dealing with adult children

My OM adult children (31 and 25) are acting like teenagers when it comes to their dad dating a younger woman. I am 28 and he is 52. They refuse to hear anything positive about me. They assume I have alterior motives. The thing is I cannot figure out what in the world those would be because it is not like he is rich or anything. Actually I make a little more than he does. He has offered to let them meet me, but they said no. Then on Christmas night his brother called and said he was having a get together (mostly friends of his and 2 of his brothers). My OM told him he had company and his brother said bring her over, so we went. Well it got back to his children and they freaked out and said how dare you take her to a family function. Honestly it really wasn't even a family function. He had taken his son over to his daughters to hang out and they were over there when they found out he had taken me to his brother's house. His son looked at his sister and said take me home and they both stomped out. They would not answer their phones and still refuse to talk to their dad almost a week later. I wish they would at least give me a chance, but even if they do not like me I wish they would look at how happy their dad is and just let him live his life. His brother commented to my OM the next day about how he had not seen him this happy before, but his children refuse to see it. The thing is I really love this man, but I feel like I am tearing a family apart. My OM is taking it alot better than I am. Any advice from those who have dealt with adult children?

Melissa

You are not doing anything to the family sweetheart, the kids are. They are trying to control their dad with their behavior. Do not hold yourself responsible for their behavior, that is wrong.

It seems as though dad & kids do not have an unconditional love relationship, otherwise they would support dad regardless of wether or not they agreed with his decision. Also, you are dealing with a couple of selfish kids (emotionally immature). If they were considerate people, they would be kind to you out of consideration for your feelings and the feelings of their father.

It is rather common for daughters to be jealous of any other woman in their father's life other than their own mother, not quite so common for sons, generally sons just take a "what ever" attitude. My guess is somebody put this negativity into their heads, such as their mom. But that's just a guess.

This is not your doing. Its up to your OM to deal with this. I would point out to you that this lack of unconditional love & the self centeredness of the kids is some sort of flag, if not a red flag, at least a yellow one. The kids should have learned unconditional love from their parents, and the self centerdness is also a sign of unloved children, and/or possibly modeled behavior.

with care, happy new year, George

You don't say where the kids mother is in all this? Is she sitll alive, are the divorced, separated? I'm a child of divorce, and I've watched my dad go through two more marriages, and unlike the other poster I don't think it has anything to do with the child. Most often it's the parent who creates the drama. Does he feel guilty about something with regards to his wife and her children by him?

That would be my guess.

Ali