Don't you hate it when...

you see your ex and you still feel all gooey! Don't get me wrong...I love D, but I saw the ex last night....ahh! I wish he was butt ugly so I can kick myself and say 'what was I thinking!', but alas, he is not. He is just as every bit handsome as he was before. Grrr, he even gave me a hug! AHHHH Damn damn damn damn!

I DID'NT HAVE TO SEE ME MY EX TO GET ALL GOOEY INSIDE. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HEAR IS VOICE AND ALL GOOEY!!

Isn't it awful! I mean I love D so so very very much, but I feel terrible knowing that I still miss my ex....grr.

SAME HERE DON'T IT JUST MAKE YOU MAD??:mad:

yeah....extreamly! I'm trying to move on here in my life and here he is popping in and out of my life. Not his fault though, we had to work together. But to top it all off, I've been having dreams about him too....very grrr. I wonder if it's because I haven't seen D in over a week and feeling lonely, then when I saw him something hit me. Or if I truly do miss him. This sucks....

If you are having these feelings for your ex than there is something unresolved between you to........You need to have either closure in this....Or you need to question your current love...... Usually it's just a feeling because it's so familiar but it doesn't mean you "in Love" with him..... Once you find Closure than you will be able to move on with your Current SO or maybe realize that you belong with your ex..... You need to realize what is good for YOU.....

i know i know.....i want to focus all my attention on my current love. even thinking of him now puts a smile on my face. he's so handsome, honest, loving - this list goes on and on. i keep reminding myself of all the bad that i had with my ex. i've been trying to gain closure for the past year and i don' t know what else to do. on top of it all, it is an awful awful feeling when you accidently start thinking about your ex - what he's doing, who he's with (which I know who!) and your with your new love. it's the worst feeling in the world. i felt like i was cheating on him...so sad that the heart can't be controled, but on the flip side - that's what makes relationships such as May - December romances so wonderful.

Well I think you will be ok... You just need to realize what you want.... I just think you are just thinking of what ifs... you need to close that door on your Ex.... if you Love this OM like you say you do ... he shouldn't be an issue... I don't meant that to be mean...........Just that I was engaged before My current Fiance.... and even when I see my ex I know I made the right decision....... I mean I get wierd feelings.... sometimes... but that's all.... I just go on....

I hope you understand what I mean

:-)

completely! and there was nothing mean about your post...MOST of us here are mature enough to understand posts and to read between the lines. I think you know what I mean. Thanks for the words.

I don't regret breaking up w/ the ex, but your right....it's the what if's....i HAVE to stop!!

I know you will.. You seem to be a very well adjusted woman..... and will dojust fine... I hope the best for you and your OM.....

Awwww girl! Take it from an older lady, thats just the way things go. Its nothing to stress on.

The night before my wedding, and of course totally in love, I was out at my bachelorette party in a club, and bumped in to my ex. I was floored! I could not believe how good he looked (uh, even better than I remembered) and I had not seen him in years. He wanted to share a dance with me to celebrate my getting married the next day, and I was thinking all kinds of strange thoughts!!!!

Its just a normal thing. To this day sometimes I am still attracted to my ex (thank goodness I don't bump into him often) but I know I am in love with my y/m and don't want to be anywhere else but right where I am at. *hugs* to ya!

Thanks joannalee! I know what you mean. It's funny b/c most ex's I got over real quick, but when your with someone for four years....yikes! I just wish this process went by quicker! :)

hey, e :) ...i have to agree with meralove...that you have to consider what needs to be resolved before you can move on totally.

I was together with my ex-boyfriend for most of five years. Being in a relationship becomes a habit. One gets used to that person being around. We accept the roles we play in their lives. For me, I was his problem-solver and sounding board. When I broke up with him, I felt worse about it for HIM than I did for me!!

I've seen him once since we broke up. It was nice seeing him, fun hanging out with him, but I didn't get all gooey...for me, the attraction was gone, the fire of romantic love had definately cooled...but this doesn't mean I'm issue free. I still want to call him on those nights when I'm feeling lonely...in fact, I did that recently too...but in the warm light of dawn I was able to remember that I moved on for myself, for the right reasons...

The ending of a relationship takes a lot more time than I ever would have guessed...and I would say, figure out what you need to resolve and take care of. Because if you don't resolve it now, it will be there forever, a little whisper of "what if?" Even if you are completely in love with your current man, take care of any lingering issues with the former one first.

I love you larasteele!!!

in that friendly kind of way :p

reading this thread right now is funny, i had to go over to my ex's house today to get my climbing gear, and we talked on the phone again just now, for like an hour or something...its like part of me just isnt willing to let him go all the way, and its affected every relationship ive tried to have since we broke up...like i HAVE to get over this and work it out with myself, that we are really not going to be together anymore. but we had the best talk tonight, and got a lot of things out on the table. hes going to california for 10 days tomorrow, i just wanted to talk before he left....life is so funny sometimes.

How long were you guys together?

Maybe closure is all you needed......

We were together four years - two of which we lived together. The middle two years, not the last two. He moved out b/c I smothered him....bah! After chatting with lara_steele she has helped me realize what the next steps are for closure. I started - just never finished.

I see him again tomorrow, cross your fingers for me...lets hope i have the courage.

we were together about three and a half years and lived together for about two years in the middle there. actually i moved in with him after we had been together for only 4 months. it seemed like a great idea at the time but, ive learned my lesson. yes, seeking closure, my conversation with him last night helped a lot. i am moving on.

What lesson did you learn?

And ladies from a woman's perspective when the time comes that things start to go wrong why can't the two involved find a solution that helps create that connection instead of it getting worse.

I have always believed honesty and respect was the answer. At least when you break up no one is screaming and accusing you of anything negative, but letting go is so much more difficult because you still love one another. Still not sure?

what lesson did i learn......i guess i mean that i regret jumping into living together so quickly. at the time it was like i didnt want to wait another day but if we had held off for a couple of months, maybe things would have turned out differently. im still confused about a lot of things. i actually told my OM the other day that i was feeling unsure about us, he was very sweet and told me to take my time, that he would be there for me no matter what...i accused him of not wanting a girlfriend anyway, he kind of just looked at me. he said he didnt know and why dont we just slow down and not worry about what will happen. so im spending some time apart this weekend. i guess time will tell.

Guys, my ex was the most incompatable, thoughtless, alcoholic, neglectful husband there ever could have been...and I still occasionally think "Oh! Only if he could have been like [my honey now]." And it KILLS me!!! The sex was awful (he was either drunk or making me feel like I wasn't even there - eyes closed, not paying attention to what I was asking for and probably running some porn through his head...)

He doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve that kind of treatment, but I think once you've connected yourself to someone in love, it's hard to disconnect completely. (And I was a B-*-T-*-H when we broke up. I hated him.)

Giggle. Glad I found someone who truly loves me and takes care of me (emotionally and physically). Otherwise, who knows? I may have ended up back in misery as a result of one of those weak, gooey moments! Ha ha ha.

Love,
Happy

I'm happy you found your Mr. Wonderful Happy! I know that someone is out there for all of us, and I'll gladly share all my stories as you do here :)

So I've come to terms w/ myself that I no longer am in love w/ the ex...but still have love for him. I know that nothing will ever happen between us - but friendship.

Well - I found out last night (from a friend) that he's not engaged! I know that it shouldn't make me upset - but it does. He hasn't even been dating her a year! It makes me question how long they were fooling around before I broke up w/ him. We always used to talk about marriage, what did she do that I didn't? Uh...not that I don't want him to be happy....actually (this is kinda funny) i wanted to be married before him. I don't know...that's the update for now :)

Hey, it's perfectly o.k. to feel that way. My ex-husband called me last week and told me that the people who were renting our marital home (the house we bought before we divorced) were moving out and that he wanted to move back in. I was fine with that until he said his girlfriend was moving in too. Basically, he was asking my permission. Outwardly, I was like "Fine. Sure. That will be great. I hope you'll be very happy there." But inside, all of those horrible insecurities came back to haunt me. Why wasn't I good enough for him to come home to every night? Why wouldn't he give up just one little night a week to come home and be with me? What was wrong with me that I couldn't have changed that behavior? And worst of all, What is so special about her that makes him want to move her into what was OUR home?

After the emotional roller coaster is over, I remind myself that he and I loved each other once, when we were very young and that we just grew up to be two separate people. I made mistakes by being too passive and he made the mistake of not paying attentions to the signs that I was getting ready to leave him. I tried very hard to make our marriage work. But then I just finally had to give up.

There is a part of me that will always love him. He wasn't a totally bad guy! He could be really sweet and lots of fun. But there is a part of me that will always remember the hurt, pain and neglect that he caused me and I can't overlook any of that.

I do want him to be happy. I just wanted him to be happy SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!! ;)

And honestly, I am glad because it helps me realize what a good man I have in B. He loves me and treats me so wonderfully. But when you've loved someone once, it's kind of hard to say goodbye.

Maybe he'll get married first! Maybe not! If you guys talked a lot about marriage and now he's asked this girl, maybe he thought he moved too slowly with you and now he's in a hurry!!! ;)

After the emotional roller coaster is over, I remind myself that he and I loved each other once, when we were very young and that we just grew up to be two separate people. I made mistakes by being too passive and he made the mistake of not paying attentions to the signs that I was getting ready to leave him. I tried very hard to make our marriage work. But then I just finally had to give up.

EXACTLY!!! That's exactly how it was w/ my ex-boyfriend. We just grew apart.

There is a part of me that will always love him. He wasn't a totally bad guy! He could be really sweet and lots of fun. But there is a part of me that will always remember the hurt, pain and neglect that he caused me and I can't overlook any of that.

Are we the same person....your words are coming right out of my mouth!


And honestly, I am glad because it helps me realize what a good man I have in B. He loves me and treats me so wonderfully. But when you've loved someone once, it's kind of hard to say goodbye

Oh I know - my honey is so wonderful (just read my update) it's amazing how well you can be treated but can't seem to let go completly.

Thanks Happy - I feel better just posting about it. I truly do want him to be happy, but I want to be happier....that's my evil side talking :D

Grrr to your ex....I think that's a little much w/ the new girlfriend and him living in the home that you two created together. I know it sounds funny - even petty and selfish, but I totatlly understand why you would be upset. Did the house have stairs? If so...I hope she falls down them. Sorry being evil again. You know...speaking of evil - it would be funny if my ex was getting married b/c he knocked up his girlfriend. I know my ex is SO not ready for children. He always thought I was trying to get pregnant to keep him around! The hell w/ that! I have too much self respect to impregnate myself for a male! Sorry - I can have a sick sense of humor...he he....*crossing fingers he got her knocked up* LOL