Brand new and need some advice pls.

Hi there...I'll try to make this as brief as possible. I'm 35 and dating a 29 year old who's currently getting his MBA. He finishes in June. We've been together almost five months. Things are great when we're together but as soon as we're apart...he barely emails unless I initiate and when he responds it's usually really quick and curt. He calls very rarely...when I go to his house, he's always in front of his computer doing work and he expects me to sit in the living room and entertain myself. I've brought it up to him twice now that I don't think he has time for a relationship and he insists that he does but that I "should work with him because he's finished in June." I am taking this personally...the whole never around - hardly touching base stuff...I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation and if so, how did you deal with it and did it, indeed, actually change drastically when they were completed with the degree? I'm tring to stick it out but it hurts me a lot.

Yes, I have been there and my sister and her husband has been there. You do narrowly focus on getting through to the finish line. If everything else is okay and he is on the computer doing his project for the MBA, then try to stay cool til he is finished. He can however take a break every hour or two and focus on you and him.... give him a little reward????

I agree. I was working and going to school and raising three kids and I tell you....around finals those kids thought I had run away from home or something. I KNOW for a fact they felt neglected, and those are my children!!!!! I love them with all I have. BUT...I knew it had to be done...it was for the betterment of myself and for my family. We just had to bite the bullet there for a bit in order to make it through. And we did. So hang in there honey, and see how things are when this period has passed. It is such a stressful time for him. *hugs* to you!

I know what you are going through. Everytime final exams roll around, my guy withdraws and is very distant. It doesn't help that we are so far apart either (he lives and attends University in Europe). I know how hard it is, especially if something is going on in your life where you -need- him to be talking to you.

Sounds like your guy is being very honest with you. So enjoy whatever attention he can give to you, and be as supportive as you can. Send him cheerful e-cards, or take his favorite dinner over to his house. And it is very likely that he appreciates that you are just -there-, even if he can't interact with you. Just be his rock for a little while. I also like the idea of asking him to take a predetermined break to spend a little time with you, though he might feel that he's under too much pressure even to do that.

And then, you also need to find things to distract yourself. Do some nice things for -you-. Get a massage or buy a book of your favorite cartoons. And just keep reminding yourself that he does care about you.


And...keep coming 'round here. It's fun :)

Okay, maybe its just me, but the MBA wasn't that complex of a program and I did most of it online, aka, you have to not only do the work, but teach it to yourself as well. It took up my Sunday, and maybe a little of Saturday and a few hours during the week. I still made time for the people in my life. I guess if he really needs the time let him have it, but I find it hard to let a lack of civility and attention off on just being pressured.

My only suggestion is to try and get him to bracket time. Thats what I did to make things work. Early in the day was easier to get away for if that helps, which allowed evening sessions to run long if necessary.


Hope that helps

Mike

He has presentation after presentation with groups. He has to meet with these groups and then practice over and over. AND he has to choose a project company and work along side them and be their consultant for a semester...it's way more than homework. I guess I just have to be patient and bite the bullet until June comes. I just hate feeling that I'm not number one in someones life...it puts a huge damper on my self-esteem.

(Oh, and he works 20 hours a week on top of it.)

It's horrible. And it's like a tape that plays in your head. I don't do it outloud...but getting rid of insecurity is very difficult...I've been grappling with it for a long long time. Your point IS good. Now where to begin (therapy didn't work for me...)

I did my MBA at university while married and working a full-time (>50-hr weeks) job, and I found time to be with my then-husband, family, and friends. It's a matter of setting goals and prioritizing -- something they teach you in b-school.

But the issue is not about whether your BF can handle his full plate, but rather whether YOU are getting what you need from this relationship. What happens when he graduates and starts a career that requires a great deal of his attention? Will you be happy with what he has left for you?

I don't know how demanding a job he'll have when he graduates and I'm sure he'll have regular hours not three hours here and three hours there. And I'm not saying that he doesn't find time to see me...he does when he can. Man, tough crowd. I'm not here to argue whether an MBA is grueling or not...that's not the issue...obviously for him it is. I was just saying how people dealt with those who's school or course load is full and difficult...how to juggle and stay sane...

Trust me, I had meetings too and presentations. I guess I just didn't enjoy practicing and prefer to go improve on most things as its my strong point. But the main point is try for some scheduling of time. Try to schedule some breakfasts, etc. If he is only working 20 hours, he should have some time for that. However if he truly hasn't, just don't worry about it. I had a cousin and a roommate. We'd take the same classes. They'd read the book 5 or six times, write out tons of possible test questions, etc. Thats just the way some people are. It wasn't an attempt to avoid their significant others, it was just the way they studied, intensely and constant reworking what they've done.

If you care about him - hang in till June and see if it does get better. It's only a couple of months. If it does, great. If not, then you're going to have to look for someone who is willing to spend more time interacting with you. He isn't likely to change if it's really his personality that needs less time together than you do. If it's circumstances, then it will change when the circumstances change.