Meeting his parents and teenage children

I just joined and a went through a lot of old threads, could not find similar threats and thought I give it a shot...

I just started dating an OM (me 28/him 45) We met about 6 months ago, we work in the same building and our offices are close together, see each other and talk every day but we did not go on a date 'till last week. On the second date, Saturday, he asked me if I wanted to meet his parents. WOW... I figured I had nothing to lose. I had the feeling they were a bit surprised, not sure if it was my age or just meeting a potential gf? I guess age. Third time meeting them, yesterday (yes, twice in two days), it felt a bit better but they seem to study me closely everytime. I am not too worried about his parents, but...
He has two teenage boys (14/17) and at the rate he brings me into his life (FAST). I am very NERVOUS about meeting his sons. I have experience as a child, my parents getting a divorce and my dad having different gf. I felt insecure and did not feel comfortable around them. I do not want to intrude, I would want it to work with his sons since they are important to him. I am not considering myself his girlfriend yet but he did call us partners and I think we are going very fast into a serious relationship.

By reading through a lot of threads I came across great advice and see a lot of experience and would really appreciate any advice on how to handle meeting his sons.

Thanks and a Happy New Year :)

Be yourself, be friendly, but don't over-do it. Don't be false.

Ask them how they feel about dad bringing a female home. Ask them how they feel about you being 17 years younger than their dad. Listen to them. Validate their feelings whatever they may be. Share what your feelings are (you are worried about them, etc). Be real.

George

I just joined and a went through a lot of old threads, could not find similar threats and thought I give it a shot...

I just started dating an OM (me 28/him 45) We met about 6 months ago, we work in the same building and our offices are close together, see each other and talk every day but we did not go on a date 'till last week. On the second date, Saturday, he asked me if I wanted to meet his parents. WOW... I figured I had nothing to lose. I had the feeling they were a bit surprised, not sure if it was my age or just meeting a potential gf? I guess age. Third time meeting them, yesterday (yes, twice in two days), it felt a bit better but they seem to study me closely everytime. I am not too worried about his parents, but...
He has two teenage boys (14/17) and at the rate he brings me into his life (FAST). I am very NERVOUS about meeting his sons. I have experience as a child, my parents getting a divorce and my dad having different gf. I felt insecure and did not feel comfortable around them. I do not want to intrude, I would want it to work with his sons since they are important to him. I am not considering myself his girlfriend yet but he did call us partners and I think we are going very fast into a serious relationship.

By reading through a lot of threads I came across great advice and see a lot of experience and would really appreciate any advice on how to handle meeting his sons.

Thanks and a Happy New Year :)


It appears you are uncomfortable with the pace of the relationship. Remember you do have the power to apply the brakes. If you are not comfortable meeting his kids just yet, then tell him. You have stated that you are yet to consider yourself his girlfriend so it does appear that you are not on the same page regarding the definition of your relationship.

Maybe you should not meet them so soon, tell your O/M that once the two of you are in an exclusive relationship and have gotten to know each other a bit more, maybe then.

If your O/M is recently divorced I do NOT recommend you meet the kids just yet. They may think you were the reason for their parents' divorce even if you had nothing to do with it...

Please take all the time in the world, what is the rush?

goodchild, OP and her O/M just had their first date last week.

goodchild, OP and her O/M just had their first date last week.

Thanks Alta! Maybe I should be going to bed:tongue2:

I definitely agree with you! Waaaaay too fast!

As indicated in previous posts, I do not think either that you should meet the children until your relationship is more defined. Forget about the children not liking you... imagine if they do like you and the relationship does not materialize, then it would be a new heart break for them.

Thanks for your posts. I think I was just overwhelmed by how everything just seems to fall into place when we are together, this to happen after just started dating just made me worry about things too soon. I definitely think now that I should not meet his sons anytime soon. I never thought about them accepting me, and then the relationship not working out (thanks sheila4pd) which could also be hard for them.
At a beginning of a relationship or just dating I am always careful, sometimes maybe to afraid!? I worry about things too soon, instead of just taking a moment at a time.
Just overwhelmed at this point, but in a good way :)

I thought I just ad my problem to my old thread... The children are the least of my worries now.

After having great dates and spending New Years Eve together I felt comfortable and thought that he is honestly interested in me. He told me that he really enjoys the time with me, I felt it to be true.
Last weekend we had passionate sex, but afterwards he seemed very cold as if he would regret it. In the morning he told me that he is meeting his sons for breakfast and shoved me through the door with a hug and a peck on the lips. That was it...
I did not hear from him until we saw each other at work but did not really talk since we are discreet at the office. Last Wednesday he invited me to his house and cooked dinner for me. He seemed more himself again but still distant. At the end of the night he then told me that he "..comes with baggage." I asked what that meant and he said his ex-wife (divorced five years ago). That he is still in love with her although she, according to him, is mean and manipulative but a great mother and has her good moments. That he misses his sons and he regrets not seeing them every day. They spend every summer together as a happy family and he misses that.
Now he told me that he is getting depressed after we've been together
and that was why he acted so cold towards me.

I did not know how to react to that. I appreciated the honesty because I tend to look for faults in my corner, but what am I supposed to do? Why did he ask me out? Just because he did not want to be alone on new years eve? He seemed interested in me... introduced me to his parents... is he looking for a way out by telling me this? Should I let it go and we go back to being friends?

I really needed to vent. I had my heart broken in my last relationship a and said no to any dates. Then he asked me and I thought with him it would be less drama. OM tend to know what they want or don't want.
He hasn't called me since then, we only talked at work and there everything seemed the same (he got me lunch since I did not have time, made jokes, we laughted, touched me almost accidentally while talking). I called once, he did
not pick up and hasn't returned my call (except for a business call with a question).

what should I make of all this? I feel like having an affair with a
married man, I don't want to be that woman!

I'm so sorry sweetheart, reaching out to you with a big cyber hug.

This gentleman has an extensive collection of Samsonite. So extensive in fact you could refer to it as CARGO. Just walk away. Love yourself enough to walk away. You do not need this in your life. It is a mere forshadowing of things to come. There is no healthy relationship to be found.

the old guy

Oh my, way way too fast. Why did he want you to meet his family so soon?

I thought I just ad my problem to my old thread... The children are the least of my worries now.

After having great dates and spending New Years Eve together I felt comfortable and thought that he is honestly interested in me. He told me that he really enjoys the time with me, I felt it to be true.
Last weekend we had passionate sex, but afterwards he seemed very cold as if he would regret it. In the morning he told me that he is meeting his sons for breakfast and shoved me through the door with a hug and a peck on the lips. That was it...
I did not hear from him until we saw each other at work but did not really talk since we are discreet at the office. Last Wednesday he invited me to his house and cooked dinner for me. He seemed more himself again but still distant. At the end of the night he then told me that he "..comes with baggage." I asked what that meant and he said his ex-wife (divorced five years ago). That he is still in love with her although she, according to him, is mean and manipulative but a great mother and has her good moments. That he misses his sons and he regrets not seeing them every day. They spend every summer together as a happy family and he misses that.
Now he told me that he is getting depressed after we've been together
and that was why he acted so cold towards me.

I did not know how to react to that. I appreciated the honesty because I tend to look for faults in my corner, but what am I supposed to do? Why did he ask me out? Just because he did not want to be alone on new years eve? He seemed interested in me... introduced me to his parents... is he looking for a way out by telling me this? Should I let it go and we go back to being friends?

I really needed to vent. I had my heart broken in my last relationship a and said no to any dates. Then he asked me and I thought with him it would be less drama. OM tend to know what they want or don't want.
He hasn't called me since then, we only talked at work and there everything seemed the same (he got me lunch since I did not have time, made jokes, we laughted, touched me almost accidentally while talking). I called once, he did
not pick up and hasn't returned my call (except for a business call with a question).

what should I make of all this? I feel like having an affair with a
married man, I don't want to be that woman!


If he's still in love with her, and had the b*lls to tell you that, make tracks outta there, and make them fast!

I'm so sorry sweetheart, reaching out to you with a big cyber hug.

This gentleman has an extensive collection of Samsonite. So extensive in fact you could refer to it as CARGO. Just walk away. Love yourself enough to walk away. You do not need this in your life. It is a mere forshadowing of things to come. There is no healthy relationship to be found.

the old guy

There it is. This guy may be single Carona, but after this amount of time it's unlikely he'll ever be free. Run dear. You deserve better. A lot better.

Mike

I can't believe I am in a situation like that... it just threw me back again. The time we spent was great, everything felt perfect. Wham... smack in the face!

Thanks for all of your advice, I think deep down I knew the answer... assuring to hear it from someone else.

Why do men choose bad women over good ones :D

Why do men choose bad women over good ones :D

That, my dear, is the bajillion dollar question.

Here's hoping that you find someone with a little less excess baggage. I mean, everyone has SOME, but this is just something that just won't turn out well.

Good luck!

I can't believe I am in a situation like that... it just threw me back again. The time we spent was great, everything felt perfect. Wham... smack in the face!

Thanks for all of your advice, I think deep down I knew the answer... assuring to hear it from someone else.

Why do men choose bad women over good ones :D


Wow! I'm really sorry this has happened to you but wait, there's a good side to this: you found out early enough so you have not wasted many years of your precious life and given him the opportunity to take big chunks of your self esteem. It's only natural that you feel hurt, but the pain would have been way greater had you been entirely invested in this man. :bighug: