His Mom

His mom don't like me much. I'm 5 years younger than she is and we all know she didn't want him to marry me. Since she lives in another state its not a big problem, but it makes him sad that she and I aren't friends. I keep writing her nice letters and send her nice gifts sometimes when theres no reason just cause I think she would like it. Shes a nice enough lady, so she's not rude. She acts nice to my face and probably behind my back, but she doesn't anser letters and never talks to me when she calls. I don't want to argue with her but I sometimes feel like I'm invisible and that rubs me the wrong way.

Wish I could warm her up but I'm out of ideas.

:) Mae

In my current state of mind I would just tell you that you can't force people to love you. You did all you could to get close to her, to show her you care. Now it's the time to just go on with your life and not let it become something negative between you and your husband. You probably did more than you would have normally done to please another person. Nothing to regret on your side, reassure yourself!
http://www.tcwozere.co.uk/~cracks/kao/otn/ptrose.gif

Mae, I really admire you for trying so hard. When I was young and newly married (not an age gap), I tryed to get close to my mother in law, too. Sometimes it's just not possible. It is rude that she won't answer letters or talk to you, but you've done all you can. Don't let it bother you so much. And your husband should be very proud you've made the effort. :)

Maybe it's a good thing she does live out of state! ;)

I agree with the above opinions. And you know, if everyone is being nice and polite, that says a lot. You and your mother-in-law may not be good buddies, but you don't have a hate relationship going on and that is great.
As was said, you don't have anything to feel bad about. You have made the effort, and maybe with time she will come around and want to be closer. We never know what the future holds. Until then don't let it worry you. Feel good about yourself in that you did what you could do, and put your energy somewhere else for a while.

Hey Mae,
Do you think its the fact that you're 5 years younger than her? Or do you think there is even any specific reason? What does your ym say about it all?

Geez Louise, you'd think these women would be glad you make their sons happy! I've said it a million times before, but thats all I can ask of any girl/woman - that she love my son and make him happy. Because as Mothers, we certainly cant choose who our kids fall in love with and marry. We may not see what our son or daughter sees in that person, but we can support them all the same. I just dont understand some Moms.:( I guess they are just that controlling. I WANT my kids to spread their wings and be independent when they grow up!!!! And that means finding the person they love - without my help.

Good luck to you...

Southerngal

As a 22 year-old YM, it makes me feel good to read southerngal's words (and everyone else's).

For a long time, my mother (and my father, to a degree) insisted that I become romantically involved with the daughter of two of their best friends. If I said it once, I said it a thousand times: "She's not my type!" There was no emotional or mantal bond, no physical attraction, and she had this holier-than-thou attitude about her religious beliefs. But my parents thought that she was emotionally stable and lovey-dovey, and that I should go out with her for those reasons.

If anything, I think that there's some resentment toward my parents because of that, and even to the girl in question because she tried to put the moves on me at one time. But like southerngal said, we children need to be free and happy. When I find that special woman, I'll know it. My parents might not like her, but she'll make me feel comfortable and I'll have no problems opening myself up to her.

Well...sometimes people tend to think about future issues. 'What if my son wants to have children?' and all that stuff. She may be thinking that he may regret not having children in the future. I know because those questions were posed to me. I think to myself that, if I come across a woman who doesn't want (or can't) have any children, I won't fault her because of it. Why should I screw up a possibility of spending time with a wonderful woman. I would rather spend time (by spend time I mean a long term relationship) with a woman that doesn't want (or can't) have any children and is faithful than a woman that wants to have children that is unfaithful. My parents were the same way when I was dating my 48 year young lady (I'm 29). The way I look at it is yes it is difficult to deal with parents sometimes, but you have to do what you think is right.

You should probably just keep being nice to her and other than that, not worry too much about it. I'm sure the fact that you are kind to his mother means the world to your guy, and that's the important part.

It's probably just going to take some time for her to get used to you and her son being together. Or maybe she just won't ever warm up to you, and it might not even be your age. But I still think you are doing the right thing to always leave that door open to her if she wants to walk through it.

Try to feel a little pity for her, after all, she's the one that's making her son unhappy by not accepting you, and is losing out on being friends with the woman that he obviously thinks the world of :)

You should be pretty proud of yourself. A lesser woman wouldn't be putting this much time and effort into it. He's a lucky guy in my opinion :)