Name Change?

Another thread made me wonder if this forum wouldn't benefit from a name change?

Maybe call it "Living Together" vs. "Long Term"?

Then it takes out that question of "How long is long term?" yet still addresses what I think was the original intention of the forum? Things like living with someone, blended families, sex lives after the honeymoon stage, chores, finances, etc. that come from being long term vs the people who have just met their YM or are just dating & live separately (not usually too many issues there?)

Members in long term on-line relationships already have the LDR Forum.

I think it'll be rare to have a lot of people who consider themselves beyond just dating and long term that aren't living with their SO?

What do you think? Would the name change help clarify things and maybe get more people to participate here?

That way, whether you have been living together 6 weeks or 6 years, you'd find this forum useful?

I voted no. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and our lives are completely entwined. We are very committed to one another. We do not cohabitate because his career is not yet up and running and he has very strong feelings about not living together until he's able to contribute a stable income. So in our case our not living together is strictly based on financial reasons, and it certainly doesn't indicate a lower level of commitment or anything.

I voted no. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and our lives are completely entwined. We are very committed to one another. We do not cohabitate because his career is not yet up and running and he has very strong feelings about not living together until he's able to contribute a stable income. So in our case our not living together is strictly based on financial reasons, and it certainly doesn't indicate a lower level of commitment or anything.

Please don't see the question as demeaning to long-term, committed relationships that aren't living together. It's just a matter of whether you would see any need for the Long Term Forum.

Do you have any special issues that you think you would benefit from your own forum?

Do you see a need for the Long Term forum for yourself?

I wasn't questioning the validity of couples who have been together a long time but don't live together. I was questioning needing a forum for people JUST because they have been a couple for a long time or would it be better put to use for issues relating to people who live together?

Please don't see the question as demeaning to long-term, committed relationships that aren't living together. It's just a matter of whether you would see any need for the Long Term Forum.

Do you have any special issues that you think you would benefit from your own forum?

Do you see a need for the Long Term forum for yourself?

I don't really share a lot here in terms of issues like that, so I guess not. Relationship Support is enough, I suppose.

Those who vote "No" could you please share why and if you actually use this forum? It would be very helpful.

Thanks!

I voted no. I've been an a long term, yet not living together relationship that will change to "living together" at the end of the month, but I think "long term" should apply to all couples living together or not.

If the forum is changed to "living together," does that mean a couple that moved in together after only dating a month can join in? to me that isn't long term and the forum should be more focused on "long term" rather than "living together."

Maybe there could be a "living together" subform in the LTR Forum? or maybe a seperate "living together" forum all together?

just my thoughts. :)

I voted yes because to me LTR is a totally meaningless concept.

To me staying in a relationship for 5, 10, 15 years means nothing towards the future if you stop working towards solving problems, reaching commonalities, enhancing what you have.

In other words, two people who have been together for only two weeks but who love each other and have decided to do what it takes to make it work has greater chance of future success than a couple of 15 years who are bored with each other, stopped loving each other, and are in the brink of separation.

I hope I made myself clear and not offended anybody. For the record we have been together for 4 years.

On the other hand living together has imposed a ton of challenges that are not age gap related and could perhaps benefit from such a forum.

I think we should let individuals define for themselves what long term means, just as I think we should throw away other labels as well. We've never defined what constitutes an age gap around here, and have always held to this concept that if there is enough of a gap that it bothers someone, then they have an age gap. The site is suffering, I think, because we have tried to define this VYM thing. Its my opinion that labels lead to stratification. If people feel that we need an additional section on living together, that's fine, but I think you should leave the LTR section intact, 'cause darn it, I want to post there someday!

I voted no. I've been an a long term, yet not living together relationship that will change to "living together" at the end of the month, but I think "long term" should apply to all couples living together or not.

If the forum is changed to "living together," does that mean a couple that moved in together after only dating a month can join in? to me that isn't long term and the forum should be more focused on "long term" rather than "living together."

Maybe there could be a "living together" subform in the LTR Forum? or maybe a seperate "living together" forum all together?

just my thoughts. :)
But do you think there is a need for people who are just "long term" and how do you define "long term?"

Why was this forum even made? What issues was it trying to address?

What issues does a long-term couple who don't live together have? And if they don't live together because they startd online and live in separate states or even different countries - isn't that what the LDR (Long Distance Relationship) forum for?

It just seem to me that the LTR area was probably created for the things that couples who live together have to deal with.

That's the whole point of changing it FROM Long Term to Living Together.

I just don't see the point of a "Long Term" area.

But I CAN see the need for a "Living Together" area.

BB - what would you need a "Long Term" area for? You've had the LDR Forum up until now and soon you will be living with Bob, right?

it's just that no one can define long term - but you can define living together. So people will know whether they are "allowed" in the area or not. I just dislike that people feel that their relationships aren't valid at 6 years (like Bella) to other people who have been together 10 years or whatever.

I think no matter how long you have been living together, a lot of the same issues crop up that you don't see in the vague "long term" catagory.

Maybe we should just get rid of the LTR Forum altogether.

No one ever uses it, but I think that people who have even been living together 3 years think they don't "qualify." :rolleyes: But they have some of the same living together issues as people together one year or 10 years.

I voted yes because to me LTR is a totally meaningless concept.

To me staying in a relationship for 5, 10, 15 years means nothing towards the future if you stop working towards solving problems, reaching commonalities, enhancing what you have.

In other words, two people who have been together for only two weeks but who love each other and have decided to do what it takes to make it work has greater chance of future success than a couple of 15 years who are bored with each other, stopped loving each other, and are in the brink of separation.

I hope I made myself clear and not offended anybody. For the record we have been together for 4 years.

On the other hand living together has imposed a ton of challenges that are not age gap related and could perhaps benefit from such a forum.

No offense taken - I obviously agree and that is what I'm trying to say!

Could we have both ;)

Seven people have voted no and only 2 have said why?

PLEASE can you tell us why you want to keep the forum? I haven't seen any people in LTRs that don't live together really post here?? :confused:

OK, I added two more poll options.

Anyone who already voted let me know if you want me to change your vote.

Thanks!

Could we have both ;)
Seriously - is there a need?

I'm not sure if we need either now....

Yeah, Kristin, I think there is a need. Long term sort of implies committed and one can be very committed without actually living together. This is the one place where you get to consistently read that these relationships can and do work. People don't go to the LTR section to post their breakups; they go there to post that its still working and why they think its working and its one place on this site that still seems sort of inspirational.

OK, good points.

But what do we tell people "Long term" is?

According to some, I shouldn't post here because Jeremy and I are only at 3.5 years together.

And the whole commitment thing - some people get offended and say that THEY are more committed at 2 years than many married couples at 15 years.

Just trying to come up with a solution and either get the LTR area jumping or get rid of wasted space (if that is what it is.)

Well what I am suggesting is that people don't post there because they think they can't. I think once you are more than a few years into a relationship with the intention of keeping it going indefinitely, you could call it a long term relationship. Just my thoughts on the matter.

And I appreciate your input very much! :yes:

This "How long is LTR?" thing has been going on almost as long as the VYM debate! :o

I believe we should not change the name to living together. People choose not to live together for a variety of reasons, but still define themselves as "long term" (which I believe is different for each individual). I am not likely to be living with my SO until we are engaged (or at least very close to it), but would define myself as long-term by my standards since this is the second longest relationship I've ever had and by far the longest he's ever had.

I feel like some people could think that there is a judgement being made that their relationship is not worthy of long-term status just because they are not living together... I'd hate for that to happen.

8 have responded to leave the forum as is. But, here's the thing. There are hardly ever any posts here. As a result, Jody and I were considering doing away with this section. I'd be interested in knowing why more people don't post in this section.

... but I think you should leave the LTR section intact, 'cause darn it, I want to post there someday!

Awww.

You will one day! :yes:

I think the Living Together section would be a good idea. I like the fact that it would not divided into OW/YM and YW/OM so both feel like they could post there.

Maybe if you want to save some space, merge the Home Improvement and Pet section into a Home, Pets and Gardens (?) or something like that.

I would not mind asking for advice about my plants there.

8 have responded to leave the forum as is. But, here's the thing. There are hardly ever any posts here. As a result, Jody and I were considering doing away with this section. I'd be interested in knowing why more people don't post in this section.
That's what I'm trying to figure out, too, Whiterose.

It seems that people who DON'T live together don't post here and people who DO live together and have issues don't post because they don't consider themselves long-term.

In a poll I'm doing about living situations, the majority of members live together (57.5%) and the next largest segment is in LDR. Two people said they aren't LDR and don't live together.

So I'm really confused to see that the folks who are in long term relationships yet not living together are the most vocal about leaving the forum the way it is? Or are some of these folks LDR, too?

But most seem more concerned about their relationships not being considered valid vs. actually needing a special place for them?

Yet, since most members who responded to the poll are living together, maybe they just use the board as a whole and don't feel that they are any "special" group like YW/OM or LDRs or Gamers?

Maybe the group who is LTR but not living together are more vocal because the area is sort of a validation?

I'm living with my YM, but I never really felt the need for my own area. But, at 3 1/2 years, I also consider myself long term compared to a lot of the relationships that flutter through this board - yet I've been told by numerous members that "long term" isn't until after 5 years or even more. Or it's some ambiguous number.

Remind me why this area was created?

My guess it that some people who had been with their guy past that honeymoon stage and were settled in and were now into the giving advice stage, were having discussions about long term or living together problems and people who had only been seeing their guy for 2 weeks would pipe in?

I just don't see any other reason to have a LTR area other than avoiding people who have been with their guy a very short time trying to give advice to someone who had been with their guy through thick & thin already?

Personally, if we keep this section, I would say that "long term" for the purposes of this forum, would be non-LDR for at least 1 year - past or present.

LDRs may be long term, but they have their own forum, right? 99% of their issues would be LDR related I would guess?

I really think one year is "long term" for Ageless, because most member posts here are new people only weeks or months into the relationship and looking for help from the old-timers.

One year may not be a long time IRL, but it IS for this community, IMO. Considering most of the people who sign up don't even last as members for a year.

Seven people have voted no and only 2 have said why?

PLEASE can you tell us why you want to keep the forum? I haven't seen any people in LTRs that don't live together really post here?? :confused:

Went in and did it myself ;)

Yeah, Kristin, I think there is a need. Long term sort of implies committed and one can be very committed without actually living together. This is the one place where you get to consistently read that these relationships can and do work. People don't go to the LTR section to post their breakups; they go there to post that its still working and why they think its working and its one place on this site that still seems sort of inspirational.

I think that if we can keep this section going and encourage people to post on it, this is a very good reason to do so.

OK, good points.

But what do we tell people "Long term" is?

According to some, I shouldn't post here because Jeremy and I are only at 3.5 years together.

And the whole commitment thing - some people get offended and say that THEY are more committed at 2 years than many married couples at 15 years.

Just trying to come up with a solution and either get the LTR area jumping or get rid of wasted space (if that is what it is.)

I think we should leave people to decide whether their relationship is long-term or not. Their perception on this might be enough to mean they have the type of problems this place seems to be here to address?

I'm quoting this from another thread too because it seems relevant here:

I didn't have any issues when Jeremy had his own place that I would feel needed a special forum (I still don't honestly) but I could kind of see more issues arising with blended families and living together. It definitely wasn't meant to be competitive :no: & I'm sorry it came off that way!

Really, I'm just trying to establish a need for the LTR forum and who it is that needs it. Even though it came off as competitive or demeaning to you it really wasn't the intent and was not at the heart of my comments at all!! :o


I'm not quite sure what the intent of this section was, but I'm guessing that some people felt there might be issues arising from 'long-term' relationships specifically that could be addressed here and not get lost in relationship support? Things like... I dunno... keeping the spark? Merging finances? I think lots of things come with living together, but not everything does.

If we're going to set up sections based on what the issues seem to be in different types of relationships, then I think it could get messy. Religious people might feel they have specific issues. Interracial couples might. We could have an avalanche of new sections!

I think people with long-term relationships often post their threads in relationship support anyway!

I have two reasons for not posting, and yes one is the old vym issue. I am not kidding, if you post anything about a problem, the anti-crowd is jumping in with see, see I told you vym can't.............. whatever:confused: Example: I am so sick of all the damn papers he has to write and how that cuts into time together. Then the I never woulld crowd jumps in with see, that is why .....because he is just a schoolboy, and words to that effect. But there are alot of people of any age that go back to school and have to juggle jobs, schoolwork and a life.

There other reason is that most of the ltr problems aren't age-gap related. And there is still a vocal group that groused about there being any section that isn't relationship support. That was the reason for so many sections: you don't want to read anything other than support so don't go to the other sections. But they go anyway.

So my major irritant is the fact that when he uses the hand towel after washing his hands, he just stuffs it back on the rack instead of hanging it over so it dries quicker. Yup HUGE age-gap problem. :tongue2:

I think that if we can keep this section going and encourage people to post on it, this is a very good reason to do so.

I think we should leave people to decide whether their relationship is long-term or not. Their perception on this might be enough to mean they have the type of problems this place seems to be here to address?
But nobody seems to think that they qualify?

8 have responded to leave the forum as is. But, here's the thing. There are hardly ever any posts here. As a result, Jody and I were considering doing away with this section. I'd be interested in knowing why more people don't post in this section.

I voted no; don't change it. My reason is that like some others here, I am in a committed relationship of four years and do not live with my GF.

As for why more people don't post here? Hard to say. I think that to some extent, everyone may be waiting for someone else to take the plunge and post something of a personal nature here. Or perhaps some people with deeply personal issues that are LTR related do not want to air them on the web? Just speculation on my part.

For me, I have posted here on and off since the section's inception. It may be one of those things that we like to have around but don't take advantage of all that much. I do think that having the section is a good idea. Also, the idea of a large grouping of relationships that have managed to last can be an encouragement to others.

One last thought; as others have observed, there is a varying consensus as to what constitutes an LTR. I have said on the 'when can you call it an LTR' thread that it really depends upon who it is as to whether or not it is an LTR. Some of us have not had many relationships that last longer than a year, and so anything that goes past that mark is automatically and LTR. By the same token, some of us see just how short a year to even five years is by comparison to fifteen or twenty years.

Anyway, just my thoughts.

Daniel

But nobody seems to think that they qualify?

I think that I qualify.:)

Daniel

I would think that anyone in an AGR would post their issues in Relationships - regardless of how long they have been together?

So, maybe this area was meant for NON AGR-related issues that come up after you get past the "Am I crazy?" stage of an AGR and you are just in a relationship that HAPPENS to be AGR? :D

Oooo! Maybe that's it! The criteria for qualifying as "long term" at Ageless is being past the questioning stage and you are IN a mutually committed relationship.

In other words, you aren't asking questions about dealing with a guy who is pursuing you, whether or not you should go out with a YM/OW or insecurities from just starting to date. You ARE a couple and you have both come to terms that you are dealing with the AGR come hell or high water.

Which means that most of the issues in here would probably be non-age related?

Oh, I don't know!!?? Help me out here, people! :D

I vote for calling it

The trials and tribulations of coupledom

Likes sands in the hourglass these are the days of your lives.........

Can we just say that you can post in the LTR section as soon as you are in a mutually committed age gap relationship?

Basically, for the purposes of Ageless, if you both have decided to "go for it" and are at the point where you consider yourself just a "relationship" now instead of freaking out about the age gap, you are considered an "Ageless Long Term Relationship" and qualify to post in this area!

I think most of us who would post here are just past the "What will he think of me naked?" and "Am I stealing his youth?" and "What will his family think?" stages.

I vote for calling it

The trials and tribulations of coupledom

Likes sands in the hourglass these are the days of your lives.........

Good one! That's kind of what I was thinking, too. You are already a couple qualifies you. (See my post above.)

Good one! That's kind of what I was thinking, too. You are already a couple qualifies you. (See my post above.)

Coupledom would work. it just gets rid of the whole long term thing in a sinch and keeps the couple part intact. Man, Kristin you are working working working...you need a soda break or a cookie, or chips...beer? lol

Man, Kristin you are working working working...you need a soda break or a cookie, or chips...beer? lol
Strwbrries, I really did laugh out loud on that one! You crack me up.

Meh...I know. I'm a pit bull once you get me started on something! That's both a good and an annoying trait, I know! :p

8 have responded to leave the forum as is. But, here's the thing. There are hardly ever any posts here. As a result, Jody and I were considering doing away with this section. I'd be interested in knowing why more people don't post in this section.

Whiterose, the reason I don't post there is because there isn't much happening other than everyday life... which isn't reallt exciting to tell or read about... ;)

As I was reading through this thread, my thoughts were that this section is about ... Everyday Life Together.

It is not related to any particular length of time together. It is not related to whether we live together full time or just see each other on a consistent basis. Or basically any other label that could be slapped on a couple.

I know if others posted about the ups and downs of their relationship, I would post too. The stuff that he does that just thrills me inside and the stuff that he does that drives me up a wall.

I think everyone could relate to the non age gap good and the non age gap bad.

Hmm, wonder if I explained it very well.

Sounds good to me DaisyFae:D