Does he want children or not?

I am in a relationship with a 24 year age gap. I am 28 he is 52. It is still a fairly new relationship ( but quickly getting very serious), but the issue of whether I want anymore children (I have a 10 year old from a previous relationship) has come up. His comments are so from one extreme to the other that I cannot figure him out. He used to make comments about how he was done with that and didn't want to start over. Then the joking comments started like "You need to have you another one" or "It wouldn't be so bad" (when we had a pregnancy scare). He has even commented on how he wouldn't mind staying home taking care of a baby. He actually came out the other day and asked me if I wanted more children and when I said I do not know, he said I know I said I am done with that, but I would feel selfish if I denied you that. I cant figure out if he is afraid to admit he might want more children because of his age or if he is just saying what he thinks I want to hear. I am not 100% sure I want more children, but I honestly cannot see having at least one more child. I do not want to just come out and ask yet. I will approach the subject before things get too serious. Any one have any opinions on this.

Melissa

It does appear that he is open to the possibility of having more children. Many older men over 50, thought that they were done with raising children until they meet their younger partner. If you spoke to my sweetie 10yrs ago, he would say that there's no way he would have another child. However, he is very much aware that I want children so he has since revised his position on raising more kids and he's now looking forward to doing it all over again.

It appears that your OM is revising his original stance on children, and is trying to gage your response to the idea. If your relationship has the potential for a longterm relationship, I would suggest you get this matter out in the open since you are sure you want children. This issue can create serious problems later if you are not on the same page.

Why don't you just ask him? I am a big fan of being direct, and its really not that hard... Just as you discussed the pregnancy scare, you can say "what would you do if?" and then that naturally leads into "well, what do you think about having more kids?" It doesn't have to be about the two of you, it can stay theoretical.

It doesn't have to be threatening or intimidating, and it helps to be casual about it and flexible in what you are thinking (as it sounds like you are unsure of what you want). The whole discussion is likely to bring you closer.

We have discussed it some, but I cant seem to get a straight answer. I am just waiting for the right time to bring it up again. I think alot of his hesitancy has to do with the negativity he is receiving from his grown children about me. I definetly plan on getting a definitive answer before this relationship gets anymore serious.

Melissa

"He used to make comments about how he was done with that and didn't want to start over. Then the joking comments started like "You need to have you another one" or "It wouldn't be so bad" (when we had a pregnancy scare). He has even commented on how he wouldn't mind staying home taking care of a baby. He actually came out the other day and asked me if I wanted more children and when I said I do not know, he said I know I said I am done with that, but I would feel selfish if I denied you that."

Melissa,
He's given you his answer. Like most men in their 50's he wasn't thinking of more children until you popped into his life. Clearly, he's been thinking about this since the subject first came up, and he likes the idea. You're the love of his life dear. For a good man, it's not enough to make you a couple, he wants you to be a family. Looks like the decision from here on is up to you.

Mike

Melissa,

Mike hit the nail square on the head. Nothing more I can add, except to make it more dramatic. I'm a magazine guy, so I'm good at that.

Does your OM want children? Hell NO! He wants your child, there's a big difference. At 52 he doesn't have the stamina to chase small children around again. He's not looking forward to driving kids to little league or dance lessons. He is certainly not looking forward to going through the teenage years again. He probably had plans to travel, relax, do the things he always dreamed of doing after retirement. He has told you he would give all thoughts of self and all his retirement plans up to father a child with you. He has even told you that the idea seems like a happy one to him. He has, in his male way, told you he has given his heart totally and selflessly to you. There's not a greater gift a man could give you. This is a pearl of great price.

What shall you do with it?

with care, George

I have nothing to add to this. I just wanted to tell George that his reply was absolutely beautiful... And I hope she gets that allusion!

You're right suicide, George's words are beautiful (nice job George), but they don't hold a candle to what Soccermom's OM is saying to her. Here's wishing all the YW on this forum the same.

Mike

Yep I think George and mike got it perfectly right, just talk to him about it openly anyway, that is always the best way to have your relationship be-- open and honest.
:)