LTR: Living Together

Haven't had much going on in this area, so I thought I'd post.

You are living together. How's that working out for ya?

Is it different with a younger man? Better than your ex? Worse? (If you have one, of course.)

I guess, for me, we've been living together for over 2 years now. The biggest thing is still not liking that we don't have that little oasis we had when he had his own place. We never seem to have that one-on-one anymore. Long mornings, lingering in bed with no distractions. Sigh....I miss that so much!

We had a little tiff (OK, it was me having a meltdown) about how I felt I've landed in this traditional role of stay-at-home mom, which is something I've never wanted. My work is suffering because I don't seem to have the time or energy to REALLY dig in and work. (One problem with self-employment is you don't have a regular schedule and have to self-motivate.)

Plus, I didn't have any real hobbies nor did our schedules allow for me to really start any. It all seemed to revolve around Jeremy's schedule and HE was able to find quiet time for HIS hobby (XBox) when he gets home late at night and everyone is sleeping. Yet that made him tired in the morning so guess who had to get up with the kids? LOL! My only hobby (that I could squeeze in) was Ageless!

We got that resolved, though! So I'm just giving back-story here.

Anyhow, we still don't have as much time for each other as I would like.

We also are still working out the kinks as far as who does what. His job & schedule take the front because it's bringing in the income. (I bring in the same amount, but it's from my kid's benefits. Then I make added income on top of that with real estate and web design. But he has to work 9-10 hours a day.) But I still expect him to do the "guy stuff" if I have to do the "woman stuff" and I was getting a little peeved because I'd ask him to do something like take out the heavy air conditioners because it's 30 below outside and getting drafty in the house and it took a week for him to do it. Yet he had time for XBox. :rolleyes: He says he just forgets.

Mind you, this is all REALLY LITTLE STUFF. It's not like we are breaking up or even fighting about it. But it does get irritating sometimes because I feel like his age has something to do with it. My late husband would do stuff like that automatically - he would just see that it needed to be done and did it. Like shoveling out my car and putting up the storm windows. But I guess it took a couple of years to get into that "system." So it IS something that comes with experience and Jeremy has never really lived in a place where this type of stuff has to be done. So it kind of sucks to have to "train" another one, LOL! (I'm kidding with the word "trained"! :p)

Otherwise, things are good. We are still as mushy and googlie-eyed as ever. Sometimes I can't keep my eyes off of him. Last night, I was watching tv in our room and as he was leaving the room, he stopped, came back in and said, "God, your eyes are beautiful!"

Sigh....makes it all worth it! :yes:

I just wish I could jump his bones more! I never would have imagined a 26 year old that is in the mood less than I am! :eek: (Usually because he's tired.) We're working on that, too, though. Communication is KEY!

I could have written your post....and in fact I have written similar in relationship support before.

I don't know if it is age-related or what!!???

I think in my s/o's situation, he grew up with a single mom, and she did all that stuff because she didn't have a husband to do it. Therefore, growing up seeing Mom do all that stuff, he doesn't do it automatically.

Every year with us the yard work is some sort of big issue. I don't even want to start that up again...but suffice to say I dont think I should have to say "mow the grass", and I think he should be the one to mow it.

I think things have to change. For many years we had stay-at-home moms, and they did all the housework and laundry and cooking and shopping. But things are not like that anymore, and personally I find that now since both partners in a relationship are most likely working, women are carrying a disproportionate amount of the load. It's like people expect women to do all the work they did when they were mostly stay-home moms, plus work a full time job.

I dunno, maybe thats just at my house? I know one thing, I'm sick to death of doing the majority of the laundry, cooking, cleaning and shopping, and then working on top of it, just to have someone point out to me the things I didn't get done! (which is normally my children!).

I am self-employed as well, and I put off my work and put off my work until I am up all night...which sucks!

I'm a yw but thought I'd chip in here:)


We've been living together for 18 months and its going great so far. We have a schedule because he's extremely busy, but the best part about living together is being able to snuggle up together every night:bgrin2:

He operates his own businesses and I'm studying full time so our daily activities are not intertwined. He leaves at 5am when I'm still sleeping and comes home between 7 and 9 depending on the nature of his contracts. He covers long distances most days for work so he's usually tired when he gets home and need at least 1hr to zone out before we can really interact. Weekends are spent together though. Saturday mornings we do supermarket shopping together; I like that. We go hiking or just take nature walks or long drive in the country. We usually dine out at least once per week which I want to remain as part our schedule because it really does spice things up. We are always looking for a different place to dine. Sundays we lie in until noon, he spends a few hrs with his buddies doing whatever and comes home for a late dinner.

He doesn't do any housework but recently he has done the dishes a few times:eek: I was really stressed out with school as my research paper becomes due on the 14 and he started to chip in and do stuff when he realized how stressed I was. He helped with dinner a few times and he has gotten into this habit of sneaking out of bed at 5am on Sunday mornings to purchase fresh fruits and vegetables at the market, then he sneaks back into bed like he never left.:) I think this is cute and the smell and sight of the fresh fruits and vegetables lying on the kitchen counter always bring a smile to my face..

I would really like him to be home a little earlier so he could rest more during the week. He is working too hard and with not enough sleep I think and he needs to slow down. We have a really good relationship, but not without our problems. His adult daughters have yet to accept me and this has become a major issue but we're working things out. We see a therapist once per month and this is really helping us to iron out some kinks.

As for housework, he's never going to do real housework so when we get a bigger place I'll hire a live in helper as he so often states when I complain. In the mean time I have a cleaning lady who helps me out. When it comes to manly stuff he'll have it done in a jiffy or get a professional to sort it out.

If I'm ill he takes care of me. Even if its only a headache, he'll massage my head until the pain subsides. He has recently bought a book on massage techniques so I know I have many nights of massages awaiting me:D

He's a great guy and we have a great relationship. We just need to keep the communication going and pick our battles wisely.:yes:

I don't think this is a "one-size-fits-all" situation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. For some it may be the greatest thing EVER with one partner and a complete disaster with another.

I did it twice - once before I married and once after my divorce. The first time I was just plain stupid - I turned a blind eye to the things that were TERRIBLY wrong in the relationship and tried to live a fairy tale instead. The relationship after my divorce only lasted about 3 months (on and off) because after 14 years of being with my ex I guess I was set in what my expectations were...and both men were very stubborn.

When the next relationship formed, it was a good one, but I refused to move in together. I had promised my kids I wouldn't - and - I just sort of longed to be independant at that point. Still do. :D

Interesting thread. I am in a very strange relationship, at present my bf is in Indiana, he will come back and stay for a long period and then go back home. He loves me but he loves the US too. I will post more later when I have more time.

Ah Kristin, you and I were having meltdowns at the same time and about the same thing practically! lol

Yeah, I had a pretty good jag session last night and it all started off with me saying that I wanted a puppy and Clint said No. He doesnt care for dogs, well he never had one and is a cat person but a friend at work has a puppy that she needs a home for and I thought ok I would love to take it.

So it started with that and it escalated, to his xbox and his games and I never expect HIM to ask me if he can buy a new game so why should I ask about getting a dog? and HOW DARE HE, even think that he can lay down the law. Personally, I think I was due for a hormonal breakdown, its been a very stressful year, with having a new baby, the exhusband being out of work and no longer paying child support, to changing work schedules and not being able to spend the same amount of time with each other as we use to and with the new baby those long lingering moments in bed on the weekends are gone too.

Plus we hadnt made love in two whole days and last night was THE NIGHT!...then I got my period..so no nookie last night either. damn you aunt flow!

Living together though is great. I have a large family, what with the 5 kids, so a routine for housework and dinner is very important otherwise it would be chaos. Chores are rotated amongst the kids weekly. My youngest son who is 8 cleans out all the garbage pails in the house, and the rest are alternated weekly. Kitchen counters and floors, vacuuming living room and family room, dishes. Dinner is cooked by every person who has been taught the cooking safety rules in this house. So I cook, Clint cooks, B cooks (older daughter 13), Q cooks (older son 16) and C cooks (middle daughter 11). Which leaves the weekend that is usually pizza and something that I cook. I do cook lunch everyday for Clint because he comes home to see me since we dont really spend too much time together since I work nights now.

I also see the having to nag to do things around the house when it comes to the "Honey do list". Like my curtains in the dining area...it only took Clint A YEAR to put them up. :rolleyes::p

Otherwise no problems there are some AG issue that I see and it irritates me, Like not liking to pick up the phone to call to make appointments for doctors, dentist, car shop. He has never done it before so I started doing it, but then I stopped myself because thats what I did with my LAST husband and he still to this day cant make a doctors appt. SO Clint's on his own but it is annoying but really No really big thing. Clint washes dishes on the weekend, does the yard work when he remembers, and always does our laundry. So really I do laundry when he needs help, cook his lunches, take care of the baby and clean our bathroom, so living together hasnt been so bad.

The whole adjusting to suddenly having someone else have input in the decisions of our everyday life has been a bigger shock to my little world. It took me almost 5 years of being on my own to get accustomed to making all my decisions and being the sole adult who had the right to make decisions, now I have to share that...and I have found that it has been hard. Its nice to share the load but sometimes..like with the puppy...it sucks.

Ah well, the pros definately outweight the cons and we are happy. So I guess if the biggest blow up is me wanting a dog and him disagreeing then its no big deal...Ill just have to work on him bwahahahahaa. :p

Here's our situation:

My 26 year old guy (I'm 37) is fastidious and on top of things. He likes our apartment tidy and orderly. He gets on me to pick up my clothes pile in the bedroom and keep the recycling materials properly sorted.

But while he likes things a certain way, I'm uptight about sweeping, mopping and making the bed. I also gladly do laundry because I wash it better.

We have an understanding in our household. We know what is expected and preferred. We've run our own single households in the past, and kept our places clean. It's a good match, domestically.

Cooking and dishes are shared. Although he does require a bit of nudging on doing the dishes. He'll let those go until I do them or until I boycott them and they are unacceptably stacked.

He watches a ridiculous amount of major league baseball and pro football, but that's usually okay with me because while he does that, I do my thing. Or sometimes I watch sports with him.

Any bumps in the road between us do not usually stem from domestic chores or expectations. They are usually personality-adjustment things or deeper relationship issues we discuss on occasion.

When we first moved in together, I was a little irritated by the finances. He would split damn near everything down the middle, like we were roommates. I've gotten used to that. It was weird at first, because he'd be like, You owe me for that thing you put in the grocery basket...

I just started doing it to him. It's routine now. We have a running list of who owes the other person what and we pay each other periodically.

Ah Kristin, you and I were having meltdowns at the same time and about the same thing practically! lol:p

LOL! Closer than you think - we must be nearly on the same schedule. I got mine on Sunday. We hadn't messed around since LAST Wednesday or Thursday, so it's been over a week. THAT is a huge issue for us. I've even had to have him swear to twice a week, but that isn't happening either. My 26 year old is a 80 year old in a younger man's timeline. (He always says he has beat his body so bad that it's like an old ma, too.)

Oh man - the DOG thing. Do you remember when Jeremy and I were going through him wanting a dog?? Except I am the cat person. And I'm the one home all the time who has to take car of the dog - that I never wanted. And it's more than I can take when I have to deal with a 50 lb "puppy" who eats my good couch cushions, tears apart the garbage, chews on my new coffee table and pees and poops EVERYWHERE no matter how often it seems you take her out. She is also a Boxer - which need a LOT of attention - and I have a baby I'm dealing with, too. I TOLD him that this was not a good idea, but he insisted he would take care of it. Yeah, right. When he's home at night, she's freaking ASLEEP. I deal with her all day long.

I KNEW this would happen and that is why I kept saying "No" and he would ask the same thing - why do I need your permission it's his money and his house too. But it wan't the money thing, it was the responsibility thing. I knew that most of it would end up on MY shoulders and it has. I finally gave in because he kept saying it was his lifelong dream to have his own dog and my brother's dog had puppies.

Even though it felt really good to see how happy he was when I said I'd agree to one of the puppies, I wish I had stuck to my guns because I really dislike that dog. Not her fault - she's just doing what dogs do. But that is why I've always had cats. But it ends up reflecting how I feel about the dog.

But I still expect him to do the "guy stuff" if I have to do the "woman stuff" and I was getting a little peeved because I'd ask him to do something like take out the heavy air conditioners because it's 30 below outside and getting drafty in the house and it took a week for him to do it. Yet he had time for XBox. :rolleyes: He says he just forgets.

To be honest Kristin, I honestly don't think it's an age thing, at least not so much as it's a man thing, possibly. I easily forget too. My dad is TERRIBLE at getting things done, as I said when Jo posted about her situation a while back.


I just wish I could jump his bones more! I never would have imagined a 26 year old that is in the mood less than I am! :eek: (Usually because he's tired.) We're working on that, too, though. Communication is KEY!

Err... he's not the only one. :o


So it started with that and it escalated, to his xbox and his games and I never expect HIM to ask me if he can buy a new game so why should I ask about getting a dog? and HOW DARE HE, even think that he can lay down the law.

I actually agree with him here. I think getting a new pet is something that affect the entire household pretty much 24 hours a day and that everyone should be in agreement if you're going to do that.


Oh man - the DOG thing. Do you remember when Jeremy and I were going through him wanting a dog?? Except I am the cat person. And I'm the one home all the time who has to take car of the dog - that I never wanted. And it's more than I can take when I have to deal with a 50 lb "puppy" who eats my good couch cushions, tears apart the garbage, chews on my new coffee table and pees and poops EVERYWHERE no matter how often it seems you take her out. She is also a Boxer - which need a LOT of attention - and I have a baby I'm dealing with, too. I TOLD him that this was not a good idea, but he insisted he would take care of it. Yeah, right. When he's home at night, she's freaking ASLEEP. I deal with her all day long.

I KNEW this would happen and that is why I kept saying "No" and he would ask the same thing - why do I need your permission it's his money and his house too. But it wan't the money thing, it was the responsibility thing. I knew that most of it would end up on MY shoulders and it has. I finally gave in because he kept saying it was his lifelong dream to have his own dog and my brother's dog had puppies.


I hope I don't regret relenting either! We just got a new kitten. What happened is that here is a bunch of strays in an empty lot behind our house, and Savvy (Donna's daughter) began feeding a bunch of them (kittens) one night. Of course they kept coming back! They were really sociable, especially for feral cats, so we decided it would be best to take them in for a little while and find them homes. When I say "take them in" I mean we had a box for them outside for shelter, and fed them. We couldn't let them inside because of he cats we already have! Then it got cold, so one of our friends took them off our hands because she has an entire floor of her house free to keep them in. Anyway, to cut a long story short, both Donna and Savvy wanted to take 1, and I kept saying "no, we can't afford one, and it'll be more looking after". But we wound up paying for them to be de-fleed, nutured/spayed and have their injections (at low cost because they're feral) so I relented and said that since we paid out some money, we should keep one and give it to Savvy as a Christmas present.

And who is the one that cleans out the litter boxes and is the one that feeds them most? Me! Savvy is going to be told she has to look after them more, but you know kids. :rolleyes:

Anyway, on the original topic... we are doing fine. We have joint custody of Savvy, so we get a week on and a week off and get to spend time together. I'm not working (I'm looking!) so I do the vast majority of the housework (I cook pretty much every weekday), but I'm not sure I'm up to the standards Donna has, so we have had a couple of arguments about that. I think what it boils down to is that I just don't stress as much when there is mess, even if I don't particularly like it either.

I guess when I get a job we'll have to adjust again!

Thats pretty much what he said too, that a pet was a family decision. :tongue2:

I guess I can wait but I dont do well when Im told no AFTER I made up my mind. Im a delicate goddamn flower, I need special handling for fricksake! Sheesh, or at least a glass of wine before he tells me that I cant get a puppy.

Kittens arent so bad except for the litter box. :(

I dont like my house being in a mess, I get very very very cranky. I swear Im not hard to live with!:p..Its a bad week dang it all. :tongue2:


Ah Kristin, Ive been posting too long if Im synchronizing my cycles to yours LOL!

Boxers are cute, thats another dog breed that I like. See I havent had a dog since Lady was hit by a car back when I was 14, but my mother just bought a teacup blue chihuahua and it was just cute and when this girl at work said she had a puppy that needed a home I thought great, then Clint rained on my parade. lol

I never had a puppy until this Boxer. W ehave a Beagle, but he's abnormal in that he doesn't bark much (or didn't before the puppy), doesn;t chew or dig or run off on a scent.

LOL. My parents were "dog sitting" him and they loved him so much that they got a beagle. But that was a REAL beagle, LOL and he did ALL of the above mentioned things.

This puppy has been a LOT of work. And not she's a 80 lb. "puppy." :rolleyes:

I'm already dealing with a messy 6 year old and a slob teenage son and a BABY in diapers. I didin't want to be dealing with my beand new coffee table being chewed on (and all the other stuff anywhere accessable) and my oriental rugs peed on and finding poop hidden in a pile of laundry (at least it's already dirty, but still) and barking and whining (on top of the whining & crying and fighting I already deal with with the kids, LOL)

Dogs are just a lot of work and do a lot of damage! :eek:

Yeah, I know. She is cute, too. That's the only thing saving her!!

I never had a puppy until this Boxer. W ehave a Beagle, but he's abnormal in that he doesn't bark much (or didn't before the puppy), doesn;t chew or dig or run off on a scent.

LOL. My parents were "dog sitting" him and they loved him so much that they got a beagle. But that was a REAL beagle, LOL and he did ALL of the above mentioned things.

This puppy has been a LOT of work. And not she's a 80 lb. "puppy." :rolleyes:

I'm already dealing with a messy 6 year old and a slob teenage son and a BABY in diapers. I didin't want to be dealing with my beand new coffee table being chewed on (and all the other stuff anywhere accessable) and my oriental rugs peed on and finding poop hidden in a pile of laundry (at least it's already dirty, but still) and barking and whining (on top of the whining & crying and fighting I already deal with with the kids, LOL)

Dogs are just a lot of work and do a lot of damage! :eek:

Yeah, I know. She is cute, too. That's the only thing saving her!!

Ah the dog lovers at work have been telling me how puppies come with puppy problems.

So Clint has compromised. I still dont get the puppy at work, because its a small chihuahua and he doesnt care for some "annoying little dogs who think theyre bigger than they are". I dont want a large dog, so we agreed on a medium dog, but the breed is his choice but we will only get it when Savannah gets a bit older that way Im not chasing after her and the dog and cleaning up poop all day.

He wants a shiba inu, I didnt even know what that dog was until he showed me. I said I would have to meet a dog that was that breed before I agreed to it.

So ltr are about compromise and since we have been living together for over a year now we are both learning to compromise....its not easy. I use to be the all powerful genie but now I have to share my power. lol

but your comment on ALOT of DAMAGE, scares me...lol...Im buying a new sectional this year...I dont want it chewed on...my best friend has had dogs all her life, Ill talk to her about it and see what she comes up with.

Well, if you are having "living together" issues, feel free to comiserate here! :yes:

My fiance has a sheba inu (well, mostly that breed with maybe a smidgen of chow). She is a very sweet dog, although not very bright. A good watch dog and will bark an alert whenever she hears something unusual, but not a good guard dog since she is very friendly with people. She likes to keep clean so there has never been a need to give her a bath--almost like a cat in that respect. Although I do have to say these characteristics may not all be the same for other sheba inus.

She does well with male dogs but only gets along with a few other female dogs. Since she was a rescue case some of her neurosis might be from that and not something representative of the breed.


He wants a shiba inu, I didnt even know what that dog was until he showed me. I said I would have to meet a dog that was that breed before I agreed to it.

My fiance has a sheba inu (well, mostly that breed with maybe a smidgen of chow). She is a very sweet dog, although not very bright. A good watch dog and will bark an alert whenever she hears something unusual, but not a good guard dog since she is very friendly with people. She likes to keep clean so there has never been a need to give her a bath--almost like a cat in that respect. Although I do have to say these characteristics may not all be the same for other sheba inus.

She does well with male dogs but only gets along with a few other female dogs. Since she was a rescue case some of her neurosis might be from that and not something representative of the breed.

Thank you for the info! Ive read that they do have cat like tendencies which I find interesting. I want a friendly dog and from all accounts including yours this is a very happy friendly family dog. I look forward to getting one now, I just have to find a reputable breeder.

We started talking about living a few months ago. We've decided we want to, but to wait until after my youngest kid has had his 6th birthday. He'll be 5in a couple of weeks. It's not set in stone, though, so we'll see how it goes. I also have a 7-year-old, a 12-year-old & a 19-year-old. The oldest is in college (the same college my boyfriend goes to - lol) & has a really nice girlfriend, so he's almost grown up.

We decided on this because we don't want to put too much strain on our relationship or on the kids. My boyfriend has no children & has never been married or lived with a girlfriend. Also, I'll probably rent out my house & move into his house, & I don't want my little kids to run his house down down like they have mine.

Waiting is a little frustrating, but it's okay because my boyfriend spends a lot of time over here, sometimes for several days in a row, so we are getting some idea of what it's like to live around each other, plus the kids will have lots of time to get to know him & get used to him being part of our life.

Have others in this community had similar complications?

Wow, I read my previous post and things have changed indeed from then. My bf lives with us full time now. My son(18) and him are great friends. They got along well since before he moved in, because they used to chat a lot while in our LDR stage.

Most of our conflicts are about food, because my son eats a lot, and eats very fast and my bf loves to enjoy his food slowly, the result is that when he goes for seconds there are not even crumbs.

Also, at first I had problems with discipline, my bf would always be on my son's side. :mad: Undermining me. :mad: But after some conversation that was solved.

I could not imagine having that many kids going into adolescence plus a bf. I hope he is patient.