would be their friend but casually.

It's ok to feel the way you do, but consider that there are numerous people around you who are not necessarily 'normal' but because they don't have a label or they don't reveal certain thought processes, then you embrace them. This is the very reason why most people, especially people in certain professions, like teaching, childcare would never reveal their disorder because people will judge you only on that basis. It's like people with HIV/AIDS; people judge you because of your illness, yet they feel compassion for someone who has cancer. Even though cancer can cause severe emotional problems in an individual's life and the people around them; dealing with someone who has cancer can be emotionally draining . But this is life! Any wonder why some people want to escape?

It's not fair to judge, but unfortunately, people with BPD are bound to follow a certain pattern of behaviour that probably 90% of people would veer away from. I think my roommate has BPD, and I've known her for about 6 years, and in the earlier stages of our friendship, I did consider her as my best friend and big sister. I love her like my own blood. But after living with her, and she does exhibit symptoms of BPD, or some type of personality disorder at the least, I don't think I'll ever want to get close to her. I'm always cautious about what I say to her, so as not to trigger anything. It's come to a point where I couldn't even be myself around her. I think it'll take a certain amount of compassion, a Mother Theresa almost, to have the patience and willingness to embrace somebody with such disorder. I guess I'm not one of them.

You are so wrong, but feel free to hold onto your perceptions. I'm sure even you have thoughts that others would consider 'abnormal,' yet you pride yourself on being 'normal.' As I said before you are entitled to your opinion, but it doesn't make your assumptions accurate.

LOL, GC....don't worry about ignorance.
Personally, it is the people who are a little off that bring the most beauty and joy to our world!
How many "normal" people have created beautiful paintings, dances, books, etc...
How many of you normal people would give their lives for the good of the world?
How many of you "normal" people do anything but sit on your A$$ and do nothing for our worlds people, animals, etc...??????????
Like I said, give me the crazies any day :D

You are so wrong, but feel free to hold onto your perceptions. I'm sure even you have thoughts that others would consider 'abnormal,' yet you pride yourself on being 'normal.' As I said before you are entitled to your opinion, but it doesn't make your assumptions accurate.

It seems like I may have touched a nerve here. I couldn't seem to find anywhere in my response that indicated that I pride myself in being normal. And I never said I was right, and damn right sure that my roommate has BPD, I said I think she has BPD, according to the symptoms included in the link you provided. I suppose we can all just assume that people who exhibit BPD symptoms have BPD, but unless you yourself are a mental health professional, then only you have the right to say which assumptions are accurate or not. In this case, you tell me if you are, and verify that my assumptions are inaccurate. Unless justifiably refuted, I still stick to my opinion based on the facts provided about BPD.

Please don't misunderstand me...I am not trying to stigmatize mental illness yet again. Trust me, I grew up with it, married it, work with it...it's all around me.

I have a keen appreciation for craziness, and in my own journey that has been one of my issues...that I can't appreciate "normal" because I've been so ensconced in mental illness my entire life. I had a profoundly depressed mother. I have a schizophrenic brother. I had a father with addiction issues. I had a husband with addicition and depression. My last b/f had depression and OCD. I have a daughter with depression and OCD.

So how can, reasonably, appreciate "normal." I cannot, even though I don't have any mental illness per se...only issues from growing up, marrying and birthing those who do.

Would I choose someone with a mental illness again? Probably, cuz that's about all I know. "Normal" people scare me.

But given a choice, which we all have, I'm going to walk the other way. Like Maya Angelou says: "If you see crazy coming down the street, cross the street."

Yes TD, I agree that there are nuances of BPD, and only those willing to work on it, like yourself, can improve.

The "no treatment, no cure" comment is straight out of the mouth of a psychiatrist. Opinions vary, but in my experience, most BPD are so manipulative that they wouldn't want to admit anything is wrong, let alone get "treated" for it.

I'm glad you are the exception TD.

It seems like I may have touched a nerve here. I couldn't seem to find anywhere in my response that indicated that I pride myself in being normal. And I never said I was right, and damn right sure that my roommate has BPD, I said I think she has BPD, according to the symptoms included in the link you provided. I suppose we can all just assume that people who exhibit BPD symptoms have BPD, but unless you yourself are a mental health professional, then only you have the right to say which assumptions are accurate or not. In this case, you tell me if you are, and verify that my assumptions are inaccurate. Unless justifiably refuted, I still stick to my opinion based on the facts provided about BPD.

Hey, don't feel bad. You're probably right about your roommate, and furthermore, psychology and psychiatry are soft sciences. It's pretty hard to "prove" anything...you can't dissect a brain and say "yup, there's some serious borderline personality disorder there!"

It seems like I may have touched a nerve here. I couldn't seem to find anywhere in my response that indicated that I pride myself in being normal. And I never said I was right, and damn right sure that my roommate has BPD, I said I think she has BPD, according to the symptoms included in the link you provided. I suppose we can all just assume that people who exhibit BPD symptoms have BPD, but unless you yourself are a mental health professional, then only you have the right to say which assumptions are accurate or not. In this case, you tell me if you are, and verify that my assumptions are inaccurate. Unless justifiably refuted, I still stick to my opinion based on the facts provided about BPD.

I was referring to the first sentence in your post, not that of your roommate; I don't know her. I indicate that you pride yourself on being normal based on the nuances in your post. I'm not here to argue with anyone, I'm just pointing out certain issues.

Thanks for responding to my post as you have indeed shed some light on the topic and how it is perceived by people and that is exactly what I wanted.

All the best!

How many "normal" people have created beautiful paintings, dances, books, etc...
How many of you normal people would give their lives for the good of the world?
How many of you "normal" people do anything but sit on your A$$ and do nothing for our worlds people, animals, etc...??????????
Like I said, give me the crazies any day :D

This isn't a battle of 'normal' vs. 'abnormal.' Of course we could counter argue your questions, like, how many not normal people wasted their life away, and the like. If anything, I don't think there is anything 'normal' really. Normal to me is like utopia - it's an idea, but does it really exist? Everybody has their own dysfunctions, and for some, their "dysfunctions" are more intense and for some, the dysfunctions are more manageable.

The mere fact that we are all here in this AGR website doesn't make anyone here 'normal.' I told somebody that I used to date a guy 30 years my senior, and you know what he said? "You're crazy! You're effed up in the head!"

I guess I'm not normal.

I'm not here to argue with anyone, I'm just pointing out certain issues.

Thanks for responding to my post as you have indeed shed some light on the topic and how it is perceived by people and that is exactly what I wanted.

All the best!

Oh, ok...I was actually surprised getting that reply from you. I suppose it was some minor misundertanding.

Thanks Kat.
I don't consider myself an exception....just lucky that I was gifted at something where being a bit "eccentric" was understood LOL!
For the first time in my 47 years, other than my amazing sister, I am in a relationship with a perfectly sane man :eek:
Scary LOL!
He is everything I've always needed but was too unsure of my own part in a relationship to ever go for it.
I guess I am different b/c the only person whom I ever wanted to manipulate and hurt......was myself!
Since becoming a teacher, almost 13 years ago now....I have had a venue where I have had to set an example and allow a safe place for my dancers to learn and grow in......that consistancy has helped me to understand HOW to apply it to other areas of my life as well.
I still "go off" about once a year.......usually in August for some reason :confused:
I have no idea why lol.
Honesty is the best way to deal with ones self.....hard to do sometimes when you don't like what you see.
It has been an aquired trait for me to stay "even".....not a birthright.
Still, when it comes to injustice...............LOOK OUT :eek:
I am still working on it!

True that Sbux.....I was wondering when someone would bring up this site LOL!
Actually, I've already been there and back.....my husband was 20 yrs younger.
Now, my man is my age and this is where I, personally, am going to stay.
People like me can create enough drama w/o adding an AG into the equation....ack!
I've just been here too long and have way too many friends to leave here.

Oh, ok...I was actually surprised getting that reply from you. I suppose it was some minor misundertanding.


That's because my intentions were genuine and I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. I'm just trying to understand how people react to this disorder and in the process work out my own feelings.

GC, for every person asked, there will be different opinions and views.
Go with your gut, be honest with yourself and what works in YOUR life and what or who doesn't.
Personally, I am kind of glad there has been no magic pill, although weed comes close for me :eek::o
It's been a journey but........it's been MY journey and for where it's taken me........good and no so much, I am grateful.
Blessings, TD

I had a lot of wonderful wacky friends when I was younger and hanging out with musicians and artists. But I left them behind when I left the scene and worked in more conventional settings. Do I miss them? A little, but much of the hijinks and dramas just don't appeal to me anymore. My home is my safe cozy castle of sanity and I don't need those types of people visiting me. Looking back, some of them must have had BPD, or were alcoholics or special in some other way. And then some were just men who never wanted to grow up and had the talent and looks to get away with their poor behaviour. And of those who stayed in the arts scene, they haven't aged very well and some have already passed away.

That's because my intentions were genuine and I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. I'm just trying to understand how people react to this disorder and in the process work out my own feelings.
I like this thread and it's provoked a lot of good thought.

That's somewhat true Miu.
My house, no matter if it was a room on a train car, a garage, a penthouse, etc.... has always been extremely mellow and my "safety" from the world.
When my artist friends come over, they were/are always amazed at just how peaceful I am in my own enviorment lol.
Not a "diva" or a perfectionist at all like I could be, at times, when working.
Not sure how long I'll live but, so far, I've seemed to age well...................in spite of myself:D

TD - Dancers excluded from my observations!! I was thinking about all my old rock musician friends that I have been bumping into in the last year. The ones that are still around are indeed very tired looking. Their lifestyle was never very healthy with all of their late nights, partying and smoking. Then my tenant is an art photographer and a recovered alcoholic. He is from my era, but looks much older than I do.

On the other hand, I have always felt that dancers age better because their craft keeps them fit and limber. :D

I think that between being Chinese and doing so much swimming as a child, my body was programmed to keep in shape longer. I must start doing some yoga.

LOL....well hell, don't exclude dancers....they can be the nuttiest of the bunch :eek:
One major Ballet Star that I grew up with, who made millions, walks around NYC in her pj's talking to herself....poor thing.....ack!

True that Sbux.....I was wondering when someone would bring up this site LOL!
Actually, I've already been there and back.....my husband was 20 yrs younger.
Now, my man is my age and this is where I, personally, am going to stay.
People like me can create enough drama w/o adding an AG into the equation....ack!
I've just been here too long and have way too many friends to leave here.

I'm glad you have found "the one" for you! I'm jealous! Doesn't it make the journey just worth it all? You sound like you're at peace with your life, and after reading your posts on this thread, I admire your character, and how you've turned out despite everything you've gone through!

Thanks Sbux, I am at peace these days and am happy to stay that way!
I truly believe that everyone has some sort of cross to bear and has an interesting story or two in them lol.
It really is not what your given but what you do with it.
Corny....but very true.
blessings, TD

A borderline can make your life a living hell; I've experienced it first hand. It's a disorder for which there is no cure and no treatment, so far.


I'll jump into this again by mentioning that there absolutely ARE treatments for BPD. As a matter of fact, with all credit due to the amazing power of the human brain, I managed to fairly successfully "self-treat" my BPD long before I ever knew what my diagnosis was.

From the time I was in my teens, I have been incredibly interested in handicrafts. Painting, drawing, knitting, needlepoint, to name the major ones. I have come to understand that, by doing this, I prevented many "overboard" emotional episodes in my life. By concentrating, for example, on a pattern in knitting or needlepoint, my mind went to that "mindless activity" that occupied me enough to take the "edge off" many episodes I may have had.

Since I've known what I suffer from (which has been, BTW, a wonderful blessing for me, just knowing that I'm not the only one), I have spoken with many people and read much about the disorder. Very early on, I came upon a "BPD workbook". One of the suggestions given there for people who feel an emotional swing coming on is to find a wall with a bunch of tiles on it, and just start counting them. By ones, then by twos, threes, and so on. The key is to get the mind off the issue at hand for the time being. I was doing that, on my own, for years.

THIS is a major treatment for BPD. Concentrating the mind elsewhere.

Therapy can be a wonderful treatment for BPD. I wanted to make sure that there was no misunderstanding about this. One can absolutely learn to cope with the major symptoms of it.

As for medication, some anti-anxiety drugs can work for some cases, but there is nothing specifically for BPD because it is such a wide-ranging disorder.

I consider myself lucky, because, from the start, I have been a "high-functioning borderline". And, also because my mind and body was capable of coping with it long before I ever knew what it was.

I truly believe that everyone has some sort of cross to bear and has an interesting story or two in them lol.


Heya, TD!

I just wanted to say that my philoosophy is that 90 percent of the world should be in therapy, and the rest are just too fake to realize it. :D

Seriously, though, I'm so glad to read that you are doing well, and have found your niche. To go along with my last post, I want to say to you that it's not surpising to me that so many borderlines are artistic. It's always that outlet that serves to keep you "grounded". That's it with BPD, right? That grounding. Getting your mind into something else that's expressive, but requires your total concentration.

A very dear man (who was actually the one who first broached the subject of BPD to me) once told me about working in a mental hospital. He was, without a doubt, one of the most giving, caring men that I have ever met, but just simply could not "get through" to the women in the facility who were suffering from BPD. It hurt him tremendously, but his story also made me realize that these cases are the rare ones. "I hate you, don't leave me" can take many forms, and the ones that go into hospitals are definitely NOT the "norm" when it comes to this.

I could definitely go into dramatic and gory detail of the symptoms that I have of this disorder. But, the fact of the matter remains that I'm quite high-functioning for a borderline, and most people who suffer from it fall into this category.

I'll stop here before I start *really* rambling. LOL

Mishigas.....so you know about this "issue" LOL!
It certainly can be quite a ride sometimes can't it?
At others..... a huge blessing if you know how to harness it.....sounds like you do!
Once you figure it out life can be beautiful can't it ;)
Am proud of you for standing up and teaching what you know :yes:
Blessings, TD

Am proud of you for standing up and teaching what you know :yes:
Blessings, TD

Thanks for that. :D I'm not campaigning to become the posterwoman for this disorder, but I do think that it's important to break misconceptions about it.

I mean, even if you read the DMV-IV description of it (which, personally, I believe is way better than what was cited earlier here), it can be really confusing. I remember giving the DMV cite to my OM and saying, "yeah, this is what I suffer from". I was trying to be all "out front" with things, and all he saw was something that he couldn't deal with. And, frankly, I don't blame him for that. I then just explained, in detail, what it was WITH ME, and he just nodded his head. Not a deal-breaker for him.

Calm and level-headed conversations are best with this. (I have to chuckle with that, considering problems with that is what the disorder often entails.) But, it's true. Here's what I have (specifically) and here's the way I deal with it. That's the only way to go.

Another Amen to that!
Get that book for him or......you may want to read it first though lol!
I said a bit about BPD on my thread b/c I too am upfront with a man that I think/know will become serious.......why not??? It is easier to explain it "clearly and calmly" than to find out in some "less attractive" way :eek:

It is easier to explain it "clearly and calmly" than to find out in some "less attractive" way :eek:

Absolutely!

Though, me being me, it was tough to tell my OM, in that I was afraid of using it as an "excuse". And then I said to myself, "ermmm....helloooo!!! This is something serious, and you can't control everything". (Yes, I have a *little* issue with control and "being perfect".)

Age, in my case, has really helped or maybe it has just been learning more about myself in general year after year.
What symptoms I might exhibit now and in the last 10 years or so would be........leaving, going out for a drive, etc... sometimes getting more upset than would be neccessary for the situation (even that is getting better though).
Usually I bury myself in an area that requires passion, focus and intensity, like dance, animal rescue, etc...
Blessings, TD