I've had enough, time to go to a source. Ladies would you be so kind?

Please pardon but this is a half way rant and a half way question at the same time.


This just kills me. You try to strike up a meaningful conversation just because you like a chick. It could be that you think they are cool or that you honestly do like them. But there's a bs brick wall. Holy ****.. I'm not trying to get into your pants I just wanna know you a lil better to connect on friendly level.

I'm direct. I've come to terms with that. You get me mad (which oddly only my mom or dad seems to manage to infuriate me so) and I get really direct.

But anyway I say. "What kinna stuff do you like to do?" and they usually "shopping" or "movies". This could be right after I heard about them going to a club and having a good time (Yeah, I'm observant I piece together things and a lot of things if you gimme enough time.). This leaves me thinkin, "What! Come on! I know you got more than that going on. Geez! Just stop with the standard walled up answers I've heard that **** before."

Why do they do that? Why do they torture me and themselves by barely saying anything at all. I know they're not doing anything at the time because of my timing. If you have a punk jealous bf just say so and I'll crack a joke for crying out loud.

oiii... :)

Wahl, there IS a mating dance you know...

:tongue2:

Instead of complaining about them not giving you the "right" answer to your question, why not just work with what they give you? If someone says they like movies, ask them what their favorite movie is or the last one they saw. Just because you see someone having fun at a club doesn't mean they have to tell you they enjoy clubbing. People have probably seen me having fun at a bar on a Friday night, but if someone asks me what I like to do it's probably not going to occur to me to say "going to bars," and I'm certainly not going to feel obligated to tell them every single thing I like to do. And if someone acted like I was being a jerk for not answering some random open question the right way that would be the end of the conversation.

And besides all that, some people really don't have very many interests. So maybe watching TV or movies or shopping are the most interesting things they do for the most part. In that case, you should probably move on to someone who actually has something to talk about.

Yeah I know what you mean about that.

The big thing is I seem to have to deal with this on a regular basis.

I just tell alot of stuff because i feel doing it. Ask a 1000 different question and you'll have 1000 answers that's the way I am.

I do try to roll with what is given it's just that it can be frustrating ya know? Just one of those things.

:confused:Yeah I know what you mean about that.

The big thing is I seem to have to deal with this on a regular basis.

I just tell alot of stuff because i feel doing it. Ask a 1000 different question and you'll have 1000 answers that's the way I am.

I do try to roll with what is given it's just that it can be frustrating ya know? Just one of those things.

I understand you completely - I know with any man I've been taught to not ramble on and on - which I do all the time. If a man asks me questions I tend to give a short but polite answer (not wanting to scare him off). Until I get to know that person I will tend to hold back but if I met a man and he was geniune with his questions I may ramble on and on just like I'm doing right now.....:giggle: Does this make any sense????

Josie

Yeah I know what you mean about that.

The big thing is I seem to have to deal with this on a regular basis.
Here's another thought. "What do you like to do" isn't a very interesting question. I don't mean any offense, because I understand why people ask general questions like that, but it doesn't really inspire someone to feel like this is a conversation worth investing themselves in, you know? Like in college when some guy would start a conversation with "what's your major?" After a while it's just tedious to answer the same boring question from every guy that comes along. The question is always the same, so the people asking it start to seem the same too. Why not ask more interesting questions, and maybe tailor them to the kind of person you're likely to be interested in? I'm much more likely to be interested in someone who asks if I've read any good books lately than someone who just asks what I like to do. And then if she looks confused at the concept of books or something, then you'll know straight off (if that sort of thing might be of importance to you) that you might have a better conversation elsewhere.

I was the same way. I could never get past the "What's your major?" kind of questions and answers that led to dead end conversations. After graduating and moving into the career world, it was "What do you do?" (oh geeeeeez!). No wonder I was still single and looking at age 35.

When I met my wife in the Philippines I used the cultural difference to spark interest in our conversations. Simple things like how we celebrate our holidays and our customs and traditions, which would be boring to an American, were fascinating to her because this was a whole new world to her. Likewise, when she talked about her food, traditions, holidays and Filipino customs, things that would have been mundane to another Filipino, I was fascinated and wanted to hear more. It was enough to break the ice! I'm not saying go to another country, but I am saying there is something to be said for meeting diverse people from different backgrounds.

Please pardon but this is a half way rant and a half way question at the same time.


This just kills me. You try to strike up a meaningful conversation just because you like a chick. It could be that you think they are cool or that you honestly do like them. But there's a bs brick wall. Holy ****.. I'm not trying to get into your pants I just wanna know you a lil better to connect on friendly level.

I'm direct. I've come to terms with that. You get me mad (which oddly only my mom or dad seems to manage to infuriate me so) and I get really direct.

But anyway I say. "What kinna stuff do you like to do?" and they usually "shopping" or "movies". This could be right after I heard about them going to a club and having a good time (Yeah, I'm observant I piece together things and a lot of things if you gimme enough time.). This leaves me thinkin, "What! Come on! I know you got more than that going on. Geez! Just stop with the standard walled up answers I've heard that **** before."

Why do they do that? Why do they torture me and themselves by barely saying anything at all. I know they're not doing anything at the time because of my timing. If you have a punk jealous bf just say so and I'll crack a joke for crying out loud.

oiii... :)


I'm sorry :(

I'm always honest, and I don't think every guy is trying to get in my pants... but if those generic things are what interest someone then that's what's interesting to them. Maybe they only say those things thinking that if they said other things they enjoy people might not be familiar with them. For example... 2 of my interests are in Martial Arts and the metaphysical... well not everyone you meet on the street is going to connect with you on that, so you say other things like... "i like to read and watch movies" they're generic, doesn't mean I don't like them, but I think it's more connectable to say that and have someone else reply that they too are a movie buff or avid reader... you see where i'm going wiht that? Someone else said about using what you're given... use those as stepping stones to MORE conversation, sometimes people aren't so easy to warm up to, don't loose heart on the rest of us that DO in fact tell it like it is.

:confused:

I understand you completely - I know with any man I've been taught to not ramble on and on - which I do all the time. If a man asks me questions I tend to give a short but polite answer (not wanting to scare him off). Until I get to know that person I will tend to hold back but if I met a man and he was geniune with his questions I may ramble on and on just like I'm doing right now.....:giggle: Does this make any sense????

Josie

I can ramble alot actually. I hurd ya. :)

I'm sorry :(

It's ok. I've never had that problem with a New York girl :) (Maybe it's that I'm a Yankees fan..)


Yeah I try to find a way to go from in general to specific. But alot of times it doesn't work. It seems I get alot more out of the ones that don't grab my attention right away or that I usually feel like I won't get much out of them anyway so I don't bother too much with them. One of the more silent ones I actually got a lil deeper with one on one and another was a friend of the girl I wanted to know and I got a lot more out of her.

Those are what I've noticed over the years.

I do try to roll with what is given it's just that it can be frustrating ya know? Just one of those things.

Ok...you're 23, so here's a good thing to think about NOW, before you get caught in a rut and become a 59 year old guy who STILL thinks the same way...

(Yes, this does come from personal experience....but bear with me, please)

You're YOU. Yes. That's FABULOUS. (And, really, I'm not being sarcastic with that). It's great to have a good sense of self. But....and this is a big one...don't be "you" to the exclusion of all else.

At the risk of being called "trite", I will say to you that when it comes to dealing with people, both relationship-wise, and in other areas, it is SO important to think outside of YOUR box. You're YOU. Again, that's great. No one should be asking you to be anyone else. But, you should also be cognizant of the fact that other people are not "you". You're direct. Again, fine. Why don't people "get that"? Well, because they're not "you".

LOL, as I write that, it does seem so simple. But, like I said, I'm dealing now with a 59 year old who never got that concept.

Don't lose yourself in all of this, but DO try to wrap your mind around the fact that most people in the world simply don't think like you do. Good, bad or indifferent, it's just a fact.

Dating IS frustrating. But, honestly, I think that you're doing yourself a serious disservice by focusing on "you" with this, because, frankly, at the end of the day, that's just going to become your crutch. People don't "get" you because you're direct, or because you say what you think, or whatever else.

Sorry if this was a bit rambling, but again, this is what I've been going through personally for about 2 years now.

Good for you for trying to understand this NOW. I wish you the best.

I've always considered myself a very good listener and a hopeless talker.

As I am quite shy, I struggle to make conversation so I appreciate when someone asks me questions.

As long as they are not asking too many personal questions straight off and I don't feel like they are trying judge me, then I find it makes it a hell of a lot easier for me to open up.

I find that the people I am closest to, bring out the best in me.

Right from when they first met me, they could sense that I was shy but they still made an effort to talk to me and ask me questions, until I was comfortable enough to be able to open up to them more.

I find myself truly lucky to have friends like them, they mean the world to me. They accept my flaws.....and I have a lot of them.

As Mishiga highlighted, we are all different and we each have our own ways of communicating with others.

I guess the hard part is trying to work out the best way to approach someone.

Don't change who you are, I think it is wonderful that you want to open yourself up and allow people in to your life. :)

Well, for one thing, both genders are full of BS to start with, so accept that. Perception is everything and the way you present yourself could be what they are picking up on. You know, the sense of tenseness and frustration. Women are hit on a lot, and have seen the worst of men, and it gets frustrating for women b/c we assume thats what guys are trying to do, get into your pants. If a stranger walked up to me and asked those things, I immediately think they want to get into my pants b/c that is getting "to know you better" questions. The best conversations I've had with guys is when we are in a certain situation in a certain environment and the conversation is struck up around it. Then, it leads to being more comfortable and talking about more things.

Okay Cute, I might not be much help here (I don't think I'd know someone was flirting with me or hitting on me unless they came out and told me lol... but...) my thought was... if they question/s you're using aren't working... try a new one?

Maybe "what do you like to do" comes across as "I want to know so I can ask you to go do that with me"? I have no idea really, but just a thought that crossed my mind. Can't think of an example question really, just a thought.

I don't know much about the " dating " games I was married for 15 years .. but I do know that when I did go out .. usually to a bar .. that was the pick up place .. I don't see men pulling up at a woman at a store .. or at a restuarant asking those questions .. I was just curious if the places where you try to engage is the " bar scene " I'm only asking because .. maybe .. those " strike a conversation questions " aren't used in the right PLACES? Just a thought though .. like I said .. I didn't " date " per say too much ..
:frog:

Nah.

Never am in a bar. I've been to a bar maybe once ever. The rest were restaurants with bars in them which really doesn't count plus those are usually either family or friends events in which in never bother to go outside of my friends or family for conversation.

Allrite mate - english guy here, just turned 30. As far as I can see you are doing well. Actually having the guts to approach is the major battle won imho. All you need to do now is work on your inner game and your skills. You have seven fantastic years to go till youre 30.

What the previous poster said in that your frustration and tenseness are causing problems, I would agree. Women pick up on these things instinctively. You need to stamp them out. Focus on getting your mind in a positive state for the approach. Work on body language. Maybe get a makeover, don't know on this 1 never met you, mite help. Consider your target audience and what you think they may like. Making an approach outisde the mainsteam bar scene... good work kid. Maybe consider coffe shops video stores or supermarkets. Pick your target carefully though.

Finally there are advisors on this. Type in david deangelo or carlos xuma to google. davids double your dating and xuma's dating black book are good places to start. davis overpriced dvds are not really worth it in my mind. Some of the ladies here may criticise these two dating experts, but the fact is, women really respond to this stuff. Women are wired differently to men and respond to different stimuli. Get that handled and understand their thinking and youre onto a winner. Enjoy young man.

[QUOTE=cuteguy37048;545579]

It's ok. I've never had that problem with a New York girl :) (Maybe it's that I'm a Yankees fan..)


QUOTE]

That's cause us New York girls speak our wind and say what we feel and want, it can be a turn off a turn on, or a fight ready to happen but it ALWAYS makes for a great time!!!! LOL:tongue2:

(P.S good looks on the Yankees:yes:)